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Author Topic: Rocket to the Sun - These Actors Need to go  (Read 8648 times)
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Knightshade Dragon
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« on: September 12, 2006, 07:19:05 AM »

I call it my "Rocket to the Sun" program.  Below is a small passenger manafest of people whom I'd like to see shot directly into the molten death that is the Sun. 

Halle Berry - Just stop, you unique little snowflake like everybody else
Martin Short - You ceased being funny when you ceased to be Ed Grimley. 
Steve Gutenburg - You had some great roles. Not every one has to turn into Professor Chaos from that point on, mmmmkay?
Tara Reed - raspy voice has ceased to be cute.  Stop speaking.
Chris Kattan - Stop. You were NEVER funny.  Ever.  You should be killed with a copy of Monkeybone.
Robert Redford - The Last Castle was pretty good.  End on a high note, horse whisperer.
Paris Hilton - Watching you get impaled, but without night vision this time, was something new.  You can't drive the shuttle, wino.
Meat Loaf - Sorry Mr. Loaf - lunchmeat goes in the under-shuttle freezer.  Kinda like the one you should have stayed in in Rocky Horror. 
Thandi Newton - She'll be hard to catch...if she turns sideways she'll dissapear.  Still, take her no-talent tail and put her on the shuttle please.
Anna Pacquin - Stop screaming.  For the love of all that is holy. Screaming does not = acting!
Gyllenhall, both of em - Neither can act.  Both think they are making 'important' films.  They aren't important.  Get on the shuttle.
Heath Ledger - Has this guy made a good movie yet?  Knight's Tale was the closest thing, and that isn't saying much. 

There is still plenty of room on the shuttle.  Anyone care to contribute?
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« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2006, 09:12:23 AM »

First of all, Heath Ledger ROCKED in "10 Things I Hate About You" and Chris Kattan is hilarious, I don't care what anybody else thinks  ninja

I'd send Josh Hartnett up, Glenn Close and Bette Midler, too.

I'd buy Jon Lovitz a first-class seat.  icon_wink
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« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2006, 10:02:47 AM »

Tom Cruise can get launched.  Overrated and overexposed.  Take yerself and yer antics outta here!

Michelle Rodriguez - She nearly ruined Lost for me and she was in Bloodrayne.  Can't she emote something other than disgust (could also be confused as bad gas)?

Matthew Lillard - Yet another actor in a Uwe Boll movie and he was in Wing Commander.  Annoying and...annoying.  Rye Rye Raggy.

Last, but not least is Cameron Bright - You may not know his name, but you probably know his face.

 Let's put this young'un out of his misery early. 
"How about trying something other than a vacant look of nothingness when you act?  You even tainted Stargate episodes with your bad acting!"

*LAUNCH*

 icon_twisted
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« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2006, 10:35:42 AM »

Quote
First of all, Heath Ledger ROCKED in "10 Things I Hate About You"
Ahh, I knew there was one.  He may not go on this flight, but too many more "Tristan and Isolde"s and he'll be sitting up front.

Quote
Chris Kattan is hilarious, I don't care what EVERYONE else thinks  ninja
Fixed that for ya.

Quote
I'd send Josh Hartnett
Ehhh, I liked him in Black Hawk Down.  I've not really seen him in any other movies of recent memory other than a bit part in Sin City.

Quote
Glenn Close
Liked her in The Shield, but hated her in everything else since the Bunny Boiler movie.

Quote
Bette Midler, too.
No argument here whatsoever.  Her seat is next to Barbara Streisand.

Quote
I'd buy Jon Lovitz a first-class seat.  icon_wink
Who'd yell "Subway! EAT FRESH!" if we....you are right, off he goes.
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« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2006, 10:48:04 AM »

Quote
Tom Cruise can get launched.  Overrated and overexposed.  Take yerself and yer antics outta here!
No argument here.

Quote
Michelle Rodriguez - She nearly ruined Lost for me and she was in Bloodrayne.  Can't she emote something other than disgust (could also be confused as bad gas)?
Very true.  One dimensional is an understatement.

Quote
Matthew Lillard - Yet another actor in a Uwe Boll movie and he was in Wing Commander.  Annoying and...annoying.  Rye Rye Raggy.
How could I forget Lillard?!  I think we'll strap him to the solid rocket booster...

Quote
Last, but not least is Cameron Bright - You may not know his name, but you probably know his face.

