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Author Topic: ASK SUPERHIRO! 11/16/04  (Read 781 times)
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Gaming Trend Senior Member

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« on: November 16, 2004, 02:32:29 AM »

Welcome to another edition of ASK SUPERHIRO!

Today's panelists are SuperHiro and Bad Boy Entertainment CEO Sean "P. Diddy" Combs

Today’s letter:
Dear Superhiro and Bad Boy Entertainment CEO Sean "P. Diddy" Combs,

I'm a big PC and X-box gamer.  I cannot describe in words how much I love to tinker around with my PC and getting on-line with the X-box.  My PC is a beast, and my X-box has all the greatest gadgets.  I am in gaming nirvana.  Honestly, the past few months have been the greatest in my life.  

But recently my mom discovered my stash of Brazilian cocaine, and she's grounded me for a week. A WEEK. A week without PC/Xbox is like a week without water, a week without food, a week without a good 42 hours cocaine binge! I'm starting to feel really weird now that I don't play on my PC every night.  I start to sweat and my body goes into violent convulsions.  I can't keep any food down and start projectile vomitting.  HELP!

Paco Escobar
Mexico City, Mexico

When you game as much and as hardcore as you have, it's difficult to believe that there's anything else to do besides gaming.  I admit I went through a wee bit of the gaming withdrawl myself. Luckily a newborn daughter has a way of keeping you occupied with dirty poo-filled diapers, so gaming unfortunately is considerably lower on the priority scale for me.  There are ways to kick your withdrawl though, and they don't involves locking yourself in a room "Transpotting style".

Do you have any friends?  I have found that physical activity is the best antidote.  That and sex.  You've obviously have heard all this stuff before, but really just find other stuff to do that doesn't involve a glowing screen and some good reflexes works.  And if you can't find anything, then you aren't trying hard enough.



Yo Paco, como estas playa!

You always need to be careful about how deep you fall in love with something.  Otherwise you won't ever be able to enjoy anything else.  Sometimes you can fall in love with something so deep and so true that everything else after that seems dirty and inferior.

I used to love as deeply as you have.  A good computer is like loving a wonderful woman.  A good computer, like a good woman, has a strong hard drive, solid skin, fast processing, and beautiful graphics.  In human terms, this translates to quick thinking, beautiful exterior, beautiful interior, and a gargantuan ass.  The first time you meet her you're all like "whoa".  She loves you all through the live long day, from top to bottom.  Only she can provide that hot spicy caliente loving that creams your twinkie.  She becomes your everything, you begin to spend your fortune from raping 80's hits on upgrading and buying all kinds of shit for her.  Whether it be a brand new graphics card or 300 white mink coats, those benjamins start going fast!

But there's two dark sides to this.  Your professional work starts to suffer as a result of this love.  Your street cred, already in the toilet, gets flushed down.  Any sort of musical integrity you have goes away like last years Cristal through your bladder.  You start to put all your resources into making your computer the best it can possibly be.  And for a while it works, it really works. That computer is screaming pretty and loving you right.  80 fps.... yeah.  When you get into trouble, that computer won't let you down. It won't start to bitch at you because your legal troubles is hurting your career.  It won't start to withhold sex from you because you can't earn that paper and make that dough as fast and consistent as you could.  That beautiful round ass is always there for tapping. Yeah.

The second dark side shows up near the end.  Your relationship with your computer just isn't as sweet as it used to be.  It can run at 80 fps without some serious upgrades now.  It starts to crash all the time running the simplest shit.  It starts to see a god damn pussy-ass dancer on the side.  Oh she don't think I know, but P.Diddy sees everything.  But you still can't let her go.  You pour the last of funds into her.  You give her a new graphics card even you don't have enough RAM to make it worthwhile. You give her a guest spot on your latest artist's album, enhancing her street cred but dismantling your artist's.  You hire Luther Fucking Vandross for Valentine's Day.

But she will die on you. She will leave you.  And you have two choices once your computer is gone.  One, you can get better, find new things to do.  Rebuild your shattered life and come back Bad Boy style.  Or you can enter new depths of depravity.  You can starting calling her cell all the time. You can hire a veritable army of private investigators to follow her every move.  You can steal from your own stable of reputable artists and make a horrendous song begging for her to come back.  The reputation you once had as a merciless player will melt away, but you don't care.  Then, one day, while you're digging through her garbage looking for used tissues and sanitary napkins, it'll hit you. Fuck that bitch. And that's my advice to you. Fuck that bitch.

Luther Fucking Vandross man. Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket.

Big ups to B-I-G

Sean "P.Diddy" Combs
Bad Boy Entertainment

Join us Next week for more of your gaming and relationship questions answered by SuperHiro and his weekly guest columnist!

Just Hiro will do.
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« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2004, 02:53:48 AM »

"Only she can provide that hot spicy caliente loving that creams your twinkie."


Awesome as always. So when's the book deal?
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