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Author Topic: My new gay bar  (Read 1014 times)
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Darkstar One
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« on: August 26, 2010, 01:11:58 AM »

So, the Muslim investors championing the construction of the new mosque near Ground Zero claim it's all about strengthening the relationship between the Muslim and non-Muslim world.

As an American, I believe they have every right to build the mosque - after all, if they buy the land and they follow the law - who can stop them?

Which is, why, in the spirit of outreach, I've decided to do the same thing.

I'm announcing tonight, that I am planning to build and open the first gay bar that caters not only to the west, but also Islamic gay men. To best express my sincere desire for dialogue, the bar will be situated next to the mosque Park51, in an available commercial space.

This is not a joke. I've already spoken to a number of investors, who have pledged their support in this bipartisan bid for understanding and tolerance.

As you know, the Muslim faith doesn't look kindly upon homosexuality, which is why I'm building this bar. It is an effort to break down barriers and reduce deadly homophobia in the Islamic world.

The goal, however, is not simply to open a typical gay bar, but one friendly to men of Islamic faith. An entire floor, for example, will feature non-alcoholic drinks, since booze is forbidden by the faith. The bar will be open all day and night, to accommodate men who would rather keep their sexuality under wraps - but still want to dance.

Bottom line: I hope that the mosque owners will be as open to the bar, as I am to the new mosque. After all, the belief driving them to open up their center near Ground Zero, is no different than mine.

My place, however, will have better music.
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godhugh
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« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2010, 02:50:42 AM »

WTF?
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Teggy
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« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2010, 02:52:31 AM »

Isn't this just a quote from the guy who said this on Fox news?
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Moliere
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« Reply #3 on: August 26, 2010, 03:12:33 AM »

yes
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Blackadar
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« Reply #4 on: August 26, 2010, 12:11:26 PM »

1.  Don't plagiarize.

2.  Good luck on that venture.  Do me a favor and go public so I can sell it short.   icon_biggrin
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CeeKay
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« Reply #5 on: August 26, 2010, 02:26:49 PM »

you should use this in your commecrials.
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gellar
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« Reply #6 on: August 26, 2010, 07:17:43 PM »

Wow.  Talk about completely and totally missing the fucking point.
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Alefroth
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« Reply #7 on: August 26, 2010, 10:00:08 PM »

Quote from: gellar on August 26, 2010, 07:17:43 PM

Wow.  Talk about completely and totally missing the fucking point.

Who?

Ale
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Creepy_Smell
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« Reply #8 on: August 27, 2010, 01:53:57 AM »

Hopefully it will go over as well as it did with bars (str or gay) by christian churches.
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Autistic Angel
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« Reply #9 on: August 27, 2010, 06:59:25 PM »

Quote from: gellar on August 26, 2010, 07:17:43 PM

Wow.  Talk about completely and totally missing the fucking point.


That really depends on what you believe the point to be, doesn't it?

If you're a student of True History as the Tea Partiers are, then you know that America was founded by pilgrims who had the foresight to recognize the rising tide of prosperity-killing anti-capitalism, morality-killing anti-Christianity, and freedom-killing anti-war sentiments that would eventually shape Europe into the decadent socialist hell it is today.  Instead, the pilgrims sailed across the sea to a new land where their Strong Core Principles of Rugged Individualism and Family Values helped them invent the first democracy in history.  The United States of America was born!

Unfortunately, the miserly atheists in Europe saw the dashing and daring Americans as a threat to their imagined Marxist utopia, so their United Nations threatened military action unless the Americans would place their headquarters in the heart of New York and agree to live by their rules.  Evangelical Christians are a kind and tolerant bunch so they tried to cooperate with Europe at first.  They even threw in parts of the Constitution to include things like the Establishment Clause, the first half of the Second Amendment, and the 14th Amendment in an attempt to trick the Europeans, trusting that future generations of Americans would understand they were just kidding.

The Europeans were fooled for a while, allowing the United States' amazing combination of unfettered free-market capitalism and daily school prayer time to flourish.  The demands of the secular progressives continued to become more and more onerous, however, and finally they went too far: seizing a ship full of American-grown tea and threatening to sink it unless the Americans instituted a 3% increase in the marginal tax rate of the wealthiest 1% of the population!  In an act of defiance, the bold American Christians took back the ship and threw all the tea overboard themselves, showing the Europeans that they would rather invent coffee than institute such an insane job-killing economic policy.

Thus began the Revolutionary War.  The Europeans (who wore red coats to signify their adherence to Stalinist communism), opened with a dastardly sneak attack known as the Boston Massacre.  The attack was so brutal that the limp-wristed people in the northeast portion of the country immediately surrendered and agreed to rename themselves "New England."  They were rewarded for their extreme anti-war cowardice, however: the wicked Europeans honored them as Liberal Elites and founded Ivy League colleges and the New York Times to help spread anti-American propaganda.

Fortunately, *real* Americans from West Virginia to Utah, Wyoming to Arizona maintained their Strong Core Principles thanks to their adherence to good Christian values, traditional marriage, and the financial boom of trickle-down economics have enabled them to utterly crush America's enemies.  It's only now, as the secular progressive movement relentlessly undermines the sanctity of marriage and weakens our borders that the citizenry have been distracted enough to allow something as sinister as Obamacare to shackle our economy and threaten the very fabric of our society. 

So unless you believe that our forefathers fought and died to establish the United States as a Christian nation free from the threat of insidious foreign influence, you can obviously understand why building a shrine to Islam in the very shadow of the attacks of September 11th, 2001 is an intolerable attack on our cultural values, and why True Patriots have no alternative but to pit these extremist left-wing imams against their natural enemies: extremist left-wing homosexuals.

You don't believe in dishonoring our founding fathers and spitting on the graves of Amercian soldiers, do you gellar?

-Autistic Angel
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Mr. Fed
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« Reply #10 on: August 27, 2010, 11:55:03 PM »

AA, I find your ideas fascinating and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.


Gutfield's joke/thought-experiment was only mildly amusing in the first place.  Plagiarizing it is not amusing.

For the record, I would recommend a gay BBQ called "Pulled Pork."
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gellar
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« Reply #11 on: August 28, 2010, 02:06:41 AM »

Quote from: Mr. Fed on August 27, 2010, 11:55:03 PM

AA, I find your ideas fascinating and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.


Gutfield's joke/thought-experiment was only mildly amusing in the first place.  Plagiarizing it is not amusing.

For the record, I would recommend a gay BBQ called "Pulled Pork."

God fucking dammit.  I can't top this.  I'm out.
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