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Author Topic: God, I hate human emotions sometimes...  (Read 3613 times)
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Sparhawk
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« on: June 17, 2005, 07:38:45 PM »

Today I was feeling, used. Like a robot for everyone's exploitment and pleasure, to get things done and expect nothing in return. Bottled up emotions finally popped the cork and I just exploded into a selfish beast that is unusual for me. I didn't mean anything I said; it is my nature to help others, but I just kinda lost it and I feel dirty and sick now for my selfish behavior.

This all started on Wednesday when I agreed to help a friend of mine help another friend with moving a fridge 40 miles to their rental property that they own. They needed this fridge delivered sometime on Monday, my only day off work, and they need me to help since I have a truck and no one else does. Usually I'm very gung ho about helping others, very eager to please those around me no matter the cost to me. I've always been this way, and I felt that this had made me a stronger person over the years.

However, today when Steve (the guy I am helping out) called to talk to me, something inside me clicked on, this ugly, dark side, and I said, "I don't really want to do this for nothing."

What the hell? Why did I say that? I couldn't believe it. He was understandably upset and hung up. Moments later his wife (Misty) calls me and ask what the deal is. I explained that I just feel like I'm being taken advantage of sometimes, I spent 3-4 hours a night at various peoples houses, for free, doing work on their computers, various task that people need help with outside of computer work, and I just have had enough.

Monday is my only day off this week, and I'd like to spend that time relaxing, I just got finished dealing with a move of my own, moving in and back out of a house, to and apartment, then back into a house again. Dealing with the leasing office, work on my bosses computer for 2-3 hours  a couple of nights ago, helping my mother clean out her basement after it flooded, helping a friend calk his windows since they were leaking water, and to top it off I've done all this after working all day (i get up at 5:30am) and dealing with crap at work.

I was relentless and not capable of listening to reason from anyone, especially her. She said, "Well I won't ask you for anything ever again then. I know what type of person you are."
 Then she hung up.

Two minutes later it hit me, "Why did I just do that?" Stress ofcourse, the feeling of being walked all over and never being lent a hand in return.  Which is not true, I get a lot of help from others too, and I never realised how much Misty and Steve meant to me until I disapointed them.

I haven't cried in years, I can't even remember the last time I did cry if that is any indication, I don't cry even while watching sad movies, or listen to a moving piece of music, or while reading books. Even when I hurt myself physically I haven't cried. Today, I cried for the first time. Not your little tear in the eye sob, I mean I cried. All the anguish, pain, stress, and desires unfulfilled, came out. Right there infront of me I realised that I wasn't going where I wanted, being who I wanted to be, I just FELL into everything and I got some lucky breaks.

All these neat little gadgets I have sitting around, that I worked so hard for, don't mean anything to me I realised. But when I hurt someone I cared about, that made me realise how much other people really meant to me.

I know it sounds so cliche and sappy, but these things don't matter without others around to share them with.

I called Steve back after I composed myself and explained to him in detail what was going on. I told him that I didn't really mean it when I said, "No, unless I get paid." Amazingly, he forgave me, and understood where I was coming from. That helped me feel a little better, but there is the matter of confronting Misty. She's working right now, but I expect I'll get a call from her later on today. I hope I can set things right with her and we can forge some trust again. I want her to understand that given my past dealings with her, that she knows that my behavior today is out of the ordinary and has nothing to do with them asking me for help, it has to do with me believing that they'd actually take advantage of me. I know that isn't true, and I should of saw that from the begining.

I wish I could take it all back, because now I have a feeling that she'll be ambivilant of ever asking me for help again.  I don't want that to happen, but I'll understand if it does.

Anyhow, this is probably the most boring post ever, but I had to get it out there.

The fridge is being moved on Monday, with my help, and after that we'll see where things go from there.

(P.S. Is true you can't lay a fridge on its back or side?)
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« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2005, 07:58:59 PM »

Stress is really shitty, we have probably all been there.
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Sparhawk
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« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2005, 08:57:48 PM »

Aye, that it is. Things have settled down a bit, still haven't talked to Misty,yet. She has a temper, so I hope she doesn't hold this against me forever. 14 years is how long I've known her, so I hope she can see that this wasn't normal for me.
 
