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Author Topic: How does one make female friends?  (Read 3190 times)
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Kyosho
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« on: June 07, 2008, 07:08:32 AM »

Please note that I mean friends. Not "friends with benefits" nor girlfriends. I'm sure I could talk to Matrix if I needed help in that area*.

My whole life I've always had male friends, and at least one female friend. My male friends are always, well, the sort of friends just about every guy has. You hang out, you do fun things together, etc. etc. but you don't really discuss very "deep" or emotion-based things. My female friends were always the ones who I would talk to about deeper things, etc. Now, this is not "law" or something. It could easily be the other way around, with the right people, theoretically.

Anyways, right now I'm sort of in a new area, and I've made plenty of male friends. But I crave the depth that a relationship with a female friend can provide. Plus, it helps to get advice about females from one of their own, from time to time. Hah. Female friends I've had in the past I've become friends with purely by circumstance. Like say, the sister of a friend. Or some one I worked with, etc. Right now I am currently self-employed, and don't really have the usual opportunities to meet people.

I know how to go out and meet females for dating and whatnot. In theory anyways. In practice, haha, well... Anyhow, I'm not quite sure how to meet females friends without them thinking I'm coming onto them, or something. Any advice?





*Totally could not help laughing while typing that.  icon_lol
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corruptrelic
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« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2008, 07:25:08 AM »

I think Harry (Billy Crystal) pretty much hit it dead on..

Quote
Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.

I meet a lot of females through work (which is an otherwise sausagefest working with male inmates all day) but being out of work I guess your next bet might be to check out some of the online personals, like friendfinder.com and some of the other dating sites. Most of the women on there say they want to be "friends first" or "just friends" anyway, and speaking from personal experience I met maybe 300 people online in 1999-2001 just from online alone. One of them almost became like a sister to me after knowing her for 7 years now, met her on yahoo personals we didn't click romantically and became good friends instead, even to this day. Give it a try!
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« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2008, 03:26:24 PM »

I'm still not quite clear why you want female friends? saywhat
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Razgon
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« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2008, 03:45:26 PM »

not possible...sure, girls can have male friends, but not the other way around...

there will ALWAYS be the sex...

I had a friend who had a female friend, and he swore there was nothing going on, and he didn t want to have her in any way....

I asked him, one drunken night, what if she came in to him one night when they were having some wine, talking, and she was naked? he thought for about two nano seconds, and said "I'd hit it"...
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JohnathanStrange
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« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2008, 05:15:05 PM »

All the female friends I've had - and at times my female friends outnumber my male friends - I've met through school, mutual acquaintances, and work.  Those are probably good places for you to start too. Though virtually anyplace where someone may make a habit of going would work also: gym, coffeehouse, library, park, dogpark (you talk while the pets romp), bookclubs, golf. A friend of mine enjoys cycling and has made female friends at races and association meetings.

I've actually found it a bit easier make female friends because there's either little consequence to rejection ("doesn't want to be friends? eh, big deal") or ego involved (i.e. I've not putting my fragile self-esteem on the line). So I think it's easier to flirt, joke, or be yourself around a woman you aren't trying to pickup - but if you're thinking that it's a step on the seduction path, well...it's a step, perhaps, but sometimes once you're considered a harmless friend that's that. The biggest drawback to female friends is that their boyfriends/husbands may not trust you - and if they do, it's 'cause they think you're harmless. So inevitably my female friendships sort of tone down to occasional emails, etc.
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« Reply #5 on: June 07, 2008, 06:20:16 PM »

Quote from: Canuck on June 07, 2008, 03:26:24 PM

I'm still not quite clear why you want female friends? saywhat

Agreed. 

I have, not counting my sister and girlfriend, zero close female friends.  There are a few that I get together with for a random dinner if I happen to be passing through their town or chat with on IM on an irregular basis, but no one I consider close.  I have a handful of guy friends I consider as near family and can't imagine needing anything more than that.  I'm not a very emotional person (understatement of the year!), so that may weigh heavily on how I feel, but there's nothing I can't discuss with those friends.  I have absolutely no desire to add to that circle, particularly a female.

gellar
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Lordnine
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« Reply #6 on: June 07, 2008, 08:00:23 PM »

How does one make male friends?  I don’t drink, like sports, or care about cars…most of my friends have always been women…
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Thin_J
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« Reply #7 on: June 07, 2008, 08:18:18 PM »

Quote from: Lordnine on June 07, 2008, 08:00:23 PM

How does one make male friends?  I don’t drink, like sports, or care about cars…

Lost cause.

