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Sparhawk
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« on: December 25, 2011, 12:16:35 AM »

That is all.

--- edited for CoC violation
« Last Edit: December 25, 2011, 12:47:25 AM by Graham » Logged

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Harkonis
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« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2011, 12:24:14 AM »

ok  ninja
« Last Edit: December 25, 2011, 12:48:25 AM by Graham » Logged
leo8877
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« Reply #2 on: December 25, 2011, 12:25:40 AM »

What happened?
« Last Edit: December 25, 2011, 12:48:45 AM by Graham » Logged
The Grue
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« Reply #3 on: December 25, 2011, 12:33:17 AM »

Quote from: Sparhawk on December 25, 2011, 12:16:35 AM

That is all.

All I want to do is have some fun.  I've got a feeling I'm not the only one.
« Last Edit: December 25, 2011, 12:49:48 AM by Graham » Logged

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Sparhawk
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« Reply #4 on: December 25, 2011, 12:37:37 AM »

yeah, major violation here. Moving on...
« Last Edit: December 27, 2011, 12:23:50 AM by Sparhawk » Logged

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Harkonis
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« Reply #5 on: December 25, 2011, 12:44:52 AM »

I have many of the same problems as you, but add that I'm not skinny (I'm a bit overweight) AND I'm older (37) AND I'm living with my parent's and mostly unable to hold a job.

It could always be worse, no matter how bad you think it is there are always people worse off.  Live in the now if you can and try not to get too down.  Life sucks sometimes, especially if you don't like screwing people over to get ahead.
« Last Edit: December 25, 2011, 12:49:20 AM by Graham » Logged
leo8877
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« Reply #6 on: December 25, 2011, 02:04:36 AM »

Man I'm sorry you are having a tough time.  It's never as bad a things seem in the thick of it. Maybe buy yourself a new game to take your mind off things.
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Mithridates
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« Reply #7 on: December 25, 2011, 02:37:39 AM »

Quote from: Sparhawk on December 25, 2011, 12:37:37 AM

I know I can't grow a beard, I know I weigh less than a normal person, I know I can't bench press my body weight... I know I'm a failure.

None of those things make you a failure.

I'm sure that it is tough being single and that must be difficult, but there are ways to connect with other people.  Church?  Clubs?  Volunteer organizations?  What about trying to reconnect with your family? 

As difficult as it may be to accept, God cares about you and can help you overcome your fears and feelings.  I urge you to give a good church a try.  Why not?
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The Grue
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« Reply #8 on: December 25, 2011, 04:31:29 AM »

I don't want to come to this message board and find out this was the last thing you did before committing suicide, so I want to urge you to please talk to someone in real life you might know. If you don't know anyone to call, please call a suicide hotline.

If it's not gotten to that point, ignore me, but I know Christmas can be a hard time for people and I don't want you to become another statistic.
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metallicorphan
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« Reply #9 on: December 25, 2011, 04:52:09 AM »

Why has everyone's posts been edited by Graham?
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Harkonis
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« Reply #10 on: December 25, 2011, 04:52:51 AM »

Quote from: metallicorphan on December 25, 2011, 04:52:09 AM

Why has everyone's posts been edited by Graham?

why the fuck not?
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naednek
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« Reply #11 on: December 25, 2011, 04:54:32 AM »

Quote from: metallicorphan on December 25, 2011, 04:52:09 AM

Why has everyone's posts been edited by Graham?

Because the title of the thread violated the CoC.
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metallicorphan
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« Reply #12 on: December 25, 2011, 04:57:55 AM »

Quote from: Harkonis on December 25, 2011, 04:52:51 AM

Quote from: metallicorphan on December 25, 2011, 04:52:09 AM

Why has everyone's posts been edited by Graham?

why the fuck not?

OKAY...jezuz
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Harkonis
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« Reply #13 on: December 25, 2011, 05:26:56 AM »

Quote from: metallicorphan on December 25, 2011, 04:57:55 AM

Quote from: Harkonis on December 25, 2011, 04:52:51 AM

Quote from: metallicorphan on December 25, 2011, 04:52:09 AM

Why has everyone's posts been edited by Graham?

why the fuck not?

OKAY...jezuz

I was testing to see if the 'fuck' would be edited out of my post since that's the previous post title.  You seem to miss a lot of my jokes MC, sorry. frown
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leo8877
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« Reply #14 on: December 25, 2011, 05:44:26 AM »

Quote from: The Grue on December 25, 2011, 04:31:29 AM

I don't want to come to this message board and find out this was the last thing you did before committing suicide, so I want to urge you to please talk to someone in real life you might know. If you don't know anyone to call, please call a suicide hotline.

