http://gamingtrend.com
April 21, 2014, 03:47:33 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News:
 
   Home   Help Search Calendar Login Register  
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Workplace Harrasment/Bullying - Advice needed...  (Read 2764 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
pengoz
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 58


View Profile
« on: October 29, 2004, 04:02:30 AM »

Hi,

Just wondering if I can get some advice.


I have been feeling bullied for sometime now and  after reading the article here: http://www.ohsrep.org.au/hazards/bullying.html

I believe my concerns have been reinforced. I love my job but I'm finding every day I'm dreading going into work due to the bully I have to work with.  I'm unsure if I should make an official complaint. As I have previously raised my concerns with my team leader and not pushed to make anything offical. As I did not wish to cause trouble at work. Unfortunately I don't believe that my team leader has taken my concern seriously enough. As when I first raised it with him, his solution was only to move me closer to the bully (opposite desk) in an attempt to "open up communication". As it was believed by my team leader that the problem was down to a simple lack of communication between the two of us. I had my doubts that this would address the problem, but I went with it as I had hoped that my percieved bullying was in fact down to a lack of communication between the two of us. Unfortunately its now 8 or so months on and I'm still feeling bullyed by this person and now at the point where I've had enough. As his bullying is taking its toll on both my health and with my ability to work effectivley. As recently I have been making mistakes at my job as I've not been able to concentrate on the job and so due to this, it makes me  appear incompetant. For example I woke up early this morning with nasty headache and I've been having trouble sleeping and I ended up calling in sick and taking today off work. As I just couldn't cope with having to put up with him for another day.

Should I contact my HR dept and make a formal complaint and then advise my team leader I have done so? Or should I speak with my team leader before lodging a formal complaint with my HR Dept? I respect my team leader and he is a good guy and I don't wish to make an enemy of him by going over him straight to HR but I have a feeling that not much will be done or that whatever he decides to do to address the problem will improve the situation and if anything make things worse.
Also if I make a complaint is my team leader/hr dept allowed to disclose to the bully that I made the complaint against them? As I strongly believe that if the bully knows who made the complaint, it would only make my life at work even more unbearable and uncomfortable.

I would appreciate some advice on how to proceed as currently I'm a bit uncertain. As I believe if I make a formal complaint now, it will be futile and only seen as "rocking the boat". Due to the fact that the bully will be moving onto a new position within the company in few more weeks time. So I believe now wouldn't be the best time to make a complaint (if ever?). As I think it would make it appear that I have some sort of vendetta and so would not reflect well on me ie make out that I'm some sort of troublemaker.

Do you believe I have a legitimate cause of bulling in the workplace? Or is this all in my head? I find I'm being put under undue pressure by this person and in doing so this is impeading my ability to be able to work effectively. Is there such a thing as psychological bullying? It is mentioned in the above article, as I find whenever he speaks to me it is in a very condescending and antagonistic way if that makes sense. Basically its not very helpful and servs to only make me feel stupid, uncomfortable and unsure about myself. I have found I can not work effectivley whenever he is present at work. He is a very smart guy and to his credit he does a good job, but I don't know what I've done but he always  seems to ask questions that he knows I can't answer or can answer to his satisfaction and so acts very condescending to me when this happens. I've never been comfortable working with him.

Also one other thing that has me reluctant to  make a formal complaint is that I've only been working with the company for about 10 months now and he has been working there for about 2 years. So thus my reluctance as I believe they'd just think I'm making this up or something.

Sorry for the long winded post but I wanted to lay it all out there so I can try and get some advice.

I don't want to quit my job and I don't want to get the sack. Thus any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. Hopefully you have some idea of my situation and can offer some advice.

Thanks
Logged
whiteboyskim
Senior Staff Writer
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 7849


Hard partier


View Profile
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2004, 04:08:30 AM »

What exactly has said bully been doing to warranty the distinction of "bully"? Are they being unfair to you, flat-out being obnoxious?
Logged

Behold the glory of my new blog!
Filmmaking is vision plus faith plus balls, all 3 of which Hollywood knows little about.
pengoz
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 58


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2004, 04:13:43 AM »

Well he is putting me under undue pressure and does not let me work normally. I guess you could call him being obnoxious, but to the point its all the time/whenever he speaks to me.  

