http://gamingtrend.com
November 27, 2014, 03:29:10 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News:
 
   Home   Help Search Calendar Login Register  
Poll
Question: Have you ever cheated on your spouse?
Never even thought about it - 54 (50%)
Thought about it but not seriously - 33 (30.6%)
Given it serious consideration - 8 (7.4%)
Yes but regretted it - 3 (2.8%)
Yes and not regretted it - 10 (9.3%)
Total Voters: 108

Pages: 1 2 [3] 4   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Have you ever cheated on your spouse?  (Read 5493 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Mr. Fed
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 985


View Profile WWW
« Reply #80 on: November 05, 2010, 12:15:27 AM »

My God.  Maintaining one relationship is exhausting enough.
Logged

Popehat, a blog.  Now 35% less ugly!
rshetts2
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 2420



View Profile
« Reply #81 on: November 05, 2010, 12:19:35 AM »

It amazes me how many people here see things so black and white.  We are dealing with human beings, flawed and emotional.  I challenge you to honestly tell me you have never compromised your morals and regretted that choice.  Cheating on your spouse is definitely a serious violation of a persons word.  Many people make that mistake, often during a momentary lapse of reason.  Does that excuse it? No it doesn't.  Does that necessarily make that person a bad person?  I dont believe it does in all cases.  Does this make the cheating spouse an unfit person?  Once again, I believe the answer is no, not in all cases.
  I have a friend who's wife, over the years became a frigid shrew.  She slept in a seperate room from him, was cold as ice to him most of the time but stayed with him because  ( he believed ) that she didnt want to live alone and would rather live under those conditions then move on.  It seemed that she didnt want him around but would berate him if he wanted to do anything with his friends.  They had 2 kids and he didnt want to seperate because of them.  After about 2 years of this, he ended up cheating on her.  Condemn him if you wish but he felt he honestly tried to do his best.  After those years of a loveless relationship, he hit his moment of weakness and broke his vows.  They eventually got a divorce and he is a far happier person for it.  The kids survived, and he did everything he could legally to be a dad to them.  Of course the ex wife got the kids and painted him out to be this horrible philandering beast.  Fortunately the kids were in their teens and knew better.  Still the ex fought hard to deprive him of his visitation rights.  Did she do this because he was a bad person.  No, she did it to cause him pain.  She used the children as a weapon againt him, with no regard to how it affected the kids.  Now you tell me whos got bigger issues of morality here, the husband or the wife?
Logged

Can you see the real me? Can ya, CAN YA?
rickfc
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 5651


Why so serious?


View Profile
« Reply #82 on: November 05, 2010, 11:18:32 AM »

Quote from: rshetts2 on November 05, 2010, 12:19:35 AM

It amazes me how many people here see things so black and white.  We are dealing with human beings, flawed and emotional.  I challenge you to honestly tell me you have never compromised your morals and regretted that choice.  Cheating on your spouse is definitely a serious violation of a persons word.  Many people make that mistake, often during a momentary lapse of reason.  Does that excuse it? No it doesn't.  Does that necessarily make that person a bad person?  I dont believe it does in all cases.  Does this make the cheating spouse an unfit person?  Once again, I believe the answer is no, not in all cases.
  I have a friend who's wife, over the years became a frigid shrew.  She slept in a seperate room from him, was cold as ice to him most of the time but stayed with him because  ( he believed ) that she didnt want to live alone and would rather live under those conditions then move on.  It seemed that she didnt want him around but would berate him if he wanted to do anything with his friends.  They had 2 kids and he didnt want to seperate because of them.  After about 2 years of this, he ended up cheating on her.  Condemn him if you wish but he felt he honestly tried to do his best.  After those years of a loveless relationship, he hit his moment of weakness and broke his vows.  They eventually got a divorce and he is a far happier person for it.  The kids survived, and he did everything he could legally to be a dad to them.  Of course the ex wife got the kids and painted him out to be this horrible philandering beast.  Fortunately the kids were in their teens and knew better.  Still the ex fought hard to deprive him of his visitation rights.  Did she do this because he was a bad person.  No, she did it to cause him pain.  She used the children as a weapon againt him, with no regard to how it affected the kids.  Now you tell me whos got bigger issues of morality here, the husband or the wife?

This.  To most people, at least in this thread, it's a black and white thing because they've never been in a situation like the one you mentioned, or don't know anyone else that has.
Logged
Purge
Gaming Trend Staff
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 18616



View Profile WWW
« Reply #83 on: November 05, 2010, 03:44:41 PM »

Quote from: Mr. Fed on November 05, 2010, 12:15:27 AM

My God.  Maintaining one relationship is exhausting enough.

Reminds me of a line I once heard:

" I think a threesome is horrible idea. Sure, the sex is great, but then you end up with `feelings` in stereo!"
Logged

"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners." - Johnny Carson
Scuzz
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1700



View Profile
« Reply #84 on: November 05, 2010, 10:26:35 PM »

Quote
Back onto cheating though: Imagine having a partner who is emotionally abusive, or uses sex as leverage. Terminating the marriage before going elsewhere is the best method, but perhaps the damage done to the self esteem doesn't illicit a healthy choice at that point in time. From my perspective, both parties are at fault. Just because there was a "cheat" involved doesn't vindicate the actions of the other party that drove the cheater into the arms of another. As such the "Cheat" only serves to justify the divorce- it doesn't indicate guilt or greater responsibility for the failure unless there is a monetary fight in which consideration can be given.


People screw around on the side without their spouse having a responsibility in it. Blaming the wife who has gained 20 lbs from having kids for her husband screwing somebody younger, thinner or different is unfair. And vice-versa. People cheat because they want to.

And once you cheat you have probably done the biggest thing you could do to violate the trust your spouse has in you.

