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Author Topic: OCD. Anyone else here live with this curse?  (Read 539 times)
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Harpua3
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« on: December 16, 2013, 08:35:46 AM »

 All joking aside, because let's face it, certain things about this disorder can be viewed as comical for somewhat good reasons. This is a bitch. Lack of concentration. Making excuses for things bc most people won't understand if you tell them the truth. Having to "check" things to feel "alright". It's fucking exhausting. Does anyone else care to admit they have this disorder?

I've always had it. Don't know why. Don't know when it exactly started. Some years good, some AWEFUL. If I'm stressed out it gets BAD. I'm sure my wife is thrilled to deal me at times icon_confused. Ever since I've went back to my current job, which was supposed to be temporary, it's been bad. I'm looking for a new job and working on things to make it better but... icon_cry

Life's a bitch sometimes but this is a new bitch. Just need to vent and I'm curious if anyone else here goes through life like this. I'm hoping noone does. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Oddly as it is, I'm, aside from bad "spells", I'm a pretty chill person. But man mind plays tricks on me, spins in circles, I just fucking wonder, wonder,wonder and then some more at times...

Btw thanks for being such a great community and resource for people at times like this. It really is something special.
« Last Edit: December 16, 2013, 08:37:34 AM by Harpua3 » Logged
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« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2013, 09:20:05 AM »

Nope. Apart from a couple of "daily routines", which everyone has some variety of, I'm quite relaxed about most inconsequential things, even if they are in disorder. I'm a tidy person, but not to the degree that it becomes an obsession.

I sympathize though. It does sound exhausting.
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Harpua3
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« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2013, 09:55:24 AM »

Quote from: TiLT on December 16, 2013, 09:20:05 AM

Nope. Apart from a couple of "daily routines", which everyone has some variety of, I'm quite relaxed about most inconsequential things, even if they are in disorder. I'm a tidy person, but not to the degree that it becomes an obsession.

I sympathize though. It does sound exhausting.

I appreciate that. Like I mentioned its on or off. I suppose that's better than always on...But on the other hand it's more unpredictable. Even my closest friends and family really don't know of my struggles. Btw I used to be you. I'd love to strive for that again.
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« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2013, 10:05:30 AM »

Sorry to hear about that, Harpua3 - it does sound exhausting. I don't have anything like that, but have a mother that suffers from severe schizophrenia. Mostly its treatable with medicine, or rather, its possible to make it less severe at times.

Is there no kind of medication that alleviates the issue?
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« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2013, 01:40:14 PM »

I`m pretty well adjusted, though I find I don`t always make eye contact with others. I also used to trip over words, but that has abated. I don`t have OCD insofar as I don`t need to lock doors three times, though I will hit the remote lock on my car a second time once in a while (just to be sure).

If anything, I find myself being less focused than I`d like to be.

Sorry to hear you`re struggling, and I`m glad you`re not doing it silently. frown
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« Reply #5 on: December 16, 2013, 02:12:28 PM »

Shouldn't this be called CDO so the letters are in order?

I couldn't resist that, since it's one of my favorites.  However, I totally sympathize with you, Harp.  I think a lot of us have very mild versions of this (it's not unusual to want to see things neatly lined or to want to adjust an askew picture), and I can easily see how that could become an obsession.  I can only imagine how it would take over your life.

I remember reading about some treatment you can go through that doesn't cure this, but does help to accept and even control it.  I don't think it's simple (or likely cheap), but it may be worth looking into.

Also, I think it's good you're talking about it.  I'm assuming your wife is aware of it as a real issue (instead of in vague terms as something that just gets annoying sometimes)?  Let her know that it's getting to you.  And feel free to talk more here.  I know folks'll help if they can.
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« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2013, 04:14:44 PM »

Quote from: Purge on December 16, 2013, 01:40:14 PM

I`m pretty well adjusted

I call bullshit biggrin
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« Reply #7 on: December 16, 2013, 04:16:27 PM »

Quote from: CeeKay on December 16, 2013, 04:14:44 PM

Quote from: Purge on December 16, 2013, 01:40:14 PM

I`m pretty well adjusted

I call bullshit biggrin

Nono. The people at the clinic said I was just fine now.
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« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2013, 04:16:30 PM »

again, I call BS Tongue
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« Reply #9 on: December 16, 2013, 04:21:49 PM »

Out of curiosity, Harp, how much does it get under your skin when the general public uses 'OCD' as a term to describe things that aren't truly OCD?  Something like "I'm OCD about making sure my work desk is clean at the end of the day" or "I'm OCD about peeling labels off my beer bottles."
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Harpua3
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« Reply #10 on: December 16, 2013, 05:23:58 PM »

Quote from: wonderpug on December 16, 2013, 04:21:49 PM

Out of curiosity, Harp, how much does it get under your skin when the general public uses 'OCD' as a term to describe things that aren't truly OCD?  Something like "I'm OCD about making sure my work desk is clean at the end of the day" or "I'm OCD about peeling labels off my beer bottles."

