Ok. I need help. How do I make friends?

[rittchard]

Happy Birthday guys!!!!

Personally I just go around offering random HJs and BJs but that doesn't seem to get me a lot of good friends 

But seriously OT, I wonder about it too, especially as I get older.  I guess one thing to think about is, as Dante mentioned, what kind of "friends" you are actually looking for.  Is it more just fun people to hang around with occasionally to share a common activity, or are you craving deeper/real friendships, people you can really relate and talk to?  Are you looking for friends to hang around with as a couple, or do you need a "best" friend type you can share anything with and/or talk to primarily on your own?  I don't have a big pool of friends, but the ones I do have I consider close to very close.  But each one takes a lot of time and effort to cultivate, and even some of the newer friends I've made who I really enjoy, I'm not necessarily that close with.  The newest friends I've made were either from work or were friends of my partner. 

Still, between family, real life issues, gaming and the old friends to keep up with, I don't really feel like I have the time or energy to develop new friendships, and yet sometimes I do crave some different kinds of interactions.  Other times you might find re-kindling an old friendship might make more sense, because the person already has the history with you, it can save a lot of time.

[Razgon]

Unfortunately, our definition of friend has detoriated quite a bit, with the advent of electronic communication. Its extremely easy to keep loosely in touch these days, which does not make it easier to get / keep real friends anymore, since many people's contact surface (danish expression, means the people whom you are in some sort of contact with) has expanded rapidly. This means less time to develop true friendships and more time devoted to various online / electronic friends.

oh, and a very late happy Birthday Ron :-)

[Crux]

Nothing was said. I just found out (no details) just before the site relaunch.

Ron is a private person. If he shares info with you and unless it is public knowledge, keep it to yourself as it is a sign of his trust and respect.

I would hope that goes without saying I was asking in case it was common knowledge. If not, and Ron wants to keep it private then needless to say I completely respect that. Personally I have a lot of respect for Ron, and if anyone screwed him over I'd love to know so I can avoid said people moving forward. But again that's his story to tell, or not tell as he chooses.

[PR_GMR]

I'm 37. My observation is to make friends as an adult you do thru your lifestyle, career pursuits and hobbies. I'm an indie filmmaker, so I've many filmmaking and actor friends since I'm always working on something. I've worked at Social Security for over 11 years, but oddly I don't keep many friends there (it's not my passion, just a dayjob). I recently came out as gay, so I've been making many gay friends just in the past couple of years. Lastly, I'm a big dorky gamer, so I've all my online gaming friends (a few which I've only met in real life.. but I consider all real friends anyways). I say.. start getting a life outside your married household thru hobbies and interests and you'll start making friends.

[rittchard]

I recently came out as gay

WTF?  Why wasn't I informed of this?!?!?  I am going to need proof.  Plus you've taken away the only thing that made me unique on these forums!!!! 

lol just kiddin!  Move along people, back to the OT!!!

[PR_GMR]

I recently came out as gay

WTF?  Why wasn't I informed of this?!?!?  I am going to need proof.  Plus you've taken away the only thing that made me unique on these forums!!!! 

lol just kiddin!  Move along people, back to the OT!!!

Fireball1444 is also gay, I believe. We ain't unique, Ritt. But you can still claim the title of being extra.. fabulous! 

[Knightshade Dragon]

I recently came out as gay

WTF?  Why wasn't I informed of this?!?!?  I am going to need proof.  Plus you've taken away the only thing that made me unique on these forums!!!! 

lol just kiddin!  Move along people, back to the OT!!!

I figured you guys had some sort of radar. 

[Scuzz]

I recently came out as gay

WTF?  Why wasn't I informed of this?!?!?  I am going to need proof.  Plus you've taken away the only thing that made me unique on these forums!!!! 

lol just kiddin!  Move along people, back to the OT!!!

I figured you guys had some sort of radar. 

i thought there was a newsletter for that stuff......

[Knightshade Dragon]

Personally I just go around offering random HJs and BJs but that doesn't seem to get me a lot of good friends  

I dunno, it seems pretty friendly.  

