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Author Topic: My previous gaming girl is now not so much into gaming....  (Read 1255 times)
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Ascendent
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« on: February 15, 2007, 07:06:37 PM »

and I see lots of problems in the future because of this. I can already hear the "Come spend time with me" and her response to my response "because of you love me" wonderful. How can you even argue with that?

So how many of you been down this road? I mean honestly she's a great I love her, but to be honest the fact that we could spend our time together gaming was a big deal for me. Used to spend time with my friends and with her. Now that she's not into gaming that means I'm not into gaming.

Dark days ahead friends, very dark.
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Kevin Grey
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« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2007, 07:08:37 PM »

My wife isn't a gamer in any way shape or form and it's never been an issue. 
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Brendan
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« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2007, 07:11:37 PM »

Quote from: Kevin Grey on February 15, 2007, 07:08:37 PM

My wife isn't a gamer in any way shape or form and it's never been an issue. 

Same here.  Except for a fling with Zuma, she's pretty game free.

It's all about balance - if you maintain your responsibilities as a partner and significant other, and are generally well rounded in other ways, then gaming's just another hobby.  It's when it interferes with walking the dogs, doing the dishes or - most importantly - connecting with your partner emotionally, that it's an issue.

That's why I don't play MMORGS.
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Ascendent
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« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2007, 07:14:36 PM »

I understand what you guys are saying but envision if you would that suppose your wives used to be serious gamers. And that it was something you used to share together. Wouldn't you feel a little trepidation at her sudden loss of interest in a previously shared interest?
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JLu
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« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2007, 07:19:06 PM »

Quote from: Ascendent on February 15, 2007, 07:14:36 PM

I understand what you guys are saying but envision if you would that suppose your wives used to be serious gamers. And that it was something you used to share together. Wouldn't you feel a little trepidation at her sudden loss of interest in a previously shared interest?

I think a lot of us take breaks from gaming once in a while, even some of those who are really serious...  Is this just a break, or is she Done with gaming? 

If a break, no big deal.  Maybe just time for a new game?
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« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2007, 07:19:37 PM »

Quote from: Ascendent on February 15, 2007, 07:14:36 PM

I understand what you guys are saying but envision if you would that suppose your wives used to be serious gamers. And that it was something you used to share together. Wouldn't you feel a little trepidation at her sudden loss of interest in a previously shared interest?

That depends - is it just lower priority?  Is she more fulfilled by some other pursuit?  In my experience, it's fine to have separate interests as long as you can find something else to share together.  Maybe she was interested in gaming because she knew you were, and wanted to be closer to you?  And now you can reciprocate?
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PeteRock
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« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2007, 07:20:27 PM »

Quote from: Ascendent on February 15, 2007, 07:14:36 PM

I understand what you guys are saying but envision if you would that suppose your wives used to be serious gamers. And that it was something you used to share together. Wouldn't you feel a little trepidation at her sudden loss of interest in a previously shared interest?

Not really.  Everyone's interests change.  Assuming gaming wasn't the only activity you two shared together, there must be other things you can do as a couple, and her loss of interest in no way should imply that you can no longer find joy in it, either.  You might see a slight decrease in the amount of time you have to game now that time spent with your S.O. won't be playing video games, but you should still be able to find time to play on your own time and still discover new interests your S.O. and you can share together.
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ATB
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« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2007, 07:25:25 PM »

Make her play God of War. She'll come running back.

What's that?

Why, yes!  I will be the best man at your wedding. 

No, thank you!
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Kevin Grey
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« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2007, 07:26:57 PM »

Quote from: Ascendent on February 15, 2007, 07:14:36 PM

I understand what you guys are saying but envision if you would that suppose your wives used to be serious gamers. And that it was something you used to share together. Wouldn't you feel a little trepidation at her sudden loss of interest in a previously shared interest?

