http://gamingtrend.com
September 20, 2014, 08:15:06 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News:
 
   Home   Help Search Calendar Login Register  
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Notes from the South  (Read 1199 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
hepcat
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 9233


I'M the one that knocks! Now...burp me!


View Profile
« on: June 10, 2008, 12:11:54 AM »

A last minute client issue has sent me merrily on my way to South Carolina all this week.  As I lay here in my Comfort Inn hotel room, nearly catatonic from an overdose of Arby's Sauce and Curly Fries, watching The Astronaut Farmer on HBO and wondering what in the hell happened to Billy Bob Thornton's career; I can't help but draw some conclusions about this great state.

1) After a 2 1/2 hour drive on I-85 South I've come to the conclusion that South Carolina is a state built almost entirely by the income generated by Arby's franchises and fireworks stores.  Between here and Charlotte, North Carolina there are about 274 Arby's restaurants and 321 Fireworks stores.  Getting all hopped up on horsey sauce and attacking neighbor's with Roman Candles has to be a real issue around these parts.

2) Why are there so many churches on the side of the highways around here?  I envision the following event happening:

Dad:  Well, that was a great family vacation!  I really enjoyed...KIDS, FIRST UNITED BAPTISTS ON THE RIGHT! 
Mom:  Let's get the kids baptized, honey!
Dad:  Great ideal!  And there's no real need to stop!  I'll just slow down and Jenny and Robbie can crack their windows and jump.  TUCK AND ROLL FOR JESUS, KIDS!
Mom:  We'll bring you curly fries and M-80's on our way back to get you!

3) I don't care who you are.  103 degrees is too damn hot for anyone.  If you say you enjoy this type of weather, I now call you out as a spawn of Satan and will advise a roadside church of your existence.  Expect to be attacked by the faithful any day now.

Okay, okay...i admit this countryside is damn beautiful.  I give you that.  But 103 degrees????   Seriously???

Anyway, I want you all to remember me in your prayers this week.  I'm less than one block from an Arby's and my Jamocha milkshake addiction is coming back in spades right now.  There's a good chance that the next missive I submit around these parts will be from the Betty Ford Rehab Center's dessert addiction wing....
Logged

Warning:  You will see my penis. -Brian

Just remember: once a user figures out gluten noting them they're allowed to make fun of you. - Ceekay speaking in tongues.
Daehawk
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 11755



View Profile
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2008, 12:21:30 AM »

Its all in case of zombies. you got the churches for sanctuary, the Arbys for food and drink, and the fireworks are for zombie killing. The Carolinas are infested witht he damn things. Never walk out at night to piss behind a tree..its probably a back scratching tree for zombies. They make these big nests out of paper in among the branches and stuff. The only way to get them out is with bottle rockets and smoke bombs.

EDIT: And check under your car before you approach it and then the backseats and trunk. Dont worry about under the hood..after about 2 miles in 103 heat the zombie under the hood will combust from the heat of the engine.
Logged

---------------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.

Check my trader rating. Im 22+ and zero negs. Trade with me! smile
Thin_J
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 3409


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2008, 12:27:45 AM »

Sounds a bit like Kentucky, except that here the temperatures are a bit cooler on average and the Arby's and Fireworks stores are replaced by White Castle locations and Gun shops.

It's also not quite as universally pretty a state to drive through. Some sections are awesome as far as scenery, others are miles of Alabama style truck up on blocks in your frontyard redneck hovels.
Logged

Xbox Live: Thin J
PSN: Thin_J
Sarkus
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 2593


View Profile
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2008, 12:54:19 AM »

So you left the mid-west and are now in a somewhat different part of the country culturally, and all you could manage was to go to Arby's?
 icon_lol
Logged

Roger: And you should know, I have no genitals.
Syndey: That's alright.  I have both.

- American Dad
Arowyn
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 40


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2008, 01:15:53 AM »

Quote from: Sarkus on June 10, 2008, 12:54:19 AM

So you left the mid-west and are now in a somewhat different part of the country culturally, and all you could manage was to go to Arby's?
 icon_lol

Seriously.  You could have gone to Shoney's. puke
Logged
SpaceLord
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 249


View Profile
« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2008, 01:42:26 AM »

Quote from: Arowyn on June 10, 2008, 01:15:53 AM

Quote from: Sarkus on June 10, 2008, 12:54:19 AM

So you left the mid-west and are now in a somewhat different part of the country culturally, and all you could manage was to go to Arby's?
 icon_lol

Seriously.  You could have gone to Shoney's. puke

Bojangle's has good chicken, comparable to Popeye's and almost as good as Church's. Damn, that's a close race.  drool
« Last Edit: June 10, 2008, 01:44:10 AM by SpaceLord » Logged

There's no place like OO, there's no place like OO. frown
Moliere
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 5101



View Profile
« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2008, 04:55:35 AM »

Try not to blow the place up. I have to go to Charleston SC in 2 weeks.
Logged

That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.
YellowKing
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 3101



View Profile
« Reply #7 on: June 10, 2008, 12:23:20 PM »

It's not normally that hot. The Carolinas got hit with a huge heat wave this past week.