But seriously OT, I wonder about it too, especially as I get older.  I guess one thing to think about is, as Dante mentioned, what kind of "friends" you are actually looking for.  Is it more just fun people to hang around with occasionally to share a common activity, or are you craving deeper/real friendships, people you can really relate and talk to?  Are you looking for friends to hang around with as a couple, or do you need a "best" friend type you can share anything with and/or talk to primarily on your own?  I don't have a big pool of friends, but the ones I do have I consider close to very close.  But each one takes a lot of time and effort to cultivate, and even some of the newer friends I've made who I really enjoy, I'm not necessarily that close with.  The newest friends I've made were either from work or were friends of my partner.  

 I'd really like friends that we could do things with - hit the movies, play some board games, have em over for Rock Band, burn some meat on the grill, go camping, etc. etc.   Yea, these people should 'get' me and we should be able to talk.    Best friends come from that same pool, after trust is built I think.  

On the 'being fucked over' thing, I'm not prepared to say what happened, but suffice it to say that I trusted the person completely and considered him a great friend.  That turned into me making a very serious and sincere threat that I would put a bullet in his skull if our paths ever crossed again.  Yea, it's that bad.

Still, between family, real life issues, gaming and the old friends to keep up with, I don't really feel like I have the time or energy to develop new friendships, and yet sometimes I do crave some different kinds of interactions.  Other times you might find re-kindling an old friendship might make more sense, because the person already has the history with you, it can save a lot of time.

 I really wish we had moved somewhere else on some days.  Somewhere where those old friends are around.  :/

[CeeKay]

I recently came out as gay

WTF?  Why wasn't I informed of this?!?!?  I am going to need proof.  Plus you've taken away the only thing that made me unique on these forums!!!! 

lol just kiddin!  Move along people, back to the OT!!!

I figured you guys had some sort of radar. 

i thought there was a newsletter for that stuff......

Wasn't there a phone tree?

[Knightshade Dragon]

I recently came out as gay

WTF?  Why wasn't I informed of this?!?!?  I am going to need proof.  Plus you've taken away the only thing that made me unique on these forums!!!! 

lol just kiddin!  Move along people, back to the OT!!!

I figured you guys had some sort of radar. 

i thought there was a newsletter for that stuff......

Wasn't there a phone tree?

[Tokek]

I'd really like friends that we could do things with - hit the movies, play some board games, have em over for Rock Band, burn some meat on the grill, go camping, etc. etc.   Yea, these people should 'get' me and we should be able to talk.    Best friends come from that same pool, after trust is built I think.

I find that when my close friends get married and have families of their own, the hang out time diminish significantly, especially after kids come into the picture. Not saying it's not possible anymore but it is tougher to arrange.

[raydude]

I find that when my close friends get married and have families of their own, the hang out time diminish significantly, especially after kids come into the picture. Not saying it's not possible anymore but it is tougher to arrange.

Yeah, I saw that happening with my circle of friends too but it is offset a little by birthdays. One person would request a LAN party for his birthday, I'd ask for a board game fest, etc. Then there are the kids birthdays which is always an excuse to get together, hang out and drink a beer or two

[Fireball1244]

WTF?  Why wasn't I informed of this?!?!?  I am going to need proof.  Plus you've taken away the only thing that made me unique on these forums!!!! 

Seriously, man. I'm standing right here.

[CeeKay]

WTF?  Why wasn't I informed of this?!?!?  I am going to need proof.  Plus you've taken away the only thing that made me unique on these forums!!!! 

Seriously, man. I'm standing right here.

I thought you were just Republican.

[The Grue]

Suddenly it's raining men on GT.

[PR_GMR]

Suddenly it's raining men on GT.

Hallelujah! 

[PR_GMR]

Somehow I think this thread needs to go back to discussing how Knightshade can make some friends. Otherwise, people are gonna mistakenly read it as how Knightshade came out and wants to make some 'friends... with benefits'. 

[CeeKay]

Somehow I think this thread needs to go back to discussing how Knightshade can make some friends. Otherwise, people are gonna mistakenly read it as how Knightshade came out and wants to make some 'friends... with benefits'. 

wouldn't that make him Raibowshade Dragon?

* CeeKay flees

[WorkingMike]

My wife and I have found most of our friends through work. We both loathe crowds which limits our outside social interaction, but have struck a nice balance by hosting game nights and BBQ's at our place. Being almost 40 and having no children complicates things some as well, as neither of us is particularly fond of small children (we aren't child-haters or anything, we just don't really "get" kids). As a result, most of our friends tend to be in the 20-30 range, with a few adults who are similar to us. We tend to look for strays like us and forge something with them.

