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Author Topic: GT, help me with my dating ineptness!  (Read 4293 times)
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TheMissingLink
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« on: May 29, 2006, 07:12:31 PM »

I shit you not, I met this girl off of Craigslist.  Yeah.  Basically I decided to post that I had just lost 35lbs and was ready to EMBRACE THE SUMMER and find a nice girl to share it with me, and she contacted me.

TML jokingly: "Why exactly did you decide to respond to a personal on Craigslist?"
TML's cute-as-hell date: "Why exactly did you post a personal on Craigslist?"

Touché.

Fast forward a healthy number of MySpace messages, too many text's than my plan really allows, and 2 dates later, and I really like this girl.  But there hasn't been any kissing / cuddling, which worries me, because if I don't do something soon, I may find myself in "friend" mode.  

Because, I'm totally getting that vibe (the I-like-you vibe), but I think my problem is that I'm hesitent because things are going *so* well, I don't want to make it weird, mess it up, etc.

Oh, wise relationship experts here at GT, what do I do?  Suck it up, plant a kiss?  Start with a little cuddling?  Hold her hand!?  Start SMALL and work my way up rather than just going for it all?  

Something needs to happen on the 3rd date, I think we can all agree on that...
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VynlSol
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« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2006, 07:30:24 PM »

Hold her hand, kiss her...you already know what to do, you're just worried about how she will respond.

Seize the day! She may go with it or she may put you off, but either way you'll know where you stand and you may very well be pleasantly suprised at the outcome smile
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« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2006, 07:39:13 PM »

Quote from: "The Collective Wisdom of Gone Gold"
Get her drunk and put it in her butt.

It had to be said.

But seriously, VynlSol has it right... you need to make some kind of move - probably a kiss would be the thing.
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« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2006, 07:42:34 PM »

Tease her a bit on safe stuff (like if she's in excellent shape don't be afraid to tell her to stay away from the cheesecake, clearly it's getting to her)... take her out of her comfort zone, and this makes her attracted to you. Don't go for the cutesy hand-holding unless it's appropriate.

Do some wining and dining, take her out to a club and get her going. Don't go to one club and hang there; catch a few dances, and maybe go do something more intimate.

Stimulate her; if you stay static or seem unsure of yourself you'll fall into the "friend" role. It's the way it goes, it would seem.

Don't ask me why. It works. :: shrug ::

-1995,96 champion "woman's best friend"
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DarkEL
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« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2006, 08:46:24 PM »

I say go for it.

No girl wants a guy who plays it safe or only makes a move after she's broadcast a 101 signals that it's okay.

So suck it up, swallow hard and next time you're out with her either reach over to hold her hand sometime while you're walking or lean in for the kiss good night at end of the night. But make sure your intentions are known.

Worst case is that the girl just tells you that she's sorry but she doesn't want that kind of relationship with you. Any girl even halfway cool would just let it go at that and continue to be friends with you.
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Semaj
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« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2006, 11:04:15 PM »

sporry, I'm stuck at this whole not getting any on the first date part... I dont understand how that ever happens *cough*

ANYWAYS

I hope to god you have been flirting hardcore as opposed to acting all gentlemanly.  You dont not want to act like you want ot be just friends or thats exactly what will happen.

You get the she digs you vibe, then act on it woman, she isnt going to initiate or she would have by now.  

You have three real choices as far as I can see, 1 - drink more... you'll lose some inhibitions and make the first move if your are too sissy normally.

2 - Be a man and make the first move stone cold sober.  Just think to yourself: What would Brett Farve Do?

3) Dont make a move and get stuck in the friends zone forever.  I hear there is also some demasculation and a bit of crying involved.
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WinoMcCougarstein
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« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2006, 11:17:27 PM »

Quote from: "Semaj"
What would Brett Farve Do?


Listen to this guy, he knows what he is talking about...  (PS:  r before v except after following Brett Fa).

My guess is that if she is meeting guys off craigslist she is probably kind of shy.  

Sandra (my wife) says:  She is probably waiting for you to make the first move... but dont go too fast.  She probably wants to get to know you better.  Dont get discouraged!!
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« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2006, 12:42:42 AM »

By the way, if you want a first kiss...

Call her up and tell her you want to take her out to lunch.  Pack a picnic, pick her up and drive to Multnomah Falls.  Eat lunch at the top and on the way back down stop at the bridge and ask to take a picture.  Then tell her how pretty she looks, and you are almost guaranteed a kiss.  It sounds super cheesy, but I promise it will work.
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« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2006, 12:55:12 AM »

Women expect men to be dogs....so oblige her.

Seriously, go for it....and keep going, and going.

If she stops you, just say that it's been awhile, and that you really like her.

