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Author Topic: Elektra bows before the awfulness of Alone in the Dark!!  (Read 2303 times)
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« on: January 31, 2005, 12:59:44 AM »

Yep.  That's spelled O-N-E percent sonny-boy!

Quote
"This horror film, spun off from an old Atari video game, is so inept on every level, you wonder why the distributor didn't release it straight to video, or better, toss it directly into the trash."

Quote
"The three stars have seen better days, but I'd like to think they could still do something classier and more dignified than this. Like gay porn."

Quote
"Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV."

So fess up!  Who actually paid money to see this?  It looks so bad I'm actually tempted....  Nah!
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Thin_J
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« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2005, 01:48:33 AM »

I still haven't seen an Uwe Boll film and I sure as hell don't plan to start now.
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Daehawk
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« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2005, 02:08:31 AM »

Ive gotten to where I can spot a tinker before its released and knew this one was destined to be bad. I mean come on Tara Ried?? Eww. Too bad for Slater though I like him and think he could do better. I should watch Gleaming the Cube again.
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« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2005, 02:11:39 AM »

Yeah this one looks like loads of bad.
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Big Jake
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« Reply #4 on: January 31, 2005, 03:25:22 AM »

Wait a minute....

Did someone just praise Christian Slater as an actor?
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« Reply #5 on: January 31, 2005, 04:51:25 AM »

Hey now, he had his moments.

What was that one comedy where he played the brother of a dead cop, and took over the department? That was funny. I think.
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« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2005, 05:20:15 AM »

Cuffs.  And think again...
Last good CS movie?  Heathers...
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« Reply #7 on: January 31, 2005, 05:40:25 AM »

He did a passable job in True Romance.  Of course I was staring at Patricia Arquette 95% of the time so he might have sucked without me noticing.
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corruptrelic
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« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2005, 12:24:02 PM »

Robinhood Prince of Thieves (I can't believe that movie is over 10 years old now, how time goes by..) I thought he was a decent actor. Broken Arrow with John Travolta.
3000 Miles to Graceland.
A movie with Courtney Love can't remember the name, they played a couple who kidnapped children for ransom.
Not that bad of an actor IMO.

The movie has gotten a lot of negative remarks but I've learned not to trust the critics after how many bad reviews Battlefield Earth got, and against the reviews warnings I went ahead and saw it. What a movie.

Did anyone ever see Elektra here and LIKE it? I'm curious because a similiar thread was started about other people's reviews, but I don't remember anyone here posting their opinion on the movie. Or did everyone buy right into the critics reviews like we all bought into Bush's "Iraq has weapons of mass destruction and must be attacked" which turned out to be wrong?
Surely if the president can be wrong, so can the critics!  :wink:
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Daehawk
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« Reply #9 on: January 31, 2005, 03:43:42 PM »

Dpnt forget Untamed Heart.
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« Reply #10 on: January 31, 2005, 04:46:36 PM »

Pump Up The Volume!

  Why can't anyone go see a movie and enjoy it for what it is?  I'll probably see this one and like it.  Not because it's GOOD, but because I know what to expect.

 Another example that fits that category: AvP  I liked it.  I don't know what people were expecting besides a big cheese-fest full of special effects goodness.  I certainly wasn't expecting to have to think during the movie!

  Whenever I don't like a movie it's because it's either hyped up to no end (The Usual Suspects - I "got it" about 3 minutes into the movie.) or it's portrayed as one thing and turns out to be something else in a way I don't like.  I can't think of any of those offhand, but it's becoming more and more rare anyway.
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Fellow
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« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2005, 04:46:46 PM »

Quote from: "corruptrelic"
Stuff


Yeah, but uhh... This is Uwe Boll we're talking about. As in Uwe Boll. If that doesn't send the alarms ringing in your head, then you don't know enough about the guy.
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« Reply #12 on: January 31, 2005, 04:50:16 PM »

What is really, really, really sad is this isn't Christian Slater's worst reviewed movie!

According to Rottentomatoes, Mobsters and Hard Cash both got 0%.   So maybe this is a good career move for him....
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« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2005, 05:08:41 PM »

Quote from: "Fellow"
Quote from: "corruptrelic"
Stuff


Yeah, but uhh... This is Uwe Boll we're talking about. As in Uwe Boll. If that doesn't send the alarms ringing in your head, then you don't know enough about the guy.


What's even worse is this asshat's production company owns the rights to a Far Cry movie. That one almost made me weep when I read it.
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« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2005, 05:12:12 PM »

Quote from: "corruptrelic"

...I've learned not to trust the critics after how many bad reviews Battlefield Earth got, and against the reviews warnings I went ahead and saw it. What a movie.