Also, and this may be just me, but the older I get the more refined my bullshit meter gets. We have a standard of requiring someone be a polite, responsible person in order to be included in the "friend zone". I have no time or energy for drama or inconsiderate behavior. Thus, when we meet someone new I generally like to see which way the wind blows before inviting them into my life.

Our situation is further compounded by the fact that Florida is the armpit of America. I love the weather, but folks are real floaty and transitional here. Is it similar in Arizona? I think it may be the heat - comfort breeds complacency and all that.

[Boudreaux]

I had a bit of the same problem when we moved here to St. Louis, with the exception that my wife and I shortly had kids and that cut down on my free time anyway.  However, I met some pretty good friends after I got into board gaming.  I joined a local gaming group through Meetup.com and started attending meetups and getting to know some people there.  After awhile I realized there were a few guys who I sort of "clicked" with, and we started naturally gravitating toward each other during game nights.  Eventually we decided to just skip the official meetups and get together on our own, since we could more easily plan for schedules, meet at someone's house, and be more comfortable.  So now 5-6 years later, I have a small group of 3-4 guys that I hang out with nearly every week, and we've become good enough friends to have families over for dinner, that sort of thing. 

Obviously this sort of approach depends rather heavily on who you meet.  I have a small martial arts training group that I meet with regularly, 1-2 days a week, and I've known them all for years and consider them all good friends.  We have a blast whenever we travel around the country together for seminars or training weekends.  However, we hardly ever do anything outside of practice.  Just sort of works out that way. 

[Purge]

Somehow I think this thread needs to go back to discussing how Knightshade can make some friends. Otherwise, people are gonna mistakenly read it as how Knightshade came out and wants to make some 'friends... with benefits'. 

wouldn't that make him Raibowshade Dragon?

* CeeKay flees

Is "Raibow" like Tae Bo?

[Purge]

I had a bit of the same problem when we moved here to St. Louis, with the exception that my wife and I shortly had kids and that cut down on my free time anyway.  However, I met some pretty good friends after I got into board gaming.  I joined a local gaming group through Meetup.com and started attending meetups and getting to know some people there.  After awhile I realized there were a few guys who I sort of "clicked" with, and we started naturally gravitating toward each other during game nights.  Eventually we decided to just skip the official meetups and get together on our own, since we could more easily plan for schedules, meet at someone's house, and be more comfortable.  So now 5-6 years later, I have a small group of 3-4 guys that I hang out with nearly every week, and we've become good enough friends to have families over for dinner, that sort of thing. 

Obviously this sort of approach depends rather heavily on who you meet.  I have a small martial arts training group that I meet with regularly, 1-2 days a week, and I've known them all for years and consider them all good friends.  We have a blast whenever we travel around the country together for seminars or training weekends.  However, we hardly ever do anything outside of practice.  Just sort of works out that way. 

I'm sorry, but I have to laugh.

Given the history in this thread (GR, Fireball, Ritt) I'm thinking Ron isn't looking to go to meat-up-dot-com.

[CeeKay]

Somehow I think this thread needs to go back to discussing how Knightshade can make some friends. Otherwise, people are gonna mistakenly read it as how Knightshade came out and wants to make some 'friends... with benefits'. 

wouldn't that make him Raibowshade Dragon?

* CeeKay flees

Is "Raibow" like Tae Bo?

Go suck on a ginger moose 

[hispanicgamer]

On the 'being fucked over' thing, I'm not prepared to say what happened, but suffice it to say that I trusted the person completely and considered him a great friend.  That turned into me making a very serious and sincere threat that I would put a bullet in his skull if our paths ever crossed again.  Yea, it's that bad.

I knew that U2KTheGreatest guy was trouble! 

I'm about to become 50 next year and sometimes I go back and forth on the need for friends thing. Some really solid people that I have met have moved or we lost contact but would welcome them back into the fold if they ever got in touch with me. Most times, I enjoy being by myself and doing what I want . But then there is that ocassional time when I wish I had some one to talk to. My curse is that I am a good listener and people know that but when it's my turn to vent or talk, folks will try to steer it back to them. I think it's my age too that gets me feeling like I don't want to waste my effort trying to get a new buddy. That being said, making acquaintances with the running group I am in is great since we chat before and after we go out for our group run. Don't really feel compelled to invite them over though. Hard to explain why I don't feel the pull.