If it's not gotten to that point, ignore me, but I know Christmas can be a hard time for people and I don't want you to become another statistic.

I feel the same way. Please go talk to someone or know there are hotlines you can call.
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metallicorphan
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« Reply #15 on: December 25, 2011, 05:52:04 AM »

Quote from: Harkonis on December 25, 2011, 05:26:56 AM

Quote from: metallicorphan on December 25, 2011, 04:57:55 AM

Quote from: Harkonis on December 25, 2011, 04:52:51 AM

Quote from: metallicorphan on December 25, 2011, 04:52:09 AM

Why has everyone's posts been edited by Graham?

why the fuck not?

OKAY...jezuz

I was testing to see if the 'fuck' would be edited out of my post since that's the previous post title.  You seem to miss a lot of my jokes MC, sorry. frown

No problem,Hark

I actually thought this was a joke as such,i thought Spar had posted something that was offensive so Graham had changed his post to that(like those that end up in the sewer forum),unfortunately it doesn't seem the case,so i am sorry you are feeling down Spar
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Laner
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« Reply #16 on: December 26, 2011, 03:08:11 AM »

Have you had your testosterone level checked by an endocrinologist?  Everything you're describing (including the depression) could very well be a result of low testosterone.  And it's an easy fix to boot.
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« Reply #17 on: December 26, 2011, 01:09:02 PM »

Quote from: Sparhawk on December 25, 2011, 12:37:37 AM

I'm ready to die. I'm 32 and I have nothing. Every man my age looks like man, I still look like a boy. People poke fun at me and I laugh it off like a jester, I know I can't grow a beard, I know I weigh less than a normal person, I know I can't bench press my body weight... I know I'm a failure. Laugh at me. It's funny.  The fact is, I know I'm going to be alone forever. People who are more attractive with hearts tell me it'll get better but that is coming from their experiences, it gets better for people who LOOK like men and have women who want to be with them. This is another Christmas alone. My family even left me behind.

I hate everything so much. Hate it.   Ignore me though, this is my typical post crying about how life is unfair. I know it... I just hate it. move along.

I've been there, Spar.

Sure, none of my symptoms were the same, but I can feel that mindset. I was 25, weighed 365lbs, and my only social interaction besides work was online. I was trapped in a loveless marriage and was headed for an early grave. I did have family though, and that made a difference.

I'm sorry to hear that yours doesn't see your pain and do the right thing. Your GT family does, though, and perhaps the best thing for you to do is connect with some people, online even.

Perhaps picking up SWTOR, and play some MMO's with some GT'ers. It's a crutch to get you past this feeling and a season that accidentally singles out lonely people. You *can* turn your perception of yourself around. One of the quickest ways to change your outward appearance is to go to a tanning salon and just enjoy 10-15 minutes of warm UV light, and while you're at it get a tan. It's amazing how you looking a little different can shift a mindset. Don't expect miracles, but it might give you a boost.

There are people here who can help you in overcoming the physical training issue - just because you may not have a genetic disposition for bulky muscles doesn't mean you can't train for something. Ask around, start a thread and share what you like and what you feel your limitations are.

As to the facial hair? It sounds like you're looking to hide. Laugh that shit off, man. No one needs a beard in today's society, unless you're planning on hopping aboard a viking ship. It sounds like your humour is your defense - you're judging yourself so harshly that other people can sense it, methinks.

But this all really boils down to the attracting a mate, doesn't it? It's more fucked up when you're in it than not- personality conflicts, compromises - it's not all roses buddy. A woman will *not* fix your confidence issues, and may well either take advantage of it, or at the very least, sink you lower than you are now (even accidentally). You, at this time, are not just alone - you are totally unburdened from someone elses opinion or interests. You have a clear path for which you may walk the way you choose. You should work on what YOU want to see changed inside you, rather than getting hung up on the mating aspect of life. If you want to attract a girl, there are several things you *should* do.

