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Author Topic: ­They walk among u  (Read 1128 times)
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dbt1949
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« on: September 08, 2005, 01:19:07 PM »

­They walk among us

                 IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We
                 recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative
                 office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
                 The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want
                 them to cross there anymore. This one was from Kingman, KS.
                 ______________________________________________________

                 IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and
                 ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal
                 lettuce."  He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. And he was
                 a Kansas City chef!
                 ______________________________________________
                 IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
                 airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage
                 without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my
                 knowledge, how would I know? He smiled knowingly and nodded,
                 "That's why we ask." Happened in Brimingham, Ala.
                 _______________________________________________________

                 IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe
                 to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
                 coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
                 I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
                 Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
                 driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
                 ___________________________________________________

                 IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker
                 who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager
                 commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often."
                 Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that
                 deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a bunch at Texas
                 Instruments.
                 ________________________________________

                 IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power
                 strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why
                 her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's
                 office no less.
                 ____________________________________________________

                 IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
                 dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been
                 locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic
                 working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from
                 the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered
                 that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's
                 open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."  This
                 was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
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Ye Olde Farte
Zarkon
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« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2005, 01:26:33 PM »

There's a reason that the two biggest 'computer' errors are

PEBKAC - Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair

and

ID Ten Tee Error - ID10T.
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Knightshade Dragon
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« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2005, 03:04:43 PM »

Ha!  These are great!
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Biyobi
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« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2005, 09:38:27 PM »

dbt, where did you find these?  I could swear that I saw them in one of the DNRC newsletters.
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mytocles
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« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2005, 10:21:43 PM »

Fantastic, all of them!

Here's one from my own life:  a lawyer was asking a defendant's mother (as his character witness) how long she had known the defendant.

Her response:  All my life.   :roll:
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Mytocles (MY-toe-cleez)

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Tustin1
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« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2005, 10:31:49 PM »

I loved all of those - very good  :wink:
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Big Jake
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« Reply #6 on: September 08, 2005, 11:03:17 PM »

The one about the down-sizing party was indeed in the DNRC years ago.  It likely existed before even that.
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Calvin
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« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2005, 01:22:31 AM »

Quote from: "mytocles"
Fantastic, all of them!

Here's one from my own life:  a lawyer was asking a defendant's mother (as his character witness) how long she had known the defendant.

Her response:  All my life.   :roll:


This is very common in depositions and the like.
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DamageInc
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« Reply #8 on: September 09, 2005, 01:32:03 AM »

I see stupid people
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dbt1949
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« Reply #9 on: September 09, 2005, 02:02:03 AM »

How could a mother know her son all her life? All his life maybe but how old was she when she had him? :?
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Ye Olde Farte
Thin_J
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« Reply #10 on: September 09, 2005, 05:22:56 AM »

Quote from: "dbt1949"
How could a mother know her son all her life? All his life maybe but how old was she when she had him? :?


That's what I was wondering.
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mytocles
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« Reply #11 on: September 09, 2005, 05:31:27 AM »

Ummm... that's the point...  Tongue
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Mytocles (MY-toe-cleez)

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!"
- I don't remember who said it, and probably neither do they...
RedJak
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« Reply #12 on: September 09, 2005, 01:52:18 PM »

Quote from: "dbt1949"
How could a mother know her son all her life? All his life maybe but how old was she when she had him? :?


Time travel...obviously
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CrayolaSmoker
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« Reply #13 on: September 09, 2005, 10:02:38 PM »

Austin: So, Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, presumeably, I could go back and look at my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the '90s and traveled back to the '60s?
[goes cross-eyed]
Austin: Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed.
Basil: I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself.
[to camera]
Basil: That goes for you all, too.
Austin: Yes.
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