http://gamingtrend.com
October 23, 2014, 08:23:17 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News:
 
   Home   Help Search Calendar Login Register  
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Any advice?  (Read 1822 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
stimpy
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 814


I'm makin a move!!


View Profile
« on: December 09, 2004, 07:43:15 AM »

I am divorced with a 17yr old daughter that I love dearly and am very close to. She is a great kid, but her mom aint the best influence. I have tried to stay involved in her life as much as possible and I see her a few times a week. Any parent (divorced or not) can relate to how hard it is to stay a part of a teenagers life. But she has been great so far. She has been doing not so good in school, but going to summer and night school to try and catch up. A month ago she got her first job. So her days consisted of school M-F., night school on Tues and Thurs, and work on Mon, Wed, Fri, and Sat. Quite the schedule for anyone. Well 3 weeks ago, to help ease the burden I bought her a used car. She was ecstatic. She will help pay for car insurance with her job. After 2 weeks, she told me she was gonna quit night school, as it was too much for her to handle with work and all. She wanted some time for herself. Fair enough. She said she would try to make it up, but worse case she may have to graduate high school late. I was not thrilled about this, but was glad she was making the effort. Well tonight I find out she got her report card and it wasnt good. She has dug herself a big hole. And she is talking about dropping out. I am stunned. I have tried to stay involved without being overbearing. Her mom is sorta self involved and indifferent. But thats who she lives with. I am the opposite by nature and am a control freak. But I tried to let my daughter make her own decisions and find her own way, while always letting her know I would be there and help her as much as I could when she needed it. But I am wondering if I have been naive. It seems that after I bought her the car, all of this came on. I have always asked her how school was going and got the obligitory "fine" answer.
I knew she wasnt doing great, but thought she was trying and things were getting better. She says she was surprised to find out she was doing bad again this year and vfeels that trying to salvage graduating is useless. As she put it, she would be 19 before she graduates HS, but she could get her G.E.D. at 18. I dont know what to do at this point. I could come down hard and let her know how disappointed I am. I could take the car back, thereby making a bad situation worse. I just dont know. If anyone has any similar experiences they could share, or some advice, I'm sure it would be helpful.
Logged
happydog
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 1469


View Profile
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2004, 08:01:32 AM »

Help her get a really, really crappy job (obviously not strip'n) and make her work it for a few months. Then when she complains about how much is sucks, just tell her to get her life in gear.

It may sound silly, but sometimes it takes getting close to the bottom before you realize how much you don't want to be there. Take it from a dropout with a BA and a nice job.
Logged

LiveTAG: happydog
dbt1949
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 2619


Don't tread on me


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2004, 08:17:27 AM »

Getting her GED at 18 as opposed to graduating from high school sounds great......in theory. If she's having a hard time studying now what makes her think she's going to be able to in a few months?
I think that altho getting her the car may have exacerbated the problem she was headed there eventually anyways.
There's something going on behind the scenes you're not aware of.
A friend of mine just went thru a similar thing with her 17 year old boy.Come to find out he had a hidden life of sex, drugs/achohol and stealing(from friends and home).
I'm not saying your daughter has these problems but I do think something's going on you're not aware of.
Logged

Ye Olde Farte
Laner
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 4693


Badassfully


View Profile WWW
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2004, 01:55:20 PM »

Well, hindsight is always 20/20 - it might have been a good idea to say that keeping the car was contingent on her holding up her end of the bargain.  But it's a little too late now. Never mind me - I'm just thinking out loud smile
Logged
JSHAW
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 125


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2004, 01:58:00 PM »

When I was in 11th & 12th grade I was working at a grocery store and putting in close to 40 hours a week. The hours on the job, many of them past 12midnight and getting up early to go to school weren't compatible.

I'd sleep though 1/2 my classes, which never was a problems with the teachers, they didn't care. I'd breeze though those classes and the tests because I knew the material. But the one class I couldn't breeze through was math. Algebra and Geometry were NOT my thing. I flunked them miserably both years.

In order to graduate on time I had to take an alternative class that would get me the math credit I needed. That class was an introductory drafting class. Even though I sucked at algebra and geometry I managed to pass the class and graduate.

It seems like your daughter has lost hope and you need to be the anchor, the rock that puts her back on track. Dropping out of HS is NOT the way to go. Even if she has to repeat her Senior year, so what? Get the HS diploma no matter what.

She's going to find that NOT having the HS diploma is going to damage her chances of finding a mildly decent job in the real world.

Do whatever you have to do to convince her to get the HS diploma.

Having only a HS diploma and no college degree is one of the big regrets in my life. I graduated HS and went into the US Military.

In 2004 I'm wondering if the military will even accept a person if they don't have a HS diploma?
Logged
dfs
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 96


View Profile
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2004, 04:25:19 PM »

I don't have a similar experience and I don't really have any good advice other than to suggest you go with her to talk to a guidance counselar as soon as possible.

