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Author Topic: Terminal Cancer  (Read 2058 times)
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rickfc
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« on: September 20, 2008, 05:38:10 PM »

So I found out today that my dad has terminal cancer.  He's 73, and although he smoked for a large part of his life, he was always healthy; the guy just never got sick.  A few weeks ago, he had a small accident on their farm with his tractor.  He was starting it while standing beside it, didn't realize he had left it in gear, and had to jump out of the way when it jumped towards him to avoid having the large back wheel run him down.

A few days later, he began having unbearable pain in his back and leg.  He went to get massaged and it didn't help.  He went to a chiropractor, and after a simple stretch, he was in so much pain that the chiro told him to go get an MRI or cat scan.  They found he had a herniated disk in his back and required surgery.  On Sept 8, he had surgery to remove the pressure from the nerve on his back.  Two days later, when hurricane Ike looked to be headed straight for Corpus Christi, they evacuated him to Dallas.  In Dallas, they believed he was starting to develop pneumonia, so the ordered some tests including a chest x-ray.  When the x-ray came back, they found what he described as "a small spot" in one of his lungs.

He was brought back to Corpus this past Wednesday, where some more tests were done.  The doctor came back and told my mom that the "spot" on his lung is a tumor 7 cm in diameter.  They did some full body scans and found the cancer factor, or whatever it's called, to be high in his blood, and he also has cancer in his bones: one tumor in his arm and the other in his leg.

The tumor in his lung is operable, but the ones in his bones are not.  The doctor gives him a year without chemo and two with.  My dad, of course, refuses chemo and it will destroy his body.  We don't know what to do at the moment.  He is also not doing his physical therapy for his back.  It's almost as he's already given up without even getting in the fight.  I don't know that I blame him for it.  I just wish that his back wasn't fucked up so that he could enjoy whatever time he has left.

I just needed to vent.  I can't really talk to my wife about it because I break down whenever I do.  When that happens, my daughter freaks out and makes it worse.

Thanks for listening.
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Daehawk
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« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2008, 05:41:09 PM »

Sorry to hear that. My wife's cousin that she is close too also has terminal cancer. They gave her 6 months to live about 3 months ago. its all over. Shes been doing good till this week and got a lung infection and is feeling down. Its hard to deal with. My mom died of Lung cancer. Lifetime smoker. Wife's cousin is also a smoker.
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« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2008, 05:54:16 PM »

 icon_frown

My condolences.  My mother went through chemo 3 times, and after the last treatment she told the family she was done.  Her cancer hasn't come back but on some level I can understand her choice to not go through with Chemo again.

My thoughts go with you
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Isgrimnur
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« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2008, 05:57:51 PM »

I'm sorry to hear that, rick.  I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for you.  I know that I would be crushed if I got that news about either of my parents.
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« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2008, 06:05:31 PM »

Rick - I wish the best for you, your family and your Dad.  Its tough going through this, and hope that you take the time to be with him and your Mom.  Our prayers are with you.
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tiktokman
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« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2008, 08:23:17 PM »

I'm sorry, our thoughts are with you.

* tiktokman calls his dad today
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VynlSol
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« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2008, 08:57:56 PM »

I'm very sorry to hear about that rick.
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Dramatist
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« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2008, 09:00:56 PM »

I'm sorry to hear the news as well.  I lost my dad to cancer about a year + ago.  It's gonna be tough.  Cancer sucks.  Spend time with him and your family.
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lildrgn
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« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2008, 09:17:24 PM »

Good lord, man. I'm sorry to hear about it.

I just went through my dad's passing last week. He had colon cancer, but it was never diagnosed as terminal as he refused to go see Western doctors. He died of complications (pneumonia and heart failure) and, though it COMPLETELY SUCKS, it was his choice to go without treatments.

This was his second go-round with the big C. He did chemo before and that took care of the lymphoma cancer he had. Though he never said why he didn't want to go with chemo again, my hunch is that it was so horrible the first time that there was no way he'd go through again.