I haven't cheated because I didn't want to...i haven't cheated because of what it would do to my wife. And what that would do to me. If cheating cost me living with my kids how could I possibly blame my wife for that.

Look, people fall out of love and divorce for many reasons. But someone who cheats on their spouse has no one to blame but themselves and if it means you lose the ability to maintain a normal relationship with your kids well, they should have thought of that before they did it. 
Logged
Scuzz
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1700



View Profile
« Reply #85 on: November 05, 2010, 10:34:54 PM »

Quote from: rittchard on November 05, 2010, 12:00:02 AM

Quote from: Purge on November 04, 2010, 03:50:41 PM

There are selfish cheaters too, but they tend not to regret their acts. But it's not always weakness that pulls people into bed with others - sometimes misery does it too. When you're drowning, you don't always think about what you grab onto to haul yourself out.

This was one of the most beautifully, painfully written and poignant statements I've seen on these forums, thanks for that Purge.  Between this and Roguetad's story, I feel like I need a good cry for about an hour or so.

- - -

To some of the rest of you guys, if things are really as great as they are in your marriages and relationships that you've never considered cheating, you should really count yourselves as lucky and tell your wives/spouses how much you appreciate them every day  icon_razz  Call me a cynic, but frankly I would love to jump forward in time 5-10 years and see how many of the responses here were still exactly the same.

We seem to have moved on from "cheating on your wife" to "under certain circumstances it is okay and understandable".

If you are happy in your marriage and you cheat then you are slime.
If your marriage sucks then get out of it.
If your eyes wander...your normal. If you cheat...your not.
If you have kids in your marriage remember....they will be the victims and pawns in a divorce.
Logged
belfong
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 50



View Profile
« Reply #86 on: November 06, 2010, 01:18:24 AM »

Came late to this thread but it was an interesting topic. Being a gamer, I spent what little time I have left for the day on the PC. And I told my wife that it's better for me to play games at home than go out and get temptations! That made her appreciate PC gaming more as she initially opposed me spending far too much time on games!

I'm glad I'm a nerd and not sociable!
Logged
Crux
Gaming Trend Staff
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1543



View Profile
« Reply #87 on: November 06, 2010, 04:28:14 PM »

So the reason I started the thread... through 8 years of marriage I've always been really, really careful about the situations I put myself in. Avoiding situations where I could be tempted, or where any thought of an affair was even possible. Then recently, I got a little careless. I don't know if it was just tired from lack of sleep, or my guard getting down a little... or if there was secretly some intent there. But I put myself in an awkward situation whereby a very attractive, smart, younger woman who I actually really like has essentially thrown herself at me. If you'd asked me two weeks ago, I'd have laughed at the thought. I'd also have had nothing but contempt for someone who would cheat. Suddenly I realize that things aren't as black or white as I tell myself they are. Some decisions are far harder than I might have thought. Or maybe I'm just not as good of a man as I thought myself. Walking away from this situation is, for a variety of reasons, very, very hard. Suddenly I envy all of you who have the same conviction I had a week ago. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. And it kills me that that is actually true.

To add, there is an emotional involvement there. If it was about getting off I'd go upstairs with some baby oil and porn.
« Last Edit: November 06, 2010, 04:29:50 PM by Crux » Logged
godhugh
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1064


View Profile
« Reply #88 on: November 06, 2010, 04:36:55 PM »

Hard or not, it's still black and white. Don't cheat.
Logged
PeteRock
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 6798


Fabulous is a state of being. For me, anyways.


View Profile
« Reply #89 on: November 06, 2010, 09:34:52 PM »

Quote from: Crux on November 06, 2010, 04:28:14 PM

I'd also have had nothing but contempt for someone who would cheat. Suddenly I realize that things aren't as black or white as I tell myself they are. Some decisions are far harder than I might have thought.

As godhugh stated, things are still black and white.  Just because the decision is difficult does not make an immoral act any less immoral.  Finding the person attractive or desirable is not cheating.  Acting on those feelings is.
Logged

Beauty is only skin deep.  Which is why I take very good care of my skin.
Moliere
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 5108



View Profile
« Reply #90 on: November 06, 2010, 11:49:45 PM »

Quote from: PeteRock on November 06, 2010, 09:34:52 PM

Finding the person attractive or desirable is not cheating.  Acting on those feelings is.

That's not what Jesus says:

Quote
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:27-28
Logged

That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.
Biyobi
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Online Online

Posts: 718


View Profile
« Reply #91 on: November 07, 2010, 12:32:16 AM »

Quote from: Moliere on November 06, 2010, 11:49:45 PM

Quote from: PeteRock on November 06, 2010, 09:34:52 PM

Finding the person attractive or desirable is not cheating.  Acting on those feelings is.

That's not what Jesus says:

Quote
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:27-28

So since the sin has already been committed, you might as well go ahead and bang her.
Logged
rshetts2
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 2420



View Profile
« Reply #92 on: November 07, 2010, 01:53:59 AM »

Quote from: Scuzz on November 05, 2010, 10:34:54 PM

Quote from: rittchard on November 05, 2010, 12:00:02 AM

Quote from: Purge on November 04, 2010, 03:50:41 PM

There are selfish cheaters too, but they tend not to regret their acts. But it's not always weakness that pulls people into bed with others - sometimes misery does it too. When you're drowning, you don't always think about what you grab onto to haul yourself out.

This was one of the most beautifully, painfully written and poignant statements I've seen on these forums, thanks for that Purge.  Between this and Roguetad's story, I feel like I need a good cry for about an hour or so.

- - -

To some of the rest of you guys, if things are really as great as they are in your marriages and relationships that you've never considered cheating, you should really count yourselves as lucky and tell your wives/spouses how much you appreciate them every day  icon_razz  Call me a cynic, but frankly I would love to jump forward in time 5-10 years and see how many of the responses here were still exactly the same.

