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Author Topic: Need a restart.  (Read 858 times)
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Harpua3
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« on: March 03, 2014, 06:49:28 AM »

 So long story short, I just turned 38 and my world feels upside down. Maybe it's bc of my age. Maybe bc of my uncertain career path. Maybe it's bc I have a lot of bad habits. Health concerns, mental and physical surely don't help either. So on and so on. I've been trying to deal with a lot right now on my plate and it feels like I am "stuck". Simply can't get anything accomplished besides day to day stuff. I don't wanna just rant like this, but I need some help so I figured it wouldn't hurt to post. I know I'm not alone but that still doesn't fix the problem. tear
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ATB
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« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2014, 02:45:08 PM »

First thing you should do is dump the PS4 and move to XB1.   icon_biggrin

You  may want to lay out a few specifics so that we can try to help.

General my life is a mess threads are hard to dial into.

But know that we are all largely in the same age bracket and many of us have experience with the same struggles...
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hepcat
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« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2014, 03:17:35 PM »

First thing to realize:  you're very much in the norm. Most folks experience those things from time to time...more so for some.  
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« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2014, 04:24:02 PM »

Don't feel bad about being so young. You'll grow out of it.
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rshetts2
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« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2014, 07:14:15 PM »

Youre just a pup, dont worry, it gets worse!  Getting old is not for the weak or faint of heart.  Time is cruel and harsh and the infinite jest of it all, is when you finally have the experience and wisdom to actually get things right time has run down your body so much that it doesnt much matter. Your body hurts constantly with pain and your mind with regret.  Youth is wasted on the young, my friend, so enjoy it while you have it.    ninja
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Harpua3
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« Reply #5 on: March 03, 2014, 09:01:37 PM »

Thanks for at least making me feel young.  Tongue Thinking of therapy. Just seems like every year goes by and nothing gets accomplished. I would love to get back to working in the field I adore. Quit smoking and never start again is up there on the list. Eat better, play more music, get into a new house etc. All seems so overwhelming.
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rshetts2
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« Reply #6 on: March 03, 2014, 09:29:20 PM »

Quote from: Harpua3 on March 03, 2014, 09:01:37 PM

Thanks for at least making me feel young.  Tongue Thinking of therapy. Just seems like every year goes by and nothing gets accomplished. I would love to get back to working in the field I adore. Quit smoking and never start again is up there on the list. Eat better, play more music, get into a new house etc. All seems so overwhelming.

The best thing to do when youre overwhelmed with the need for a ton of changes is to break things down into manageable bits.  The sum of all the things you want to do is overwhelming but instead of focusing on the big picture and all of those issues as a whole, make small changes.  Pick one issue and focus on that.  Once you have that handled, go on to the next.  Its like crossing a room and youre focused on doing it in one big leap.  You dont believe its possible to do so and that keeps you from even trying.  You just have to realize that you can easily cross that room one step at a time. No superhuman leap is required.
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Harpua3
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« Reply #7 on: March 03, 2014, 09:41:22 PM »

Quote from: rshetts2 on March 03, 2014, 09:29:20 PM

Quote from: Harpua3 on March 03, 2014, 09:01:37 PM

Thanks for at least making me feel young.  Tongue Thinking of therapy. Just seems like every year goes by and nothing gets accomplished. I would love to get back to working in the field I adore. Quit smoking and never start again is up there on the list. Eat better, play more music, get into a new house etc. All seems so overwhelming.

The best thing to do when youre overwhelmed with the need for a ton of changes is to break things down into manageable bits.  The sum of all the things you want to do is overwhelming but instead of focusing on the big picture and all of those issues as a whole, make small changes.  Pick one issue and focus on that.  Once you have that handled, go on to the next.  Its like crossing a room and youre focused on doing it in one big leap.  You dont believe its possible to do so and that keeps you from even trying.  You just have to realize that you can easily cross that room one step at a time. No superhuman leap is required.

I appreciate that. I know that seems like common sense, but for awhile I've lacked the focus to see it through. Like today on my day off, I should have been looking for a new job etc., instead I just did a few things around the house and now I just don't feel like doing anything more.
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wonderpug
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« Reply #8 on: March 03, 2014, 09:57:03 PM »

I often have a problem being impatient for the final step and being paralyzed about taking the first few.  A ways back, I really wanted to finish up the college degree I abandoned, but the process and the time it would take just kept on being too overwhelming and I'd do nothing.  Two years would pass, and I'd beat myself up for being afraid of a two year process--if I'd have just started right away I'd already be done.  Then two more years would pass in the same manner.

I finally progressed when I got myself to stop looking at the big picture and just look at the next step.  Ok, gotta gather my old transcripts.  That's all there is to do.  Ok, gotta meet with the admissions counselor.  That's all there is to do.  Lo and behold, I finally finished my degree in just a year or two.

So for you, instead of an inner dialogue of "play more music, come on, what's wrong with you, you used to play music so much more often.  Gah, why won't you get with it?" set a goal you can reach.  Play music just once a week.  Then you can do that, and feel good, and with that victory you've got momentum to build on.