Happy belated birthday. It gets worse as you get older, I kid Ikid!

[Purge]

Go suck on a moose, gingerly 

FTFY

[Bullwinkle]

Just so we're clear:  I do not have red hair.

[rittchard]

I had a bit of the same problem when we moved here to St. Louis, with the exception that my wife and I shortly had kids and that cut down on my free time anyway.  However, I met some pretty good friends after I got into board gaming.  I joined a local gaming group through Meetup.com and started attending meetups and getting to know some people there.  After awhile I realized there were a few guys who I sort of "clicked" with, and we started naturally gravitating toward each other during game nights.  Eventually we decided to just skip the official meetups and get together on our own, since we could more easily plan for schedules, meet at someone's house, and be more comfortable.  So now 5-6 years later, I have a small group of 3-4 guys that I hang out with nearly every week, and we've become good enough friends to have families over for dinner, that sort of thing. 

Obviously this sort of approach depends rather heavily on who you meet.  I have a small martial arts training group that I meet with regularly, 1-2 days a week, and I've known them all for years and consider them all good friends.  We have a blast whenever we travel around the country together for seminars or training weekends.  However, we hardly ever do anything outside of practice.  Just sort of works out that way. 

I'm sorry, but I have to laugh.

Given the history in this thread (GR, Fireball, Ritt) I'm thinking Ron isn't looking to go to meat-up-dot-com.

bah, if Ron lived near me, we'd be *really* good friends.  I mean REALLY good.   

[Purge]

You did look sexy (albeit cold) with the inFamous bag.

[happydog]

A lot of friends can come from the workplace, but in my experience this doesn't last too long. My wife and I don't really have many friends now days (2 kids makes it quite hard for a while), but our closest friends are some we met playing softball. None of us play anymore, but truly feel they are great friends.

Also wanted to say that this AZ heat must do something to people as this place seems to be filled with completely unfriendly people, at least when it comes to strangers.

[Knightshade Dragon]

Also wanted to say that this AZ heat must do something to people as this place seems to be filled with completely unfriendly people, at least when it comes to strangers.

I find this to be completely true. 

[Isgrimnur]

Then there's something odd about that, as the heat in Texas hasn't been substantially worse, and people are generally friendly.

[gellar]

Then there's something odd about that, as the heat in Texas hasn't been substantially worse, and people are generally friendly.

It's obviously not heat related.  Depending on where you are and what you look/act like, certain areas of the world are going to be far more friendly to you than others.  Personally I've found SF to be quite friendly, but actually find I've made had more random friendly encounters in NYC than anywhere else I've visited.  This is clearly against the NYC stereotype.

Of course Los Angeles is just terrible all around.  Everyone who lives there sucks.

[rittchard]

Of course Los Angeles is just terrible all around.  Everyone who lives there sucks.

The question really is do we swallow.

[Isgrimnur]

Of course Los Angeles is just terrible all around.  Everyone who lives there sucks.

The question really is do we swallow.

I thought that cost extra.

[Purge]

Of course Los Angeles is just terrible all around.  Everyone who lives there sucks.

The question really is do we swallow.

I thought that cost extra.

No, I believe that is for competitive advantage.

[kratz]

Work friends... blech... I guess that's good when you are 21 and haven't yet come to the realization that like it or not you have to spend most of your waking time with those people.  When I leave work, I wanna leave work.

Activities related to shared interests seem to be the best friend making opportunities in my experience - I have two real groups of friends, those I met through music, and those I met through mountain biking/skiiing/doing stuff outdoors.  I'd echo the sentiments of people saying to seek out opportunities for casual interactions relating to your non-work interests.  If you are friendly, outgoing, and clearly open to hanging out, and not some weird creeper, the friends will come to you.  Once you get to know people, then the opportunities to do stuff with those people other than the stuff you met them doing will present themselves - hit a bar, go to a BBQ, whatever... now it seems like we never have a free weekend where different groups of people are scheduling different things at the exact same times.