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Author Topic: You must somehow defeat an orc  (Read 2035 times)
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« on: July 25, 2006, 01:26:44 AM »

Why?  Who knows?  Maybe it's been kicking sand in your girlfriend's face at the beach.  Maybe it ransacked your village.  But it must be defeated and you are the One.

No firearms are allowed.  Ellen Pompeo may be invoked but you must do the fighting yourself.

How do you defeat it?
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Zarkon
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« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2006, 01:37:27 AM »

Butane lighter and Hairspray can smile
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coopasonic
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« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2006, 01:38:51 AM »

I set a trap of pop rocks and soda and watch from a distance as he is blown to smithereens!

I know Mythbusters disproved this one, but they were missing the key ingredient... orc saliva, combined with pop rocks and soda makes for a nasty boom. Trust me.
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« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2006, 01:43:30 AM »

Nuke it from orcbit.  It's the only way to be sure.
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« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2006, 01:59:20 AM »

I'm going to say Lightsaber, the perfect Orc killer.
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« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2006, 02:13:50 AM »

Kick him in the nards.
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« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2006, 02:37:57 AM »

Change the code so orcs die when they hit me.
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« Reply #7 on: July 25, 2006, 02:42:37 AM »

Quote from: "coopasonic"
I set a trap of pop rocks and soda and watch from a distance as he is blown to smithereens!

I know Mythbusters disproved this one, but they were missing the key ingredient... orc saliva, combined with pop rocks and soda makes for a nasty boom. Trust me.

you just have to update the plan...give him some Mentos and diet soda slywink
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« Reply #8 on: July 25, 2006, 03:59:10 AM »

Tell him that Tolkien was a hack and watch his head explode.
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« Reply #9 on: July 25, 2006, 04:22:57 AM »

I'd kill it with my 20th level Carrot Top.

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« Reply #10 on: July 25, 2006, 10:38:35 AM »

Quote from: "Nth Power"
I'd kill it with my 20th level Carrot Top.

Be careful when you wield it.  I hear it's cursed.
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Gratch
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« Reply #11 on: July 25, 2006, 12:00:28 PM »

Carrot pubes are not the best way to start one's morning.  Please pass the eye bleach.
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« Reply #12 on: July 25, 2006, 12:09:08 PM »

Quote from: "Gratch"
Carrot pubes are not the best way to start one's morning.  Please pass the eye bleach.


I've seen this picture multiple times and never noticed that.  Thanks for pointing that out, my torn psyche appreciates it.  *twitch*

 puke  retard
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« Reply #13 on: July 25, 2006, 02:16:14 PM »

You know, I always start reading threads from the last one and scroll on up.  After Ron's comment I am not scrolling up any further.


Thank you Ron!

ps.  Since Hepcat uses that as his avatar, may I suggest a new call sign for him in Chromehounds?

'Carrot-pubes, can you take combas E?'   :twisted:
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« Reply #14 on: July 25, 2006, 02:18:20 PM »

Quote from: "CeeKay"
You know, I always start reading threads from the last one and scroll on up.  After Ron's comment I am not scrolling up any further.


Thank you Ron!

ps.  Since Hepcat uses that as his avatar, may I suggest a new call sign for him in Chromehounds?

'Carrot-pubes, can you take combas E?'   :twisted:


Roger that, I am all over it.
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« Reply #15 on: July 25, 2006, 02:18:35 PM »

It frightens me that Gratch stared at that picture hard enough to notice the pubes.  Me?  I tried to scroll past it as fast as possible so my eyes wouldn't melt out of my head.

Someone with some Photoshop skills needs to combine Carrot Top with a pubic-hair sprouting orc.
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« Reply #16 on: July 25, 2006, 02:21:36 PM »

Quote from: "warning"
Someone with some Photoshop skills needs to combine Carrot Top with a pubic-hair sprouting orc.


I have photoshop skills, but that would require me to look at that picture, so no  Tongue
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« Reply #17 on: July 25, 2006, 03:18:57 PM »

I would romance the orc, perhaps engage in some foreplay / heavy petting to put it under my "charm" spell, suggest some sort of bondage, get it tied up, and then destroy it while it was totally and utterly defenseless.
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« Reply #18 on: July 25, 2006, 03:22:31 PM »

Quote from: "Gratch"
Carrot pubes are not the best way to start one's morning.  Please pass the eye bleach.


Oh dear god yes. I was thinking the same thing.

I've just used the 1second plumber on my eyes. I can now blink my rectum.
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« Reply #19 on: July 25, 2006, 05:09:51 PM »

Distract Orc by say something witty like " Hey is that Elvis over there"

and then

I steal the peach
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« Reply #20 on: July 25, 2006, 05:12:00 PM »

Quote from: "CrayolaSmoker"
Kick him in the nards.
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« Reply #21 on: July 25, 2006, 05:40:30 PM »

Quote from: "Arkon"
Quote from: "CeeKay"
ps.  Since Hepcat uses that as his avatar, may I suggest a new call sign for him in Chromehounds?

'Carrot-pubes, can you take combas E?'   :twisted:

Roger that, I am all over it.

Well, Chromehounds will be rather interesting tonight. biggrin
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« Reply #22 on: July 25, 2006, 06:41:12 PM »

why not a sword? I'd try my hand with a sword or knife or both smile
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« Reply #23 on: July 25, 2006, 06:51:05 PM »

Quote from: "TheMissingLink"
I would romance the orc, perhaps engage in some foreplay / heavy petting to put it under my "charm" spell, suggest some sort of bondage, get it tied up, and then destroy it while it was totally and utterly defenseless.