Wait, how about guns? Do you like those? Shooting ranges are filled with overly social dudes that want to stand around and bs about guns.

I bought myself a glock yesterday based on the advice of three guys just wandering around the gun store.

If not, I return to my original statement of lost cause.

*edit for the easily offended*
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Lordnine
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« Reply #8 on: June 07, 2008, 09:27:45 PM »

Umm, I collect swords.  They’re sort of like guns…only sharper and don’t shoot things.
(Strangely enough all the women I know seem to love swords)
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Remus West2
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« Reply #9 on: June 08, 2008, 12:13:53 AM »

Quote from: Lordnine on June 07, 2008, 09:27:45 PM

Umm, I collect swords.  They’re sort of like guns…only sharper and don’t shoot things.
(Strangely enough all the women I know seem to love swords)

Curved?
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Biyobi
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« Reply #10 on: June 08, 2008, 12:23:15 AM »

Quote
How does one make female friends?

If I remember correctly, you'll need a computer, lots of electricity, a doll (very important!), and to wear a bra on your head during the creation period.
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« Reply #11 on: June 08, 2008, 01:26:19 AM »

Quote from: Biyobi on June 08, 2008, 12:23:15 AM

Quote
How does one make female friends?

If I remember correctly, you'll need a computer, lots of electricity, a doll (very important!), and to wear a bra on your head during the creation period.



Beat me to it frown

Started reading the thread and looked for the pic before I got to the end of the thread.
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Azhag
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« Reply #12 on: June 08, 2008, 02:50:09 AM »

I hear ya Kyosho. I've always been the same way. Over time I've had a few female friends that were great for opening up to and right now I don't have any around like that (outside of my wife of course).
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« Reply #13 on: June 08, 2008, 03:46:24 AM »

I have a few from work.  Im recently divorced which blows..  And of course, there have been some pretty dark times lately, so having the female friend has been really helpfull to talk to.  Not that I can't talk to my buddies, but I don't know.  Its different. 

For me, im pretty outgoing, so its never been a problem to just hang out and get the whole platonic female friend thing.  Of course, I suck and have no game at trying to take it to the next level.  lol

-dback
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Ridah
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« Reply #14 on: June 08, 2008, 06:27:32 AM »

This thread is kind of embarrassing...  ninja

I make female friends by offering penis?
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« Reply #15 on: June 08, 2008, 06:29:38 AM »

I can't believe no one has mentioned the obvious: pretend to be gay.

 ninja
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« Reply #16 on: June 08, 2008, 09:40:47 AM »

I'm in a weird situation in my life.  I've lived with women all my life due to my household being my mom, sister, aunt, and female cousin, but know nothing about them.  So I'm used to womanly things like chick flicks, girl talk, and whatnot.  Several girls I know have actually outright said I have an almost inhuman (or unmanly) tolerance of and sometimes interest in girl talk.  And yes, some women have thought I was gay.

Because of this, I find it so much more comfortable to be friends with women because of this, but at the same time I suffer from the usual guy's problem: I want to get in their pants.

It's not as bad as it sounds since I do want to be just friends with some women, but damned if it isn't obvious that I haven't had any serious relationships with women, as such there's always that anxiety.

Of course it doesn't help that my last few relationships ended up poorly, or with me in some weird limbo status with the girl I'm interested in now.
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« Reply #17 on: June 08, 2008, 01:42:01 PM »

Quote from: Lordnine on June 07, 2008, 08:00:23 PM

How does one make male friends?  I don’t drink, like sports, or care about cars…most of my friends have always been women…

+1. Well, except that I drink. I have zero interest in most of the traditional "man card" qualifications. Never even applied for one, in fact. My favorite hobbies right now are gardening and cooking. (I do, however, have a few male friends).

Being married makes it easy to maintain female friendships by taking sex out of the picture completely. So there's your advice. Get married.
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Mr. Fed
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« Reply #18 on: June 08, 2008, 04:57:24 PM »

The very question mystifies me.
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« Reply #19 on: June 08, 2008, 04:59:01 PM »

Become a cowboy.
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LordMortis
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« Reply #20 on: June 08, 2008, 05:36:58 PM »

Quote from: Kyosho on June 07, 2008, 07:08:32 AM

Anyways, right now I'm sort of in a new area, and I've made plenty of male friends.

Why are you doing one and not the other?  How are you making plenty of new male friends.

As far as I know, as you get older you get more set in your ways and in your own world.  Meeting new people and making them your friends gets more and more difficult because you aren't getting new classes and new jobs.  That leaves social hobbies and community work.

