Well, it became even more of a thankless job for me this evening. For the 2nd week in a row, I had the same 7 year old tell another player to "shut up". I just don't put up with that garbage. I sent him off the field and told him I'd talk with him after practice. However, he and Mom left and Mom wasn't too happy in the phone conversation afterwards. "Other kids are much worse"...no, lady, other kids may be hyperactive. However, it's your precious little bundle of joy that's putting kids down and has had a sour attitude since Day 1. I've enjoyed coaching, but this week has tested my patience.
Martial Arts instruction is equally as irritating at times. Too often we as instructors are treated like glorified babysitters. Parents bring their kids to class sick, they don't make them practice at home, and they don't become part of the process. Frustration is probably the hardest part, but most often it is with the parent more often than the students themselves...
Master: Approach students. Close the circle at the feet of the master. You have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of tae-kwon-leep, but be warned. To learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your own soul. Let us meditate on this wisdom now.
Ed: Uh sir... sir... ooo! ooo! Sir!
Master: Who disturbs our meditation as a pebble disturbs a pond?
Ed: Me. Ed Gooberman.
Master: E... Ed Gooberman.
Ed: Yeah. No disrespect or nothing, but like how long is this going to take?
Master: Tae-Kwon-Leep is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever towards the horizon.
Ed: So like, what, an hour or so?
Master: No, no. We have not even begun upon the path. Ed Gooberman, you must learn patience.
Ed: Yeah, yeah, patience. How long will that take?
Master: Time has no meaning. To a true student, a year is as a day.
Ed: A year?! I wanna beat people up right now! I got the pajamas. Ha..yo...wa... wooo!
Master: Beat people up?
Ed: Yeah, just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing bozo's. That's all I came here for. Yo-as-ta-ta-shah! Pretty good aye?
Master: The only use of Tae-Kwon-Leep is self defense. Do you know who said that? Ki-lo-knee, the great teacher.
Ed: Yeah, well the best defense is a good o-fense. Do you know who said that? Mel, the cook on Alice.
Master: Well, umm... Tae-Kwon Leep is the wine of purity, not the vinigar of hostility. Meditate on this truth with us. Ahhh.... ohhhhh....
Ed: Listen shrimp, now are you gonna show me those nifty moves, or am I gonna start waping the walls with you?
Master: Ed Gooberman, you fail to grasp Tae-Kwon Leep. Approach me so that you may see.
Ed: Alright, finally some action.
Master: Observe closely class. Boot to the Head [boom].
Ed: Ow, you booted me in the head!
Master: You are lucky Ed Gooberman. Few novices experiece so much of Tae-Kwon Leep so soon.
Ed: Ow, oh, my head.
Master: Now we continue.
Ed: Hey, hey, I wasn't ready! Come and get me now, come on, are you chicken?
Master: Boot to the head [boom].
Ed: Ow! Okay, now I'm ready, come on, try it now.
Master: Boot to the head [boom].
Ed: Mind if I just lie down here for a minute? Ow.
Master: Now class, we shall return to our...
Student 1: Master.
Master: It is wrong to tip the vessle of knowledge student.
Student 1: Many apologies master, but I feel Ed Gooberman is not wholly wrong.
Master: What do you mean?
Student 1: I want to boot some head too.
Master: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gooberman?
Student 1: Yes master, I have learned two things. First, that anger is a weapon only to ones oppenent.
Master: Very good.
Student 1: And get in the first shot. Boot to the head [half a boom].
Master: You missed.
Student 1: Uh, yeah, well ...
Master: You to shall be honored to learn a lesson.
Student 1: Ya know, I can... you don't have to ya know... I gotta be going....
Master: Boot to the Head [boom].
Student 1: ooo...ya.. ehh... ooooogggg... awwwwww
Master: Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here?
Student 2: Uh, yes master, not a single one of could defeat you.
Master: You gain wisdom child.
Student 2: So we'll have to gang up on you! Get him now!
Master: Boot... [boom]... boot to... [boom]... ht.. [boom], [boom], [boom] [boom] [boom], [boom] [boom]... [boom]
Master: And now class, let us rejoin the mind to the body, and gaze into the heart of the candle in meditation. Ahh... owwww....
Students: ahhh... oooooowwwww.....
Master: Very good, class.