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Author Topic: Van Hamstrung is more like it  (Read 2836 times)
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whiteboyskim
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« on: October 20, 2004, 02:34:55 PM »

Sweet merciful crap does this movie blow. Rented Van Helsing last night, and the wife and I are only half-way through it, but I started to tune out almost immediately. I really liked the sense of place and the "hunter vs. hunted" mentality of the opening in Paris, but then it cuts to the distance and you see a light racing up the side of a cathedral. Okay, someone's gone slap-happy with the CG while guzzling Red Bull.

Then I see Mr. Hyde, and just start snickering. It gets to full-blown "alright, there's nothing here at all" with the absolute dumbest looking werewolf design and chase I've ever seen. I'm going to wait until I've seen the whole thing before I post more impressions, but I'm past the "scores of mini-vamps that look like gargoyles" attack the town and that's where we stopped.

Also, this Dracula belongs in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show."
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farley2k
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« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2004, 02:42:22 PM »

It only goes downhill.  By the end it is so bad you are just praying it will end.
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« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2004, 02:42:25 PM »

I think it's generally agreed upon by most that this movie was a disaster.   Not on "heaven's gate" level, but a disaster nonetheless.
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« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2004, 03:50:09 PM »

Needed more corsetted Kate Bekinsale...
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Zekester
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« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2004, 04:00:41 PM »

Hmmm, i've been wanting to rent this lately.

Guess now I won't  :wink:
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« Reply #5 on: October 20, 2004, 04:03:11 PM »

I keep seeing the DVD commercial, and it makes me want to check out the movie.  I should have learned my lesson with (most recently) Hellboy that just because the trailer is neat, doesn't mean the movie won't blow.

Guess I'll steer clear of it.
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« Reply #6 on: October 20, 2004, 04:32:31 PM »

It was just too intense as well.  Very little story and all action.  Now I'm a manly-man and like my blow 'em ups, but this one wore me out.  Very cool effects, but it needed some moderation.  I did like the Frankenstein's monster design though.
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« Reply #7 on: October 20, 2004, 04:40:05 PM »

The moment I heard 'VanHelsing' from the director of 'The Mummy' and 'The Mummy Returns' I knew to stay away from the movie. Stephen Sommers is a damn hack. He and Michael Bay shouldn't be allowed to make movies again.  :x
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« Reply #8 on: October 20, 2004, 04:47:46 PM »

Yes it's bad. Yes, the director ius a hack...BUT...

I watched this last night for the first time also and if you drink enough beer and watch it with friends MST3K style then you can have a pretty enjoyable experience smile

Funniest thing on the DVD is the blooper reel-you can completely tell that all of the actors are quite aware of just how bad the movie is.
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« Reply #9 on: October 20, 2004, 04:48:06 PM »

Quote from: "Gratch"
I keep seeing the DVD commercial, and it makes me want to check out the movie.  I should have learned my lesson with (most recently) Hellboy that just because the trailer is neat, doesn't mean the movie won't blow.

Guess I'll steer clear of it.


I disagree with your assessment of Hellboy.  It falls right in the middle of Cheese and Good.  I enjoyed it, but I also had no expectations on the movie either.
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« Reply #10 on: October 20, 2004, 04:56:55 PM »

Quote
I keep seeing the DVD commercial, and it makes me want to check out the movie. I should have learned my lesson with (most recently) Hellboy that just because the trailer is neat, doesn't mean the movie won't blow.


Hellboy was pretty damn good, IMO.. and even if it wasn't generally considered great, I'll betcha is a masterpiece when compared to VanHelsing.  Cool
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Devil
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« Reply #11 on: October 20, 2004, 05:04:11 PM »

I'm going to watch it this weekend - Couldn't possibly be worse than The Day After Tomorrow.

DAT took 'The worst movie ever made' title from 8MM!
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Grievous Angel
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« Reply #12 on: October 20, 2004, 05:20:24 PM »

There were occasional good parts (the Frankenstein monster was a neat adaptation, and I liked the guy who played Igor when he was Benny in the Mummy), but the movie had absolutely no personality. For a guy who hunts vampires and other monsters, Van Helsing was a pretty boring guy.
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Thin_J
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« Reply #13 on: October 20, 2004, 05:24:45 PM »

I am Jack's complete lack of interest.

I hated this movie in theatres. I have no need to ever see it again.