Also as far as I know, women aren't as publicly social as men are, except for special occasions.

Finally, if all you want is freindship and you have plenty of male friends, is there a problem with being friends with their SOs?  Personally, I find it easier to be friends with a women who is attached to one of my friends then it is to friends with a woman who is attached to someone who isn't one of my friends.  The more distant her SO is from you, the less he trusts you, the more stress you put on their relationship, the less you are really friends.  The exception to this tends to be from when you have known her forever and then the new SO just has to deal with you or get out and even then this exception can be a major strain.
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« Reply #21 on: June 08, 2008, 06:00:12 PM »

Don't even try. They're way too moody, and you'll never figure them out, even if you're looking for nothing but a platonic relationship. They'll always suspect you want more and be on the lookout.

Avoid women completely - you'll be better off for it.
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« Reply #22 on: June 08, 2008, 07:56:04 PM »

Quote from: PaulBot on June 08, 2008, 06:00:12 PM

Don't even try. They're way too moody, and you'll never figure them out, even if you're looking for nothing but a platonic relationship. They'll always suspect you want more and be on the lookout.

Avoid women completely - you'll be better off for it.


Right, because all women roll off an assembly line so you know what to expect from each of them.
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Kyosho
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« Reply #23 on: June 08, 2008, 07:58:59 PM »

The range of perspectives on this subject by you guys is very interesting and informative. Also, amusing.

Quote from: Turtle on June 08, 2008, 09:40:47 AM

I'm in a weird situation in my life.  I've lived with women all my life due to my household being my mom, sister, aunt, and female cousin, but know nothing about them.  So I'm used to womanly things like chick flicks, girl talk, and whatnot.  Several girls I know have actually outright said I have an almost inhuman (or unmanly) tolerance of and sometimes interest in girl talk.  And yes, some women have thought I was gay.

That's pretty much how I am too. My parents divorced when I was at a young age, and I lived with just my mom and my sister. I was around my sister and her friends all the time, whether I wanted to be or not. So, I too have a huge tolerance for female stuff. Also been assumed to be gay before as well. Haha. 

Quote from: LordMortis on June 08, 2008, 05:36:58 PM

Why are you doing one and not the other?  How are you making plenty of new male friends.

Also as far as I know, women aren't as publicly social as men are, except for special occasions.

Finally, if all you want is friendship and you have plenty of male friends, is there a problem with being friends with their SOs?  Personally, I find it easier to be friends with a women who is attached to one of my friends then it is to friends with a woman who is attached to someone who isn't one of my friends.  The more distant her SO is from you, the less he trusts you, the more stress you put on their relationship, the less you are really friends.  The exception to this tends to be from when you have known her forever and then the new SO just has to deal with you or get out and even then this exception can be a major strain.

I removed a portion of your post and bolded the portion that is basically the answer to your question. As for becoming friends with the SO of a male friend, I've done that before. But unless the guy is really really secure in his relationship with her, it usually doesn't work out. I have thought about that though.
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« Reply #24 on: June 08, 2008, 08:28:25 PM »

Quote from: Kyosho on June 08, 2008, 07:58:59 PM

As for becoming friends with the SO of a male friend, I've done that before. But unless the guy is really really secure in his relationship with her, it usually doesn't work out. I have thought about that though.

But if he needs to be really really secure then how do you expect to become friends with a woman tied to someone who is not your male friend?  You're pretty much saying that you can only be friends with lesbians and women who have vowed to stay single.  The later pretty much don't exist but I'll the former can be a total hoot.  The problem is that now you have to find lesbians who don't hate men, who don't hate straight men, and then single them out to be your BFF without being a total ass.  Good luck!  (And stupid lesbian bars and not real kosher on the idea of letting single straight men in their bars.  Stupid lesbian bars.  mad  The let straight women into gay bars all of time.  I want equal rights!!!)
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« Reply #25 on: June 08, 2008, 09:51:50 PM »

Quote from: Ridah on June 08, 2008, 07:56:04 PM

Quote from: PaulBot on June 08, 2008, 06:00:12 PM

Don't even try. They're way too moody, and you'll never figure them out, even if you're looking for nothing but a platonic relationship. They'll always suspect you want more and be on the lookout.

Avoid women completely - you'll be better off for it.


Right, because all women roll off an assembly line so you know what to expect from each of them.

Exactly.
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« Reply #26 on: June 08, 2008, 10:48:42 PM »

All of my best friends, with the exception of Fred during my high school years, have all been female.

