I feel really bad for the cleaning girl... she's a nice, upbeat girl.
Yeah, that must have been beyond traumatic. Many people have never even seen a dead body, let alone find it yourself - and possibly know the person, too. Usually, suicide is an act of anger, not just depression - but it would seem that this person felt bad for at least the Coroner. Too bad he didn't think about Josephine Average Worker, too. Maybe he was very depressed or very angry, but when he chose a site like he did, and left that note, you have to wonder if his act was mixed with a desire to go out like a martyr or as "someone special." There is always a reason or a precipitating factor, though it isn't always uncovered.
I was a police office for 25 years, and have had my share of investigating sudden deaths, but the mask you wear when in uniform, and the "discussions" by the cops after such an event, really help to assuage some of the almost PTSD-like effects. After-event activities seem cruel to people who don't deal with death as a part of their job, but if you don't make jokes, or go out for a few beers to talk about it after, then it becomes a problem for you as well.
Once when a car crashed in front of my house, one of the drivers died, literally right in my hands. I'd taken control of the scene, directed bystanders to help with traffic, and performed CPR until the PD and FD arrived. When they got there and took over, I was once again "just me." I wandered back into my house and felt totally lost and forlorn - I found out that night how much the uniform and your professional facade really does help protect you.
I know that time must pass to lessen depressing or anxious feelings, but yeah, I was up all that night, unable to sleep. I feel bad for you and your co-workers, Kratz, because you're just going to have to let time do it's work before you'll feel somewhat normal again. And that sucks, but it's how it usually is...
