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Author Topic: The Monte Cristo has left the building  (Read 3930 times)
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YellowKing
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« Reply #40 on: July 30, 2008, 07:41:12 PM »

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the protestations flying back and forth are purely tongue in cheek (at least on my part as i don't know how traumatized both eightball and YK have become by this most divine of sandwiches)

My tongue is only in my cheek to keep me from choking on it as I launch into violent gag reflexes every time I open this thread and see a picture of the sandwich.

I like you, hepcat. If I wasn't already mentally mangaged to PeteRock, I'd probably have a huge but totally hetero crush on you. But I question your culinary judgment. I worry that you were born with hideously deformed tastebuds, and might wander around in the yard shoving dog turds in your mouth thinking they're truffles.
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hepcat
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« Reply #41 on: July 30, 2008, 07:56:39 PM »

Au Contraire, my dear friend.  it is you who have questionable taste buds in this debate.  The Cristo is impervious to your aspersions simply because it has a fan base roughly equal to the population of southern China. 

cave drawings found in France and dating back 12,000 years clearly show early man wrestling with a crudely made fry daddy while his subservient mate prepares the breading for this most sacred of meals. 

According to the Bible, there were actually FOUR wise men who appeared at the manger for the birth of the Christ child (Gaspar, Melchior, Balthasar and Ted).  The fourth is never remembered by the church though because he was bearing a Cristo (Christ-Cristo...hmmm?) and was unable to keep himself from eating it on that long walk from upstate Jersey to Jerusalem.  (The Book of Slappy: Chapter 4, verse 7).

Now, I realize that to an uncultured yokel like yourself, this history of greatness means little.  You SEE breading, you SEE meat, you SEE powdered sugar, yet you don't SEE the sandwich.  For you, the spoon is not only "not there"...it's actually a spork.

But I digest...



 
« Last Edit: July 30, 2008, 08:15:52 PM by hepcat » Logged

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YellowKing
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« Reply #42 on: July 30, 2008, 08:38:36 PM »

Jesus said in 1st Corinthians:

"And lo, thou shalt not place meat beside sweet, nor sweet beside meat, nor powder sweet upon meat, nor dip meat in sweet. For that is the path of wickedness, and whoever shalt commit such blasphemy shall bathe in a lake of eternal fire."

But let's look even closer at this so-called "food."

Monte Cristo. The name evokes visions of a Count of Monte Cristo. A novel by Alexandre Dumas (Dumbass?). A novel whose themes of solitary confinement and imprisonment conjure images of claustrophobia, entrapment, suffering, and pain. Not coincidentally, all of these adjectives were used to describe the experience of eating a Monte Cristo sandwich in a landmark 1992 study by the Gastrointestinal Institute of America.

But let's go back even further than what this Dumbass (excuse me - Dumas) wrote. Where did he get the name Monte Cristo? Why, the Italian island of Montecristo, which as we all know, translated into English means "Goat Vomit."

I could sit here all day long and cite scientific articles and publications that warn of the dangers of the Monte Cristo. I could pull quotes from Ben Franklin's famous essay on "The Devyll's Sandwichhe," or Marco Polo's first sighting of the sandwich in 1642 in which he described it as "resembling the fetus of a small pig covered in dandruff." I could wax philosophical on Descartes' observation that "if God is all-powerful, then God could create a Monte Cristo, and since a Monte Cristo is inedible even by God, God is not all-powerful and thus does not exist." I could explore Einstein's lesser known but equally valid equation E=MC2, in which Evil = Monte Cristo squared, thus proving that the Monte Cristo is the root of all evil. But I shall not waste any more of this forum's valuable time, as I believe I have made my point.

Good day, sir.
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PR_GMR
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« Reply #43 on: July 30, 2008, 08:46:36 PM »

Quote from: Yellowking
I could explore Einstein's lesser known but equally valid equation E=MC2, in which Evil = Monte Cristo squared

Touche, YK.. touche.  icon_lol

hepcat, retort?
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Zero
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« Reply #44 on: July 30, 2008, 08:49:13 PM »

I think the franchised operations are still open.  I'm in Dallas right now, and the news last night interviewed the owner of a franchised Bennigans (out near DFW) and they are still open.  I could swing by and get one for you hepcat...and mail it.  I'm sure with all the "preservatives" it has it will be OK smile  I do like the Monte Cristo - but only about once a year - they are way rich in oil smile
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PeteRock
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« Reply #45 on: July 30, 2008, 08:51:16 PM »

Perhaps the very words of our self-proclaimed culinary expert may lay to rest the Monte Cristo debate.  Found in this thread:

Quote from: hepcat on July 01, 2008, 07:34:51 PM

So I shave off my beard yesterday just for a change of pace.  I've had the bloody thing now for the last 6 or 7 years without a break.  Unfortunately, during that time, I've really let myself go to pot in the area of exercise and eating habits.