My best friend in college was one of my "groomsmen" and I was a "bridesmaid" in her wedding. We still talk every other week.

The only people I'm close to at work are women.  Also, I much prefer female bosses.

The key: ask them questions about themselves, listen to their answers and actually be interested in what they have to say.

Now this does present some problems, as, once you're married, you have to be careful about perception and not getting too emotionally close.

My question would be opposite: how do you make male friends. I'm not into macho beer drinking, fist fighting, killing animals, or bonding by doing some other 'masculine' thing.  And I prefer not to fart the national anthem.  What am I to do?
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« Reply #27 on: June 08, 2008, 10:52:59 PM »

Quote from: ATB on June 08, 2008, 10:48:42 PM

And I prefer not to fart the national anthem.

Me neither. I prefer Stairway to Heaven.
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Biyobi
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« Reply #28 on: June 08, 2008, 11:00:25 PM »

Quote from: PaulBot on June 08, 2008, 10:52:59 PM

Quote from: ATB on June 08, 2008, 10:48:42 PM

And I prefer not to fart the national anthem.

Me neither. I prefer Stairway to Heaven.

I'm a Freebird man, myself.  It can be difficult to do the up-tempo part at the end if you don't pace yourself early on.
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« Reply #29 on: June 08, 2008, 11:09:06 PM »

Quote from: Biyobi on June 08, 2008, 11:00:25 PM

Quote from: PaulBot on June 08, 2008, 10:52:59 PM

Quote from: ATB on June 08, 2008, 10:48:42 PM

And I prefer not to fart the national anthem.

Me neither. I prefer Stairway to Heaven.

I'm a Freebird man, myself.  It can be difficult to do the up-tempo part at the end if you don't pace yourself early on.

Ah yes, but in the end it is worth the effort.
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« Reply #30 on: June 08, 2008, 11:33:56 PM »

Quote from: ATB on June 08, 2008, 10:48:42 PM

My question would be opposite: how do you make male friends.

Play video games?
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« Reply #31 on: June 08, 2008, 11:38:51 PM »

Really, this is ridiculous.  Women are people.  The vast majority of problems with interacting with them non-romantically involve viewing them as another species, or approaching them with some sort of web-site-driven game theory.
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« Reply #32 on: June 09, 2008, 12:03:41 AM »

Quote from: Mr. Fed on June 08, 2008, 11:38:51 PM

Women are people.

Now that is ridiculous. Tongue
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« Reply #33 on: June 09, 2008, 01:27:04 AM »

"Women aren't people, they're women." - Dr. Ira Graves, Star Trek Next Gen, episode: The Schizoid Man
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« Reply #34 on: June 09, 2008, 02:13:25 AM »

Quote from: PaulBot on June 09, 2008, 01:27:04 AM

"Women aren't people, they're women." - Dr. Ira Graves, Star Trek Next Gen, episode: The Schizoid Man

 icon_biggrin

Just saw that episode recently.
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« Reply #35 on: June 09, 2008, 05:05:28 AM »

Quote from: Biyobi on June 09, 2008, 12:03:41 AM

Quote from: Mr. Fed on June 08, 2008, 11:38:51 PM

Women are people.

Now that is ridiculous. Tongue

So...women are Soylent Green?
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Mr. Fed
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« Reply #36 on: June 09, 2008, 05:06:07 AM »

I'll see your Star Trek and raise you a Heinlein:  "Once a month, women act the way men do all the time."
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« Reply #37 on: June 09, 2008, 10:02:09 AM »

Quote from: Mr. Fed on June 09, 2008, 05:06:07 AM

I'll see your Star Trek and raise you a Heinlein:  "Once a month, women act the way men do all the time."

Instead of looking for a woman, he should just go out and find a man with no reason or accountability! smile
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« Reply #38 on: June 09, 2008, 10:47:41 AM »

after careful considation, I now know the correct answer.

I've spoilerhid it to make those who want to gain the insight on their own happy.

Spoiler for Hiden:
Put it in her butt

happy hunting!

edited because I cant for the life of me figure out when to dobbelt-L or not
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« Reply #39 on: June 09, 2008, 01:11:19 PM »

Quote from: Kyosho on June 09, 2008, 02:13:25 AM

Quote from: PaulBot on June 09, 2008, 01:27:04 AM

"Women aren't people, they're women." - Dr. Ira Graves, Star Trek Next Gen, episode: The Schizoid Man

 icon_biggrin

Just saw that episode recently.

Me too.
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