Another mind trick that works really well for me is "just do it for 5 minutes."  If I have to write a paper or something, I can easily get stuck in a horrible procrastination loop, but just 5 minutes?  Ok self, I guess I can do it for just 5 minutes.  Of course, those first 5 minutes are the hardest, and more often than not when the 5 minutes are up I'm making good progress and don't want to stop.
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faide
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« Reply #9 on: March 03, 2014, 11:26:06 PM »

I actually have been feeling the same way.  Approaching 40 this year and feel like I need a change.  One thing I can recommend is reading The Nerdist Way by Chris Hardwick.  He's the guy that does the Talking Dead/ Talking Bad shows on AMC as well as the Nerdist podcasts.  Anyway his book really details out how to organize yourself and set goals.  Much along the line of what Wonderpug is recommending.  It's helped me feel like I'm getting some goals done and getting on track with making a career change (hopefully!).

http://www.amazon.com/Nerdist-Way-Reach-Next-Level-ebook/dp/B0054TVW1S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1393888994&sr=8-1&keywords=nerdist+way
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Lee
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« Reply #10 on: March 04, 2014, 01:49:34 AM »

What are these goals you people talk of? I never set goals.

(Of course I say that, but when I think about the last 20 years, I have had numerous goals, I just never thought of them as such.)
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Harpua3
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« Reply #11 on: March 04, 2014, 04:51:35 AM »

Quote from: faide on March 03, 2014, 11:26:06 PM

I actually have been feeling the same way.  Approaching 40 this year and feel like I need a change.  One thing I can recommend is reading The Nerdist Way by Chris Hardwick.  He's the guy that does the Talking Dead/ Talking Bad shows on AMC as well as the Nerdist podcasts.  Anyway his book really details out how to organize yourself and set goals.  Much along the line of what Wonderpug is recommending.  It's helped me feel like I'm getting some goals done and getting on track with making a career change (hopefully!).

http://www.amazon.com/Nerdist-Way-Reach-Next-Level-ebook/dp/B0054TVW1S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1393888994&sr=8-1&keywords=nerdist+way

I think I'll look into that. Good call.
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« Reply #12 on: March 04, 2014, 04:07:53 PM »

I needed a "life reboot" at 40 as well and that was 5 years ago. I get it. For me it was taking a life long desire to write and getting on it. The thing that kicked me into gear was taking classes and I honestly don't know why I waited so long to pursue my dreams. Find that thing that you've always wanted to do and do it. Sorry if I sound like a Nike commercial but life ain't gonna sit around and wait on you - so make it your prison bitch.
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ATB
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« Reply #13 on: March 04, 2014, 04:59:34 PM »

One other thing that i should have mentioned that may be a possibility.

I think that I'm a sufferer of Seasonal Affective Disorder as usually Feb-Mar is the lowest point in the year for me.

I lose all motivation and just stew at how rough everything seems to be (even though nothing has changed and it's largely just in my head).  Small things become negative reinforcement for my own negative view of myself and life and whatever during this time and to quote Simon Bishop  from as good as it gets, ' and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe'

I've only 'self-diagnosed' this this year but it's a pattern that I can see stretching back almost a decade...and I'm trying to combat it.

Irony is I hate being outside for the most part. smile
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Harpua3
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« Reply #14 on: March 04, 2014, 06:47:00 PM »

Thanks guys. I think I am going to start taking classes or at least seriously persue a few things that I never fully realized. Also, feb-March suck! You're right in that one. I've noticed I'm definitely worse in the winter months. No
Light sucks!
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Turtle
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« Reply #15 on: March 04, 2014, 10:44:15 PM »

Well, you know what I'd say about getting your health issues under concern. I'm younger than you and mine just blew up. If you're overweight, even something as simple in concept as portion control will really, really help.

Also know that most things in life are skills, and skills are learned like anything else. Even something like artistic ability is a learned skill.
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Harpua3
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« Reply #16 on: March 05, 2014, 07:05:45 AM »

Quote from: Turtle on March 04, 2014, 10:44:15 PM

Well, you know what I'd say about getting your health issues under concern. I'm younger than you and mine just blew up. If you're overweight, even something as simple in concept as portion control will really, really help.

Also know that most things in life are skills, and skills are learned like anything else. Even something like artistic ability is a learned skill.

I'm not overweight at all. Just shitty lifestyle choices. Just as bad, if not worse . Really sorry to just now read your post . Hope all is getting better for you . Unfortunately something can go wrong at ANY time. Which, clearly doesn't help my other issue. Anxiety. Ah , life you funny devil !
« Last Edit: March 05, 2014, 07:08:24 AM by Harpua3 » Logged
Arclight
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« Reply #17 on: March 07, 2014, 06:33:53 PM »

When its all said and done remember this. Don't sweat the small stuff. It's all small stuff.
Most of what we worry about(future)never happens the way we keep imagining its going to come off.
Worry only causes harm, it NEVER solves anything. A little thing I remember doing was thinking about what I would like
to be doing in 5-10 years. Sometimes even that is hard, I know. But if you can, then you back up step by step to the current time.
And you see what the next step is you can do. Don't focus on the last thing needed, just the next thing.
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Turtle
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« Reply #18 on: March 08, 2014, 12:17:07 AM »

As an example of learned skills, my illustration instructor would often cite the wife of a famous artist, I think it was Frazetta. She was a model and body builder. However, once she became involved, picked up an interest in art. Using the same discipline from bodybuilding, drawing every day, studying, etc, became and accomplished artist herself.
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« Reply #19 on: March 08, 2014, 01:32:03 AM »

Quote from: Turtle on March 04, 2014, 10:44:15 PM

Well, you know what I'd say about getting your health issues under concern.

QFT - once you get the health part under control, the rest follows.
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