That doesn't phase me at all. I'm really a chill peep besides when this strikes. The Holidays don't help.
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« Reply #11 on: December 16, 2013, 05:46:28 PM »

Quote from: Bullwinkle on December 16, 2013, 02:12:28 PM

I remember reading about some treatment you can go through that doesn't cure this, but does help to accept and even control it.  I don't think it's simple (or likely cheap), but it may be worth looking into.

Yeah I'm also curious, is this something you've been medically diagnosed with?  Isn't there any sort of medication you can take for this?  Or perhaps a combination of therapy and medication?  Or am I totally off base?  Just wondering as I was on Zoloft for awhile for anxiety and it really helped "take the edge off" so to speak.  I realize this is not the same thing, but I'm just imagining there would be some med that can help.  For me the Zoloft doesn't eliminate anxiety but it smooths the edges so that it doesn't paralyze me, in essence I still obsess but I care less about the obsession.  Of course I kind of care less about everything but that's the price.
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« Reply #12 on: December 17, 2013, 03:36:43 AM »

Quote from: Harpua3 on December 16, 2013, 05:23:58 PM

Quote from: wonderpug on December 16, 2013, 04:21:49 PM

Out of curiosity, Harp, how much does it get under your skin when the general public uses 'OCD' as a term to describe things that aren't truly OCD?  Something like "I'm OCD about making sure my work desk is clean at the end of the day" or "I'm OCD about peeling labels off my beer bottles."

That doesn't phase me at all. I'm really a chill peep besides when this strikes. The Holidays don't help.

I hate holidays because they disrupt my daily routine. I don't think I have OCD (although my wife sometimes argues otherwise)...I'm just very set in my ways and I get anxious over small things, like when a holiday bumps trash day to Saturday instead of Friday, or when I can't get groceries on Sunday afternoon. Sunday is grocery day. It just is.

I have some compulsions, too, like lining up all of the french fries in parallel on a plate and sorting potato chips by size. I don't have to do these things so they aren't really compulsions...but I do them.

OK, maybe that's a little bit OCD. But I prefer to think I'm just weird. 
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Harpua3
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« Reply #13 on: December 17, 2013, 08:27:07 AM »

I did Meds for awhile. The first they overdosed me and I was "blasted". After that what I tried just made me numb. That's no fix in my book. Tried therapy, that was a joke. Gonna try again and just keep pushing forward in looking for a new job/career.
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Harpua3
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« Reply #14 on: December 17, 2013, 08:28:44 AM »

Quote from: Ironrod on December 17, 2013, 03:36:43 AM

Quote from: Harpua3 on December 16, 2013, 05:23:58 PM

Quote from: wonderpug on December 16, 2013, 04:21:49 PM

Out of curiosity, Harp, how much does it get under your skin when the general public uses 'OCD' as a term to describe things that aren't truly OCD?  Something like "I'm OCD about making sure my work desk is clean at the end of the day" or "I'm OCD about peeling labels off my beer bottles."

That doesn't phase me at all. I'm really a chill peep besides when this strikes. The Holidays don't help.

I hate holidays because they disrupt my daily routine. I don't think I have OCD (although my wife sometimes argues otherwise)...I'm just very set in my ways and I get anxious over small things, like when a holiday bumps trash day to Saturday instead of Friday, or when I can't get groceries on Sunday afternoon. Sunday is grocery day. It just is.

I have some compulsions, too, like lining up all of the french fries in parallel on a plate and sorting potato chips by size. I don't have to do these things so they aren't really compulsions...but I do them.

OK, maybe that's a little bit OCD. But I prefer to think I'm just weird. 

Alot of that leads to this unfortunately. Just tiny things that just don't escape the mind. Put a barrier over a rainforest. That's my brain.
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« Reply #15 on: December 17, 2013, 09:11:07 PM »

Thanks for talking about it Harp.

I'm guessing that OCD has a spectrum that can range from mild to very severe.  I've never known anyone on the severe end of the spectrum, but I've known a few that would probably be mild to moderate.  Hopefully there are parts of your life (activities, places, people, pets) that can lower the intensity temporarily so you can have some relief.         
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« Reply #16 on: December 18, 2013, 09:22:21 AM »

Quote from: Roguetad on December 17, 2013, 09:11:07 PM

Thanks for talking about it Harp.

