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Author Topic: Scarlett Johansson Murders Tom Waits  (Read 2397 times)
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hepcat
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« on: May 31, 2008, 02:40:42 AM »

I love Tom Waits.  I love his music.  I love his gravelly voice and the fact that he writes his songs to take advantage of that rough growl of his that is more emotion than actual harmonizing. 

I love Scarlett Johansson.  I love her body...of work.  ...that's...ummm...really all I got.

Somewhere, at some point, someone convinced Ms. Johansson she could do a bang up job covering Tom Waits.  My guess is that this person had heard her singing in the shower, knew she'd always wanted to make a record and thought that she couldn't do THAT much damage to a Tom Waits' song.

...that person was wrong.  That person shall also be heretofore known as "The Anti-Musician".

My god, her warbling is almost painful in this video .  Sure, Tom sounds like he's been gargling with a half dozen razor blades since 3 in the morning, but it works for him because he's written these songs to take advantage of that sound.  Scarlett thinks she can create the same distinctive sound and tries to do him justice by singing in a goofy ass baritone voice that makes her sound like she's going to order Natasha to "get that moose and squirrel!" at any moment.

Thankfully, I recently discovered that I can actually turn down the sound on my computer when watching something.  This I now do gleefully as I enjoy her appearance while avoiding the risk of internal bleeding.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2008, 02:46:30 AM by hepcat » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2008, 02:49:00 AM »

Vanity projects: please don't.
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Sarkus
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« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2008, 02:51:35 AM »

This is the consequence of our star focused entertainment industry.  There's alwasy someone ready to tell someone with (theoretical) talent in one area that they are good enough for another.  Madonna can't act, Eddie Murphy can't sing, neither can Bruce Willis or Shatner, but there it is.

Besides, you know you'd tell Scarlett whatever you thought she wanted to hear if you were getting what you wanted out of it.   Tongue
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« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2008, 03:04:00 AM »

Quote from: Sarkus on May 31, 2008, 02:51:35 AM

This is the consequence of our star focused entertainment industry.  There's alwasy someone ready to tell someone with (theoretical) talent in one area that they are good enough for another.  Madonna can't act, Eddie Murphy can't sing, neither can Bruce Willis or Shatner, but there it is.

Besides, you know you'd tell Scarlett whatever you thought she wanted to hear if you were getting what you wanted out of it.   Tongue

Shatner can sing Truthiness!
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Ironrod
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« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2008, 03:15:34 AM »

Shatner sure sings better than that. Wesley Willis sings better than that. *I* sing better than that.
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Purge
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« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2008, 03:24:08 AM »

But damn can she act.
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heloder
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« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2008, 03:24:58 AM »

I demand reparations in the form of nudity.
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« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2008, 04:01:42 AM »

Quote from: heloder on May 31, 2008, 03:24:58 AM

I demand reparations in the form of nudity.

You might want to amend that post and specify whose nudity before someone here tries to "help" you out...

- Ash
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EngineNo9
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« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2008, 04:08:13 AM »

Yeah, I don't think Tom Waits does nudity.  It's in his contract or something.
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Jeff
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« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2008, 04:10:57 AM »

She could sing that song to me ... all ... night.... long.

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heloder
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« Reply #10 on: May 31, 2008, 04:12:31 AM »

I guess I'd settle for Scarlett, then.
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Shinjin
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« Reply #11 on: May 31, 2008, 04:22:12 AM »

Quote from: Sarkus on May 31, 2008, 02:51:35 AM

Eddie Murphy can't sing

But his girl sure can party (all the time!)
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« Reply #12 on: May 31, 2008, 04:26:13 AM »

I like it.
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YellowKing
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« Reply #13 on: May 31, 2008, 05:40:33 AM »

I didn't particularly care for that one, but I sort of like this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBBJLYFEPao

Granted, I'm not overly familiar with Tom Waits' music, so this may be a travesty, but it's kinda haunting to me, especially combined with the video of her just doing some behind-the-scenes stuff. It kind of shows the inherent loneliness and isolation involved with celebrity.
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Purge
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« Reply #14 on: May 31, 2008, 05:56:20 AM »

Summertime wasn't bad. I've never listened to the original falling down, so maybe I don't have that nostalgia/ history with it to scream sacrilige! but I thought it was kinda boring. Not atrocious, but .... flat.
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Jeff
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« Reply #15 on: May 31, 2008, 01:39:10 PM »

You want to know an actress who can really sing?

Zooey Deschanel, that's who.

*swoon*
« Last Edit: May 31, 2008, 01:44:16 PM by Jeff Jones » Logged
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« Reply #16 on: May 31, 2008, 02:44:40 PM »

I saw her album listed on iTunes, and the few tracks I sampled didn't do anything for me.  she'd have better spent the time having sex with me, and then beyond that 15 seconds she could have done a Playboy pictorial.
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Ironrod
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« Reply #17 on: May 31, 2008, 04:05:20 PM »

I think Scarlett needs to smoke a lot more cigarettes if she hopes to channel Marlene Dietrich.
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EngineNo9
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« Reply #18 on: May 31, 2008, 04:41:37 PM »

Quote from: Jeff Jones on May 31, 2008, 01:39:10 PM

You want to know an actress who can really sing?