You would try and fail spectacularly.
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« Reply #24 on: July 25, 2006, 07:09:07 PM »

Quote from: "drifter"
Distract Orc by say something witty like " Hey is that Elvis over there"

and then

I steal the peach


Drifter=monkey?
What if the Orc had removable 'nads? I'd suggest using your Chi upwards to destroy his life-force, rather than having a pair of souveniers.
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« Reply #25 on: July 25, 2006, 10:45:39 PM »

I'd buy him a mixed drink, a ConcreteMixer: an innocent looking concoction of Bailey's Irish Cream & Lime Juice. Served in separate shot glasses, first goes in the double shot or so of tasty Bailey's, held in mouth, then comes the the Lime Juice shot, all swished around & then all to be swallowed. Unknown by the orc, not familiar with any of the literalness of cement mixing, the evilness of drinking buddies, or the tricky apparent quick/near instantaneous curdling of Bailey's when met w/ lime juice, the resulting concoction is, uh, pretty much a mouthful of Limey Cottage Cheese.

Since I recall it practically killed me when sprung upon me late one night of drinking, I'm sure the orc would scarcely fair better.
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« Reply #26 on: July 26, 2006, 01:27:38 AM »

I'd slash him to pieces with the Wiimote.

Wii Wii Wiiiiiiiiiii!
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« Reply #27 on: July 26, 2006, 01:30:27 AM »

Gotta steal the peach on this one, chief.
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« Reply #28 on: July 26, 2006, 01:20:02 PM »

I'l go with any of these poisons listed in a recent Wired article:
Quote
1. Botulinum (ingested)
It’s hard to rank the -lethality of toxins, but experts agree that botulinum – several orders of magnitude deadlier than sarin – is the gold standard. Your nervous system fails and you die in extreme pain. Works miracles on wrinkles, though.

2. Ricin (ingested or inhaled)
Made from the lowly castor bean, ricin causes respiratory and organ failure, followed by death within hours. Even chewing a few beans can kill you.

3. Anthrax (inhaled)
Cutaneous exposure can kill, but the most deadly, panic-inspiring form of anthrax is inhaled. It starts with flu that doesn’t get better – then your respiratory system collapses.

4. Sarin (inhaled)
Sarin is one of the deadliest nerve gases, hundreds of times more toxic than cyanide. Just one whiff and you’ll foam at the mouth, fall into a coma, and die. Originally synthesized for use as a pesticide, it was outlawed as a warfare agent in 1997.

5. Tetrodotoxin (ingested)
Found in the organs of puffer fish (the famous Japanese delicacy fugu), tetrodotoxin persists even after the fish is cooked. If the toxin is consumed, paralysis and death can strike within six hours. Up to five Japanese die from badly prepared fugu every year.

6. Cyanide (ingested or inhaled)

Cyanide exists in a number of lethal forms that are present in nature or easily manufactured. Exposure leads to seizures, cardiac arrest, and death within minutes.

7. Mercury (inhaled)
Low levels of mercury are not especially toxic to adults. However, inhaled mercury vapor (the metal starts turning to a gas at room temp) attacks the brain and lungs, shutting down the central nervous system.

8. Strychnine (ingested or inhaled)
A common pesticide, strychnine isn’t as toxic as other poisons on our list, but it gets style points for causing one of the most horrific deaths of all: Every muscle in your body spasms violently until you die from exhaustion.

9. Amatoxin (ingested)
Derived from the death cap family of mushrooms, amatoxin destroys your liver and kidneys over several days. You remain conscious – and in excruciating pain – until you slip into a coma and expire.

10. Compound 1080 (ingested or inhaled)
As an animal poison, compound 1080 proved a little too effective: The bodies of creatures killed with 1080 remain poisonous for up to a year. Odorless, tasteless, water soluble, and without antidote, 1080 blocks cellular metabolism, leading to a quick yet painful death.
– Christopher Null
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« Reply #29 on: July 26, 2006, 11:41:28 PM »

Read the Orc a Vogon poem.

So mine says this:
See, see the Carrot Top sky
Marvel at its big Red depths.
Tell me, Warning do you
Wonder why the Gratch ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel great.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your RollaMuffin facial growth
That looks like
A KnightShade Dragon.
What's more, it knows
Your GamingTrend potting shed
Smells of Nth Power.
Everything under the big Carrot Top sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm Pubes.
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« Reply #30 on: July 27, 2006, 12:22:26 AM »

Simple really...

I would introduce him to River Tam, whom I would then tell to kill him with her brain.

 biggrin
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« Reply #31 on: July 27, 2006, 06:24:04 AM »

Quote from: "Zero"
Read the Orc a Vogon poem.

So mine says this:
See, see the Carrot Top sky
Marvel at its big Red depths.
Tell me, Warning do you
Wonder why the Gratch ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel great.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your RollaMuffin facial growth
That looks like
A KnightShade Dragon.
What's more, it knows
Your GamingTrend potting shed
Smells of Nth Power.
Everything under the big Carrot Top sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm Pubes.



Beautiful, man.  Beautiful.
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« Reply #32 on: July 28, 2006, 08:53:46 PM »

Run over it with a car.
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