I did post a thread about what I went through and, though I had already come to the conclusion that my dad was dying, it helped me a lot with sorting out my feelings and such. Not to say it would work for you; my dad's condition was gradual for us. Your situation appears to have come out of left field for you.

Having said that, the GT community was incredible for me and I'm sure will be the same for you. I'm not a praying man, but I will keep you and your pops in my thoughts. If there's anything I can offer in way of interweb support, look me up.

Gwon
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Mithridates
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« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2008, 10:45:24 PM »

Sorry to hear the bad news, Rick.  I guess we all know on some level that its going to happen eventually with our parents, but I'm sure that doesn't make it any easier.  I hope you're able to enjoy the time you have left with him.
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Thin_J
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« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2008, 12:48:14 PM »

As someone with a parent who fought off a brain tumor a couple years ago, I feel for you man. Really sad to hear that.

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Ironrod
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« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2008, 04:11:19 PM »

I'm sorry to read your news. If it's in his bones...well, I suppose it's his judgment call whether enduring chemo is worth an additional year of life, probably with considerable pain. 

Lildragon reminds me I need to fax in those papers tomorrow to get a colonoscopy.
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« Reply #12 on: September 21, 2008, 06:14:53 PM »

Quote from: Dramatist on September 20, 2008, 09:00:56 PM

  It's gonna be tough.  Cancer sucks.  Spend time with him and your family.

+ a million.  I had to watch a co-worker go through it a couple of years ago before he could no longer work and then last year I lost one of my dogs to cancer.  spend time with him.
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rickfc
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« Reply #13 on: September 22, 2008, 05:19:50 PM »

Thank you all for your well wishes and kind words.  Things keep getting bleaker and bleaker unfortunately.  His neurosurgeon found nothing in cat scans of his back that would indicate that further surgery would better the pain.  It looks like my dad is going to die lying in a bed unable to move.  That's the hardest part of all of this.  I can live with him dying.  I knew that was coming sooner rather than later as he wasn't getting any younger.  What I'm having a hard time dealing with is the manner in which he's going to.  There's a part of me that wishes I had no one in my life so that I wouldn't have to watch anyone go through this.  It's not fair.  He knew that he was going to die eventually.  But this...this is fucking unjust.  He deserves better than this bullshit.  How I wish there was someone or something I could hold responsible.  I wish I could turn the pain off; both his and ours.  I'm not one to cry, but after I found out his cancer was terminal, I don't think I've been able to go 5 minutes without tearing up.  Your heroes aren't supposed to go out like this.
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mytocles
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« Reply #14 on: September 22, 2008, 05:49:20 PM »

Oh Rick, I'm so sorry to hear this.  Life truly does suck sometimes - and that from someone who is usually a glass-half-full person. I'm especially sorry for you because of the time you will have watching your Dad not enjoy the time he has left. I agree, it is just not fair- but there's is also not much we can do about those unfair things in life, so it sucks even more.

I suspect you'd see very little of this kind of posting in other gaming forums; we are definitely a more caring bunch - and we have an older demographic, and with that comes friends and family passing away.  One of my best friends has an inoperable tumor, my Dad already passed away a few years back, my Mom is 84, my parents-in-law are in their 80's and one has frontal temporal lobe dementia, all three "parents" have a myriad of illnesses - it just seems to go on and on. But for some reason, so do I go on and on, just makes you wonder sometimes.

Be well, Rick, our thoughts, meditations, prayers, and of course hopes, are with you... tear
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« Reply #15 on: September 22, 2008, 05:57:27 PM »

I'm sorry to read this.  I know well wishing can sometimes seem trivial, but know that we all do wish you well during this rough time.   icon_frown
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« Reply #16 on: September 23, 2008, 02:59:27 PM »

Our sincerest condolences.

