Dead or Alive 5 patch adds manual breast control and no, you did not misread this headline

Fighting games have made many advancements over the years. The gradual increase in resolution and animation quality. The evolution of ever more complicated combo-systems. The transition from a principally 2D pixel-drawn medium to the once-blocky world of 3D. But up until now, the entire genre of fighting games has been plagued by one glaring deficit: the inability to just push and shove the breasts of the female characters around in any direction you choose, like some kind of particularly perverted poltergeist. Well, good news – the fine folks at Tecmo Koei Games have decided to blaze this particular trail into a future of abundant bounciness for us all. That’s right – Team Ninja themselves have just released a patch for the PS3 allowing players the holy grail of full breast control. Don’t worry, the characters are fine with this. In fact, judging by the videos I’ve seen, they come across as rather mentally absent during the entire process. But I don’t just bring you information about this, oh no. I bring you video.

Computer and Video Games brings some developer commentary about this change, but let’s zero in on the distilled essential of the explanation from game director Yohei Shimbori:

Game director Yohei Shimbori has claimed Tecmo Koei originally planned “a new, more mature, look” for the veteran fighting series, but the version was shelved following feedback from fans demanding “bigger breasts.”

The director claimed there is “still room for having sexualised aspects…If you have a solid fighting game system there, there’s nothing wrong with having beautiful characters as a layer on top of that – that’s another layer of entertainment that there’s a need for. If there wasn’t a need for it, people wouldn’t have responded to the alpha demo like they did, and send us feedback.”

You have to admire the bluntness. “A new, more mature look? What the hell are you smoking? MAKE. BIGGER. BREASTS.” And, God bless ’em, they apparently did. Really, look at that video. It’s almost hypnotic, and I have to admire their choice of music. I’m pretty sure there’s a Final Fantasy VI tune in there. There may be more developments about this change, and if so, I’ll be sure to keep you guys abreast of the situation.