I'm guessing that OCD has a spectrum that can range from mild to very severe.  I've never known anyone on the severe end of the spectrum, but I've known a few that would probably be mild to moderate.  Hopefully there are parts of your life (activities, places, people, pets) that can lower the intensity temporarily so you can have some relief.         

I appreciate that. It's a circle of ups and downs. I decided to call off work today. Just my mind was SO scattered. Hopefully it's headed back up soon.
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« Reply #17 on: December 18, 2013, 04:02:24 PM »

My wife suffers from mild OCD and anxiety, wonderful combo!  She keeps them both in check with daily dose of Zoloft and Zanax on the really bad days.  I highly recommend trying the prescription treatment again.  It took several different medicines/doses before we got the right one for her.  Stick with it and communicate with your doctor throughout, there are a boatload of different meds out there.  No need to suffer.
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« Reply #18 on: December 18, 2013, 05:14:14 PM »

I have a few tendencies but they are thankfully very mild.  It's more ritual than the counting of things or stuff like that.   It sounds stupid, but I can't just peel an orange and eat it.  I have to cut all the way around top to bottom and then all the way around the middle, peel it off in quarters. That goes on one paper towel. With the peel removed I then pull off each section and set it on a separate paper towel.  I remove any of the little stringy bits and put that on the first paper towel.  I then throw the trash away, wash my hands, and then eat the orange.  Similarly, a rice crispy treat is to be broken into bite sized pieces.  Some people around me noticed that I do it this way every single time.  I'd never noticed.  Those are just some examples but that's an example of how it affects me. 
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« Reply #19 on: December 18, 2013, 05:22:13 PM »

no compulsive traits other than game buying direct-to-backlog.  I've been slowly pulling back from impulse purchases but it's hard breaking a habit.  I've basically blacklisted certain genres as those I'll never play again.  it works most of the time but sometimes I'll look back over a game on my steam library and ask myself why I bothered.  even when they get down to $5 or less. 
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« Reply #20 on: December 18, 2013, 06:31:26 PM »

I like to eat certain foods the same way everytime as well. Also, no joke, I do compulsively buy games.
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« Reply #21 on: December 18, 2013, 07:12:28 PM »

Quote from: morlac on December 18, 2013, 04:02:24 PM

My wife suffers from mild OCD and anxiety, wonderful combo!  She keeps them both in check with daily dose of Zoloft and Zanax on the really bad days.  I highly recommend trying the prescription treatment again.  It took several different medicines/doses before we got the right one for her.  Stick with it and communicate with your doctor throughout, there are a boatload of different meds out there.  No need to suffer.

Yeah, this!  I think Harp might have just had crappy doctors?  That's the same thing I was prescribed, and it really worked for me too.  Gradually I just came off the Zoloft on my own but I still take it on occasion, and now I reserve the Zanax for really special ones.  It annoyed me at first because I hated the term "as needed" - it made me nervous like I would never be able to come off the meds, but over time it just happened.

Speaking of which, is it considered odd that I keep buying more of the Zoloft and hoarding it out of paranoia lol?  I mean I have like extra bottles of it all over the place now, it makes me feel better.

And I also compulsively buy/download games even if I never play them.  Speaking of which, Panzer Corps just came out on iOS.
« Last Edit: December 18, 2013, 07:14:06 PM by rittchard » Logged
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« Reply #22 on: December 19, 2013, 06:03:48 AM »

Quote from: rittchard on December 18, 2013, 07:12:28 PM

Quote from: morlac on December 18, 2013, 04:02:24 PM

My wife suffers from mild OCD and anxiety, wonderful combo!  She keeps them both in check with daily dose of Zoloft and Zanax on the really bad days.  I highly recommend trying the prescription treatment again.  It took several different medicines/doses before we got the right one for her.  Stick with it and communicate with your doctor throughout, there are a boatload of different meds out there.  No need to suffer.

Yeah, this!  I think Harp might have just had crappy doctors?  That's the same thing I was prescribed, and it really worked for me too.  Gradually I just came off the Zoloft on my own but I still take it on occasion, and now I reserve the Zanax for really special ones.  It annoyed me at first because I hated the term "as needed" - it made me nervous like I would never be able to come off the meds, but over time it just happened.

Speaking of which, is it considered odd that I keep buying more of the Zoloft and hoarding it out of paranoia lol?  I mean I have like extra bottles of it all over the place now, it makes me feel better.

And I also compulsively buy/download games even if I never play them.  Speaking of which, Panzer Corps just came out on iOS.