We seem to have moved on from "cheating on your wife" to "under certain circumstances it is okay and understandable".

If you are happy in your marriage and you cheat then you are slime.
If your marriage sucks then get out of it.
If your eyes wander...your normal. If you cheat...your not.
If you have kids in your marriage remember....they will be the victims and pawns in a divorce.

Ok, first off, something can be understandable and not be ok.  I can understand how and why my friend cheated on his wife but not once did I say it was ok. If fact I said it wasnt.  I dont think any of us who understand the circumstances that have caused people to cheat feel it is ok to do so.  My friend cheated exactly one time and was sick about it, in spite of the whole situation.  The problem for him though wasnt so much that he felt he let his wife down ( he knew that he had )but that he let himself down.  He happens to be one of the best people I know.  He made a major mistake but his ex wife was certainly responsible for pushing him in that direction. 
 You also state "If your marriage sucks then get out of it." and then later say "If you have kids in your marriage remember....they will be the victims and pawns in a divorce."  My friend stayed in a bad marriage for the sake of his kids and paid the price for it.  When he did finally get out of his sucky marriage, his children became as you stated, pawns and victims.  The sad truth is the kids were pawns and victims long before my friend cheated or got divorced. 
 The best situation for all concerned would have been for the ex wife to have moved on when she decided the relationship was through but she selfishly hung on and made everyones lives miserable.  No one in this relationship had the higher moral ground but to say my friend deserved what he got makes be wish, just a bit, that you experience what he did.  Then perhaps you can step down from your ivory tower and understand that not everybody lives in a perfect world. Relationships are not black and white and morality is subjective.
Logged

Can you see the real me? Can ya, CAN YA?
Default
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 370


View Profile
« Reply #93 on: November 12, 2010, 03:36:31 AM »

Here's one. My wife is insisting now that I have replaced her with someone else - even though the proof exists in her imagination. We're scheduled for counseling, but how do you change someone's mind when it's already made up? I've had to move all I value out of the house into "safe havens".

Her only comment was that I should have one of my sons help me.
Logged
Mithridates
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 631


View Profile
« Reply #94 on: November 12, 2010, 03:50:52 AM »

Quote from: Moliere on November 06, 2010, 11:49:45 PM

Quote from: PeteRock on November 06, 2010, 09:34:52 PM

Finding the person attractive or desirable is not cheating.  Acting on those feelings is.

That's not what Jesus says:

Quote
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:27-28

First off, thanks Moliere, I didn't know you were such a Bible scholar.  Cool.  Not that your efforts matter, because finding someone attractive doesn't have to be quite the same as looking at them lustfully.

Logged
rshetts2
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 2420



View Profile
« Reply #95 on: November 12, 2010, 03:44:28 PM »

Quote from: Mithridates on November 12, 2010, 03:50:52 AM

Quote from: Moliere on November 06, 2010, 11:49:45 PM

Quote from: PeteRock on November 06, 2010, 09:34:52 PM

Finding the person attractive or desirable is not cheating.  Acting on those feelings is.

That's not what Jesus says:

Quote
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:27-28

First off, thanks Moliere, I didn't know you were such a Bible scholar.  Cool.  Not that your efforts matter, because finding someone attractive doesn't have to be quite the same as looking at them lustfully.



And your point may be valid if your origonal statement hadnt included the word "desirable" 
Logged

Can you see the real me? Can ya, CAN YA?
Bullwinkle
Gaming Trend Staff
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 15695


Watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat.


View Profile
« Reply #96 on: November 12, 2010, 05:04:35 PM »

Quote from: Mithridates on November 12, 2010, 03:50:52 AM

Quote from: Moliere on November 06, 2010, 11:49:45 PM

Quote from: PeteRock on November 06, 2010, 09:34:52 PM

Finding the person attractive or desirable is not cheating.  Acting on those feelings is.

That's not what Jesus says:

Quote
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:27-28

First off, thanks Moliere, I didn't know you were such a Bible scholar.

Where the hell have you been?
Logged

That's like blaming owls because I suck at making analogies.
Bulletpig
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 593


View Profile
« Reply #97 on: November 12, 2010, 05:22:23 PM »

Quote from: Default on November 12, 2010, 03:36:31 AM

Here's one. My wife is insisting now that I have replaced her with someone else - even though the proof exists in her imagination. We're scheduled for counseling, but how do you change someone's mind when it's already made up? I've had to move all I value out of the house into "safe havens".

Her only comment was that I should have one of my sons help me.

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.  I hope it works out the way you want it to.
Logged
Scuzz
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1700



View Profile
« Reply #98 on: November 12, 2010, 06:11:06 PM »

Quote from: Default on November 12, 2010, 03:36:31 AM

Here's one. My wife is insisting now that I have replaced her with someone else - even though the proof exists in her imagination. We're scheduled for counseling, but how do you change someone's mind when it's already made up? I've had to move all I value out of the house into "safe havens".

Her only comment was that I should have one of my sons help me.

I know a couple where the husband decided the wife was cheating. I am sure she wasn't but it didn't matter to him. Of course he had "other" problems anyway.

They are now divorced.
Logged
Scuzz
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1700



View Profile
« Reply #99 on: November 12, 2010, 06:19:08 PM »

Quote from: rshetts2 on November 07, 2010, 01:53:59 AM

Quote from: Scuzz on November 05, 2010, 10:34:54 PM

Quote from: rittchard on November 05, 2010, 12:00:02 AM

Quote from: Purge on November 04, 2010, 03:50:41 PM

There are selfish cheaters too, but they tend not to regret their acts. But it's not always weakness that pulls people into bed with others - sometimes misery does it too. When you're drowning, you don't always think about what you grab onto to haul yourself out.