1) Never, EVER, count your shortcomings again, and certainly not to others (except maybe here, where we'll forgive that kind of shit) slywink
2) There is no point in lamenting that which you cannot change, but that which you're unhappy with isn't all "unchangeable". Figure out what it is that CAN be changed.
3) Seek counselling, but take it with a grain of salt. Advice from a psychiatrist can go a long way, but listen to the underlying messages rather than just the little steps they'll lead you through.
4) Pick up a "how to date chicks" (David DeAngelo, etc). While the content isn't going to work word for word, it does help build confidence and understand the female reaction.
5) Until you're confident in yourself, AS yourself, do not get into a committed relationship.

That means two things:
1- if you aren't confident in yourself, any relationship you build will not be founded on Sparhawk The Man, but instead, Sparhawk The Damaged and may not turn out well.
2- you need to go out and find what it is *you're* looking for in a mate. The first girl to bat her eyes at you is no substitute for getting to know someone and figuring out that connection. You can't do that if you haven't figured out who you are.

And trust me, I envy your life some days.

Lastly, I agree with Laner, and all the other GT folks encouraging you to talk to a suicide prevention hotline (or even religion to help you past the darker days, but I'd be careful about "faith" as a solitary means to guide your life - my 2c).

You're in your prime, and there is not a single goddamned reason you've listed that you can't be happy, AND find someone you can be happy with.

I've worded that deliberately.
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Sparhawk
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« Reply #18 on: December 27, 2011, 12:25:22 AM »

Look, I'm sorry. I messed up in posting this stuff here. I'll move along now.
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corruptrelic
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« Reply #19 on: December 27, 2011, 12:46:50 AM »

You didn't mess up at all! You should talk to me and Starshifter about our women problems!

I've been single for so long now I wouldn't even know where to begin. My fiance cheated on me (many years ago) and it hasn't been the same since. The next girl I met I had a daughter with (we were moving too fast) and then she left the country back to Brazil. I haven't seen them since. (And I haven't mentioned this to anyone outside my closest friend, don't know why I am now.) Fast forward to now, single, overweight, shitty job that I put my 2 weeks into, and not sure what I'm going to do about my future anymore.

I had put in for Captain for the third time, interviewed, then they closed the position. A couple weeks later, SAME posting shows up, yet the position was never filled. That's the biggest Fuck You and a sign to "get the hint" I'm never moving up with this company. (I work with sexually violent predators which is bad enough as it is.) So I said fuck it, and gave my two weeks. 3 years down the drain, but between that and all the little things (finding a cell phone with a little girl no older than 5 or 6 giving blowjobs to grown men turned my stomach enough - but then I just remember where I work at) adding up I had enough.

My heart is pretty much gone from the last 2 women in my life, I don't know if I want to go through that again. What's worse is the longer you wait to get back in the game, the harder it is to 'pick up' women. I'd probably look like Paul Blart Mall Cop at this point when it comes to meeting new women!
Which is a great movie by the way.. makes you realize there are some people out there like us! Him logging on to his computer from the dating profile only to find out he had no messages.

What I do to kill time is play my PC and PS3 online. I just downloaded DC Universe Online on Playstation 3 (it's free now) and am going to get started in that.
It's amazing how much an MMORPG can take your mind away from the 'real world' as you lost track of time with online buddies adventuring new worlds and having a good time.
If you have a PS3 get DC Universe Online from the PSN store (free download) and we'll start out as 2 noobs see what's going on.. I'm corrupt81 on PS3.
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« Reply #20 on: December 27, 2011, 02:35:21 AM »

Quote from: Sparhawk on December 27, 2011, 12:25:22 AM

Look, I'm sorry. I messed up in posting this stuff here. I'll move along now.
Nothing wrong with venting. Just don't do anything tooooo foolish.

Look at it this way, in a week is a new year. Take that time to find something you DO enjoy doing. Tired of gaming? Take a short break and unplug for a while. Live in nice weather, go outside for a walk or bike ride. Interested in sports and over 21? Hit up a lounge and catch a game there even if you aren't really a drinker. Just a casual hangout to meet some new people.
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« Reply #21 on: December 27, 2011, 03:53:35 AM »

Quote from: Sparhawk on December 27, 2011, 12:25:22 AM

Look, I'm sorry. I messed up in posting this stuff here. I'll move along now.

Not at all man.  I've used this place to vent many times, and it can certainly be cathartic.  We may have our disagreements, but GT is as much of a family as any online community could be (well, except CeeKay...every family needs a red-headed stepchild).  We're always here to listen and help when we can.
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« Reply #22 on: December 27, 2011, 04:27:26 AM »

Christ I consider myself to be in pretty good shape but I could never bench press my own body weight. Don't take that as a measurement of success!
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