Zooey Deschanel, that's who.

*swoon*

Mmmm, Zooey Deschanel... 

I had no idea she did an album with M. Ward, who I am also a fan of.  I may have to check that out some time. 
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« Reply #19 on: May 31, 2008, 04:48:00 PM »

I made it about two seconds into the AOL video of my dear Scarlett.  Why do you do these things to me when you only know it's going to hurt me, Scarlett?
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hepcat
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« Reply #20 on: May 31, 2008, 06:40:51 PM »

Quote from: Purge on May 31, 2008, 05:56:20 AM

Summertime wasn't bad. I've never listened to the original falling down, so maybe I don't have that nostalgia/ history with it to scream sacrilige! but I thought it was kinda boring. Not atrocious, but .... flat.

flat is a good description.  she's just so off tune most of the time.  i honestly think she's somewhat tone deaf.
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Eduardo X
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« Reply #21 on: May 31, 2008, 07:40:39 PM »

Quote from: Shinjin on May 31, 2008, 04:22:12 AM

Quote from: Sarkus on May 31, 2008, 02:51:35 AM

Eddie Murphy can't sing

But his girl sure can party (all the time!)
I like that song.
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Biyobi
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« Reply #22 on: May 31, 2008, 07:49:57 PM »

Quote from: hepcat on May 31, 2008, 06:40:51 PM

Quote from: Purge on May 31, 2008, 05:56:20 AM

Summertime wasn't bad. I've never listened to the original falling down, so maybe I don't have that nostalgia/ history with it to scream sacrilige! but I thought it was kinda boring. Not atrocious, but .... flat.

flat is a good description.  she's just so off tune most of the time.  i honestly think she's somewhat tone deaf.

Somehow, the word "flat" used to describe Scarlett Johansson just doesn't sound right in my head (of course, neither did her singing).
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morlac
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« Reply #23 on: May 31, 2008, 08:27:56 PM »

Quote from: Jeff Jones on May 31, 2008, 01:39:10 PM

You want to know an actress who can really sing?

Zooey Deschanel, that's who.

*swoon*

ok that was damn good.  But who is she?
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Daehawk
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« Reply #24 on: May 31, 2008, 08:33:55 PM »

Im disappointed this thread is not NSFW yet.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2008, 10:07:33 PM by Daehawk » Logged

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« Reply #25 on: May 31, 2008, 09:36:24 PM »

Quote from: morlac on May 31, 2008, 08:27:56 PM

Quote from: Jeff Jones on May 31, 2008, 01:39:10 PM

You want to know an actress who can really sing?

Zooey Deschanel, that's who.

*swoon*

ok that was damn good.  But who is she?

She was in The Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy

and she was the lovely lass in Elf

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« Reply #26 on: May 31, 2008, 10:04:14 PM »

That was tough. Not a good album.. Love Norah Jones singing waits though.. Long Way Home is awesome.
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« Reply #27 on: May 31, 2008, 11:03:17 PM »

Quote from: Jeff Jones on May 31, 2008, 09:36:24 PM

Quote from: morlac on May 31, 2008, 08:27:56 PM

Quote from: Jeff Jones on May 31, 2008, 01:39:10 PM

You want to know an actress who can really sing?

Zooey Deschanel, that's who.

*swoon*

ok that was damn good.  But who is she?

She was in The Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy

and she was the lovely lass in Elf


Yeah, but she was also "DG" in that Oz miniseries.  puke
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Daehawk
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« Reply #28 on: May 31, 2008, 11:05:28 PM »

Shes not the one in Pushing Daisies is she?
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« Reply #29 on: June 01, 2008, 12:08:36 AM »

Nah, you're thinking of Anna Friel.  Noted for being one half of the first lesbian snog on British TV.
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« Reply #30 on: June 01, 2008, 12:13:40 AM »

Quote from: Huw the Poo on June 01, 2008, 12:08:36 AM

Nah, you're thinking of Anna Friel.  Noted for being one half of the first lesbian snog on British TV.

Now that is something I wouldn't object to seeing.
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« Reply #31 on: June 01, 2008, 01:06:51 AM »

Quote from: Daehawk on May 31, 2008, 08:33:55 PM

Im disappointed this thread is not NSFW yet.

and yet you did nothing to rectify the situation.


typical  Roll Eyes
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« Reply #32 on: June 01, 2008, 03:25:49 AM »

You guys are crazy.  Scarlett has great tits.
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Tscott
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« Reply #33 on: June 01, 2008, 07:11:57 AM »



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« Reply #34 on: June 01, 2008, 07:14:42 AM »

See?  How can anyone call her flat? icon_twisted
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« Reply #35 on: June 01, 2008, 09:57:23 AM »

Quote from: EngineNo9 on June 01, 2008, 12:13:40 AM

Quote from: Huw the Poo on June 01, 2008, 12:08:36 AM

Nah, you're thinking of Anna Friel.  Noted for being one half of the first lesbian snog on British TV.
Now that is something I wouldn't object to seeing.

BEHOLD!
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Jeff
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« Reply #36 on: June 01, 2008, 12:32:16 PM »

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