Better to be known as a regular guy acting like a dog, than some schmuck that she laughs about with her friends cause you're too afraid to do it.
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TheMissingLink
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« Reply #9 on: May 30, 2006, 01:38:31 AM »

Rough crowd!

Jeremy, I like that idea.  May do that this week if the rain holds off for a few days...

I guess all I wanted/needed was a kick in the butt.  I've had my man-card revoked for awhile (bought Disney Princess cereal the other day), but I guess I just gotta do this.  And when I do, I hope I get my man-card back.   :lol:

And yeah! I've purposely been taking it slow...the last girl I dated, we made-out the night of our first date and it was really weird after that.  So, I've been being cautious, waiting for the right moment.  But the right moment's gonna be the third date slywink
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« Reply #10 on: May 30, 2006, 02:50:49 AM »

Quote from: "GatorFavre"
Call her up and tell her you want to take her out to lunch.  Pack a picnic, pick her up and drive to Multnomah Falls.  Eat lunch at the top and on the way back down stop at the bridge and ask to take a picture.  Then tell her how pretty she looks, and you are almost guaranteed a kiss.  It sounds super cheesy, but I promise it will work.


OMG I'd be all over that!

Like you said, it sounds super cheesy but DAMN I think you've got a winner on your hands!  Too bad you don't live near me so I could get this kind of detailed advice.  I'm putting you on call.

My brain just doesn't work like that.
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« Reply #11 on: May 30, 2006, 03:23:01 AM »

Just call me Hitch!
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Semaj
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« Reply #12 on: May 30, 2006, 04:17:01 AM »

*chuckles*
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TheMissingLink
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« Reply #13 on: May 30, 2006, 04:28:16 AM »

WOOOOW what a picture  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
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« Reply #14 on: May 30, 2006, 12:05:53 PM »

Quote from: "DarkEl"
No girl wants a guy who plays it safe or only makes a move after she's broadcast a 101 signals that it's okay.

Translation:  Be a dickhead and the woman will fall for you.  Be a gentleman and she will walk the other way.  Exactly why I will never date.  And exactly why I continue to bitch about women and dating.  Five years later with no dating and I still don't give a crap.  It's all a stupid game to them.  I'm never going to trust a female again as long as I live.  You are better off alone.  Just look at all the posts in this thread.  It is all a game.  Do this...see if she reacts...see if she accepts...see if she blah, blah, blah.  Ugh.  It's just not worth it.  A woman wouldn't know a good man if it slapped them in the face.

These types of threads just raise my ire.  :evil:
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« Reply #15 on: May 30, 2006, 12:13:01 PM »

Do like I do.  Say I really want to kiss you, BUT I don't want to make an ass of myself.  If she giggles...then go in for the kill.  If she likes honesty then she won't have a problem with you asking.  

Or if that doesn't work you can always





Best pic EVAR!  Thanks Semaj for posting this one
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« Reply #16 on: May 30, 2006, 01:08:37 PM »

Definately one of my faves...  Which makes me a truly demented person on some level I believe.
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« Reply #17 on: May 30, 2006, 01:22:17 PM »

Quote from: "stiffler"
Quote from: "GatorFavre"
Call her up and tell her you want to take her out to lunch.  Pack a picnic, pick her up and drive to Multnomah Falls.  Eat lunch at the top and on the way back down stop at the bridge and ask to take a picture.  Then tell her how pretty she looks, and you are almost guaranteed a kiss.  It sounds super cheesy, but I promise it will work.


OMG I'd be all over that!

:shock:
Or you could ditch your third date and pick stiffler up... he's easy enough; he just gave away what works on him!!

:lol: biggrin  :twisted: biggrin  :lol:
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DarkEL
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« Reply #18 on: May 30, 2006, 01:32:58 PM »

Quote from: "Starshifter"
Quote from: "DarkEl"
No girl wants a guy who plays it safe or only makes a move after she's broadcast a 101 signals that it's okay.

Translation:  Be a dickhead and the woman will fall for you.  Be a gentleman and she will walk the other way.  Exactly why I will never date.  And exactly why I continue to bitch about women and dating.
I certainly don't think it 's like that.   I think you always have to be a gentleman, but being a gentleman doesn't mean you don't make your intentions known that you're desiring more than friendship. And I don't think it's a game. I think what most women want (emphasis on most since I've dated a few that didn't fit this model) is a man that's confident.  

Assuming that the guy is a gentleman and trustworthy (i.e. not trying to screw them somewhere very uncomfortable ...  like in the back of a Volkswagon)
My theory is that confidence translates into a lot of stuff for those types of girls.
 - It demonstrates that you could be a good leader for a family one day
 - It communicates to them that you do like them and find them attractive i.e. you kiss them because you desire them not because they put out so many signals that they 'seduced' you.
 - It allows the girl to just be swept up in the romance - just like in all the trashy romantic novels or romantic movies.