 Let's put this young'un out of his misery early. 
"How about trying something other than a vacant look of nothingness when you act?  You even tainted Stargate episodes with your bad acting!"
Lately he is "the bald kid who will save humanity".  See Xmen 3 and Ultraviolet.   Just terrible. 
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« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2006, 12:47:04 PM »

Orlando Bloom needs to be signed up for the "fun in the sun" program. The success of LOTR was _not_ based on his "acting". Everything since has been 'Legolas without the bow' or "Generic British-Accent Actor A".

Renny Harlin link ... with exception to Cliffhanger, I don't see any reason why he should be wasting our valuable toilet paper resources. Oh WAIT! That's right, he uses film to wipe instead.  Deep Blue Sea INDEED.

Nicholas Cage there's not a movie done by him that we couldn't have had any other actor in who would have done as good.

Ann Hart Coulter This little trip to the sun is a preview reading for the rest of your eternity, Miss Coulter.
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« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2006, 01:22:55 PM »

Quote from: Purge on September 12, 2006, 12:47:04 PM

Nicholas Cage there's not a movie done by him that we couldn't have had any other actor in who would have done as good.

Raising Arizona, The Rock, Face/Off, Honeymoon in Vegas and The Family Man come to mind.
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« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2006, 01:30:42 PM »

I'd take out Nicholas Cage and Robert Redford (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid plus The Sting = free ride forever).

In their places I propose

Adam Sandler
Jim Carey
Spike Lee
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« Reply #8 on: September 12, 2006, 02:32:24 PM »

I think Heath Ledger has promise, actually.  The Brothers Grimm, while a seriously flawed movie, showed a side of him that made me reconsider my opinion of him.

And sorry, Maggie Gylenhaal is cute/sexy as hell and Jake ruled in Donnie Darko.

There are far worthier actors for those seats on the shuttle.
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« Reply #9 on: September 12, 2006, 03:03:39 PM »

Quote
Martin Short - You ceased being funny when you ceased to be Ed Grimley. 

Apparently the Broadway (?) show he wrote and stars in is hilarious.

Paris Hilton technically qualifies, though I'd prefer if she was strapped to the launch pad beneath the booster rocket.

Eva Longoria- I've never seen her in anything but she annoys the crap out of me.

Michael Madsen - NO MORE VOICE WORK!

Beyonce - She's in some movie coming out. Overexposed.

Clive Owen- So overrated. Every one loves him for some reason. But he's not a good actor and he's not as cool as everyone says he is.  Ok ok. I'm kidding. He may be the coolest guy on the planet and the guy can act like nobody's business.  icon_smile


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« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2006, 03:19:34 PM »

Even with Catwoman, Halle Berry deserves a free pass. I have a definite weakness for her.

However:

Uwe Boll can be strapped to the nose of the rocket, thereby guaranteeing he gets to meet Mr. Sun first.

Jason Alexander - My own personal opinion, but he's right below Jon Lovitz in terms of annoying, unfunny actors.

Kirstie Alley - Good for you for losing weight. Now get the hell off my TV and never show your face again.

Larry the Cable Guy - At least Jeff Foxworthy is occasionally funny and is legitimately from the South.

The cast of the Golden Girls - Not that I have a problem with any of them specifically, but I had to watch this damn show almost every day when I was married, and someone has to pay for that.

Rosie O'Donnell - Assuming the space shuttle to the sun can carry that load.
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« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2006, 03:40:12 PM »

Denzel Washington:  He just annoys me.
Sally Struthers:  But then again her corpse could feed Africa for months.....

Orlando Bloom should stay, as well as Larry the Cable Guy and Heath Ledger.



Oh yeah, toss Joss Whedon in there for letting Firely get cancelled.

* CeeKay runs away quickly.
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« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2006, 03:48:52 PM »

Quote from: CeeKay on September 12, 2006, 03:40:12 PM

Denzel Washington:  He just annoys me.

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Pistols. At dawn, sir!

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« Reply #13 on: September 12, 2006, 04:13:51 PM »

Can I play?

Joss Whedon - so maybe, finally, someday internet geeks will stop talking about Firefly.  It's over, move on

Julia Roberts - Hopefully there's enough room on the shuttle for her grotesque horse face

Tom, Katie and Suri - Katie hasn' done anything of note in years and if I want to see her boobs I can google.  Tom is overexposed and whacko.  Suri needs to go before she has a chance to further the Cruise line. 

Michael Bay  - so very many crappy movies

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« Reply #14 on: September 12, 2006, 08:06:52 PM »

Carrot Top - Someone explain to me WHY he even has a movie career. Obnoxious, spastic, dork.

Pauley Shore - See Carrot Top. The stupid surfer thing went out of style, oh, in 1989.

