Funniest & Saddest E-mail I've Ever Seen (Now w/ Pic!)

[whiteboyskim]

The following e-mail was sent out to everyone at my wife's law school tonight. I've gone through and removed a few things, but otherwise left it in tact and this is hands-down one of the funniest and saddest things I've ever had the pleasure of putting out on the internet where it doesn't belong.

Greetings Future Lawyers!  My name is *excised*, and
I am a 1L in section 1.  To cut to the chase, this
email is a school wide broadcast about something I
know is on all of our minds, and something that is
especially close to my heart.  Any guesses?  That's
right, its the Barrister's Ball.  I apologize up front
for my candor, and I know the ball is not coming up
immediately, but I am never one to leave anything to
chance, and the bottom line is, I need a date.
  What exactly is a Barrister?  (see generally
www.dictionary.com where it says a barrister is
counsel admitted to plead at the bar and undertake the
public trial of causes in an English superior court;
compare to a solicitor).  That is exactly what I am
doing, I am soliciting.  Symbolic?  Perhaps.
Poignant?  Definitely.  I know that traditionally men
invite women to dances, but in our everly progressive,
post-modern society, I think that if a woman wants
something, she should go get it.
   I am including a picture of myself, and I am sure
alot of you will recognize me from school.  I tend to
hang around the faculty offices, but I am up and down
the halls alot.
click to see my picture

*link removed*

   After looking at my picture I am sure I have some
takers immediately, and while my looks are sufficient
to base a decision on, I would prefer to have a guy
ask me because of who I am.  I have a big heart, and
an open mind.  I love poetry, sappy movies, theater, 4
leaf clovers, massages, and romantic dinners.  I also
have my wild side though.  My parents have a new dodge
caravan that they let me take out on the weekends, and
me and my crew really dominate the downtown area with
it.  I like hitting the ball too hard at the miniature
golf course, I don't wait 30 minutes after eating to
swim, and I am not scared of a little unplanned hand
holding.  I am looking for a guy who is not scared of
a woman like me, but who looks forward to a spring
evening of spontaneity.  I am going to wear a
strapless (calm down guys, I will either wear band-aids
or pasties underneath) dress to the dance that will be
short, but long enough to cover my slip.  Closed towed
shoes?  You betcha...I didnt watch Mtv's Wade Robson
Project for nothing!  I mentioned the minivan earlier,
and my dad already said I could have it for the dance.
It is an '05 model and it has the leather package,
and the dvd player in it, so if the dance is lame we
can watch the English Patient or something.
   I know I sent this email to the entire school,
and I have 2 points I would like to make about that.
1.  I would be lying if I did not already have a short
list of people I would like to go with, and I would
feel ashamed if I did not give them all shout outs in
this email.
a) to the man that used to write the diary of a first
you student who was de-throned in an administrative
coupe' d'tat:  I like your style, and I like your
moves.  We need to meet.
b) to the 2L who is drives the maroon durango with the
texas a&m sticker on it:  Your skater style is
appreciated by the ladies
c) to the recently clean shaven 1L who knows how to
have fun at sba socials, and really doesnt mind a
night in the pokey:  you had me at "mortar forker"
d)  to the supreme court bound 1L texas longhorn, who
is not afraid to put half a can of copenhagen is his
mouth during class, and sure is not afraid of some
obnoxious eagles fan:  keep ME on your short list
e)  to the man that drives the hummer, and the man
that rides the grey motorcycle with the flame paint
job:  can we talk about the possibility of you both
going with me at once?

2.  I know alot of girls got this email, so if you all
know anyone that might like to go with me, feel free
to pass the word along.  I gone to alot of dances
alone, and I am not going to let that happen this
time.  Carpe Diem!

Guys, we are all in this togethers, so feel free to
email me back with questions, comments, suggestions or
viruses.  - *name excised*

Having seen the picture in question (which will not be PM'd to people) I can say that she's average at best, and far from "all that & a bag o' chips." Consider this my little contribution to Internet Humiliation for the evening.

[Calvin]

That is truly one of the saddest and most pathetic things I have ever read.

Wow.


Please link the picture for our enjoyment. You cant offer this much and then take away dessert.

[Doopri]

i thought it was cute

[Ralph-Wiggum]

Is that for real? Did she really talk about borrowing her parent's Dodge Caravan for the weekends? Is it possible that someone else sent this out as a joke?

And please, I beg you - give us the link to the picture. She sent it out to a whole law school - she can't be too conserned about privacy.