I suffer from anxiety so it could be all in my head but I don't want to make light of the situation. As he definately treats me differently than everyone else and speaks down to me for which makes it  an uncomfortable atmosphere to work it.
Logged
RobbieD
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 231


View Profile
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2004, 04:20:18 AM »

Quote
The Burden of Bullying

Bullied employees waste between 10 and 52 per cent of their time at work. Research shows they spend time defending themselves and networking for support, thinking about the situation, being demotivated and stressed, not to mention taking sick leave due to stress-related illnesses.

Bullies poison their working environment with low morale, fear, anger, and depression. The employer pays for this in lost efficiency, absenteeism, high staff turnover, severance packages and law suits. In extreme cases, a violent incident may be the tragic outcome.

The target's family and friends also suffer the results of daily stress and eventual breakdown. Marriages suffer or are destroyed under the pressure of the target's anxiety and anger. Friendships cool because the bullied employee becomes obsessive about the situation.

Moreover, our health care system ends up repairing the damage: visits to the doctor for symptoms of stress, prescriptions for antidepressants, and long term counseling or psychiatric care. In this sense, we all pay.


From http://www.safety-council.org/info/OSH/bullies.html

Print that out and show your team leader and ask if he'd like to step in now or after you meltdown which will create a much larger problem for him and the organization.

I'm sure your company handbook has a section on workplace bullying or harrassment and if not then the HR is behind the times and needs to update it.

I wouldn't worry about the ramifications of this...you're talking about your health and wellbeing and that should be your only concern.
Logged

RobbieD
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 231


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2004, 04:22:21 AM »

Quote
Profile of a Bully

Adult bullies, like their schoolyard counterparts, tend to be insecure people with poor or non-existent social skills and little empathy. They turn this insecurity outwards, finding satisfaction in their ability to attack and diminish the capable people around them.

A workplace bully subjects the target to unjustified criticism and trivial fault-finding. In addition, he or she humiliates the target, especially in front of others, and ignores, overrules, isolates and excludes the target.

If the bully is the target's superior, he or she may: set the target up for failure by setting unrealistic goals or deadlines, or denying necessary information and resources; either overload the target with work or take all work away (sometimes replacing proper work with demeaning jobs); or increase responsibility while removing authority.

Regardless of specific tactics, the intimidation is driven by the bully's need to control others.
Logged

Jeff
Special Project Group
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 3281



View Profile
« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2004, 04:30:54 AM »

Quote
his bullying is taking its toll on both my health and with my ability to work effectivley.

Should I contact my HR dept and make a formal complaint and then advise my team leader I have done so?


Couple of things... first thing that caught my eye is you say you have anxiety issues. I'm not saying this guy isn't being an ass, but your anxiety problem may be amplifying it somewhat. (I really don't know any details about the "undue pressure", so it's hard to judge)

Regardless, if this is taking it's toll on your health, then you should by all means go to HR, that's what they're there for.  I would just say "I need to open up privately" and just get it all out to them. Tell them in detail what's bothering you, and let them take it from there.

Don't worry about going over someone's head. Don't worry about "rocking the boat", don't worry about offending someone. Worry about your health, and your headaches, and your ability to sleep.

Do you feel physically threatened by this guy? If so, that's a different matter.
Logged
pengoz
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 58


View Profile
« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2004, 04:46:42 AM »

I appreciate the advice.. the stuff that has been posted (profile of a bully) can relate to my situation.

I don't feel physically threatened or intimidated by him, its more of a psychological intimidation. That he asks trival questions and makes me feel insecure about my judgement.
Logged
RobbieD
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 231


View Profile
« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2004, 04:53:51 AM »

Is there a company Ombudsperson?

HR isn't always known to be neutral where as the Ombudsperson is.
Logged

Graham
Managing Editor
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 4012


View Profile WWW
« Reply #8 on: October 29, 2004, 05:03:40 AM »

You need to document what he does, when he does it, and for how long.  That will help you make your case as well.  Him being there for two years isn't that long.  Not much longer than you.
Logged

Partial Owner of the World Champion Green Bay Packers
Raven
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 429


View Profile
« Reply #9 on: October 29, 2004, 06:41:32 AM »

Get a therapist that specializes in work conflict. Pay for it, out of pocket, and don't tell anyone at your job.
Logged
-Lord Ebonstone-
BANNED
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 3429

get naked


View Profile WWW
« Reply #10 on: October 29, 2004, 06:50:37 AM »

Are you currently in any kind of therapy or on any kind of medication for what your anxiety problem?
Logged

xbl tag = cthonic horror

NNNOOOOOO!!
TheMissingLink
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 6237


TML, for short.