Lindsay Lohan - She USED to be a competent actress back in her early days before she became a prima donna skank. Now she's just a disgusting waste of oxygen.

Will Ferrell and Rob Schneider - two ex-SNL guys who are not funny. Just stupid.
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« Reply #15 on: September 12, 2006, 09:43:24 PM »

I like Jim Carey's serious films.  Eternal Sunshine especially.  Reminds me of Robin Williams in What Dreams May Come and he was another comedian whose movies were annoying me prior to that.
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« Reply #16 on: September 12, 2006, 09:50:41 PM »

Hartnett was quite good in 40 Days and 40 Nights, along with Lucky Number Slevin.  I'm also quite interested in his performance in The Black Dahlia.  I wouldn't toss him on the shuttle yet.

As for Ledger, I'll echo that statement about The Brothers Grimm.  That was fantastic.
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« Reply #17 on: September 12, 2006, 11:44:58 PM »

Paul. W.S. Anderson
Aliens Vs. Predator. No other reason should be required. Give the man his seat.

And I'm going to echo Nicholas Cage. I hate him. Hate him hate him hate him hate him hate him. There just simply isn't a more annoying popular actor around. He ruins every single movie he's in with his horrid overacting.
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« Reply #18 on: September 13, 2006, 12:28:38 AM »

Nick Cage was my very first thought when I saw the topic title.  I'm very proud of most of you.  As for you TML, the Coens have always been able to write around an actor's liabilities, such as Cage's total inability to correctly emote anything outside of 'mopey' (which is just standing there and looking stupid).  The Rock suceeded *Despite* him - he totally sucked in it, showing just how good David Morse and Ed Harris can be, not to mention that an ancient doddering decripit Connery is still 20 times more man than him. 

Taking off the shuttle: Steve Gutenberg, Carrot top, Pauley Shore - why bother?  these guys careers have been dead a collective seven decades or so. I can't even remember the last thing I saw any of these three in;  I think Reagan might have been the president at the time.  Hell, you might as well say Guilbert Gottfried or James Belushi as any of these guys.  Actually, are any of the guys in this blurb alive?

AND NOW
Excuse me sir (or miss), I have a ticket for you!:
Robin Williams - I thought his career was mercifully over...and then I see Mrs. Doubtfire 2 is in production. Oh merciful crist...

Ben Stiller - so, which of the two whole flavors will he be?  The outlandish over the top dumb guy or the neurotic but lovable loser new york jew guy?  I don't care, both shticks suck, and there are other people who do them better.

Will Ferrell - At least Stiller has two bits, this guy has barely one.  I caught ten minutes of Ron Burgundy...I saw nothing different in the new one he did.

Adam Sandler - I present the man who once made a comedy movie (Little Nicky) without a single joke in it.  Seriously.  WTF does this guy have a career?

Chris Kattan, Rob Schnieder, Jimmy Fallon - wait a minute, all these colossal no-talents...

Lorne Michaels!!!!!!!!!
We are strapping a catapult on top of the shuttle to fling him into the sun.  I don't want him resting easily as he painfully dies, I want him to suffer.  This man has inflicted more pain than Stalin.  He is humanity's ultimate monster. 

Each and every director who thinks 'style outranks substance'.  Tarantino's status of being included on this flight is subject to debate. Paul Anderson is Numero Uno being shoved on the board.  Unbeknownst to all of you, I have smuggled the Wachowskis and shoved them in one of the overhead compartments.  Hey, on that note...

Keanu Reeves - For a while, it was quite funny seeing a being devoid of any charisma, charm, or talent have a successful career as an actor.  It has stopped being funny.  Sorry Ted Theodore Logan.  If Alex Winter is still alive, we can send him along with you as a courtesy.

I will post more, as soon as my brain stops hurting.

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« Reply #19 on: September 13, 2006, 01:27:08 AM »

Robbins and Sarandon: Holding hands in first class.

Benlo and his boyfriend Damon: Enough. They suck. Yeah, both if them!!!
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« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2006, 01:33:00 AM »

Quote from: Big Jake on September 13, 2006, 12:28:38 AM

Taking off the shuttle: Steve Gutenberg, Carrot top, Pauley Shore - why bother?  these guys careers have been dead a collective seven decades or so. I can't even remember the last thing I saw any of these three in;  I think Reagan might have been the president at the time.  Hell, you might as well say Guilbert Gottfried or James Belushi as any of these guys.  Actually, are any of the guys in this blurb alive?