That "fine" answer coupled with the reality of how she was doing sends off warning bells in my head. Either she really didn't know how she was doing (which is a real problem) or she was blowing smoke up your tail (which as another sort of real problem)

I suspect 17 year olds don't take to lectures very well.  I sure didn't. Since she is living with mom, I don't know what kind of discipline you can impose on her.

As Jshaw, stated prospects are pretty dim without a diploma.  

I have no clue what the "pass rate" is for the GED, but it doesn't sound like this is the sort of kid who is going to study on her own. Taking it and failing it might push her further away from where you want her to go.
Logged
JSHAW
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 125


View Profile
« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2004, 05:01:49 PM »

If everything you try fails, you can let her move to Las Vegas and go to work at the "Bunny Ranch".

From the HBO shows on the Bunny Ranch those women make ALOT of money. If money's all she's interested in, she'll make it there, IF she's a hottie.  :twisted:

EDIT - WHEN she's of legal age to work in that environment.
Logged
stimpy
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 814


I'm makin a move!!


View Profile
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2004, 05:07:00 PM »

I take it you have no kids.
If you do, with that attitude, I feel sorry for them.
**edited**

[mod]No personal attacks please.  Also, jshaw, now is probably not the best time to joke around.[/mod]
Logged
Doopri
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 2853


View Profile
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2004, 06:10:22 PM »

If youre in a reasonalby decent school system (ie NOT Cleveland smile) HS is pretty much a joke.  A small level of attention and commitment (and I mean very small, as in show up, take tests etc) are really all thats required - and because youre more or less legally obligated to show up its probably time to ask some long hard questions about your daughter.  Some people just arent clever, thats a fact - BUT in HS it takes quite an impressive degree of stupidity to fail out for that reason alone (again, IF youre in a more or less functional school system).  If you think your daughter is incapable of doing the work due to mental capacity, there's really not too much you can do - but Im going to go out on a limb here and say thats most likely not the case.  Its probably more a matter of effort.  That said - night school is usually of little help as well - as why would a kid who doesnt want to do the work from 8 til 2 do it after dinner?  Guidance is your best bet.  Find out exactly WHY shes failin (again Im sure youre NOT going to find that its because shes "dumb")  That and by all means take the car away.  Take the job away.  At 17 the most important responsibility a kid can have IS school - that makes all those menial jobs that people think build responsibility now less likely to become her future.  Plus - whats the benefit of assigning someone MORE responsibility when they obviously cant handle the primary one before them?  In the end, both suffer - obviously she needs more, not less time applied to schoolwork.  Get on her back, tell her gc your concerns and THEY'LL get on her back - stay after school, study with teachers, go over material - and DON'T make it optional.  All this of course is assuming there is a value to her actually graduating.  If its really not going to matter one way or the other then grab that GED and be prepared to reap the rewards, most likely for the rest of your life.  Education provides one of the greatest opportunities ever and it is of the utmost importance.  Does she have other aspirations?  Does she dislike high school but express an interest in vocational school?  All are options - but dont let her slight herself now because she is lazy and would rather cruise around and spend her $100 a week - it may seem like a sweet deal at 17 but if you have no plans beyond that then be ready to learn to make that $100 last sweetheart because a long hard life awaits.
Logged
JSHAW
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 125


View Profile
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2004, 06:27:25 PM »

Dude, your taking my comments WAY too serious. RELAX.

Without a high school diploma what type of job is your daughter going to be able to get?;

Waitress at a greasy spoon do drop in diner?

Cashier at Wal-Mart? Even with their level of white redneck trash that they let work for them I'm wondering if not having a HS diploma she'd even be able to get a job with them.

Just with the examples that I've provided she's going to have a difficult time getting even a low-level income job.

The comment about the bunny ranch was my idiotic attempt at humor, seeing that your stressing out about your situation you could use a laugh or two.

But on the serious tip there are alot of women that have no HS diploma's that are out working in the adult entertainment industry, but I'm sure there's probably the occasional master's degree or PHD that just enjoy that type of lifestyle. If you don't want your daughter winding up in that line of work I hope for your's and her sake that she buckles down and gets the HS diploma.

NO it's not going to be easy for her, but sometimes "LIFE isn't easy".

Good luck...sorry that I pissed you off.
Logged
Sunderer
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 23


View Profile
« Reply #10 on: December 09, 2004, 10:44:32 PM »

As your friendly, local divorce lawyer, I hate to oversimplify things, and maybe I missed it, but just what does your daughter want to be doing in the next 6 to 12 months?

If she wants to go to a junior college, the by all means, get the GED now and get in ASAP.  

If she's not sure what she wants to do (which I suspect), you have a tougher choice.  Your ex apparently exercises no degree of "tough love," but someone needs to explain to your daughter the reality to paying for the roof (and the lights).