I guess it depends.  My wife and I used to go to movies every week.  She's never been a fan of sci-fi but pretty much everything else was fair game and I made sure to do the requisite chick flick attendance in return for making her sit through Blade 2 and the like.

Then two things happened:

1) We went and saw Butterfly Effect.  For some reason this movie deeply disturbed my wife.  Specifically the absolutely reprehensible way some of the kids in the film acted (my wife being a middle school teacher probably had something to do with why this effected her so much).  Since then, she has been very focused on seeing "happy movies" and it's been much harder to convince her to take a chance on something.

2) The birth of our daughter.  Despite free and accessible babysitting (both sets of grandparents in the area), my wife just doesn't feel like leaving her and going to the movies.  To the point where we saw a grand total of three movies together in the theater last year with me being on my own for seeing anything else I was interested in.

So one of things that we liked to do together has been removed now.  But it's all right with me because it's been replaced by other activities we enjoy.  Instead of going to the movies we stay home and play with our daughter and have time to catch up on Tivo, watch shows on DVD, etc.  So, in your case, as long as there is still other things you two enjoy doing together that will take up the time you used to spend gaming together then I wouldn't sweat it.   
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whiteboyskim
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« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2007, 07:32:39 PM »

Quote from: Kevin Grey on February 15, 2007, 07:26:57 PM

1) We went and saw Butterfly Effect.  For some reason this movie deeply disturbed my wife.

It disturbed me too. Suck of that magnitude doesn't come around very often.

As for the "lack of a gaming spouse" I wouldn't worry. It's all about balance and as you get older that becomes more of a desire than all-day-all-night gaming marathons. I physically can't do those anymore much to my chagrin so now I'd rather get a solid night's sleep then hang with My Fair Lady whenever I have the chance. That doesn't mean I don't get plenty of gaming in, but there are other pursuits in my life and those I share with her. Or you could just buy a Wii with a second controller and she'll be so enthralled by Wii Sports that you'll have to buy another TV just for you. icon_lol
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« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2007, 07:37:08 PM »

My wife is a WoW-addict and that has its problems too. Sometimes there is strife, and sometimes we play together, and occasionally we spend time together doing other things. We've been married nearly 10 years and have two kids and the cliche' holds true. Time for yourself, and time for your mate are the most important things.

You'll have to compromise and stop playing for her for a bit, but also must she respect your "me-time" if she won't join you.
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Ascendent
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« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2007, 07:37:48 PM »

We both have other interests, film and books and such.  Gaming was just the one we really shared, sure there will be other interests we can share together, but not without excluding my friends. And I guess thats where my real problem lies, because I still enjoy gaming, and spending time with my friends and girlfriend all at the same time. Now that's changing and I'm saddened by it. Because already I'm getting the "Come spend time with me" thing and I feel like I'm distancing my friends.

For background she's always been a gamer. She proclaims herself a "gamer chick" and that was a big part of the attraction for me. I suppose her interest in gaming could just be waning temporarily but I fear it's more then that. And I hate to sound like a jerk but I loved the fact that she was into gaming, that was a big part of what attracted me to her.
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Kevin Grey
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« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2007, 07:42:46 PM »

Quote from: Ascendent on February 15, 2007, 07:37:48 PM

She proclaims herself a "gamer chick" and that was a big part of the attraction for me.

If that is still the case then that sends off big warning bells on the potential long term prospects of that relationship.
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Bob
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« Reply #13 on: February 15, 2007, 09:00:26 PM »

You're over thinking it.

As long as you are still getting the putang, it's all good.
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EngineNo9
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« Reply #14 on: February 16, 2007, 03:01:31 AM »

You could always try talking to her about it.  Just say that you noticed she doesn't seem to game much any more and you miss sharing that with her.  She should certainly have more valueable insight into the situation than an outsider. 
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« Reply #15 on: February 16, 2007, 03:06:37 AM »

Hell, I knew my wife was awesome when I knew I would want to do stuff with her at the exclusion of my friends, and we would still have a great time.