Cancer is a prevalent problem in both my family and my wife's family.  My wife's grandmother has cancer of her entire abdominal wall and was given three to six months but she has fought on for the past three years.  She is as much my own grandmother as she is my wife's and we travel to Pittsburgh as often as possible in order to ensure that we've spent as much time with her as possible.  It has been quite the financial burden, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if we used finances as an excuse for limited visits.

My wife and I send our best and you and your family are in our thoughts.
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rickfc
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« Reply #17 on: September 23, 2008, 03:24:37 PM »

Thanks again guys.  Your kind words are greatly appreciated.

On a side note, can some Google ads be filtered?



Totally not cool.
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mytocles
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« Reply #18 on: September 23, 2008, 05:35:23 PM »

Quote from: rickfc on September 23, 2008, 03:24:37 PM

Thanks again guys.  Your kind words are greatly appreciated.

On a side note, can some Google ads be filtered?



Totally not cool.

Ow, that stinks!  I haven't seen anything like that, so maybe it has to do with AdBlock on Firefox? I have that engaged, and have not seen links such as that...  icon_cry
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Mytocles (MY-toe-cleez)

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PeteRock
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« Reply #19 on: September 23, 2008, 05:37:56 PM »

I've noticed that the google links seem to be related to specific thread discussions, and unfortunately in this case the thread covers such a topic.  But the links provided by google are certainly far from ideal. 
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rickfc
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« Reply #20 on: September 23, 2008, 05:51:06 PM »

Quote from: mytocles on September 23, 2008, 05:35:23 PM

Quote from: rickfc on September 23, 2008, 03:24:37 PM

Thanks again guys.  Your kind words are greatly appreciated.

On a side note, can some Google ads be filtered?



Totally not cool.

Ow, that stinks!  I haven't seen anything like that, so maybe it has to do with AdBlock on Firefox? I have that engaged, and have not seen links such as that...  icon_cry


I had forgotten to install AdBlock...thanks, Myto!
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Eco-Logic
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« Reply #21 on: September 23, 2008, 06:01:06 PM »

Rick,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Eco
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« Reply #22 on: September 23, 2008, 06:15:37 PM »

going through a similar rough spot with my stepdad.  enough so that i even blogged about it and wrote more than 2 paragraphs.  the biggest difference is we all knew it was coming.  long time smoker with COPD, so it is pretty bleak.  getting on track to get on the eligibility list for a transplant was the best part of the last year and gave him something to fight for.  the last two months have not been good and he's now bedridden.  i keep expecting the call from my mother.

always remember your father how he lived, not how he dies.  spend as much time as you can with him. 

my sympathies to you rick.
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rickfc
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« Reply #23 on: September 23, 2008, 06:16:22 PM »

Quote from: Caine on September 23, 2008, 06:15:37 PM

going through a similar rough spot with my stepdad.  enough so that i even blogged about it and wrote more than 2 paragraphs.  the biggest difference is we all knew it was coming.  long time smoker with COPD, so it is pretty bleak.  getting on track to get on the eligibility list for a transplant was the best part of the last year and gave him something to fight for.  the last two months have not been good and he's now bedridden.  i keep expecting the call from my mother.

always remember your father how he lived, not how he dies.  spend as much time as you can with him. 

my sympathies to you rick.

Thank you, Caine.  And mine to you.
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lildrgn
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« Reply #24 on: September 23, 2008, 06:38:55 PM »

Quote from: Caine on September 23, 2008, 06:15:37 PM

going through a similar rough spot with my stepdad.  enough so that i even blogged about it and wrote more than 2 paragraphs.  the biggest difference is we all knew it was coming.  long time smoker with COPD, so it is pretty bleak.  getting on track to get on the eligibility list for a transplant was the best part of the last year and gave him something to fight for.  the last two months have not been good and he's now bedridden.  i keep expecting the call from my mother.

always remember your father how he lived, not how he dies.  spend as much time as you can with him. 

my sympathies to you rick.

That's tough... Every time the phone rang with M&D's caller ID I'd be afraid.

What's with all the death and destruction lately on this board?

Rick & Caine, my thoughts are with you...
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