I do think that I should probably seek therapy sometime in the future if the stress starts to get to me more often.
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« Reply #3 on: June 17, 2005, 09:05:44 PM »

Best of luck with that.  I tried the therapy thing, but it didnt work out that great for me.  But if you get what you pay for, than I supposed the little I got was the little I could afford.

Typical story- when you have no funds, you pretty much have to do everything yourself if you want to get ahead.  It's rough, but keep your friends close; the only time you will get down is when you start feeling alone.
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TheMissingLink
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« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2005, 09:39:46 PM »

Sorry to hear that, although, which the good friendship that it sounds like you have with Misty, let's hope she will accept the apology.  She most likely will.  We've all been at that point where stress/tension/etc. has just built up.  Good luck!
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« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2005, 09:51:42 PM »

I feel for you Sparhawk.  I get that same way sometimes.

I used to think I was the only person who got conflicting emotions like that, but I think almost everyone is in a constant struggle to be the person they want to be while still keeping everything straight inside their head.

It only seems to get harder, but I think experience can make the difference in handling things well.  Knowing when your emotions are in control and trying to rationalize logic back into a situation can be tough though.


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« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2005, 10:50:01 PM »

Thanks everyone.  biggrin  Still haven't heard back from Misty. Maybe I should call her and see if she heard from Steve that I am still helping out on Monday. Or I'll let her cool off for a bit, which is actually probably the best route for now.

Anyhow, I'm going to watch "The Aviator." Heard good things about the movie!

I'm not a fan of Leonardo, but maybe I'll be pleasantly suprised this time around.
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« Reply #7 on: June 17, 2005, 10:54:15 PM »

I almost get the impression a large source of your stress is your unselfishness, losing what little time you do have to relax to doing what others would have you do.  I don't know about you, but I NEED my own time, or don't function.  Maybe being a bit more selfish would actually lower your stress level?
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« Reply #8 on: June 18, 2005, 12:06:48 AM »

When she said this
Quote
I know what type of person you are."
Then she hung up.
that woulda been enough for me. It sounds like they do use you and when you have had enough they dump you and try to make it all your fault. They sound stingy and uncaring.
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« Reply #9 on: June 18, 2005, 12:16:15 AM »

Only you know for certain if they are using you.  When you are calm and unstressed, you'll know.  

As far as (P.S. Is true you can't lay a fridge on its back or side?) yes, I believe that is true.  There are problems with compressor seals and coil damage if they are on its back for any great length of time.  That said, it'll be fine for transport, just don't leave it there for a day. smile

Good luck with Misty...
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« Reply #10 on: June 18, 2005, 06:46:42 AM »

Quote from: "Interloper"
I almost get the impression a large source of your stress is your unselfishness, losing what little time you do have to relax to doing what others would have you do.  I don't know about you, but I NEED my own time, or don't function.  Maybe being a bit more selfish would actually lower your stress level?


This is very true also, and something Ive been working on myself.  A few tips-

If you really dont feel like doing something, just use a simple dodge, like saying you already have plans, or will be busy, or whatever.  Being TOO accessible is a fault- people never learn to respect your time.

Make sure people do the lead-up work before you get involved.  For example, helping people move boxes is one thing, helping them pack is quite another.

I dunno, there are lots of other ones, but I cant think of them at the moment =)
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Harpua3
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« Reply #11 on: June 18, 2005, 06:47:11 AM »

To avoid this issue I do something from time to time...Try SCREAMING as loud as possible in your car with the windows up...it seems to help me :wink: .
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« Reply #12 on: June 18, 2005, 06:52:01 AM »

Or singing "I Feel Pretty"
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Calvin
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« Reply #13 on: June 18, 2005, 06:57:56 AM »

Ok my honest opinion (well, before we get into that I am sorry you had a rough day, I am sorry you are so upset, and I really do empathize with the whole "where is my life going/I am unhappy with my life" syndrome) is this:

Fuck Misty. I don't know her, don't know a thing about her, but it sounds like she is involved in your work? You do shit for her and others all the time? Yet on your day off, feeling tired, stressed, and used, you said-"you know what, I am tired, stressed, and if you want me to do more work, carry a fucking fridge, and drive 40 miles each way, you could at least pay me overtime". Bitch responds "I know what kind of person you are." This is after you have done shit for her and others for how long?

