Transformers: Dark of the Moon - Please use Spoiler tags

[wonderpug]

Finally caught this on a long lunch break so I could be sure to see it in 3d before it left theaters.  Holy shit what a pile of shit.  This was awful.  It's like they made a list of action scenes and dramatic shots of people or vehicles silhouetted against a sunrise/sunset and then gave someone minimum wage and 6 hours to figure out how to tie them all together. 

Spoiler for Hiden:

Wingsuits, followed by sliding down the side of a building?  Seriously?  You only have one shot left in your bazooka?  Really?  Even though you haven't had to shoot at anything yet?  A robot that has Einstein's head?!  wtf

The action scenes looked impressive, but I was never on the edge of my seat.  I used to think that action sequences were fun just for their own sake, but Sucker Punch taught me that if you don't have any reason to care about the fighting characters or what they're fighting for, there's no tension or excitement.  Explosions and fighting are happening on screen but there's nothing actually happening.

Just as bad and incoherent as #2.  Awful.

[Purge]

I liked "The Island".
I liked "The Rock".

I don't hate all Bay movies. He amazes me, and TF3 was no exception.

Spoiler for those smart enough to not have seen it, but dumb enough to think they still should:

Optimus hanging helplessly in what would amount to dental floss amazed me.

A giant mechano worm destroying a building that doesn't collapse and allows the humans to somehow survive amazes me.

Having half a planet materialize over your planet and not have the incredible force of the gravity between the two worlds NOT make them snuggle up like two cue balls in a tube sock amazed me.

... Why was Sentinel Primes' ship shot at? They must have encrypted communication - so why wouldn't Megatron not made sure his Decepticons didn't shoot down the ship, or better yet, to escort it?

Or, if it was a Decepticon ship, why would the Autobots not have recognized it on the moon and brought up some serious questions of allegiance?

There was a whole lot more wrong with it, but I've tried blocking it from my mind. Kinda like Naked Lunch.

[edit] copy n paste error. Spoilers within tags.

[wonderpug]

Spoiler warning

Continued rant warning

And what's up with Optimus saying things like "We'll kill them all!"? (And how do you properly punctuate that last sentence?)  Optimus doesn't say "we'll kill them all," he says preachy and high-horse things like "we will bring them to justice," or "your demise is something you brought upon yourself."  For that matter, what's with him basically saying he let the Decepticons destroy Chicago because that's the only way human leaders would trust them?  Cartoon Optimus would say "they may not trust us, but it is still our duty to defend them, no matter the cost."

Gah.

ranting and spoilering done for a bit

[Purge]

WP, yes. His shift in character, when given so little time onscreen to actually define his character, is jarring. They make the pieces fit their design, instead of making the plotline follow the actions that its characters would take.

Just like the whole redesign of the characters.

[PR_GMR]

Spoiler warning

Continued rant warning

And what's up with Optimus saying things like "We'll kill them all!"? (And how do you properly punctuate that last sentence?)  Optimus doesn't say "we'll kill them all," he says preachy and high-horse things like "we will bring them to justice," or "your demise is something you brought upon yourself."  For that matter, what's with him basically saying he let the Decepticons destroy Chicago because that's the only way human leaders would trust them?  Cartoon Optimus would say "they may not trust us, but it is still our duty to defend them, no matter the cost."

Gah.

ranting and spoilering done for a bit

You read that douchebag post by that EW writer who criticized the movie for this exact same reasons, did you? Me? I don't have a problem with Optimus Prime opening a can of whoop-ass on the Decepticons.

[wonderpug]

The only "review" I read was when I asked you guys if I'd like this movie if I had fun with the 1st and hated the 2nd. 

I also don't have a problem with Optimus Prime kicking ass destroying Decepticons.  But instead of him doing it for out-of-character spiteful revenge, how about he says something like "Megatron must be stopped, no matter the cost" and then smash through a bunch of Decepticons and say witty and bold one liners like "that's a question you should ask yourself, Megatron?"

[wonderpug]

ranting and spoilering done for a bit

wait, I lied.  One last one for now.  Spoilers!

Why, exactly, did the Decepticons need to destroy Chicago?  To establish a base and a perimeter so the military couldn't see what they were doing?  What they're doing is planting 4 pylons and standing around.  Meanwhile they are also planting hundreds of pylons all over the planet.  "Sir, there are hundreds of magic pylons of doom being placed by Decepticons all over the globe." "Yes, but what is in Chicago?!"  And why did Chicago have to be destroyed beforehand?  They just got done explaining that somehow slave humans were their goal all along, and then they go and kill a bunch of their newly acquired slave population?  And really?  You have the power to teleport planets and fly to the moon and back on a whim but somehow without the power of homo sapiens they can't rebuild?  Man, they are going to go nuts when they discover work horses and oxen.