Ooh, ooh!  Look!  Somebody else who doesn't watch Veronica Mars.

Quote
Will Ferrell - At least Stiller has two bits, this guy has barely one.  I caught ten minutes of Ron Burgundy...I saw nothing different in the new one he did.

Most of the time, I'd agree with you.  However, I saw this the other night and it looks absolutely brilliant.

Quote
Lorne Michaels!!!!!!!!!

Stop it at the source.  Smart move.  My only regret is that we couldn't have acted sooner.
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« Reply #21 on: September 13, 2006, 01:49:06 AM »

All of you stay away from Steve Guttenburg. Short Circuit FTW.
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« Reply #22 on: September 13, 2006, 01:56:45 AM »

I have another addition.

Brett "I fucked the X-Men series right in the ass" Rattner

I don't care if you liked the third movie. You're wrong. It was fucking awful. I'd rather watch Dolph Lundgren's attempt at The Punisher before I watch that filmic garbage again.

But as usual, I'm not bitter or anything.

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« Reply #23 on: September 13, 2006, 01:58:12 AM »

Quote
I can't even remember the last thing I saw any of these three in

Clearly you don't watch Veronica Mars.  You should be watching Veronica Mars.  (Guttenberg was had a recurring role last season). 
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« Reply #24 on: September 13, 2006, 02:07:13 AM »

Quote from: CrayolaSmoker on September 13, 2006, 01:33:00 AM

Quote
Will Ferrell - At least Stiller has two bits, this guy has barely one.  I caught ten minutes of Ron Burgundy...I saw nothing different in the new one he did.

Most of the time, I'd agree with you.  However, I saw this the other night and it looks absolutely brilliant.

Ferrell was also quite good in the movie Winter Passing.  Not exactly his usual self, and it was refreshing.  

I would also hold back Maggie Ghyllenhall, mostly because I think she's cute.

Redford hasn't done much of note lately, but he was in some absolute classics (as mentioned above) and should probably get a pass from those.  Of course, it's not like he's Newman or anything.  
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« Reply #25 on: September 13, 2006, 02:43:56 AM »

Oddly enough we just finished watching The Sting on AMC, and that movie alone keeps Redford out of the shuttle.

Will Ferrel is on the line, he made a real come back with Ricky Bobby, that movie was retarded funny, if you live in the South, have even a passing interest in Nascar or know some Nascar fans you need to see it, grade A laughs. If you have no knowledge of the Nascar phenomenon then you'd hate it. His new movie could redeem him too as Stranger than Fiction looks solid.

I would gladly push Ben Stiller on the plane, he is horrid and not funny in the least. He almost ruins every movie he is in and the Wilson brothers let him tag along too much.

the Gyllenhalls get a pass, One for Donnie Darko and Maggie because she's cute in a girl next door kind of way that makes her worth keeping around.
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« Reply #26 on: September 13, 2006, 04:45:25 AM »

Quote from: Kevin Grey on September 13, 2006, 01:58:12 AM

Quote
I can't even remember the last thing I saw any of these three in

Clearly you don't watch Veronica Mars.  You should be watching Veronica Mars.  (Guttenberg was had a recurring role last season). 
Don't forget Police Academy! C'mon!  :smile:  Let's keep him around for awhile longer.

I'll wait to see how Heath Ledger does in the next Batman before he gets a ticket.

How about adding Ben Affleck and Mark Wahlberg to the front row?  Actually, I'd be happy with just Affleck, but Marky Mark would be a throw-in bonus.  They can dance in their undies together in zero-g.  Maybe they'll meet up with the Funky Bunch.
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« Reply #27 on: September 13, 2006, 04:54:11 AM »

I'll second Paris Hilton.  She sucks worse than Rosie O'Donnel going down on Count Chocula.
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« Reply #28 on: September 13, 2006, 05:06:43 AM »

Quote from: Nth Power on September 13, 2006, 04:45:25 AM

How about adding Ben Affleck and Mark Wahlberg to the front row?  Actually, I'd be happy with just Affleck, but Marky Mark would be a throw-in bonus.  They can dance in their undies together in zero-g.  Maybe they'll meet up with the Funky Bunch.

Mark Wahlberg stays.  No Marky-Mark=No Entourage and I'm definitely not willing to make that trade off.  (Boogie Nights is pretty darn great too). 
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« Reply #29 on: September 13, 2006, 01:59:38 PM »

Quote from: Devil on September 13, 2006, 01:27:08 AM

Robbins and Sarandon: Holding hands in first class.