Fuck her. End of story.
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« Reply #14 on: June 18, 2005, 02:19:07 PM »

I'm the same way - I will go out of my way to help a friend or family member, or even a co-worker, despite how much of an inconvenience it is for me.  What I eventually realized is that you have to be able to say "NO" sometimes.  If someone takes it personally, it's *their* problem, not yours.  You can't please all the people all the time, as they say... if you never give yourself a chance to relax and recharge, and never give yourself the luxury of saying no, you *will* have more episodes like what you described.  

I wish more people were like you - those that will give and give selflessly.  But at the same time, you gotta take care of yourself as well smile
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« Reply #15 on: June 18, 2005, 02:37:31 PM »

Quote from: "Sparhawk"
(P.S. Is true you can't lay a fridge on its back or side?)

My understanding is that if you do lay it on its back/side, you just have to let it sit upright for at least 24 hours before turning it on.

Do not take my word for it.
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« Reply #16 on: June 18, 2005, 02:59:16 PM »

Quote from: "Laner"
I'm the same way - I will go out of my way to help a friend or family member, or even a co-worker, despite how much of an inconvenience it is for me.  What I eventually realized is that you have to be able to say "NO" sometimes.  If someone takes it personally, it's *their* problem, not yours.  You can't please all the people all the time, as they say... if you never give yourself a chance to relax and recharge, and never give yourself the luxury of saying no, you *will* have more episodes like what you described.  

I wish more people were like you - those that will give and give selflessly.  But at the same time, you gotta take care of yourself as well smile


Agreed.

Oh, I kinda agree with Rage about Misty, too.  :wink:
She shouldn't have been so quick to chastise you over this, I think.
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« Reply #17 on: June 18, 2005, 04:52:47 PM »

Since I moved to the top of our mountain I relieve stress by going out and sawing down trees.We needed the wood and it was a great stress reliever for me. If I was really pissed I'd chop one down with an axe instead of using the chain saw.
In my earlier years I had something of a problem with my anger. For instance those stupid Mattel electronic games.I'd get mad and throw em into the wall or something. Man,would I feel great right after that.
I have since learned to control my temper. Inside my head I just say "Fuck You!" but on the outside I look perfectly normal. By just saying my "magic words" as I call them,greatly reduces my stess and I'm able to carry on without being upset,usually.
I haven't even shot at anybody in years,altho I did glare at a kid riding his four wheeler up and down our road and turning around in our driveway.And yes,I was holding my 12 gauge pump while glaring. Haven't seen him in months.  :wink:
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« Reply #18 on: June 18, 2005, 05:50:41 PM »

Quote from: "dbt1949"
Since I moved to the top of our mountain I relieve stress by going out and sawing down trees.We needed the wood and it was a great stress reliever for me. If I was really pissed I'd chop one down with an axe instead of using the chain saw.
In my earlier years I had something of a problem with my anger. For instance those stupid Mattel electronic games.I'd get mad and throw em into the wall or something. Man,would I feel great right after that.
I have since learned to control my temper. Inside my head I just say "Fuck You!" but on the outside I look perfectly normal. By just saying my "magic words" as I call them,greatly reduces my stess and I'm able to carry on without being upset,usually.
I haven't even shot at anybody in years,altho I did glare at a kid riding his four wheeler up and down our road and turning around in our driveway.And yes,I was holding my 12 gauge pump while glaring. Haven't seen him in months.  :wink:


I seriously, deeply, man-heart you.
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« Reply #19 on: June 20, 2005, 07:51:49 AM »

Yeah, unless your half of the conversation with Misty had a really harsh tone or something, I think she definitely owes you a serious apology as well.  I mean "I know what kind of person you are" for asking for payment for help?  She's not entitled to your labor or anything.