To give you the bright side of this story, a guy I went to high school with dropped out and got his GED.  He found the CRAPPIEST Christmas job paying minimum wage with this company called UPS.  Perhaps you've heard of them.  Well some time later, he got on full time.  Guess what?  He'll retire before I do.
Logged

"At this moment, you mean everything."
stimpy
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 814


I'm makin a move!!


View Profile
« Reply #11 on: December 09, 2004, 11:11:06 PM »

Well my daughter will be here in about a half hour.
I talked to her GC at school today and it seems as if things have recently gone south. She was impressed by the fact that my daughter was trying the night school, summer school route and felt that even though she is way behind, if my daughter was willing to graduate a year late, there should be no problem. As to what she wants to do, I will find that out shortly. In terms of my ex not showing "tough love", she never has. Thats been left to me to be the bad guy all the time, which I have done to the best of my ability. My ex is on disability and struggles to get by. But most of my ex's problems come from the fact she is irresponsible and sucks with money and debt,(hence being my ex). She actually lost her last job for slugging a fellow employee (a guy). So I am afraid that the example she is setting for my daughter is overtaking my efforts to offset her behaviour. I have owned my own business for 6 years and have recently sold a house and bought a new one. I have been with my current girlfriend for 10 years. She sees what my hard work has gotten me and she sees what her mom's gotten out of her life. I felt she was intelligent enough to make the right choice. I may have been wrong. She spends way more time with mom than with me. But this fight is not over. I will try to find out what the problems are and what her attitude is about changing things. I'm gonna try and let her dictate the direction our discussion goes.
I'll listen. But if I dont like the way things are heading, I'm jumping in front of the train and trying to stop it. How...I have no idea yet. We''ll see shortly. Thanks all.
Logged
El Guapo
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 170


View Profile
« Reply #12 on: December 10, 2004, 02:31:57 AM »

Good luck.  You're a good man.
Logged
stimpy
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 814


I'm makin a move!!


View Profile
« Reply #13 on: December 10, 2004, 03:39:25 AM »

For anyone interested, my kid came over and we had a talk. It seems that she was really surprised to learn she was doing worse than she thought so far this year. There may have bee a mixup, as her progress reports have showed different grades than her report card shows. She freaked when she got the report card. She still knows she is behind, but her concern is not graduating untill she's 20. After talking about it and agreeing to set up a meeting with her GC to see what is what and what it will take to get back on track, she started to see that giving up is not the way to handle this. We have agreed that she will continue to go to school and try to continue to get things on track. She will keep the car and her part-time job, as long as she is making an effort. If when the time comes to graduate, in a year and a half, we will see where she is. If we agree that staying in school an extra year will not help at that point, then we will talk about going the GED route. She seemed fine with this and after she left I called the ex to tell her the plan and insist on her full support. The ex had no problem with that. I did throw out the threat to both of them about taking the car back, and it seemed to hit home. So, I think it went as well as I could expect. No one knows what the future holds, but I'm glad she may have learned that quitting aint the way to handle it when things are going bad. Thanks for all your input.
Logged
dfs
Gaming Trend Reader

Offline Offline

Posts: 96


View Profile
« Reply #14 on: December 10, 2004, 08:39:36 PM »

That's good news dude. Follow up. Proactively. You don't want to hound her, but show her how important consistant good work is. Even good kids need consistant messages reinforced. Ask for weekly updates and then follow through by showing real interest.
Logged
Doopri
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 2853


View Profile
« Reply #15 on: December 11, 2004, 01:01:26 AM »

Id be careful about the job and the car.  Im not going to lecture on parenting, but in your initial post you said she got her job a month ago and the car 3 weeks ago.  If she was doing significantly better on her progress reports - it seems resonable to assume that she began tanking right around the time she picked up the two other "responsibilities" (I use quotes because for a teen these things are luxuries - they let her have mobility and spending cash - two things you DON'T need to succeed in school on the HS level).  Im not sure how your school system works, but do the math - progress reports come out halfway through a semester, which generally runs about 2.5 months... puts it right around that time.
Logged
Driver
Gaming Trend Moderator
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 524


View Profile WWW
« Reply #16 on: December 11, 2004, 02:44:47 AM »

Congrats on getting through a tough situation - I hope it turns out better in the end, but I think your being so open about the problem is bound to help the way you talk about it with your daughter.  

Nothing wrong with a GED in my opinion - getting one is all that matters.  For some folks it's a great option outside of a traditional high school.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.

Bill
Logged
ravenvii
Gaming Trend Senior Member

Offline Offline

Posts: 2026



View Profile
« Reply #17 on: December 11, 2004, 04:05:48 AM »

Just asking, but... You said she quit night school because it's too stressful? Yet kept her job? I have to ask, why not vice versa? In my view, school would be more important than a part-time job, especially at her age.

I have no idea of your situation, though, so please take no offense.
Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.19 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.11 seconds with 59 queries. (Pretty URLs adds 0.02s, 2q)