View Profile
« Reply #11 on: October 29, 2004, 07:15:58 AM »

I have no real experience in a workplace as to what you're referring and with the limited work experience I have, I've never come across this sort of thing in my life.  So I don't have any real advice for you in that regard.  However, if this person is taking a toll on your life, and you can't wait a few weeks for this person to move on to their other job, something needs to be done because this person is directly affecting your work.  Be strong!  I wish you the best.
Logged

TheMissingLink on PSN
meeeeeeoooooow on XBL
3952-7039-1345 on 3DS
addybojangles on GameCenter
Toe
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1490


View Profile
« Reply #12 on: October 29, 2004, 11:40:29 AM »

Your team leader, being a part of the management infastructure, should have already reported your complaint to HR. That is one of management's job functions. Failure for them to do so can spell disaster on down the road should legal actions be taken against the company.

Since he is moving on in two weeks I would probably be of the mindset to put up with it until he is gone. Although, if you really want to help get this person booted out of the company, then you need to file a complaint with HR if your managers are not doing their job. Previous complaints/history filed with HR carry a lot of weight (at least where i work). If he is that big of a butt, you can bet someone else is going to be the focus of it wherever he might move to.
Logged
TheGameAh
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 81


View Profile
« Reply #13 on: October 29, 2004, 12:31:52 PM »

When being bullied, there's really only one thing to do.

Intoxication.  Penis.  Anus.
Logged
Bulletpig
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 593


View Profile
« Reply #14 on: October 29, 2004, 02:02:51 PM »

I don't suffer from anxiety so I may not fully understand.  What I would do though is just stick it out the next few weeks until this asshole leaves.  You have made it 8 to 10 months so far so a few more weeks shouldn't be too bad.

Now if his new position he is going to will still involve working with you then I would still follow the chain of command and go back to your Team Leader and explain the situation again.  Tell the Team Leader that you would like to make a complaint to the HR department about this.

I highly recommend you keep your Team Leader in the loop because if he/she gets blindsided by HR it will make you look bad.  By keeping them in the loop then there is less chance of hurting your relationship with the Team Leader.

Pig

P.S. Also seek help with the anxiety issues if you haven't already.
Logged
dfs
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 95


View Profile
« Reply #15 on: October 29, 2004, 04:11:05 PM »

pengoz, were you posting about this at GG?
Are you a woman and is the bully a male?
I'm curious what your age is as well.

Please note that free counseling advice from random strangers on a web site may not  solve all your life problems.

If you are the person I'm thinking of (or someone like her), then you need to learn to express frustration and disagreement in a consistant and healthy way. Otherwise even when this bully leaves, other ones will find you. (That's not to say you are the only one with a problem here.)  Women are often taught pretty weird things about expressing disagreement and conflict. You may have internalized some of that.  Take some assertivenss training. Join a martial arts studio. Find what works for you.

When your bully goes to his new job, will you be in contact with this person?
Logged
Blackadar
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 3459



View Profile
« Reply #16 on: October 29, 2004, 04:48:32 PM »

While I do generally agree that you should go to your HR manager, I think some specific examples are in order.

It seems that you are very insecure and these phrases alarm me a bit:

"I have been making mistakes at my job as I've not been able to concentrate on the job and so due to this, it makes me appear incompetant"
"I find whenever he speaks to me it is in a very condescending and antagonistic way"
"(it) only make me feel stupid, uncomfortable and unsure about myself"
"I don't know what I've done but he always seems to ask questions that he knows I can't answer or can answer to his satisfaction"

Does he belittle you in words or do you just have a problem with the tone of his voice?
Does he put you down to others in front of you?  Behind your back?
Does he use that tone to others?  Do they feel the same way?  
Do you think I'm being a bully now?

You may have a legitimate problem with this employee.  You also may be overly sensitive and unreasonable, not to mention incompetent.  Without some specific examples, it's very difficult to tell.
Logged

Raise the bridge! I have an erection!
JSHAW
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 126


View Profile
« Reply #17 on: October 29, 2004, 05:06:18 PM »

Quote
When being bullied, there's really only one thing to do.

Intoxication. Penis. Anus.


And THAT mental health bit of advice is more commonly known as the
"get em drunk and stick it in their butt" theory.  :lol:

To the author of this post I've got some questions for you;

Do you have past issues with your self-esteem?
Do you find it hard or difficult to confront people?
Do you shy away from confrontations due to your physical size?

I'm asking these questions because I'm wondering if your the kind of person that's just not good at standing up for yourself or confronting people when they do you wrong or are treating you badly.