This was one of the most beautifully, painfully written and poignant statements I've seen on these forums, thanks for that Purge.  Between this and Roguetad's story, I feel like I need a good cry for about an hour or so.

- - -

To some of the rest of you guys, if things are really as great as they are in your marriages and relationships that you've never considered cheating, you should really count yourselves as lucky and tell your wives/spouses how much you appreciate them every day  icon_razz  Call me a cynic, but frankly I would love to jump forward in time 5-10 years and see how many of the responses here were still exactly the same.

We seem to have moved on from "cheating on your wife" to "under certain circumstances it is okay and understandable".

If you are happy in your marriage and you cheat then you are slime.
If your marriage sucks then get out of it.
If your eyes wander...your normal. If you cheat...your not.
If you have kids in your marriage remember....they will be the victims and pawns in a divorce.

Ok, first off, something can be understandable and not be ok.  I can understand how and why my friend cheated on his wife but not once did I say it was ok. If fact I said it wasnt.  I dont think any of us who understand the circumstances that have caused people to cheat feel it is ok to do so.  My friend cheated exactly one time and was sick about it, in spite of the whole situation.  The problem for him though wasnt so much that he felt he let his wife down ( he knew that he had )but that he let himself down.  He happens to be one of the best people I know.  He made a major mistake but his ex wife was certainly responsible for pushing him in that direction. 
 You also state "If your marriage sucks then get out of it." and then later say "If you have kids in your marriage remember....they will be the victims and pawns in a divorce."  My friend stayed in a bad marriage for the sake of his kids and paid the price for it.  When he did finally get out of his sucky marriage, his children became as you stated, pawns and victims.  The sad truth is the kids were pawns and victims long before my friend cheated or got divorced. 
 The best situation for all concerned would have been for the ex wife to have moved on when she decided the relationship was through but she selfishly hung on and made everyones lives miserable.  No one in this relationship had the higher moral ground but to say my friend deserved what he got makes be wish, just a bit, that you experience what he did.  Then perhaps you can step down from your ivory tower and understand that not everybody lives in a perfect world. Relationships are not black and white and morality is subjective.

I guess I should have explained that better. In any relationship you only have so many options. It doesn't make them easy to choose from because you are dealing with people and their emotions (and pocketbooks). But at some point you have to decide....Is it worth it to cheat? Is it better for me to be in this marriage or to be out of this marriage? Is it better for the kids? The kids likely would suffer from a marriage you are describing anyway.

I have never cheated. Never really considered it. I have seen marriages fall apart. I have seen friends live in marriages that don't look like marriages.

But I guess to get back to the main point...assuming you and your spouse are happy in your relationship....why would anyone jeopardize that by cheating?
Logged
Default
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 370


View Profile
« Reply #100 on: November 14, 2010, 06:26:03 PM »

Quote from: Scuzz on November 12, 2010, 06:11:06 PM

Quote from: Default on November 12, 2010, 03:36:31 AM

Here's one. My wife is insisting now that I have replaced her with someone else - even though the proof exists in her imagination. We're scheduled for counseling, but how do you change someone's mind when it's already made up? I've had to move all I value out of the house into "safe havens".

Her only comment was that I should have one of my sons help me.

I know a couple where the husband decided the wife was cheating. I am sure she wasn't but it didn't matter to him. Of course he had "other" problems anyway.

They are now divorced.

She just ripped him a new asshole at church and wanted to make him walk 6-7 miles home. I stopped that of course but now she's pissed that I would tell a twenty-year-old that we were having marital problems.
Logged
Purge
Gaming Trend Staff
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 18616



View Profile WWW
« Reply #101 on: November 15, 2010, 01:58:39 AM »

Quote from: Scuzz on November 05, 2010, 10:26:35 PM

And once you cheat you have probably done the biggest thing you could do to violate the trust your spouse has in you.

Try being the half of a "partnership" who didn't decide to have kids, saw the relationship failing, and THEN the other one decided to stop taking bc pills and staging an event.

Cheating on someone makes them feel like shit. Tying lies on top of the love of your child is pretty effen horrible too - and them tying themselves to your life for the rest of it with an act of violation.

 I almost wish I would have cheated - but two wrongs and all that.
Logged

"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners." - Johnny Carson
YellowKing
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 3204



View Profile
« Reply #102 on: November 15, 2010, 02:36:08 AM »

Haven't visited this thread in some time, but Purge, your analysis of my situation is completely wrong. If it helps you sleep better at night then make up whatever fictions you like to justify my dad's behavior. But I've had many talks with him over the years and it boils down to the fact that he made mistakes that there was no justification for.

Perhaps the love between my mom and dad had dissipated. Might have been the fact that he was an insanely jealous individual who was quick to accuse my mom of indiscretion even as he was running around on the side. Or maybe it was the fact he had no interest in raising his kids. Or maybe his insane temper which resulted in holes punched in every wall over the slightest irritation.

My mom bent over backwards to put up with that shit for the sake of her kids. For years. And it's not a matter of mom telling me lies about dad. I lived it and I saw it with my own eyes.

Sorry for your situation, and I'm certainly not saying every case is as black and white as mine was. But I'd prefer my mom not be held up as a possible example of some frigid ice queen that caused her innocent husband to cheat on her.

[Edit] Sorry if this post sounded a little harsh, and I didn't mean it to be a "mean" attack on Purge, just a statement of fact. As you can tell it is just kind of a touchy subject with me, particularly when I have seen guys trying to justify it in a variety of lame ways.
« Last Edit: November 15, 2010, 09:20:14 PM by YellowKing » Logged
Default
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 370


View Profile
« Reply #103 on: November 17, 2010, 01:43:56 PM »

Oh Jesus fucking Christ. This has gone from bad to worse.