And wait wait wait.  Sentinel and Megatron made a deal to come to earth because that's where humans are and human slaves could save them.  In movie #1 they establish that Megatron crashlanded on earth sometime B.C.  The population of all humans on the planet was lower than the number of people now living in San Antonio.  That was the goal?  The treasure? "Look at those Egyptians building those pyramids!  Sure, we can each lift 40 tons in one hand and can build spaceships and create living robots out of any mechanical object, but man!  If only we could get some of those Egyptians we could rebuild our massive robot planet!"

[th'FOOL]

You realize, of course, that all 3 movies basically had the same plot? Transformer crash-lands on Earth/ The Moon with or searching for macguffin, Other transformers search for macguffin and or transformer for most of movie, big fight ensues, macguffin is sacrificed or rendered inoperable, Megatron "dies".

Really, the one unescapable truth in Michael Bay's transformer-verse is that giant transforming robots are shitty pilots.

[rickfc]

Really, the one unescapable truth in Michael Bay's transformer-verse is that giant transforming robots are shitty pilots.

 

[Purge]

Really, the one unescapable truth in Michael Bay's transformer-verse is that giant transforming robots are shitty pilots.

 

Made my day. It somehow landed in my signature.

[cheeba]

I didn't think it was out of character for Optimus at all. Remember in the 2nd movie, in the first scene he killed that huge ass Decepticon pretty cold-blooded. He walked up to him, said, "any last words?" and he said something about the fallen should rise again. Optimus said, "not today" then shot him in the face.

[wonderpug]

I didn't think it was out of character for Optimus at all. Remember in the 2nd movie, in the first scene he killed that huge ass Decepticon pretty cold-blooded. He walked up to him, said, "any last words?" and he said something about the fallen should rise again. Optimus said, "not today" then shot him in the face.

You're probably right, as far as Bay-Optimus characterization goes.  I'm still foolishly clinging to the Optimus that was established G1.

[Tokek]

It just started playing here in Jakarta after the import ban of foreign movies and I watched it over the weekend.

I don't think it was too bad, the action scenes were a bit much at times but it was entertaining since I had no expectations going in.

Can't believe no one mentioned Alan Tudyk's Firefly reference!

[Purge]

It just started playing here in Jakarta after the import ban of foreign movies and I watched it over the weekend.

I don't think it was too bad, the action scenes were a bit much at times but it was entertaining since I had no expectations going in.

Can't believe no one mentioned Alan Tudyk's Firefly reference!

Never watched it.

[CeeKay]

after missing it in the theater I finally got around to seeing this after my blu ray copy arrived from Amazon.  awesome movie as always, even if the human parts did bog it down at the beginning.  can't wait to see what the second trilogy brings 

[Purge]

after missing it in the theater I finally got around to seeing this after my blu ray copy arrived from Amazon.  awesome movie as always, even if the human parts did bog it down at the beginning.  can't wait to see what the second trilogy brings 

CK =

[leo8877]

Saw it last night and thought it was f-ing terrible. Shia is an awful actor. Rosie was actually pretty good, but her lips are strange looking. Visuals were cool, but what the F was that worm thing with Shockwave?  I did like laserbeak I guess.

[TiLT]

after missing it in the theater I finally got around to seeing this after my blu ray copy arrived from Amazon.  awesome movie as always, even if the human parts did bog it down at the beginning.  can't wait to see what the second trilogy brings 

It's out in the US already? The Blu-ray doesn't appear over here until the 28th of November or so. I just don't understand why they can't get their asses in order and synchronize these releases more properly in this Internet age.

[ibdoomed]

Saw it last night and thought it was f-ing terrible. Shia is an awful actor. Rosie was actually pretty good, but her lips are strange looking. Visuals were cool, but what the F was that worm thing with Shockwave?  I did like laserbeak I guess.

I looked at the box on the shelf of blockbuster and came to the same conclusion. Drivel just like 99% of all other movies this year. Sigh.

[PR_GMR]

Saw it last night and thought it was f-ing terrible. Shia is an awful actor. Rosie was actually pretty good, but her lips are strange looking. Visuals were cool, but what the F was that worm thing with Shockwave?  I did like laserbeak I guess.

I looked at the box on the shelf of blockbuster and came to the same conclusion. Drivel just like 99% of all other movies this year. Sigh.

[hepcat]

after missing it in the theater I finally got around to seeing this after my blu ray copy arrived from Amazon.  awesome movie as always, even if the human parts did bog it down at the beginning.  can't wait to see what the second trilogy brings 

hopefully a story

[rshetts2]

I watched it on Bluray and yeah it was pretty much cut from the same cloth as the others.  Not as bad as the second one, which was one of the worst movies ever but if youre looking for a cohesive, in depth plot, look else where.  The female lead is actually a worse actress than Fox was but she sure is purty!  She basically spends most of the movie looking hot.  You get lots of Baysplosions and destruction and thats about it.  The biggest drawback to the movie is that it is so simplistic in its delivery of BOOMS and BANGS that it just goes on and on.  It is way too long and would have been a better movie if it was under 2 hours instead of around 2 1/2.