Your kidding right?  I mean really, you thought that was a good movie?  no offence, but if you do that means you are the first, and so far only person ive ever met who thougt that was not one of the worst movies ever made.
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« Reply #15 on: January 31, 2005, 05:41:55 PM »

Quote from: "corruptrelic"

A movie with Courtney Love can't remember the name, they played a couple who kidnapped children for ransom.
Not that bad of an actor IMO.



Actually, that's Kevin Bacon, and the movie is called "Trapped".  Starring the oh-so-fine Charlize Theron.
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corruptrelic
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« Reply #16 on: January 31, 2005, 09:00:20 PM »

Yeah I was thinking that might have been Kevin Bacon after I posted. They look the same anyway.

Battlefield Earth, in all seriousness, was a VERY good movie. I didn't know it was a book until after I had seen the movie. Being the science fiction fan I am, I really don't see why it had so much negativity around it.
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« Reply #17 on: February 01, 2005, 05:01:24 AM »

'Cause ..... it's a bad movie??

Ha ha ha, troll troll troll.

Just kidding. Man, if you enjoy the movie, then good for you. Everyone on the damn planet could loath it (and it sounds like most do), but what does that matter if you still enjoy it, right? Movies are subjective - the tricky part is making enough money to justify making one in the first place.
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« Reply #18 on: February 01, 2005, 06:13:39 PM »

Quote

Battlefield Earth, in all seriousness, was a VERY good movie. I didn't know it was a book until after I had seen the movie. Being the science fiction fan I am, I really don't see why it had so much negativity around it.


The person who wrote the book is not considered good science fiction.

Nor is he well liked by the ones he hasn't brainwashed.

That aside, the movie was horrible. Probably should of hit video immediatelty, and in a bargain bin at that.
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« Reply #19 on: February 02, 2005, 08:19:11 AM »

"The person who wrote the book is not considered good science fiction. "

No, but his books are.  His stuff was always well liked until his name became synonymous with scientology.  Now Battlefield Earth constantly gets one star reviews on Amazon, and Hubbard's writting always trashed.  If you read these reviews, you can see how much bull shit vile they throw around.  Always bitching and thowing around ad hominems, without one critisism of the book.

The only problem with the story is the aging of machines.  Everything should be a pile of dust after that much time, but instead rusty tanks and roofed buildings still stand.  Other then that, the book is extremely good, and wraps up to a really awesome ending.

The movie was not good, but hell if it is the worst ever, or even close.  You want the worst movie ever, check out "The Dead Hate the Living".  Or don't.
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« Reply #20 on: February 02, 2005, 05:21:48 PM »

My wife loves Christian Slater's chick flick Bed of Roses, which for me is agonizing to watch.  Mary Stuart Masterson & CS?  She has to be pushing 4 foot 11 or 5 feet even considering she looked short next to CS, and he's small.  I did like Heathers though, and thought Tina Fey borrowed heavily from that movie for Mean Girls.

Speaking of stars in bad movies, has anyone seen the trailer or preview for the upcoming comedy with Cedric the Entertainer and Tommy Lee Jones?  WTH was TLJ thinking?  Maybe the movie will be surprisingly good, but from the preview it looked terrible.
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WestNile
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« Reply #21 on: February 02, 2005, 07:27:21 PM »

"Cedric the Entertainer".  Does anyone, seriously, find anything he has ever done funny?
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« Reply #22 on: February 02, 2005, 10:51:01 PM »

Quote from: "WestNile"
"Cedric the Entertainer".  Does anyone, seriously, find anything he has ever done funny?


He has the title "the Entertainer", so he must be entertaining on some level, just not the one I'm on.
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« Reply #23 on: February 02, 2005, 11:09:49 PM »

Quote from: "Roguetad"
Quote from: "WestNile"
"Cedric the Entertainer".  Does anyone, seriously, find anything he has ever done funny?


He has the title "the Entertainer", so he must be entertaining on some level, just not the one I'm on.

Maybe he entertains himself.  You know.  In that "special way."
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« Reply #24 on: February 02, 2005, 11:51:37 PM »

Quote from: "WestNile"
"Cedric the Entertainer".  Does anyone, seriously, find anything he has ever done funny?


Wasn't he in Barbershop?  I liked him in that*.  Not so much in the sequel that tried to focus a bit more on him.

*I actually own both of these movies so you are encouraged to disregard my opinion.
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« Reply #25 on: February 03, 2005, 05:59:46 AM »

I'd rather sit through a 24-hour Uwe Boll Film Festival than see:



I want to know who greenlit this:
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« Reply #26 on: February 03, 2005, 06:39:33 AM »

Five bucks on monkeys in suits.
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