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Author Topic: Dating etiquette (when to go exclusive)  (Read 1950 times)
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Moliere
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« on: May 29, 2008, 09:03:19 PM »

You read stories about guys that have secret lives being married to multiple women and even managing multiple families. That's obviously someone that doesn't understand the concept of exclusivity. The other side of the extreme is to only date 1 person at a time from the very beginning. I have always leaned more towards this latter position both from personal standards and lack of opportunity to double up. Recently (as of last night paranoid) I found myself getting involved with a second woman while still actively involved in the early stages of dating someone else. Since I hardly ever find myself in this situation I am trying to figure out when its considered cheating and when I should choose one to go exclusive with. I suppose its not cheating unless the other person thinks that you're an exclusive couple?

What are your standards for exclusivity?
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rickfc
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« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2008, 09:07:11 PM »

I think you're right.  Exclusivity, IMO, should be a conscious decision by both people in the relationship.  Until that point, anything (or anyone  icon_twisted) is fair game.  If you're feeling any type of remorse, then maybe you should talk to girl #1 about where she thinks the relationship stands.
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IkeVandergraaf
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« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2008, 09:09:20 PM »

I, believe it or not, tend towards exclusivity also.  Either I'm trying to build a relationship with someone, or I will break it off.  I've never had the patience to date more than one person at a time as I find women to be troublesome creatures who delight in mischief and intrigue.

In answer to your question, however, I think that there has to be an actual explicit agreement not to date other people.  I think that most people accept that if you're "just dating" you are allowed to date more than one person.
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rickfc
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« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2008, 09:13:02 PM »

Quote from: IkeVandergraaf on May 29, 2008, 09:09:20 PM


In answer to your question, however, I think that there has to be an actual explicit agreement not to date other people.  I think that most people accept that if you're "just dating" you are allowed to date more than one person.

 puke  OMFG, I agree with Ike on something.... puke
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coopasonic
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« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2008, 09:13:45 PM »

When you're dippin it, you should dippin it exclusively. slywink
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Moliere
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« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2008, 09:14:59 PM »

Quote from: rickfc on May 29, 2008, 09:13:02 PM

Quote from: IkeVandergraaf on May 29, 2008, 09:09:20 PM


In answer to your question, however, I think that there has to be an actual explicit agreement not to date other people.  I think that most people accept that if you're "just dating" you are allowed to date more than one person.

 puke  OMFG, I agree with Ike on something.... puke

Next stop for me, the Middle East.
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rickfc
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« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2008, 09:16:09 PM »

Quote from: coopasonic on May 29, 2008, 09:13:45 PM

When you're dippin it, you should dippin it exclusively. slywink

Now, that's old school!

Quote from: rickfc on May 29, 2008, 09:13:02 PM

Quote from: IkeVandergraaf on May 29, 2008, 09:09:20 PM


 puke  OMFG, I agree with Ike on something.... puke

Next stop for me, the Middle East.

One thing at a time, Ike.  One thing at a time.
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LordMortis
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« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2008, 09:41:03 PM »

I don't know that there's ettiquette beyond being on the same page as the other person.  Personally, if I go on a date with someone, it's just that a date.  If I am dating someone then they are the only person I am dating.  I think that's just my own insecurity speaking though and not something I would expect of others... Unless I was dating them and that would insecurity would be pretty clear then...
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Razgon
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« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2008, 10:11:03 PM »

Reverse the situation and think about how YOU would feel if #1 girl was seeing (being dipped?) by someone else as well...
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Larraque
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« Reply #9 on: May 29, 2008, 10:23:30 PM »

I never had a problem as to when to go exclusive. Two people trying to date a guy like me?

I envy your problems.
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kathode
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« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2008, 10:24:30 PM »

Just be honest with both people and you will be fine.  If you're not looking to get serious with someone, make sure that's clear and not ambiguous.  On the other hand, if you're worried about losing one or the other, you have to understand that trying to have it both ways is a risk.  Not everyone will accept a non-exclusive relationship, even in the beginning when things aren't serious.  As long as you've been clear with the other person though, you can always go back to what you said, and you minimize the chances of hurt feelings and negative surprises.

Personally I haven't had this situation come up very often, but in the rare case where it did happen, I found it to be very expensive in both a time and money sense.
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kratz
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« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2008, 10:39:44 PM »

I think unless you explicitly say you ARE seeing other people then if you are beyond the one or two dates point, you should probably be exclusive... or break it off... if there is dipping, doubly so... I think I'd be cheesed if I was seeing a girl who was seeing someone else too...
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McBa1n
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« Reply #12 on: May 30, 2008, 07:32:53 PM »

Maybe finding #2 is telling you something about #1?
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TC Weidner
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« Reply #13 on: May 30, 2008, 07:39:40 PM »

I agree if you are nailing someone, that pretty much should be done on a one at a time clip.  If you havent scored however no reason not to keep going up to the plate.

otherwise if you are trying to juggle it will end badly, now if you dont think any of these women are long term relationship worthy, then nail em both.

Also if you are in college or high school, then all above rules are void, NAIL everything that moves. The herd is never fullier or loaded with more possibilities then in high school and college. Take it from us old timers.

« Last Edit: May 30, 2008, 07:42:33 PM by TC Weidner » Logged
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