After I'm done shaving, I suddenly recognize the results of that lack of oversight.  I look like a giant friggin' smiley face.  My double chin has a double chin.  This is the single biggest incentive I've had in the last 10 years to lose weight!   eek

I'll pick up a scale on my way home from work tonight and put in my current weight.  I'm thinking I'll just reduce my daily calories and see if that helps (trust me, what I usually shove down my gullet is a crime against god and nature...it's not like i was even making a half hearted attempt at eating right), as well as ramp up the exercise a bit. 

...i find my thought processes somewhat alarming if the threat of looking like Burl Ives has trumped high cholesterol and the potential development of diabetes.

edit:  weight as of today (july 1st, 2008): 220 lbs.

The defense rests.
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Caine
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« Reply #46 on: July 30, 2008, 09:07:58 PM »

i love this thread.  it's as inversely fun to read as a monte cristo is good to eat. or was, as the case may be. 
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hepcat
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« Reply #47 on: July 30, 2008, 09:17:02 PM »

okay, couple of points we need to establish:

1) Everyone who hates the Cristo is a communist

2) Communists are known girly men and are commonly blamed for the rise of reality television.

3) Ergo, they're all going to hell for their crimes whilst i wave to them (with my non-Cristo bearing hand) from my fluffy cloud located on 777 St. Peter's Road, Heaven.

I must also point out that in my earlier missive regarding my eating habits I was high as a kite on paint thinner and the stuff they use to make cotton candy.  That day I also created the following threads on various boards:

1) That can't possibly be from me!

2) New Diet Tip:  Only Eat What You Can Physically Beat In A Fair Fight

3) Help!  How does one get around a restraining order, and does anyone have Rose McGowan's real phone number!?!?!?

4) I admit it, I bought into the whole "Heaven's Gate" thing at first...

5) When you least expect it...POW...there I am, pants in hand!
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gellar
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« Reply #48 on: July 31, 2008, 12:09:44 AM »

Is that sandwich... fucking fried?  WHAT THE FUCK?

No wonder we're a country full of fatasses.

gellar
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hepcat
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« Reply #49 on: July 31, 2008, 01:50:07 AM »

Quote from: gellar on July 31, 2008, 12:09:44 AM

Is that sandwich... fucking fried?  WHAT THE FUCK?

No wonder we're a country full of fatasses.

gellar

 icon_lol  moral outrage over a sandwich. 

christ, it's not like we're proposing a steady diet of monte cristos.  some of us are simply extolling the virtues of a sandwich we enjoy every now and then. 

did you know that other countries have the ability to fry foods, by the way?  it's true! 
« Last Edit: July 31, 2008, 03:20:15 AM by hepcat » Logged

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PR_GMR
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« Reply #50 on: July 31, 2008, 02:17:38 AM »

Isn't gellar asian? Don't they fry everything over there?!

some random puertorican  icon_razz
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CeeKay
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« Reply #51 on: July 31, 2008, 04:09:15 AM »

Quote from: PR_GMR on July 31, 2008, 02:17:38 AM

Isn't gellar asian? Don't they fry everything over there?!

some random puertorican  icon_razz

yeah!  fried wonton is, like, the pinnacle of Asian cuisine!
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hentzau
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« Reply #52 on: July 31, 2008, 12:00:24 PM »

Quote from: YellowKing on July 30, 2008, 08:38:36 PM


Monte Cristo. The name evokes visions of a Count of Monte Cristo. A novel by Alexandre Dumas (Dumbass?). A novel whose themes of solitary confinement and imprisonment conjure images of claustrophobia, entrapment, suffering, and pain. Not coincidentally, all of these adjectives were used to describe the experience of eating a Monte Cristo sandwich in a landmark 1992 study by the Gastrointestinal Institute of America.


I was discussing this last night with my wife, and what she summized that it was most likely named after the Count of Monte Cristo because of the revenge themes in the book, and the subsequent "MonteCristo's Revenge" that you suffer after eating one of these bad boys.

But they were still yummy...
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Eightball
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« Reply #53 on: July 31, 2008, 01:47:59 PM »

Quote from: hepcat on July 30, 2008, 07:56:39 PM

Au Contraire, my dear friend.  it is you who have questionable taste buds in this debate.  The Cristo is impervious to your aspersions simply because it has a fan base roughly equal to the population of southern China. 