Don't over think it, or even worry about it, just have fun eitherway.
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« Reply #16 on: February 16, 2007, 04:16:10 PM »

My wife was anyting but a "gamer chick" until I let her run around a whack things with a big stick in WoW...

Now she looks forward to this as therapy I guess.  She can't whack the kids at school, but she can laugh maniacally as she whacks gnomes in the game...

smile
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« Reply #17 on: February 16, 2007, 04:24:46 PM »

My wife has the type of personality that she can get along with anyone, and she is also pretty versatile in that she can head off with the girls to do girly things (pedicures, spa treatments, etc - wait, that sounds kind of like me  ninja), but she can also sit down next to the boys and house some ass in Halo 2 MP or head to the bar with all of us and scream obscenities at the Philadelphia Eagles as they give us another season of false hope.  Since I've known my wife, she and I have always been able to have mutual friends, not in the sense that we are known as a package deal, but as separate people.  My wife can head out with our friends solo, and so can I, or we can head out together, but never is one's attendance contingent upon the other's.  Our friends like each of us independently, they don't merely accept one because they're the spouse of the other.  We're known as independent people who happen to be married.  But, over the years, whenever I'd head out "with the guys", they'd always want me to bring my wife because she is a lot of fun and can hop right in as "one of the guys."  And she's up for anything, whether it be heading to a strip club, or heading to a sports bar to play pool or air hockey.  And because she is my best friend in the world, I never minded because one moment she's my wonderful wife, and the very next she's a buddy I'm housing at pool.  Plus, I never was much of one to want to head out with just the guys, leaving the significant others at home.  Until recently.

One morning a couple of friends of mine went with me to our local Eagles bar to reserve "our" table for the Eagles/Saints playoff game.  We got to the bar when they opened at 9am, and the game didn't start until around 2pm.  Our wives weren't planning to show up until around 1pm for the game, so we had some time to hang out together.  For the first time in years I realized just how much fun it can be to head out with just the guys, doing "guy stuff" (chatting it up with a hot waitress, jokingly lamenting married life, talking about cars, video games, home electronics, etc).  It was really fun.  Not to say that I don't love my wife, because I adore her and could never imagine spending my life with anyone else.  But even though I love my wife to death, sometimes a "break" is kind of nice.  Gets me out of the house, gets us out of each other's hair, and when we see each other again that evening or later that day, we can tell each other about our respective days and then appreciate each other's company even more (we work together at the same company as well, so I don't even get a "break" at work - not to say that I need it, as we work very well together, but sometimes lunch with someone other than your wife is fun........sometimes).  

Also a couple of my guy friends and I recently headed out to Buffalo Wild Wings for some wings and beer.  Just the guys.  Our wives weren't interested in wings, and so they suggested that we head out ourselves and they'd have some spaghetti at home.  And it was again a really nice break for us to head out, talk about guy stuff, have a few beers, fire down some wings hot enough to eat through your stomach lining, and then head home to our loving wives.  They actually appreciate the break, and we get a chance to be the knuckle-dragging, head-butting, bear-guzzling guys that we are.

But, then there is the time I get to spend with my wife without our friends.  Because we are very social people, we spend a lot of time with our friends (during any given week, we see our friends at least 5 out of the 7 days).  And sometimes it's nice to just spend a quiet evening with just my wife and no one else.  Whether it be a nice candlelit dinner, or just relaxing on the couch watching a movie with our puppy by our feet.  Or even folding laundry while chatting about the day.  Yes, time with your significant other and your friends is nice, but sometimes quiet time with just your significant other is also nice.

My point?  Appreciate the ability to spend time with friends without your significant other, appreciate the time you spend with just your significant other, and appreciate the time you spend with both your friends and your significant other.  You may not see it now, but a number of years down the road, what I have written here will resonate with you as if I could read your mind.  Trust me.   icon_wink  
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