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Author Topic: Random Jack Bauer facts  (Read 910 times)
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« on: January 22, 2006, 12:08:09 AM »

In the spirit of Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris I bring you 24's own Jack Bauer.

http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/

Quote
It doesn't take any licks for Jack Bauer to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Jack Bauer simply shoots the shell off.
Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
Jared didn't lose weight through Subway, he lost it because Jack Bauer tortured him in his basement for half a year.
Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated,  but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
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Daehawk
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« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2006, 12:45:37 AM »

Jack Bauer once told God he needed access, the event has since been referred to as "The Big Bang."


Jack Bauer really enjoys a good steak. When he is asked how he wants it prepared, Jack simply walks into the kitchen and takes a bite out of the cow. He then returns to his seat and dabs his face with the napkin. This is usually followed by a Snapple.


Jack Bauer wrote 27 of the top 30 facts about Chuck Norris. The authors of the three he did not write, are dead.


Audrey Raines' nose is crooked because Jack Bauer once gave her a facial.


hahaha
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WinoMcCougarstein
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« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2006, 01:32:55 AM »

Quote from: "Daehawk"

Audrey Raines' nose is crooked because Jack Bauer once gave her a facial.


I heard the same is true of Owen Wilson.


(Jack Bauer)/(Chuck Norris) performed the first C-section by (shooting his way out)/(roundhouse kicking his way out) of his mothers womb.
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Nth Power
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« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2006, 01:54:00 AM »

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Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Quote
Jack Bauer has killed more people than Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris. And he did it in 24 hours.
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Michael J. Fox doesn't have Parkinsons. He's shaking cause he met Jack Bauer.


Jack Bauer is one bad mofo.
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Calvin
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« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2006, 02:30:43 AM »

As awesome as this is, as funny as it is, nothing beats the original. First, it was Vin Diesel, second it was VIN DIESEL, and finally it was just funnier with Vinny.
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CeeKay
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« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2006, 02:39:55 AM »

Quote from: "Calvin"
As awesome as this is, as funny as it is, nothing beats the original. First, it was Vin Diesel, second it was VIN DIESEL, and finally it was just funnier with Vinny.


+1
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Harpua3
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« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2006, 03:25:42 AM »

Jack  Bauer has a hot daughter, a really hot daughter. She better be on this season for at least a minute or two. We don`t need to hear her, but we`d like to see her :wink: .
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whiteboyskim
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« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2006, 04:56:35 AM »

See sig.
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« Reply #8 on: January 22, 2006, 05:05:24 AM »

LOL

Quote
Jack Bauer's preferred method of killing terrorists is actually just pointing his gun in the general direction he wants to shoot and using his sheer force of will to realign time and space so that the bullet from the gun is now in the terrorist. Triggers are for the weak.
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Kevin Grey
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« Reply #9 on: January 22, 2006, 12:01:00 PM »

Some of my favorites:

"Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies."

"If Jack on Lost's last name was Bauer, he would've killed "The Others," the polar bear, and the monster, and he would've gotten everyone rescued. However, the show would've lasted only one episode."

"Jack Bauer doesn't have time to wear a seat belt. It is much more time-efficient for him to simply shoot anything that might cause an accident."

"As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!""

"If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice."

"Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice."

"Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact."
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whiteboyskim
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« Reply #10 on: January 22, 2006, 02:54:33 PM »

"Jack Bauer thinks life's a game. And games are best played in God Mode."
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