The Shawshank Redemption
The Hudsucker Proxy
The Player
High Fidelity


I think Robbins should get a pass just for the first two films - although there is the "Mission to Mars" factor against him.


Sarandon can burn, and hopefully she'll take all known copies of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" with her.
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« Reply #30 on: September 13, 2006, 02:18:42 PM »

Robin Williams has earned his way off this flight.

RV (2006) .... Bob Munro
Robots (2005) (voice) .... Fender
One Hour Photo (2002) .... Sy Parrish
What Dreams May Come (1998) .... Chris Nielsen
Good Will Hunting (1997) .... Sean Maguire
The Birdcage (1996) .... Armand Goldman
Jumanji (1995) .... Alan Parrish
Aladdin (1992) (voice) .... Genie
FernGully: The Last Rainforest (1992) (voice) .... Batty Koda
Hook (1991) .... Peter Banning
The Fisher King (1991) .... Parry
Cadillac Man (1990) .... Joey O'Brien
Dead Poets Society (1989) .... John Keating
The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988) (as Ray D. Tutto) .... King of the Moon
Good Morning, Vietnam (1987) .... A1C Adrian Cronauer
The Survivors (1983) .... Donald Quinelle

I was surprised that RV was actually a GOOD movie. Not GREAT, but entertaining none-the-less.

Tim Robbins ain't on that flight either.

Julia Roberts is a borderline candidate, as is Michelle Pfeiffer. Jack Black might be on the list too, weren't it for High Fidelity.
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« Reply #31 on: September 13, 2006, 03:26:05 PM »

Quote
Dead Poets Society (1989) .... John Keating

I'm working through this moving right now. It's brilliant still. And he's brilliant too.
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« Reply #32 on: September 13, 2006, 03:45:18 PM »

Quote
Meat Loaf - Sorry Mr. Loaf - lunchmeat goes in the under-shuttle freezer.  Kinda like the one you should have stayed in in Rocky Horror.

But he is Bob....Bob has bitch tits.

We can't send him.
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« Reply #33 on: September 13, 2006, 03:52:17 PM »

I vote for sending:

Robin Williams - God am I tired of him....and his copious body hair.

Jerry Seinfeld - Overrated

Ray Romano - Annoying

Whoever created The Simpsons - The dumest most overrated, unfunny show in history and if I could burn every shred of film its on, I would do it.

Oh, and Michael Bay, even if I did like The Island and Armageddon.
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« Reply #34 on: September 13, 2006, 04:45:55 PM »

Quote from: jblank on September 13, 2006, 03:52:17 PM

Whoever created The Simpsons

Oh, and Michael Bay, even if I did like The Island and Armageddon.

 retard

Is there room for jblank on this flight?

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Although the past ~10 seaons of the Simpsons have sucked ass, so you're kinda correct on that one.  But the first 5-6 seasons were the funniest thing on TV at the time
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« Reply #35 on: September 13, 2006, 05:05:51 PM »

Quote from: Exodor on September 13, 2006, 04:45:55 PM

Although the past ~10 seaons of the Simpsons have sucked ass, so you're kinda correct on that one.  But the first 5-6 seasons were the funniest thing on TV at the time

Gah.  The win streak for simpsons goes well beyond season six.

I might even say all the way to 10...maybe 9. Possibly 11.  I stopped watching around 2000 or 2001...
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« Reply #36 on: September 13, 2006, 05:07:46 PM »

Quote from: Exodor on September 13, 2006, 04:45:55 PM

Quote from: jblank on September 13, 2006, 03:52:17 PM

Whoever created The Simpsons

Oh, and Michael Bay, even if I did like The Island and Armageddon.

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Is there room for jblank on this flight?

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Although the past ~10 seaons of the Simpsons have sucked ass, so you're kinda correct on that one.  But the first 5-6 seasons were the funniest thing on TV at the time

Eh, apples and oranges, but I watched it when it first came on, many, many, moons ago, and I just wasn't amused.
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« Reply #37 on: September 13, 2006, 05:18:23 PM »

The Shawshank Redemption - OUT!
The Hudsucker Proxy - OUT!
The Player - OUT!
High Fidelity - OUT!

He goes, and I'm buying his ticket.
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« Reply #38 on: September 13, 2006, 05:29:35 PM »

I'm sure the world wouldn't mind seeing the devil board that flight. slywink
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« Reply #39 on: September 14, 2006, 02:26:32 AM »

Robin Williams has contributed to some good movies, but I am so fucking sick of hearing his goddamn over the top, coked-out voice-overs and impressions in movies and TV. 
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