Seems that most every other animal on the planet have mating courtships where the female looks for the strongest male she can find - why should it be different w/ humans?
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DarkEL
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« Reply #19 on: May 30, 2006, 01:34:04 PM »

Quote from: "Purge"
Or you could ditch your third date and pick stiffler up... he's easy enough; he just gave away what works on him!!


+5
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« Reply #20 on: May 30, 2006, 03:42:52 PM »

We need Matrix and his dating wisdom...
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« Reply #21 on: May 30, 2006, 04:42:26 PM »

Quote from: "Laner"
We need Matrix and his dating wisdom...

That made me laugh.   Cool
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« Reply #22 on: May 30, 2006, 09:30:46 PM »

Isn't the 3rd date traditionally the last "Go-Time" date?

Generally speaking, from my experience, if some kind of action doesn't happen after the 3rd date, it isnt going to happen.
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« Reply #23 on: May 30, 2006, 09:45:22 PM »

To expand a bit further, it's always important to judge your progress.  

If anybody is familiar with the game Rummy, I like a technique I refer to as "seeding the deck".  You will purposely throw a card you can use into the discard pile, and once you judge there being enough cards you can use in the pile, you can then grab the pile starting with your "seed" and rack up some nice points.

In the same way, you want to "seed the deck" by watching for indications that your attentions are being favorably received.  One thing I like to do is make a really bad joke, and see if she laughs.  Not bad as in bad taste, just bad as in not really all that laugh-worthy.

Another thing is physical contact.  Now, this is kind of an area I have difficulty with due to my own problems with anxiety, but I understand the dynamic even though my own mental wiring causes my trouble using it.  The way it generally works is that the man should really not try to initiate much physical contact: women don't like a guy an octopus hands, always trying to grope on them (women who like this behavior tend to have issues with being needy or have self-confidence issues).  So, watch for the woman to initiate some kind of physical contact: does she touch your arm during a discussion, for example?  How does she react if you lean close and whisper something?

I guess in summary it's important to know what the "positive response" signs are, as well as the "negative response" signs.  Then you just keep a mental scorecard, and if your score is good, you move in for the "victory dance".

Unfortunately, I learned all the "positive response" signs on reflection of past failures.  Things were so much easier when I was younger, but I over-thought a majority of my situations.  Damn kids don't even realize how easy they have it!
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« Reply #24 on: May 30, 2006, 11:41:08 PM »

Quote from: "DarkEL"
Quote from: "Purge"
Or you could ditch your third date and pick stiffler up... he's easy enough; he just gave away what works on him!!


+5


Note: I may be easy but I am not cheap. Cool
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TheMissingLink
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« Reply #25 on: May 31, 2006, 12:31:45 AM »

I have thought of the *perfect* thing to do.  UNFORTUNATELY, she's having company come till the weekend...and I work on the weekend, so, it'll be awhile...

But guys, this is guaranteed gold.  I'd type it out, but I'd probably be called gay and laughed at.  BUT SERIOUSLY, it's gold.  Can't WAIT to use it.
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« Reply #26 on: May 31, 2006, 01:16:54 AM »

Quote from: "TheMissingLink"
I have thought of the *perfect* thing to do.  UNFORTUNATELY, she's having company come till the weekend...and I work on the weekend, so, it'll be awhile...

But guys, this is guaranteed gold.  I'd type it out, but I'd probably be called gay and laughed at.  BUT SERIOUSLY, it's gold.  Can't WAIT to use it.


Your going to wait outside her bedroom window and hold a boombox over your head playing "In Your Eyes"?  smile
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« Reply #27 on: May 31, 2006, 01:38:05 AM »

Quote from: "TheMissingLink"
I have thought of the *perfect* thing to do.  UNFORTUNATELY, she's having company come till the weekend...and I work on the weekend, so, it'll be awhile...

But guys, this is guaranteed gold.  I'd type it out, but I'd probably be called gay and laughed at.  BUT SERIOUSLY, it's gold.  Can't WAIT to use it.


Sounds gay already  Tongue
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« Reply #28 on: May 31, 2006, 01:55:08 AM »

Quote from: "TheMissingLink"
But guys, this is guaranteed gold.  I'd type it out, but I'd probably be called gay and laughed at.  BUT SERIOUSLY, it's gold.  Can't WAIT to use it.


If it's better that what GatorFavre mentioned I am going to come up there and throw myself at you screaming "Take me now!"