Quote
If you're reading this article, you probably already know all too well that most wives and girlfriends have a little antennae that can't help but go off when something is "off" or wrong with your husband, your boyfriend, and your marriage.  Sometimes, this antennae goes off when he's having problems at work, is experiencing other stress, or is worrying about something.

But, most of us can tell the difference between this and something different – something that has to do with his feelings about us and / or the marriage.  Often, we'll ask about this and will be told that we're wrong, mistaken, or paranoid.  Still, the worrisome feeling just won't go away.  You try to come up with the logical explanations. You tell yourself that he's under a great deal of stress, but these things just don't ring true.  This is more than run of the mill distractedness.

So, you vow that you're going to start sniffing around.  You need to know the truth, but you don't know where to start.  Below, I'll tell you some easy ways to catch a cheating husband or boyfriend– ways that will avoid your getting caught and harming the relationship on the rare chance you're wrong.

Start By Verifying The Excuses And Identifying The Lies:  It can really help to take inventory on what's making you suspicious. Is he working late too much? Are there unidentified phone calls? Is he putting too many miles on the car? Is he telling little white lies that seemingly don't mean anything but you think are a symptom of something else? Make a list of these things and then follow up on them, one by one.

If he's working late, arrange to stop by or go by his office on one of his marathon work sessions and check up on him.  (Bring dinner if you want him to see you or bring shopping bags if you don't. You can always feign that you were running errands.) If he isn't there, obviously, this is a huge lie that you need to dig down.

If you see weird texts or cell phone numbers, then there are websites where you can easily find out who the cell belongs to. Once you have the name, you can go on DA Plus or your county property appraiser's office to see who lives at that address.   Basically, you can dig down anything that gives you pause.

Often with cheating husbands, you'll find that they start to slip up about seemingly unrelated things.  He'll tell you had pizza for lunch and then you'll find hamburger wrappers in his car.  He'll tell you that his boss is away for the weekend but then you'll see the boss at the grocery store.  What does this have to with anything?  A lot, potentially.  Because catching these little inconsistencies often shows you that he's having a problem keeping track of all of the lies.

Go Exactly Where He Doesn't Want You To Go: Almost always, cheating husbands leave something for you to go on.  They may be totally meticulous and think that they've been careful, but they always slip up eventually.  See if he's been clearing the cache or Internet history on your computer.  See if he's added in a new account to forward on Gmail.  Notice if he's begun to lock the glove compartment of his car.  Take notice if he suddenly doesn't want you near his cell phone or if he's changed the email password.  All of these things will tell you that wherever he doesn't want you to be, that's EXACTLY where the information and proof is hidden.  So, take it to the next step and get the software or tools that will allow you to get your hands on this information.  Most all of this information can be retrieved.

Follow Him – Either In Person Or With Technologically:  The easiest way to find out what your husband is doing is to follow him or have a friend do this.  Many wives can not bring themselves to do this. It seems too invasive and just wrong.  In this case, you can track him via a GPS monitor that you put on the underside of his car. Or, you can get software that will track his cell phone and his computer activity.  Not only that, it will give you a print out of everything, even the deleted stuff.

Alternatively, many people will use Google Earth because you can plug in the address that you got from reverse looking up the cell phone.  Many people have success with this, but sometimes the photos on Google Earth are old and are not in real time.  That's why I really like the technology tools that are both in real time and which you have control over.

I was in this same situation a short time ago. My heart knew that he was cheating, but my head didn't want to acknowledge it. After thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read a very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/


Read more: http://www.articlesbase.com/infidelity-articles/how-do-i-catch-him-cheating-on-me-3467865.html#ixzz15XtfJJX5
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution

My wife has been erasing her history for a couple of months and now I know why. I still don't understand why she thinks I am cheating on her, but her jealousy knows no bounds. We had an argument on monday and I insisted yet again, that I have never done anything improper, I've never had sex or kissed the friend in question. (Actually, I've kissed her twice on the top of her head and there was nothing remotely sexual about it. Considering that I've probably kissed her best friend once or twice, I don't believe I'm a bad person.)
 saywhat Her response was "You haven't, but it's only a matter of time".  saywhat

Been sleeping on the couch (my choice) since then. She has started taking her computer to bed with her, so I can't crack into it. As if it even matters. She's keeping track of every inconsistency that comes out of my mouth and chalking it up as a deliberate lie.

The sad thing is, I catch her having an affair five years ago, right before it turned sexual. I ran the other guy off and completely rearranged my life to give her what she was lacking in our marriage, right down to going to college online, rather than a prestigious local university, so I could be home every night to give her the quality time she wanted. I also gave her whatever she wanted. I didn't argue about the way she controlled the finances, although I didn't like it. I gave into her choices for vacations, because all I wanted was her to be happy. Instead, all I ended up doing was creating a spoiled child.

And now she thinks I'm running around because she did it.

« Last Edit: November 17, 2010, 01:45:34 PM by Default » Logged
Morgul
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1075


View Profile
« Reply #104 on: November 17, 2010, 01:51:45 PM »

Having survived a 8 year marriage the only thing I have to say is:

Thank god I am single.

I wake up, and I think...   Buy black ops today?   Maybe go drinking tonight?   Breakfast and some expresso?

No debating about where the money goes, what to do on Sat night, what I am going to buy the kids for Christmas, etc.

No fooking way I would ever get married again.

But, to each his own.   My marriage was a nightmare with a crazy, jealous controlling bitch and I am so glad I buried it.

Divorce sucks, but it gets better when the smoke clears.  


But, neither of us cheated.  I waited to I had the papers in my hand signed by the judge to start hitting it.


Logged
Blackadar
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 3458



View Profile
« Reply #105 on: November 17, 2010, 02:03:49 PM »

Quote from: Scuzz on November 05, 2010, 10:34:54 PM

If your eyes wander...your normal. If you cheat...your not.

