Welcome to another edition of ASK SUPERHIRO!
Today's panelists are SuperHiro
and NBA Small Forward Ron Artest
, with a special counter-point by Actor Dustin Diamond
Dear SuperHiro and NBA Small Forward Ron Artest,
I was recently at a social party in Beverly Hills, in Hollywood, where all the big movie stars live. This party was a benefit for starving legless African orphans, a wonderful cause! While eating delectable French cheese and drinking Cristal champagne (which is very expensive), I got into a bit of a tiff with one of the “stars” there, who was there not only to promote his latest movie, but also to donate his time and money to the African legless orphan cause! This star, who we’ll call Q.T., insisted that the best Squad-based tactical game ever created was Fallout Tactics. He felt that the post-apocalyptic theme drew comparisons to Mel Gibson’s Road Warrior series and anything that even smelled of Fallout was a “guaranteed straight up off the hizzy classic”. I, being the member of an elite intellectual class of people, believe that Silent Storm is the best. Its mix of WWII and “controversial” sci-fi elements, along with destructible terrain, made for a far superior game. Needless to say, I was apparently “pimp-slapped” for “hatin’ on tha FO”.
I implore you to settle this disagreement!
Richard V Millington VI, Esq.
You’re both wrong. You’re both so incredibly wrong I literally soiled myself reading your opinions (both of them). In fact, I’m also openly questioning your “PC Game” chops. The greatest QBS tactical game is of course X-Com: UFO Defense. It has everything both of those games have, and it does them even better. It’s absolutely ridiculous to think that any QBS game is better. The only game that can compare is Jagged Alliance II… and even then I still feel strongly that X-Com is superior. In general though, Fallout Tactics has more of an RPG feel (with all those perks and the option to boost Charisma as a stat), while Silent Storm is distinctly more strategic (with very destructible terrain). If I absolutely had to choose, Silent Storm would eek out a win. But make no mistake, X-Com is king.
Yo dawg! Fallout Tactics is the shit! I love playing that shit like I love my light beer! Fallout Tactics doesn’t take itself too seriously, like light beer! It’s not too complicated and goes down easy, like light beer! In other words, Fallout Tactics is a great game that won’t fill you up and still tastes great!
I love the feats in the game! They allow you to really build up your characters! It’s exactly like building a huge tower crane. The vertical part of the crane is often built in a well in the centre of the building, which is then converted to a lift shaft when the crane is dismantled. A horizontal boom is balanced asymmetrically across the top of the tower. In the case of very tall buildings the tower crane will often jack itself up taller as the building is constructed. Its short arm carries a counterweight of concrete blocks, and its long arm carries the lifting gear. The crane operator sits in a cabin at the top of the tower.
So you see, building your team takes a lot of work, but when it gets done, you have a force to be reckoned with! I love my squad members, they’re like members of my family! If anything happened to them, I’d be very upset. Like one time Stitch (my medic) got torn up by some mutants. I got so mad I tore my computer away from my desk. Using my bare hands I tore the case apart, took my pants off, and assaulted the computer. Later I turned around, and took a big shit on the bloody mess of bodily fluids and circuitry, defiling it for all time. So as you can see you can get pretty attached to your characters!
By the way, make sure you cop Allure’s latest album, or I will fuck you up!
Join us next week for more of your relationship and gaming questions answer by SuperHiro and his guest columnist!
What a bunch of total garbage! Frosted Nuts! Silent Storm is clearly the greatest game! Only a stupid orangutan would say different! The mix of deformable terrain with smooth, smart turn-based gameplay should be enough for anybody! I love playing as Axis, but not because I’m a Nazi! I’m so sick of all you internet morons spreading your vile lies and slander about my life and my children. For God’s sake just let it go. It was only one small, painfully unfunny comedic role in an after school program. Just one fucking role. Frosted Nuts!
I love playing as Axis so I can play as the Japanese. Now there’s a whole country of respectful people. They love me for who I am. This may surprise all you haters, but I’m a huge star over there, particiapting in numerous commericials and game shows. Not bad for Screech huh? There are HUGE fans in Japan and an even larger cosplay/fan fiction industry there dedicated to my character! I fight as the Japanese in Silent Storm for them! For every building I destroy it’s for my love of the japanese people, for all those who are dedicated to the Screech, who love him so much they write all sorts of stories. Even erotic ones, which are the best of all. Let’s see that talentless hack Mario Lopez bring down the house in a stadium full of screaming fans who all look alike? I bet he’d piss his pants. That moment of humiliation oughta teach him a lesson after that one time he forced me to pleasure him in his trailer. Frosted Nuts!
So in conclusion, Silent Storm rocks, and all of you can go to hell. Sayonara, motherfuckers!
Dustin Neil Diamond
Just Hiro will do.