Can't believe you're not sharing. frown

I want to swoon!
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« Reply #29 on: May 31, 2006, 02:36:54 AM »

Quote from: "Nth Power"
Quote from: "TheMissingLink"
I have thought of the *perfect* thing to do.  UNFORTUNATELY, she's having company come till the weekend...and I work on the weekend, so, it'll be awhile...

But guys, this is guaranteed gold.  I'd type it out, but I'd probably be called gay and laughed at.  BUT SERIOUSLY, it's gold.  Can't WAIT to use it.


Your going to wait outside her bedroom window and hold a boombox over your head playing "In Your Eyes"?  smile

Zing!
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« Reply #30 on: May 31, 2006, 02:58:12 AM »

Quote from: "Nth Power"
Quote from: "TheMissingLink"
I have thought of the *perfect* thing to do.  UNFORTUNATELY, she's having company come till the weekend...and I work on the weekend, so, it'll be awhile...

But guys, this is guaranteed gold.  I'd type it out, but I'd probably be called gay and laughed at.  BUT SERIOUSLY, it's gold.  Can't WAIT to use it.


Your going to wait outside her bedroom window and hold a boombox over your head playing "In Your Eyes"?  smile


I think he's going to invite her over to play Kingdom Hearts 2. While dressed as Mickey.
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TheMissingLink
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« Reply #31 on: May 31, 2006, 03:28:42 AM »

"I've got something...well...something I've wanted to do for awhile.  It may be a little awkward, but I really think it's time we shared this.  And I think it'll be terrific.  I just hope you're ready and willing to give it a shot...ready?  Okay..."

*lean in*

"This handshake was taught to me, GENERATIONS AGO, by a WISE MAN..."

And I'll grab her hand, and start like, well, not caressing it, but playing with it a little and be like;

"Okay, it's not really a handshake..."

AND THEN BOOM, LEAN IN AND KISSOFY!

Brilliant, no?
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TheMissingLink
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« Reply #32 on: May 31, 2006, 03:30:31 AM »

Quote from: "Ralph-Wiggum"
Quote from: "Nth Power"
Quote from: "TheMissingLink"
I have thought of the *perfect* thing to do.  UNFORTUNATELY, she's having company come till the weekend...and I work on the weekend, so, it'll be awhile...

But guys, this is guaranteed gold.  I'd type it out, but I'd probably be called gay and laughed at.  BUT SERIOUSLY, it's gold.  Can't WAIT to use it.


Your going to wait outside her bedroom window and hold a boombox over your head playing "In Your Eyes"?  smile


I think he's going to invite her over to play Kingdom Hearts 2. While dressed as Mickey.


Hey now, she plays Guitar Hero...none of that pussy Disney stuff Tongue

You guys crack me up.
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« Reply #33 on: May 31, 2006, 03:31:16 AM »

Quote from: "TheMissingLink"
"I've got something...well...something I've wanted to do for awhile.  It may be a little awkward, but I really think it's time we shared this.  And I think it'll be terrific.  I just hope you're ready and willing to give it a shot...ready?  Okay..."

*lean in*

"This handshake was taught to me, GENERATIONS AGO, by a WISE MAN..."

And I'll grab her hand, and start like, well, not caressing it, but playing with it a little and be like;

"Okay, it's not really a handshake..."

AND THEN BOOM, LEAN IN AND KISSOFY!

Brilliant, no?


Did Chris Grenard teach you that one?  :wink:
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TheMissingLink
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« Reply #34 on: May 31, 2006, 03:35:33 AM »

Nonono, she TOTALLY digs the cutesy stuff!  

AND I DELIVER!
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« Reply #35 on: May 31, 2006, 05:01:09 AM »

TML, how old are you and how old is she?

That might work, if you guys are, I dunno, at most in your early 20s.

Or it might work even otherwise, WTF do I know?  I'm a serial hermit.

I'm a loner, Dottie, a rebel.
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« Reply #36 on: May 31, 2006, 05:06:37 AM »

:oops:
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« Reply #37 on: May 31, 2006, 05:07:09 AM »

Quote from: "unbreakable"


I'm a loner, Dottie, a rebel.


Hows it go... "Theres things about me you wouldnt understand... COULDNT understand!"  Or is it shouldnt understand?  I cant remember, its been too long since I have watched the movie.
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TheMissingLink
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« Reply #38 on: May 31, 2006, 05:09:35 AM »

I'm 23, nearly 24.

She's just 19.

(here come the "rocking the cradle" jokes!)
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« Reply #39 on: May 31, 2006, 05:43:46 AM »

Quote from: "TheMissingLink"
I'm 23, nearly 24.

She's just 19.

(here come the "rocking the cradle" jokes!)


You must be hot if you're so old and still getting the youngins! smile
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