Actually, it's estimated that between 30% and 60% (studies by Buss and Shackleford amongst others) of people cheat on their spouse at least once during their lifetimes.  I'm not saying that makes it right, but it does make it pretty darn normal...
« Last Edit: November 17, 2010, 02:05:58 PM by Blackadar » Logged

Raise the bridge! I have an erection!
Purge
Gaming Trend Staff
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 18616



View Profile WWW
« Reply #106 on: November 17, 2010, 02:38:08 PM »

Quote from: YellowKing on November 15, 2010, 02:36:08 AM

[Edit] Sorry if this post sounded a little harsh, and I didn't mean it to be a "mean" attack on Purge, just a statement of fact. As you can tell it is just kind of a touchy subject with me, particularly when I have seen guys trying to justify it in a variety of lame ways.

What I was separating is the act of cheating from "throwing away a relationship with the kids", or invalidating a cheater as a viable parent. THEY LET PEOPLE IN PRISON see their kids. The act of consensual extramarital sex doesn't send people to prison (at least in my country), so why the fuck would we accept upon ourselves a punishment worse than that?

Now, you've just listed other elements about your father (such as rage, jealousy, etc) and you cannot expect proper behaviour from unhealthy people.

Just to let you know: I sleep just fine at night, and I'm in my own horrid situation created (for a large part) by my eldest son's mother. With regards to your dad, I have stated numerous times that I don't know the situation, and since you hadn't elaborated I was speaking in generalities that fit in the little info you gave. I haven't taken your response personally and you are entitled to your opinion - that being said there are many people who get tied up in shouldering guilt far beyond normal measure, and while I can regret any number of decisions I've made 10+ years ago I cannot let it kill my life or my own happiness in the present. (just for clarification I have never gone outside my relationship for sex or affection - perhaps that would have helped me in the long run if opportunities were taken years ago... icon_twisted )

IMHO, a parents MUST DO list is:
1) provide nourishment
2) provide safety/shelter
3) provide a skillset needed to survive
4) provide education

Entertainment doesn't fit in the MUST list. It's a WANT, or a NICE TO HAVE. Each parent needs to bring elements to the table, and when there is only one parent, they then shoulder this burden alone. In that list, you don't see "fidelity to a partner". It doesn't fit with a parenting set. Nor does trusting another person. As a parent, at a basic level, I need to concern myself with my child(ren) and their immediate needs. The education can be "lead by example" or by "do as I say, not as I do". We all do both to some extent, and while your dad may have given you bad examples of how to lead your life, it still taught you.

I don't want to make this thread about parents alone, or your own situation. If your dad still harbors resentment, guilt, etc, then perhaps he hasn't forgiven himself, and perhaps nobody else has either. Have you?

<shrug> Either way, it ain't my life, and I don't haven't pretended to know what devils lie in the details to your fathers history.

FTR - my biological father was a pathological cheater. My dad is not. I don't condone the act of cheating, but I don't see things in black and white. There is more than just one flavor of infidelity, and some of them aren't acts of malice or indifference. The simple fact that the same brush is used means that for every person who's killed someone in self-defense or in an accident should ALSO be in jail for murder.

The result, not the circumstance, then dictates the punishment without room for consideration or appeal.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2010, 02:48:28 PM by Purge » Logged

"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners." - Johnny Carson
Laner
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 4694


Badassfully


View Profile WWW
« Reply #107 on: November 17, 2010, 04:44:45 PM »

Quote from: Blackadar on November 17, 2010, 02:03:49 PM

Quote from: Scuzz on November 05, 2010, 10:34:54 PM

If your eyes wander...your normal. If you cheat...your not.

Actually, it's estimated that between 30% and 60% (studies by Buss and Shackleford amongst others) of people cheat on their spouse at least once during their lifetimes.  I'm not saying that makes it right, but it does make it pretty darn normal...

Well, common, anyway.  It's certainly not "normal".
Logged
rickfc
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 5651


Why so serious?


View Profile
« Reply #108 on: November 17, 2010, 04:48:47 PM »

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 01:43:56 PM

now she thinks I'm running around because she did it.


Do you think she could be having an affair now?  Guilt often makes people paranoid.
Logged
Scuzz
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1700



View Profile
« Reply #109 on: November 17, 2010, 05:22:32 PM »

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 01:43:56 PM

Oh Jesus fucking Christ. This has gone from bad to worse.

Quote
If you're reading this article, you probably already know all too well that most wives and girlfriends have a little antennae that can't help but go off when something is "off" or wrong with your husband, your boyfriend, and your marriage.  Sometimes, this antennae goes off when he's having problems at work, is experiencing other stress, or is worrying about something.

But, most of us can tell the difference between this and something different – something that has to do with his feelings about us and / or the marriage.  Often, we'll ask about this and will be told that we're wrong, mistaken, or paranoid.  Still, the worrisome feeling just won't go away.  You try to come up with the logical explanations. You tell yourself that he's under a great deal of stress, but these things just don't ring true.  This is more than run of the mill distractedness.

So, you vow that you're going to start sniffing around.  You need to know the truth, but you don't know where to start.  Below, I'll tell you some easy ways to catch a cheating husband or boyfriend– ways that will avoid your getting caught and harming the relationship on the rare chance you're wrong.

Start By Verifying The Excuses And Identifying The Lies:  It can really help to take inventory on what's making you suspicious. Is he working late too much? Are there unidentified phone calls? Is he putting too many miles on the car? Is he telling little white lies that seemingly don't mean anything but you think are a symptom of something else? Make a list of these things and then follow up on them, one by one.