Yeah, I've tried numerous scripts with not much effect. Either made me crazy feeling or did nothing. Considering therapy to find the next step. That can suck too though...
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« Reply #23 on: December 19, 2013, 01:32:44 PM »

Quote from: Harpua3 on December 19, 2013, 06:03:48 AM

Quote from: rittchard on December 18, 2013, 07:12:28 PM

Quote from: morlac on December 18, 2013, 04:02:24 PM

My wife suffers from mild OCD and anxiety, wonderful combo!  She keeps them both in check with daily dose of Zoloft and Zanax on the really bad days.  I highly recommend trying the prescription treatment again.  It took several different medicines/doses before we got the right one for her.  Stick with it and communicate with your doctor throughout, there are a boatload of different meds out there.  No need to suffer.

Yeah, this!  I think Harp might have just had crappy doctors?  That's the same thing I was prescribed, and it really worked for me too.  Gradually I just came off the Zoloft on my own but I still take it on occasion, and now I reserve the Zanax for really special ones.  It annoyed me at first because I hated the term "as needed" - it made me nervous like I would never be able to come off the meds, but over time it just happened.

Speaking of which, is it considered odd that I keep buying more of the Zoloft and hoarding it out of paranoia lol?  I mean I have like extra bottles of it all over the place now, it makes me feel better.

And I also compulsively buy/download games even if I never play them.  Speaking of which, Panzer Corps just came out on iOS.

Yeah, I've tried numerous scripts with not much effect. Either made me crazy feeling or did nothing. Considering therapy to find the next step. That can suck too though...

The scripts thing can be a very delicate balance, though, and can take time and monitoring to get right.

My dad is bipolar (to the point where he was a case study for a medical journal, in fact).  This came as a shock to us, as you'd never know it (it also became a convenient excuse for literally every single thing in his life).  They put him on medication which seemed fine for a while, but he started deteriorating.  He became rather fuzzy and had tremors in his hands.  Enough time had passed that we didn't even think of the medication at first, but eventually brought it up with the doctor and, sure enough, they had to tweak the dosage.  He was like a whole new person after that.  It was fairly incredible.  I mean, it was to the point where my sisters and I were having serious discussions about what to do with him and how long he had.  The med change happened nearly a decade ago, and he's been right as rain since.
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« Reply #24 on: December 19, 2013, 06:01:53 PM »

Quote from: Bullwinkle on December 19, 2013, 01:32:44 PM

Quote from: Harpua3 on December 19, 2013, 06:03:48 AM

Quote from: rittchard on December 18, 2013, 07:12:28 PM

Quote from: morlac on December 18, 2013, 04:02:24 PM

My wife suffers from mild OCD and anxiety, wonderful combo!  She keeps them both in check with daily dose of Zoloft and Zanax on the really bad days.  I highly recommend trying the prescription treatment again.  It took several different medicines/doses before we got the right one for her.  Stick with it and communicate with your doctor throughout, there are a boatload of different meds out there.  No need to suffer.

Yeah, this!  I think Harp might have just had crappy doctors?  That's the same thing I was prescribed, and it really worked for me too.  Gradually I just came off the Zoloft on my own but I still take it on occasion, and now I reserve the Zanax for really special ones.  It annoyed me at first because I hated the term "as needed" - it made me nervous like I would never be able to come off the meds, but over time it just happened.

Speaking of which, is it considered odd that I keep buying more of the Zoloft and hoarding it out of paranoia lol?  I mean I have like extra bottles of it all over the place now, it makes me feel better.

And I also compulsively buy/download games even if I never play them.  Speaking of which, Panzer Corps just came out on iOS.

Yeah, I've tried numerous scripts with not much effect. Either made me crazy feeling or did nothing. Considering therapy to find the next step. That can suck too though...

The scripts thing can be a very delicate balance, though, and can take time and monitoring to get right.

My dad is bipolar (to the point where he was a case study for a medical journal, in fact).  This came as a shock to us, as you'd never know it (it also became a convenient excuse for literally every single thing in his life).  They put him on medication which seemed fine for a while, but he started deteriorating.  He became rather fuzzy and had tremors in his hands.  Enough time had passed that we didn't even think of the medication at first, but eventually brought it up with the doctor and, sure enough, they had to tweak the dosage.  He was like a whole new person after that.  It was fairly incredible.  I mean, it was to the point where my sisters and I were having serious discussions about what to do with him and how long he had.  The med change happened nearly a decade ago, and he's been right as rain since.

Nice I hear some positive input. Hope all continues well for a very long time. Yeah, at one point one one of the meds I tried, my hands would shake. A horrible feeling to have a 33 or 34 at the time.
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