I consider South Carolina the "poor man's North Carolina." (Lest I sound biased, I also consider North Carolina the "poor man's Virginia.") At any rate, South Carolina is the equivalent of taking all of the red-neckitude of rural North Carolina and concentrating it in about half the real estate.

My town has a NC/SC exchange program called "Myrtle Beach." NCers who want to go shopping drive down to Myrtle Beach, SC. SCers who want to go shopping drive up to Wilmington, NC. I think they come up here to get away from the sound of fireworks, and I'm pretty sure ours has something to do with being attracted to the hideous neon glare of countless Wings stores like moths to the flame.

Logged
Booner
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1193


View Profile
« Reply #8 on: June 10, 2008, 12:48:59 PM »

Well...which city are you gracing in this great state of mine? smile
Logged
dbt1949
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 2619


Don't tread on me


View Profile
« Reply #9 on: June 10, 2008, 12:54:09 PM »

I don't care how bad any of the other states are, at least they don't have dbt!
Logged

Ye Olde Farte
WYBaugh8
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 44


View Profile
« Reply #10 on: June 10, 2008, 01:15:03 PM »

Say hello to Pedro for me!
Logged
hepcat
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 9233


I'M the one that knocks! Now...burp me!


View Profile
« Reply #11 on: June 12, 2008, 11:52:12 PM »

Hepcat vs. The Angry Sushi Chef

So last night, in between marathon Law and Order: SUV viewings (seriously, does TBS, USA and TNT play ANYTHING ELSE during the week???), I decided I was going to get sushi for dinner.  I head to the hotel after work to change and then drive down the street to a Japanese restaurant I'd noticed earlier that day on my way to the client site.

The place is empty except for one young asian gentlemen waiter and an elderly asian woman behind the sushi counter.  I tell the young waiter that I'm there for take out and he gives me a list of items to order from.

I check off a spider roll, a spicy tuna roll and some rice.  I then hand it to the elderly asian woman behind the counter.  She snaps it out of my hands and throws it down on the counter in front of her.  I don't think anything of it and go back to reading my paper.  About 10 minutes pass and nothing's happening.  After another couple of minutes the elderly asian woman starts screaming like a banshee at the young guy.  They're screaming at each other in Japanese at the top of their lungs.  I'm only a couple of feet away so I move to a table to get away from it.  Eventually the waiter comes over to my table and just stands there apologizing and motioning at the woman.  I don't understand what's going on so I just nod like a moron the whole time.

After another minute or two I stand up and motion that I'd like to pay for my take out order in the vain hope that it'll hurry up my food.

"But you didn't get anything?" the waiter replies in a puzzled tone.

"What about the sushi I ordered?"  I say, indicating the sushi counter and the elderly harpy standing there in what I swear is a defensive lineman attack stance.

"She quit!  Sorry!"  he says.

Now I'm utterly confused.  It seems that the harpy from hell has gotten so angry about something that she's quit.  However, her version of quitting doesn't involve storming out.  Instead it seems to exhibit itself in much the same way a perturbed bull would if constantly prodded with a long stick. 

"But...I...what...but..." I have no idea what to say, so I start to leave.   Then I hear this soul shattering shriek from the soul sucking she beast behind the counter. 

"Wait!  She says she make you sushi now!" the waiter says, stopping me before I can make my way out.

"But...I....what....but...."  I got nothin' at this point.

Silently, I walk back to my stool at the sushi counter like a death row inmate heading to ol' sparky.  The waiter brings me a coke and I just sit there staring at it while Dracula's grandmother begins some of the most violent sushi prep I've ever encountered.

Eventually, she tosses my order in a bag and thrusts it at me.  I pay and head back to the hotel...


...and damn if that wasn't the best damn raw fish and soft shell crab I'd ever had.
« Last Edit: June 12, 2008, 11:54:31 PM by hepcat » Logged

Warning:  You will see my penis. -Brian

Just remember: once a user figures out gluten noting them they're allowed to make fun of you. - Ceekay speaking in tongues.
PR_GMR
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 3421



View Profile
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2008, 06:19:53 PM »

Quote
Eventually, she tosses my order in a bag and thrusts it at me.  I pay and head back to the hotel...


...and damn if that wasn't the best damn raw fish and soft shell crab I'd ever had.

That's usually the case--the best things in life are usually the hardest pain in the ass to get.  icon_lol
Logged
Sarkus
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 2593


View Profile
« Reply #13 on: June 13, 2008, 06:53:55 PM »

I'm guessing the orange hair and roided muscles made her think you were some sort of Japanese demon.  icon_biggrin
Logged

Roger: And you should know, I have no genitals.
Syndey: That's alright.  I have both.

- American Dad
morlac
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 2778



View Profile
« Reply #14 on: June 13, 2008, 08:28:49 PM »

Get some Carolina BBQ while there.  Yummy mustard sauce  nod
Logged

morlac00 on PSN
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.19 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.291 seconds with 53 queries. (Pretty URLs adds 0.144s, 2q)