With bullies there are types of people that they WILL and WON'T mess with.

If your the kind of person that they know they can talk down to or treat badly because you let them, they will always continue doing so.

If your the kind of person that doesn't put up with that kind of s**t and you tell the bully that you don't let people talk to you any old way then they will be less likely to continue treating you badly. If they do, well they're intentionally looking for confrontations for whatever their reasons are, and you have to decide on what's the best way to defuse the situation.

The way I see it you have several choices;

1. You take your issues to your team leader AND your HR dept., even if you have to take your team leader WITH YOU to the HR dept, and lay your cards on the table.

2. You talk to the "bully" and lay down the law. Since you're not even sure you're going to talk to HR dept. I can probably guess that THIS option is one you won't be taking. I think you're intimidated by this bully and that in itself is apparent to the bully and adds fuel to the fire. You don't say if you've ever spoke to the bully and stood up for yourself, but I'd probably guess that you never have.

Whether your a man or woman, you need to learn about being assertive and not letting people treat you this way. Some people would call it "growing a backbone", but I don't want to be overly harsh on you. But basically it's all about not letting people disrespect you.

You should not be afraid to go to your HR dept and make your complaints known and putting them "on the record". But before you go into HR you should at a minimum make a list, document as much and many instances where inappropriate things or actions have been said or done to you by the bully.

The one thing that I would caution you against is throwing opinion's into the mix on this one. You can't state what you "think" this person thinks about you, you have to stick to THE FACTS. State only factual statements that have been made to you or actions that have been taken by this person that will show why you feel this person is "bullying" you.

I've worked with people in my past that were overly critical of my work skills, and in most cases those people were not confident in their own work ethic and had low self-esteem and in order to build themselves up they would try to tear down anything and everything that stood as a threat to their own reputation. Here's what I did; I ignored them completely and let my work speak for itself. In my case my performance reports were always ranked higher than theirs and I didn't come off looking like I was a petty rank amateur like they did.

Good Luck with handling your issue. Since it's definitely affecting your health you need to resolve this ASAP. Take care.
Logged
Laner
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 4683


Badassfully


View Profile WWW
« Reply #18 on: October 29, 2004, 07:51:39 PM »

Quote from: "RobbieD"
Is there a company Ombudsperson?

HR isn't always known to be neutral where as the Ombudsperson is.


"Ombudsperson"?

Good grief...
Logged
RobbieD
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 231


View Profile
« Reply #19 on: October 29, 2004, 09:21:44 PM »

Quote from: "Laner"
Quote from: "RobbieD"
Is there a company Ombudsperson?

HR isn't always known to be neutral where as the Ombudsperson is.


"Ombudsperson"?

Good grief...


I know I know...it's how they do it here at my work place and after 2 years I've been conditioned.
Logged

pengoz
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 58


View Profile
« Reply #20 on: October 30, 2004, 01:41:49 AM »

Guys (Gals?)

You have all been very helpful, I posted on another forum and well didn't get as helpful advice (e.g remarks along the lines of "suck it up" "be a man and grow some balls"). Funnily enough that forum was a local aussie forum, got better advice from a "yankee" forum smile Though I attribute it due to the general age of the people on here vs the local aussie one (teeny boppers mostly).

Its all been noted and I'll be speaking to my team leader on Monday when I return to work. Also I have an appointment with a doctor this afternoon to get some anxiety medication. As I believe it is also to blame and making things appear worse than they are. I'll see if the doctor can write me a medical certificate, so I can give that to my boss. To show I'm not making up my anxiety issue.

Thanks again.
Logged
pengoz
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 58


View Profile
« Reply #21 on: October 30, 2004, 09:46:44 AM »

For those that maybe interested. After my consultation with my GP, I have been prescribed Aropax. You can read more about it here: http://www.gsk.com.au/aropax

I'm thinking of keeping a diary, and would may share it with yall in the future biggrin
Logged
Bulletpig
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 593


View Profile
« Reply #22 on: October 30, 2004, 12:26:08 PM »

pengoz,

Good luck and really glad that you did get some help.  I really hope it all works out for you.

Regards,
Pig
Logged
Greggy_D
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1088


View Profile
« Reply #23 on: October 30, 2004, 02:16:48 PM »

Good luck man.....hope everything gets resolved.

How about taking a paid medical leave for a couple of weeks?
Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.19 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.129 seconds with 71 queries. (Pretty URLs adds 0.027s, 2q)