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Author Topic: ASK SUPERHIRO! 10-15-04  (Read 2199 times)
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SuperHiro
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« on: October 15, 2004, 02:36:21 AM »

WELCOME TO ANOTHER EDITION OF ASK SUPERHIRO!

Today's panelists are SuperHiro and Inside the Actor's Studio Host James Lipton

 

Today's Letter
Quote
Dear SuperHiro and Inside the Actor's Studio Host James Lipton,
I've been with my boyfriend for about 15 years. Up until now it has been a very satisfactory relationship, both emotionally and sexually. But recently he's been more voracious in bed than normal.  I thought this was due to some recent catwoman underwear I bought for sale at Goodwill but I found this not to be the case. I was cleaning out the closet when I discovered a very extensive and advanced hidden camera set, and a series of tapes. My boyfriend has been recording me while having sex! So far it looks like he's keeping it to himself for his own enjoyment. I'm certainly willing to give this a shot, but I wish he didn't keep it a secret. What do I do?

Sincerely,
Jenna Carpenter, age 20
Centerview High School
Chicago, IL


Quote


Jenna,
It's always a shock when you find out your long-standing partner has some sexual fetish/hangup.  However, I applaud you for taking it in stride. Usually people will go completely nuts and destroy everything, and the significant other comes to find his/her stuff lying in the yard and the person banging the plumber just to get back at them. Or they may take the camera equipment, set it up in the bathroom, catch you masturbating in the shower like a monkey, and post said video on the internet.  In this case I would definitely say a cautious confrontation is in order. For all you know, your boyfriend may not be getting off on the actual videos, but the fact that you don't know. Either way, in the case that you break up make damn sure all that video stuff is gone. And by gone I mean cooked over a flame, digested, shit out, and fed to the dog.

-SH


Quote



Dearest Jenna,
I see that your boyfriend has decided to try his hand in the exciting and erotic art form that is amateur pornography. Since you seem to be willing to try it, it will be absolutely fascinating to see the films that you and your boyfriend produce. Maybe you can share it with the fast-growing amateur pornography community!

You may think that I, James Lipton, famous broadway writer/producer, does not know anything about what makes a good amateur pornography flim. Au contraire! Perhaps you've seen some of my more recent works, such as Horny Housewife Sluts take it up the Butt 5, or Down the Sewer Hole 3.  Maybe you've seen some of my earlier works as an actor, like Stretched where I played the role of IRS Inspector Dick Largely. Amateur pornography may be considered vulgar to some, but it can truly be a freeing and wonderful erotic experience.  

The most important part of any film, esspecially amateur pornography, is the lighting. Obviously the audience must be able to see, or else the whole point of the picture is moot! Many amateur pornography filmmakers insist on lights, but I prefer the warm white glow of natural lighting. Haven't you always wanted to take that day off?  Rent a hotel room for a day and open the windows, allowing the natural lights to shine upon you both, and all the important areas. Or, you can use your own room, familiar surroundings can prove to be a wonderful tonic for many nervous first performers.  

I assume you will be using stationary cameras. I really must insist that you choose to use a third cameraman instead.  It may be quite awkward at first (it sure was for me!), but you'll find that the dynamic angles provided will be more than worth it!  And in case you feel like a third, there is one readily available!  But if you insist on stationary cameras, use at least two, and make sure you are aware of their positioning. This way you can get the most 'bang' for the buck, pardon the pun.

I wish the greatest of luck to your erotic endeavor, and happy filming!

Sincerely,
James Lipton
[/color]


That's it for this episode, tune in next week for more of your relationship and PC game questioned by SuperHiro and his weekly guest columnist!
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deadzone
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« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2004, 02:44:45 AM »

HILARIOUS!!!!  God I love the little skit that Will Ferrell does  on the Old School dvd... heheh smile

Two thumbs up!   :lol:
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whiteboyskim
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« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2004, 03:11:22 AM »

Yeah I got a question:

Is this you?



 :twisted:
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« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2004, 03:28:06 AM »

Those are some weird looking thumbs!  Oh wait... smile
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Jeff
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« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2004, 03:34:57 AM »

thumbsup  :lol:  thumbsup
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Tscott
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« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2004, 03:35:23 AM »

Tscott's reply to Ask SuperHiro tonight will be answered by:
Tscott and a generic internet geek who loves to critizise show's like Star Trek and JJ Abram's Lost

Tscott
That was a damn funny post.  Keep it up and now for no reason here's a TMBG quote:

You could be a float for the Fourth of July
Based on your theme of "Wallflowers Gone Wild"
Look through the peephole, you've won every prize
Drink, drink, this town is so great
Drink, drink, 'cause it's never too late
To drink, drink, to no big surprise
But what words rhyme with "buried alive"?