Worst movie of the year, no question.
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Jancelot
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« Reply #14 on: October 20, 2004, 05:37:02 PM »

Hellboy is definitely better and even somewhat re-watchable for me.  The good guys were great, but the bad monsters were not very well done.  He fought the same monster 3 or 4 times.  And the last one was really disappointing both in design and the fight sequence.
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whiteboyskim
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« Reply #15 on: October 20, 2004, 06:10:08 PM »

Quote from: "Devil"
I'm going to watch it this weekend - Couldn't possibly be worse than The Day After Tomorrow.

DAT took 'The worst movie ever made' title from 8MM!


Bold statement, my friend.
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« Reply #16 on: October 20, 2004, 06:37:03 PM »

Rage liked Van Helsing. Rage liked it a lot!! You guys just need a greater appreciation of popcorn movies!
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Dramatist
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« Reply #17 on: October 20, 2004, 06:50:12 PM »

but but but... Van Helsing had Faramir in it.  That can't be all bad.
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« Reply #18 on: October 20, 2004, 07:02:38 PM »

Quote from: "Dramatist"
but but but... Van Helsing had Faramir in it.  That can't be all bad.


Caligula had Malcolm McDowell and Peter O'Toole in it. You can have all the professional dramatists you want in a pile of crap, and it won't make the smell any easier to take. smile
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« Reply #19 on: October 20, 2004, 07:12:36 PM »

wbs - I'm telling you. Awful! Where else could you see a person run away from 'cold' by giving it a head fake and taking a left while 'cold' went right?

VH couldn't possibly be worse than TDAT, but I'm almost giddy at the thought that it might be.

I think someone should start a thread about The Day After Tomorrow if there isn't already one out there.

It was THE WORST.
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Biyobi
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« Reply #20 on: October 20, 2004, 09:42:12 PM »

Quote from: "Devil"
wbs - I'm telling you. Awful! Where else could you see a person run away from 'cold' by giving it a head fake and taking a left while 'cold' went right?

VH couldn't possibly be worse than TDAT, but I'm almost giddy at the thought that it might be.

I think someone should start a thread about The Day After Tomorrow if there isn't already one out there.

It was THE WORST.

I was listening to the radio for a long time this morning on the way into work (thanks rain!) and they were talking about the movie and they played clips of the dialog.  It was so, so bad that now I must rent this! :lol:
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« Reply #21 on: October 20, 2004, 11:25:46 PM »

Quote from: "Devil"
I'm going to watch it this weekend - Couldn't possibly be worse than The Day After Tomorrow.

DAT took 'The worst movie ever made' title from 8MM!


I have to say I liked 8mm.  Which should be apparent from my sig.  smile It was hard to take at times but had a fairly powerful message.  

Rhino
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« Reply #22 on: October 20, 2004, 11:47:58 PM »

Rhino - Typical Schumaker preachy BS filmed in cloudy skies with horrible 'action' and Cage over-acting. I couldn't handle it. :cry:

Biyobi - The dialog in DAT was, by far, the least offensive part of the movie. You're in for a treat. Paint by numbers story arc, HORRIBLE plot, needless characters (you could write them out and it wouldn't notice), etc. etc. A train wreck in the purest sense of the words. I can't wait until you see it!!  :lol:
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Blackadar
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« Reply #23 on: October 21, 2004, 12:45:10 AM »

I guess I should be ashamed that I own TDAT then?

I'm a special effects junkie, so I can enjoy movies like TDAT on a purely visual level.  smile
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« Reply #24 on: October 21, 2004, 02:53:10 AM »

Quote from: "Rhinohelix"
Quote from: "Devil"
I'm going to watch it this weekend - Couldn't possibly be worse than The Day After Tomorrow.

DAT took 'The worst movie ever made' title from 8MM!


I have to say I liked 8mm.  Which should be apparent from my sig.  smile It was hard to take at times but had a fairly powerful message.  

Rhino


Unless that message was "Bend over, here comes a big train of Fuck You I raped Batman and you'll like this too," then you and I saw different movies.
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« Reply #25 on: October 21, 2004, 03:38:44 AM »

Quote
Unless that message was "Bend over, here comes a big train of Fuck You I raped Batman and you'll like this too," then you and I saw different movies.
 He did f*ck Batman AND Clooney, who I thought was the best Batman in the worst movie.  What I took from the movie was the thin line many of us tread between good and evil, the effect of evil on good men.

Rhino
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