January 26, 2015, 06:36:08 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
   Home   Help Search Calendar Login Register  
Pages: [1]   Go Down
Author Topic: Congress Takes Group Of Schoolchildren Hostage  (Read 309 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 3555

View Profile
« on: September 30, 2011, 04:24:30 AM »

WASHINGTON—Brandishing shotguns and semiautomatic pistols, members of the 112th U.S. Congress took a class of visiting schoolchildren hostage today, barricading themselves inside the Capitol rotunda and demanding $12 trillion dollars in cash.

If the money is not delivered by this evening, members of Congress say they will shoot a new child every hour on the hour.

House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), who has emerged as spokesman for the bipartisan group, informed FBI negotiators this morning that the ransom was to be placed in stainless-steel suitcases and left on the Capitol steps by 4 p.m. sharp. If their demands are not met in full, the 11-term representative announced, "all the kids will die."

"Bring us the money and we let the children go, simple as that," said Boehner, appearing in the East Portico with a serrated switchblade held to one of the fourth-grader's throats. "If you want to play games and stall for extra time, we're going to shoot one kid an hour, starting with little Dillon here."

"Tick tock," he added, vanishing back into the building with the terrified child in tow.,26207/


"A gladiator does not fear death. He embraces it. Caresses it. Fucks it. Every time he enters the arena, he slides his cock into the mouth of the beast."
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Online Online

Posts: 12976

View Profile
« Reply #1 on: September 30, 2011, 02:01:53 PM »

If this were true it wouldn't even surprise me.
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 2392

View Profile
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2011, 01:49:32 PM »

Note to self: Threatening to kill children - never funny.
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 9336

I'M the one that knocks! Now...burp me!

View Profile
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2011, 06:10:14 PM »

Dark humor is a very, very tough balancing act.  The Onion's usually pretty good at nailing it.

...this wasn't one of those times.

Warning:  You will see my penis. -Brian

Just remember: once a user figures out gluten noting them they're allowed to make fun of you. - Ceekay speaking in tongues.
Gaming Trend Staff
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 71766

La-bibbida-bibba-dum! La-bibbida-bibba-do!

View Profile
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2011, 07:42:35 PM »

To whom it may concern,

Spoiler for Hiden:

Because I can,
also because I don't care what you want.
XBL: OriginalCeeKay
Wii U: CeeKay
Pages: [1]   Go Up
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.19 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.085 seconds with 33 queries. (Pretty URLs adds 0.022s, 2q)