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Author Topic: So....I'm fostering a kid for a year (maybe more?)  (Read 352 times)
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Knightshade Dragon
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« on: July 27, 2015, 10:37:44 PM »

Very long story short, a mutual childhood friend has just had a baby.  Her oldest (15 years old) has never had a positive male role model in his life.   My wife, having visited our friend for over a month, was asked if we'd be willing to foster this oldest kid for about a year.   We don't have any kids, but everyone tells us that we'd be great parents.   We decided we'd take on the challenge for at least a year.   

What have I gotten myself into this time?   If any of you have any suggestions, I'm all ears.    icon_eek
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Ron Burke
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« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2015, 11:07:14 PM »

I don't have any children, but I will admit this is extremely cool and being raised in a two parent home with a positive male role model is extremely effective and I;m speaking from experience


Good for you, Ron
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« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2015, 11:17:02 PM »

Free labor for a year! Erm, I mean, using chores to instill the importance of earning one's keep.

Srsly, I have several friends with multiple children who receive allowances in exchange for exactly nothing. One has three teenaged sons who have never mowed a lawn and wouldn't know which end of a rake to hold.
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« Reply #3 on: July 28, 2015, 12:16:10 AM »

Hey, you can farm out some game reviews and news articles to him. :p

Definitely encourage him to try whatever vocation you're in as a start. I still wish my dad had taken the time to show me some business management skills when I was a teen, I wouldn't be having as many problems following my dreams today.
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« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2015, 01:37:00 AM »

I have no advice, but big props to you for doing this.   thumbsup
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Knightshade Dragon
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« Reply #5 on: July 28, 2015, 03:44:14 AM »

Well, I told him already that he can expect to be coming to martial arts class with me.   I figure that's a rapid path to instilling some respect and discipline.   He's also been told that we'll be very involved in his education.   I'm not looking to be a dick to the kid, but I do intend to set some expectations and either reward him for hitting them, or placing consequences for missing them.   

I know if I leave this kid where he is, he'll continue on the path he's on.  That path leads to him being like his punk "friends" - drugs, theft, and all manner of dead end. 

As for the site, yup - I figured I'd put him to work doing some writing.   Those English 101 skills have served me pretty well in my career.  smile 
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Ron Burke
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« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2015, 04:14:41 AM »

Wow.  Starting with a teenager (with thug friends no less).  My kids are younger, but the first piece of advice that comes to mind is that it's easier to relax strict rules than it is to try to tighten up rules once trouble begins.

Good luck.  Martial arts seems like a good idea since it will help him learn self discipline while making him realize he doesn't want to cross you.

Oh, and from friends who had kids with drug problems, zero tolerance for illegal activity.  As in, yes, I will call the cops on you myself.  Protecting them from the consequences of their actions only teaches them that there are no consequences.

Parenting will teach you a lot about love, both the joy and the pain.  It will bring you and your wife together especially as you try to stay on the same page.
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« Reply #7 on: July 28, 2015, 12:18:51 PM »

Is 15 too young for punching? slywink Oh, wait, you`re taking him to martial arts - I see some `lets spar` moments in your life, Ron.

biggrin

In all seriousness, you two would make good parents - just don`t expect the world of yourselves or the kid in this situation. Knowing how you`ve run a voluntary team of unfocused individuals, I think you`ve got this - I`ve seen you NOT go all military on people whom you`ve wanted to - remember to hide your anger when the kid `presses your button` (and they will, mark my words)... that frustrates their attempts and could see them simply accepting instead of turning every situation into a potential conflict.

My advice is to be steady, consistent, and like Kung Fu masters of old, do not let your charge enrage you as it will slow the learning process. Oh, and never have parental disagreements with them in audience - have your discussions private and keep a unified front - those little bastards live on `divide and conquer` slywink It is also important to support your partner, but they need to be supportive of you in this. Sometimes this can be the biggest challenge.

Also, congrats on turning your life into an eighties sitcom.  icon_lol
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Knightshade Dragon
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« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2015, 01:16:00 PM »

Quote
Also, congrats on turning your life into an eighties sitcom.  icon_lol


 saywhat

Damn it...I'm Mr. Drummond, aren't I?   Son of a.....

Thanks to everyone for the advice so far.  Keep it coming!
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Ron Burke
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« Reply #9 on: July 28, 2015, 07:14:25 PM »

Quote from: Knightshade Dragon on July 28, 2015, 01:16:00 PM

Quote
Also, congrats on turning your life into an eighties sitcom.  icon_lol


 saywhat

Damn it...I'm Mr. Drummond, aren't I?   Son of a.....

Thanks to everyone for the advice so far.  Keep it coming!

Possibly Mr. Seaver (and DiCaprio being your 15yr old)...

but really, I was thinking Edna Garrett.  icon_lol icon_lol icon_lol
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Harkonis
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« Reply #10 on: July 28, 2015, 11:32:47 PM »

hope you have some awesome boardgames/tabletop to tame the kid
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Knightshade Dragon
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« Reply #11 on: July 29, 2015, 01:14:43 PM »

Quote from: Harkonis on July 28, 2015, 11:32:47 PM

hope you have some awesome boardgames/tabletop to tame the kid

That's the worst part....I don't.  Keith is running the Table Top Throwdown side of GT so I've only got a handful of games to play.    He won't exactly be short on videogames, but I'm not sure Cards Against Humanity is gonna be appropriate....
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Ron Burke
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« Reply #12 on: July 29, 2015, 01:50:13 PM »

Block out August 22nd for a trip to Plano.  I know it's a bit out of the way, but you won't find a much better place to get some boardgaming in than this. I'll be happy to show you around.  It's full of the geeks with a strong tech representation.  
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« Reply #13 on: July 31, 2015, 03:05:59 AM »

Quote from: Isgrimnur on July 29, 2015, 01:50:13 PM

Block out August 22nd for a trip to Plano.  I know it's a bit out of the way, but you won't find a much better place to get some boardgaming in than this. I'll be happy to show you around.  It's full of the geeks with a strong tech representation.  

That seems like that'd totally rock.  biggrin   Let's see if I can make that work!
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Ron Burke
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