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generic internet geek who loves to critizise show's like Star Trek and JJ Abram's Lost
She's 20 years old but has been in a sexual relationship with her boyfriend for 15 years?  Plus she's still in high school at that age?

Also, James Lipton never played a character named Dick Largely.  He should have talked about his experence doing love scenes for 10 years as Dick Grant on Guideing Light instead.

These factual errors just took me out of the joke completely, you're going to have to do MUCH better in this area if you expect me to look foward to another episode of Ask SuperHiro  
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Jeff
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« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2004, 03:37:48 AM »

Generic internet geek needs spelling help.
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Octavious230
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« Reply #7 on: October 15, 2004, 03:44:09 AM »

LoL I swear you should just put up a webpage with this stuff it's priceless!!!  biggrin
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Jeff
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« Reply #8 on: October 15, 2004, 03:50:57 AM »

Quote from: "Octavious230"
LoL I swear you should just put up a webpage with this stuff it's priceless!!!  biggrin


It would probably go over pretty big.  Popular sites have been built on much less.
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obb
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« Reply #9 on: October 15, 2004, 04:16:59 AM »

I can see it now:

Gone Gold 2 - ASK SUPERHIRO!
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Tscott
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« Reply #10 on: October 15, 2004, 08:09:39 AM »

Quote from: "Jeff Jones"
Generic internet geek needs spelling help.

*sigh* Don't they all. Tongue
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Thin_J
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« Reply #11 on: October 15, 2004, 08:52:05 AM »

This thread gets better with each post.

At least it did until I came in here. Now I've gone and ruined it. Phooey.
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PR_GMR
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« Reply #12 on: October 15, 2004, 03:40:53 PM »

Now... this shit is funny!  :lol:

May I suggest some other special guests for future editions of 'Ask Superhiro'?

Burt Reynolds
Andy Rooney
The Pope
Carrot-Top

I'm sure their advice will be indispensable.  biggrin
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Octavious230
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« Reply #13 on: October 15, 2004, 03:45:37 PM »

Bob Vila!!! PLEASE!!!! OH OH OH AND BOB ROSS that would be priceless! biggrin
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Jeff
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« Reply #14 on: October 15, 2004, 04:15:26 PM »

What about the ladies, you sexist pigs?


Martha Stewart (from prison, damn that would be funny)
Laura Bush
Tipper Gore
Barbra Streisand
Whitney Houston
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SuperHiro
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« Reply #15 on: October 15, 2004, 04:55:05 PM »

Bob Villa ay?

Hmmmmm....

Don't worry, the ladies are going to get one sooner or later.
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SuperHiro
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« Reply #16 on: October 15, 2004, 09:18:12 PM »

I really really like Bob Villa, I got some sweet ideas for him. Thanks!

When picking a guest celebrity, I usually try to find a "b-level" celebrity that everyone knows.  I try to keep my politicians to a minimum... I mean it's just way to easy to pick random GOP Pundits and make them addicted to animal porn or give them a medical instrument fetish. I can't do that with Dems (but if anyone has suggestions...). That said Tom Delay will definitely make a return, plus one other GOP guy who will remain unnamed.
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« Reply #17 on: October 15, 2004, 09:53:13 PM »

Quote from: "SuperHiro"
I usually try to find a "b-level" celebrity


You can't spell "b-level" without Erik Estrada!

-Cota
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Octavious230
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« Reply #18 on: October 16, 2004, 12:56:40 AM »

Yes I can't wait to see what you can do with Mr. Villa!!! It's always been a running joke with me to mention his name for no apparent reason. Don't ask me why I don't know just a strange strange habit! Kind of like when I guessed Edar Allen Poe for the final Jepardy question for about 2 years striaght till it was actually the answer. It was a priceless momment that only a person as insane as me would understand. slywink

 Ya I'm gona go take my meds now take care!!!
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Fishbelly
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« Reply #19 on: October 16, 2004, 01:43:17 PM »

I'm just a tad disturbed that the letter writer "Jenna" is 20 years old, is still in high school, and has been with her boyfriend for 15 years.  As a father of 3 girls, this gives me the heebie jeebies!  

 :shock:

(great post anyway, ya sicko!)
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