If he's working late, arrange to stop by or go by his office on one of his marathon work sessions and check up on him.  (Bring dinner if you want him to see you or bring shopping bags if you don't. You can always feign that you were running errands.) If he isn't there, obviously, this is a huge lie that you need to dig down.

If you see weird texts or cell phone numbers, then there are websites where you can easily find out who the cell belongs to. Once you have the name, you can go on DA Plus or your county property appraiser's office to see who lives at that address.   Basically, you can dig down anything that gives you pause.

Often with cheating husbands, you'll find that they start to slip up about seemingly unrelated things.  He'll tell you had pizza for lunch and then you'll find hamburger wrappers in his car.  He'll tell you that his boss is away for the weekend but then you'll see the boss at the grocery store.  What does this have to with anything?  A lot, potentially.  Because catching these little inconsistencies often shows you that he's having a problem keeping track of all of the lies.

Go Exactly Where He Doesn't Want You To Go: Almost always, cheating husbands leave something for you to go on.  They may be totally meticulous and think that they've been careful, but they always slip up eventually.  See if he's been clearing the cache or Internet history on your computer.  See if he's added in a new account to forward on Gmail.  Notice if he's begun to lock the glove compartment of his car.  Take notice if he suddenly doesn't want you near his cell phone or if he's changed the email password.  All of these things will tell you that wherever he doesn't want you to be, that's EXACTLY where the information and proof is hidden.  So, take it to the next step and get the software or tools that will allow you to get your hands on this information.  Most all of this information can be retrieved.

Follow Him – Either In Person Or With Technologically:  The easiest way to find out what your husband is doing is to follow him or have a friend do this.  Many wives can not bring themselves to do this. It seems too invasive and just wrong.  In this case, you can track him via a GPS monitor that you put on the underside of his car. Or, you can get software that will track his cell phone and his computer activity.  Not only that, it will give you a print out of everything, even the deleted stuff.

Alternatively, many people will use Google Earth because you can plug in the address that you got from reverse looking up the cell phone.  Many people have success with this, but sometimes the photos on Google Earth are old and are not in real time.  That's why I really like the technology tools that are both in real time and which you have control over.

I was in this same situation a short time ago. My heart knew that he was cheating, but my head didn't want to acknowledge it. After thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read a very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/


Read more: http://www.articlesbase.com/infidelity-articles/how-do-i-catch-him-cheating-on-me-3467865.html#ixzz15XtfJJX5
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution

My wife has been erasing her history for a couple of months and now I know why. I still don't understand why she thinks I am cheating on her, but her jealousy knows no bounds. We had an argument on monday and I insisted yet again, that I have never done anything improper, I've never had sex or kissed the friend in question. (Actually, I've kissed her twice on the top of her head and there was nothing remotely sexual about it. Considering that I've probably kissed her best friend once or twice, I don't believe I'm a bad person.)
 saywhat Her response was "You haven't, but it's only a matter of time".  saywhat

Been sleeping on the couch (my choice) since then. She has started taking her computer to bed with her, so I can't crack into it. As if it even matters. She's keeping track of every inconsistency that comes out of my mouth and chalking it up as a deliberate lie.

The sad thing is, I catch her having an affair five years ago, right before it turned sexual. I ran the other guy off and completely rearranged my life to give her what she was lacking in our marriage, right down to going to college online, rather than a prestigious local university, so I could be home every night to give her the quality time she wanted. I also gave her whatever she wanted. I didn't argue about the way she controlled the finances, although I didn't like it. I gave into her choices for vacations, because all I wanted was her to be happy. Instead, all I ended up doing was creating a spoiled child.

And now she thinks I'm running around because she did it.



I don't remember if you said you had done this but have you sat down with her and offered to let her check everything you have........and have you told her what you just told us..about all the changes you made to accommodate her.

It sounds like outside counseling would be a good idea.
Logged
Default
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 370


View Profile
« Reply #110 on: November 17, 2010, 08:39:14 PM »

My wife is running off the guilt of 5 years ago.
My laptop has never had a password and Firefox was set to remember all my passwords. Admittedly, my best female friend and I get a little raunchy in our comments, but never have we mentioned anything suggesting that we were intimate with each other.

As far as teh wife having an affair, I have no smurfin' clue. I wouldn't think so, but the "injured wife" behavior suggested by those cheating husband websites also mimic the wife having an affair.
The funny thing is this information-gathering suggests that she is saving it to use it in a divorce - wouldn't it be hilarious if I ended up divorced over someone's imagination?

Counseling starts tomorrow night, her insistence.

Scuzz, she knows all the sacrifices that I've made for her - I guess I'm just not allowed to have friends with vaginae.
Logged
Blackadar
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 3458



View Profile
« Reply #111 on: November 17, 2010, 09:13:09 PM »

Quote from: Laner on November 17, 2010, 04:44:45 PM

Quote from: Blackadar on November 17, 2010, 02:03:49 PM

Quote from: Scuzz on November 05, 2010, 10:34:54 PM

If your eyes wander...your normal. If you cheat...your not.

Actually, it's estimated that between 30% and 60% (studies by Buss and Shackleford amongst others) of people cheat on their spouse at least once during their lifetimes.  I'm not saying that makes it right, but it does make it pretty darn normal...

Well, common, anyway.  It's certainly not "normal".

World English Dictionary
normal  (ˈnɔːm ə l)
 — adj
1.    usual; regular; common

Logged

Raise the bridge! I have an erection!
gellar
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 9010


I'm a dolphin!


View Profile
« Reply #112 on: November 17, 2010, 09:35:16 PM »

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 08:39:14 PM

Admittedly, my best female friend and I get a little raunchy in our comments, but never have we mentioned anything suggesting that we were intimate with each other.

ERROR.  DANGER WILL ROBINSON.  That + Insecure Wife = Ticking Time Bomb.