[Blackadar]

The pic is 100% necessary for the full evaluation of the post.

[coopasonic]

I'm a bit frightened at the poor use of the english language by a law student. I hope english is not her primary language. It's too ridiculous to be real, but just sad enough that it could be.

[Autistic Angel]

What time of day did this e-mail arrive?  Isn't it possible that she sent this out when she was drunk?

I am going to wear a strapless (calm down guys, I will either wear band-aids or pasties underneath) dress to the dance that will be short, but long enough to cover my slip. Closed towed shoes? You betcha...I didnt watch Mtv's Wade Robson Project for nothing! I mentioned the minivan earlier, and my dad already said I could have it for the dance.  It is an '05 model and it has the leather package, and the dvd player in it, so if the dance is lame we can watch the English Patient or something.

Really drunk?

-Autistic Angel

[whiteboyskim]

Did she really talk about borrowing her parent's Dodge Caravan for the weekends? Is it possible that someone else sent this out as a joke?

And please, I beg you - give us the link to the picture. She sent it out to a whole law school - she can't be too conserned about privacy.

The Caravan thing is what elevates it to the level of "art" in my view. Regarding the picture, the reason I took the link out is that it has her name as part of it, which is not an embarrassment that I will put out on the web. I'll grab her picture from the link when I get home and see what I can do with it. No promises, but I'll let you know.

[Driver]

"coupe' d'tat"

What is that?  Is that the name of her minivan?

[Charlatan]

This smells so much like "omg I forgot and left email account logged in and my bratty brother got ahold of it"

I really doubt the sincerety of this plea.

[Calvin]

I'm a bit frightened at the poor use of the english language by a law student. I hope english is not her primary language. It's too ridiculous to be real, but just sad enough that it could be.

Nah,dont be. Im 10 weeks away from being a graduated but not barred attorney, and my posts are barely coherent. Although, given the level of sheer stupidity in law school, perhaps you should be worried.

[Thin_J]

Yeah, we definitely gotta have the picture if you want us to really laugh at this.

[leo8877]

Agreed, need the pics.

[Harpua3]

Well, I also agree a picture is needed to figure this one out. Even looking average at best I wouldn`t think this would be needed to get a date. There`s a lot of average at best looking guys out there, not me of course .
 Wow, it really is sad and funny at the same time. How about that! Here`s me-->  :shock:  :cry: .

[whiteboyskim]

And here she is.... Miss Barister's Ball....



Make of it what you will.

[depward]

I would go out with her most likely.

That being said, she has a large mouth and her ear looks like an elf's ear, but hey!  No one's perfect  

[Graham]

She doesn't look that bad, but "The English Patient????"

[Ascendent]

I actually feel bad laughing at this. Hopefully it's a joke if it's not then I salute her courage (liquid or otherwise) take's alot to just be totally open and honest about yourself, with everyone.

Ascendent

[Calvin]

Shes not my type at all, but shes really not that bad. I would probably hit it given the opportunity.

Suprising a girl of perfectly pleasant looks would resort to means this desperate.

Smacks of a joke.

[Blackadar]

Geez, her mouth is so big she could deep throat a telephone pole.

Actually, she's kinda cute.

[warning]

I'm worried about what's under the hat.

Otherwise she's a cutie.

[ericb]

Actually cute.  Funny email.

[zinckiwi]

I think the email is tongue-in-cheek enough that she just did it to see what would happen. Fair enough. I'd take her up on it. At the very least you get a fun evening and meet someone new.

[wankerjr]

:lol:

I'd give her a shot just to meet someone so forth coming about herself.

[Knightshade Dragon]

To quote Fight Club :
"That kind of honesty makes me grow a big rubbery one"

[AttAdude]

If it was me, id take the time to find out more about her.  he is definatly not hard on the eyes, and for some reason i found that letter to be cute.... then again my current situation my render my opinion unbalanced.

[Harpua3]

That`s my sister!!! Lol, just kiddin` :wink: .

[Sepiche]

Maybe "English Patient" has become innuendo since I was last in school?



s

[Ascendent]

can we talk about the possibility of you both
going with me at once?

 :shock:

I guess I missed that the first time through....

Ascendent

[Dafones]

The 14 year old in me needs to state the obvious and suggest that it was cold when that picture was taken. Quite cold. Cut through glass cold.