If that was true, why would Bennigan's be bankrupt?  It's about the only place that served the lunchmeat donut.

Quote
"white trash" is most assuredly race related, my friend!

Probably, as I've only seen rednecks in wifebeaters actually eat a Monte Cristo. 

Everyone else pretty much gags at the thought of them.  Think of the company you keep, sir.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2008, 01:50:10 PM by Eightball » Logged
gellar
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« Reply #54 on: July 31, 2008, 01:55:44 PM »

Quote from: hepcat on July 31, 2008, 01:50:07 AM

Quote from: gellar on July 31, 2008, 12:09:44 AM

Is that sandwich... fucking fried?  WHAT THE FUCK?

No wonder we're a country full of fatasses.

gellar

 icon_lol  moral outrage over a sandwich. 

christ, it's not like we're proposing a steady diet of monte cristos.  some of us are simply extolling the virtues of a sandwich we enjoy every now and then. 

did you know that other countries have the ability to fry foods, by the way?  it's true! 


Frying foods is not the issue.  That thing's gotta be well over 1000 calories.  At no point should any single item you eat go into the 4 digit calorie range.

I'm no health freak, but I do know death on a plate when I see one.

gellar
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gellar
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« Reply #55 on: July 31, 2008, 01:58:11 PM »

Quote from: PR_GMR on July 31, 2008, 02:17:38 AM

Isn't gellar asian? Don't they fry everything over there?!

some random puertorican  icon_razz

Sort of.  I have slanty eyes, but other than that am not very azn at all.

gellar
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hepcat
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« Reply #56 on: July 31, 2008, 02:27:27 PM »


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« Reply #57 on: July 31, 2008, 02:35:00 PM »

Quote from: Eightball on July 31, 2008, 01:47:59 PM

Everyone else pretty much gags at the thought of them.  Think of the company you keep, sir.

well, he does hang out here with you.....
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hepcat
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« Reply #58 on: July 31, 2008, 02:48:02 PM »

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Probably, as I've only seen rednecks in wifebeaters actually eat a Monte Cristo. 

oh boy, this is awkward...ummm...you realize that may have more to do with where you've chosen to live, right?
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Eightball
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« Reply #59 on: July 31, 2008, 02:49:44 PM »

Quote from: CeeKay on July 31, 2008, 02:35:00 PM

Quote from: Eightball on July 31, 2008, 01:47:59 PM

Everyone else pretty much gags at the thought of them.  Think of the company you keep, sir.

well, he does hang out here with you.....

Exactly!

Quote
oh boy, this is awkward...ummm...you realize that may have more to do with where you've chosen to live, right?

Washington DC?
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hepcat
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« Reply #60 on: July 31, 2008, 02:59:45 PM »

Quote from: Eightball on July 31, 2008, 02:49:44 PM

Quote from: CeeKay on July 31, 2008, 02:35:00 PM

Quote from: Eightball on July 31, 2008, 01:47:59 PM

Everyone else pretty much gags at the thought of them.  Think of the company you keep, sir.

well, he does hang out here with you.....

Exactly!

Quote
oh boy, this is awkward...ummm...you realize that may have more to do with where you've chosen to live, right?

Washington DC?

you may say Washington, but you might be trying to cover up the fact that you actually live in a remote region of West Virginia that makes "The Hills Have Eyes" look like "The Sound of Music"...

...either that or you socialize in such a place after being ostracized for your hillbilly ways in greater DC.
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PR_GMR
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« Reply #61 on: July 31, 2008, 04:13:30 PM »

Quote from: Eightball on July 31, 2008, 02:49:44 PM



Quote
oh boy, this is awkward...ummm...you realize that may have more to do with where you've chosen to live, right?

Washington DC?

You mean you finally got out of suburban-hell Columbia? Gratz! I actually got to go down in about two hours. Getting my laptop repaired at an Apple store down here.
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Eightball
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« Reply #62 on: July 31, 2008, 06:22:26 PM »

Quote from: PR_GMR on July 31, 2008, 04:13:30 PM

You mean you finally got out of suburban-hell Columbia? Gratz! I actually got to go down in about two hours. Getting my laptop repaired at an Apple store down here.

I don't live in Columbia anymore, but Hanover, which is like uh...10 minutes away from there.  Not quite as suburban hell-hole but give it time.  Lots of families with young kids (like ours), though.

And while I may own a house in Hanover, I think I spend more time at work...right above Metro Center in downtown DC.  My home   crybaby
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