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 08:39:14 PM

I guess I'm just not allowed to have friends with vaginae.

Not ones you flirt with.  If the wife is insecure, anyway.
Logged
rickfc
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 5651


Why so serious?


View Profile
« Reply #113 on: November 17, 2010, 09:45:23 PM »

Quote from: gellar on November 17, 2010, 09:35:16 PM

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 08:39:14 PM

Admittedly, my best female friend and I get a little raunchy in our comments, but never have we mentioned anything suggesting that we were intimate with each other.

ERROR.  DANGER WILL ROBINSON.  That + Insecure Wife = Ticking Time Bomb.

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 08:39:14 PM

I guess I'm just not allowed to have friends with vaginae.

Not ones you flirt with.  If the wife is insecure, anyway.

This. mucho dangero.
Logged
Blackadar
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 3458



View Profile
« Reply #114 on: November 17, 2010, 09:52:03 PM »

Quote from: rickfc on November 17, 2010, 09:45:23 PM

Quote from: gellar on November 17, 2010, 09:35:16 PM

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 08:39:14 PM

Admittedly, my best female friend and I get a little raunchy in our comments, but never have we mentioned anything suggesting that we were intimate with each other.

ERROR.  DANGER WILL ROBINSON.  That + Insecure Wife = Ticking Time Bomb.

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 08:39:14 PM

I guess I'm just not allowed to have friends with vaginae.

Not ones you flirt with.  If the wife is insecure, anyway.

This. mucho dangero.

muy peligroso
Logged

Raise the bridge! I have an erection!
rickfc
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 5651


Why so serious?


View Profile
« Reply #115 on: November 17, 2010, 10:03:02 PM »

Quote from: Blackadar on November 17, 2010, 09:52:03 PM

Quote from: rickfc on November 17, 2010, 09:45:23 PM

Quote from: gellar on November 17, 2010, 09:35:16 PM

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 08:39:14 PM

Admittedly, my best female friend and I get a little raunchy in our comments, but never have we mentioned anything suggesting that we were intimate with each other.

ERROR.  DANGER WILL ROBINSON.  That + Insecure Wife = Ticking Time Bomb.

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 08:39:14 PM

I guess I'm just not allowed to have friends with vaginae.

Not ones you flirt with.  If the wife is insecure, anyway.

This. mucho dangero.

muy peligroso




Yo senso dangero.
Logged
Default
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 370


View Profile
« Reply #116 on: November 17, 2010, 10:09:42 PM »

Give it up. It's not like I'm twentysix and my hormones rule my life. I've known this person for 13 years and she is no more interested in that type of relationship than my best male friend.

Did you read the part where my wife is always invited and welcome to any activities which she is at and yet refuses to go? If you are soooooooooooooooo concerned about your husband, why are you sitting in your chair and surfing the internet instead of bird-dogging him whenever you have the opportunity?
Logged
PR_GMR
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 3430



View Profile
« Reply #117 on: November 17, 2010, 10:29:33 PM »

Quote from: rickfc on November 17, 2010, 10:03:02 PM

Quote from: Blackadar on November 17, 2010, 09:52:03 PM

Quote from: rickfc on November 17, 2010, 09:45:23 PM

Quote from: gellar on November 17, 2010, 09:35:16 PM

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 08:39:14 PM

Admittedly, my best female friend and I get a little raunchy in our comments, but never have we mentioned anything suggesting that we were intimate with each other.

ERROR.  DANGER WILL ROBINSON.  That + Insecure Wife = Ticking Time Bomb.

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 08:39:14 PM

I guess I'm just not allowed to have friends with vaginae.

Not ones you flirt with.  If the wife is insecure, anyway.

This. mucho dangero.

muy peligroso




Yo senso dangero.

Yo siento peligro. Corrected for proper spanish.  icon_razz
Logged
gellar
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 9010


I'm a dolphin!


View Profile
« Reply #118 on: November 17, 2010, 10:31:11 PM »

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 10:09:42 PM

Give it up. It's not like I'm twentysix and my hormones rule my life. I've known this person for 13 years and she is no more interested in that type of relationship than my best male friend.

Did you read the part where my wife is always invited and welcome to any activities which she is at and yet refuses to go? If you are soooooooooooooooo concerned about your husband, why are you sitting in your chair and surfing the internet instead of bird-dogging him whenever you have the opportunity?

Look, I'm not saying she's in the right here.  The last thing I'd EVER be caught in is a relationship where my significant other was the least bit insecure.  I'm just saying it shouldn't take a rocket scientist to have seen this one coming.
Logged
Scuzz
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1700



View Profile
« Reply #119 on: November 17, 2010, 10:40:01 PM »

Quote from: Default on November 17, 2010, 08:39:14 PM

My wife is running off the guilt of 5 years ago.
My laptop has never had a password and Firefox was set to remember all my passwords. Admittedly, my best female friend and I get a little raunchy in our comments, but never have we mentioned anything suggesting that we were intimate with each other.

As far as teh wife having an affair, I have no smurfin' clue. I wouldn't think so, but the "injured wife" behavior suggested by those cheating husband websites also mimic the wife having an affair.
The funny thing is this information-gathering suggests that she is saving it to use it in a divorce - wouldn't it be hilarious if I ended up divorced over someone's imagination?

Counseling starts tomorrow night, her insistence.

Scuzz, she knows all the sacrifices that I've made for her - I guess I'm just not allowed to have friends with vaginae.

In my years of marriage (29) I have had few "woman" friends. The last one I corresponded with was someone I knew in high school...she had dated several friends of mine but not me. We kept running into each other at funerals. My wife finally met her last year when we went to her wedding with one of those friends of mine who had recently divorced his wife.      nod
Logged
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.19 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.26 seconds with 105 queries. (Pretty URLs adds 0.042s, 2q)