[Ascendent]

Damn you Dafones, had to go for another look after you said that  :lol:

Ascendent

[stiffler]

The 14 year old in me needs to state the obvious and suggest that it was cold when that picture was taken. Quite cold. Cut through glass cold.

I am glad I wasn't the only one that noticed that.  I probably flipped back and forth five times trying to see if that is what I wanted it to be or if if was just a fortunate fold.

Here I am on the vast internet where naked women flood my e-mail box daily, and I'm checking this out like I'd never seen it before.  There's plenty there for a psychological study...

[Harpua3]

lol! Ahh, gotta love the 14 year old in all of us.

[DarkEL]

Wow - can't believe how low the standards are here with so many people thinking she's cute or willing to "hit it".

Not saying she's ugly, cuz she's not. She's okay. Just certainly far below my standards.  Even at the lowest, loneliest, or drunkest points in my life, I never would have even considered a girl like that.

[Graham]

Wow - can't believe how low the standards are here with so many people thinking she's cute or willing to "hit it".

Not saying she's ugly, cuz she's not. She's okay. Just certainly far below my standards.  Even at the lowest, loneliest, or drunkest points in my life, I never would have even considered a girl like that.

After a post like that, I think we deserve a pic of your wife, El.   :wink:

[whiteboyskim]

Wow - can't believe how low the standards are here with so many people thinking she's cute or willing to "hit it".

Not saying she's ugly, cuz she's not. She's okay. Just certainly far below my standards.  Even at the lowest, loneliest, or drunkest points in my life, I never would have even considered a girl like that.

After a post like that, I think we deserve a pic of your wife, El.   :wink:

I only met her once, but she looked a lot like this:

[depward]

Wow - can't believe how low the standards are here with so many people thinking she's cute or willing to "hit it".

Not saying she's ugly, cuz she's not. She's okay. Just certainly far below my standards.  Even at the lowest, loneliest, or drunkest points in my life, I never would have even considered a girl like that.

Well maybe not everyone lucked out in the "handsome department" like you and actually might think she's kind of cute and would be willing to go out with her.  I find her quite cute.

Sure I have "standards", but they aren't ungodly high whereas I exclude a good portion of the population.  In fact, as of right now, I would probably (to a certain extent) take a quote-unquote "not very good looking" girl on a date if I found her interesting enough.

[Sparhawk]

Wow - can't believe how low the standards are here with so many people thinking she's cute or willing to "hit it".

Not saying she's ugly, cuz she's not. She's okay. Just certainly far below my standards. Even at the lowest, loneliest, or drunkest points in my life, I never would have even considered a girl like that.

 :roll:


Some people aren't as shallow as you apparantly are. I find many girls quite gorgeous that some would probably find to be so-so. The girl in the picture is cute to me and I'd definitely hit it.

Or maybe you just need to grow up? You're acting like a highschool jock who laid the prom queen.  By the way, she served me fries last week, and they were soggy and cold. Kinda like your soul.

[DarkEL]

Well maybe not everyone lucked out in the "handsome department" like you and actually might think she's kind of cute and would be willing to go out with her.  I find her quite cute.

Sure I have "standards", but they aren't ungodly high whereas I exclude a good portion of the population.  In fact, as of right now, I would probably (to a certain extent) take a quote-unquote "not very good looking" girl on a date if I found her interesting enough.

I would not say that I lucked out in the handsome department.  I'm decent looking is all.

The point is though - is that I believe that you don't have to settle for something that's not your up to your standards. Even the dopiest looking guy can "marry up" and land somebody that he may have previously thought he could never get.  

It's all about expectations - your beliefs and expectations define your own reality.

And my standards aren't ungodly high. I know that there are certain types of females that I find very attractive that a lot of other guys wouldn't.  

But when i look at that picture and add in the facts that I know from the original email. All I see is plain jane with a low self-esteem, some serious baggage, and bad fashion sense.

[DarkEL]

Some people aren't as shallow as you apparantly are. I find many girls quite gorgeous that some would probably find to be so-so. The girl in the picture is cute to me and I'd definitely hit it.

Or maybe you just need to grow up? You're acting like a highschool jock who laid the prom queen.  By the way, she served me fries last week, and they were soggy and cold. Kinda like your soul.

Well - not worth responding to personal jabs like that. I said that she was okay looking - just below my standards and responded above with a little more reasons why.  My judgment was based on the whole package as it was presented - email, info and picture.  Looks aren't everything.  I've also dated a couple girls that were about her level of attractiveness - but they had a hell of a lot more going for them than this one does.