That said, since they're good friends, you should make nice regardless.
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« Reply #20 on: June 20, 2005, 10:59:33 AM »

You should tell her you were looking for anal sex, not money.
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« Reply #21 on: June 21, 2005, 12:25:28 AM »

Aren't we all? biggrin slywink

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« Reply #22 on: June 21, 2005, 01:52:45 AM »

Quote from: "Rhinohelix"
Aren't we all? biggrin slywink

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« Reply #23 on: June 21, 2005, 02:45:34 AM »

Quote from: "CrayolaSmoker"
Quote from: "Rhinohelix"
Aren't we all? biggrin slywink

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Greedy mofo, ain'tcha? biggrin
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« Reply #24 on: June 21, 2005, 04:21:07 AM »

Update: Well I helped move the fridge today, in the lovely 92 degree heat (I am one of those strange people that prefer cold weather), and everything went well. He paid me $20.00 and let me drink a couple of beers.

All is well in the Universe. Except for never hearing back from his wife, though, according to him, she is not upset anylonger. We both laughed at that point because we know what a bloody crock of shit that is, so we drank our beers and we both prayed we'll see the end of the year with our throats in one piece.
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« Reply #25 on: June 21, 2005, 04:27:14 AM »

Quote from: "Sparhawk"
Update: Well I helped move the fridge today, in the lovely 92 degree heat (I am one of those strange people that prefer cold weather), and everything went well. He paid me $20.00 and let me drink a couple of beers.

All is well in the Universe. Except for never hearing back from his wife, though, according to him, she is not upset anylonger. We both laughed at that point because we know what a bloody crock of shit that is, so we drank our beers and we both prayed we'll see the end of the year with our throats in one piece.


Seriously dude, why you are not understanding what a total, pathetic, bitch this woman is being is beyond me. I wouldn't want to be friends with her, and I pity her husband. Anyone that overreacts this badly over something that she had NO RIGHT to overreact in the first place is just first class mentally underdeveloped.
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« Reply #26 on: June 21, 2005, 11:48:42 AM »

Have you dealt with many women?
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« Reply #27 on: June 21, 2005, 03:04:02 PM »

Quote from: "unbreakable"
Have you dealt with many women?


HA!  :mrgreen:
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« Reply #28 on: June 21, 2005, 04:55:44 PM »

Quote from: "unbreakable"
Have you dealt with many women?
Yes, thank you, and any that act like the woman in question here I no longer deal with. Simple enough for you?
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« Reply #29 on: June 21, 2005, 06:31:37 PM »

Quote from: "Rage"
Quote from: "unbreakable"
Have you dealt with many women?
Yes, thank you, and any that act like the woman in question here I no longer deal with. Simple enough for you?


dont get all bent out of shape, I was just making a joke.
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« Reply #30 on: June 21, 2005, 06:48:15 PM »

Quote from: "Rage"
Quote from: "unbreakable"
Have you dealt with many women?
Yes, thank you, and any that act like the woman in question here I no longer deal with. Simple enough for you?


So you no longer have dealings with women?
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« Reply #31 on: June 21, 2005, 10:39:52 PM »

Quote from: "unbreakable"
dont get all bent out of shape...


Um...  His name is Rage.
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« Reply #32 on: June 21, 2005, 10:43:25 PM »

Quote from: "CrayolaSmoker"
Um...  His name is Rage.


Anyone with a Spaceman Spiff avatar gets leeway with me  :lol:
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« Reply #33 on: June 27, 2005, 01:45:58 PM »

I’m the kind of guy who makes it a point to to deal with my problems myself, and I very rarely need tangible help from others. When I do need help, I ask my girlfriend or family for it. I have few people I would call actual friends, but as I understand it, quite a few people consider me their friend, but I guess the definition differs. I like to help people, and though I’ve become somewhat lazy over the years, I never had a problem with helping others. However, as soon as people start expecting my help, without merit, I back off immediately. I am also the kind of guy who has absolutely no problem informing people when they’ve crossed the line, and I generally don’t feel bad about refusing to help. This has taken some effort on my part, I can assure you, but I feel I’ve come to a point where I feel very comfortable refusing to help other people, even if it’s simply a matter of me being too lazy.

That said, I have a wonderful relationship with my close family, and I will always help them no matter what. The reverse is also true, so I guess I’m just a lucky guy.

My point is, I guess, that I think you should discover who you are in relation to this problem, and reach a place where you can comfortable turn people down when you’re not feeling up to it. No matter what you choose to do, I certainly don’t see any benefit from you feeling so bad about it.
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