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Question: So when should LE call the chick?  (Voting closed: October 15, 2005, 10:10:27 PM)
Tonite!  Chaaaarrrrrrrrrgggeeee!!! - 6 (18.2%)
Later tomorrow.  Nod to the rules of the game but don't insult her intelligence. - 13 (39.4%)
Monday or Tuesday.  Typical male strategy. - 2 (6.1%)
Later than Tuesday.  Dude, you care too much about this. - 4 (12.1%)
SH!T B0NERZ - 8 (24.2%)
Total Voters: 33

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Author Topic: [Cliché Girl Issues] Act 3/3: Loose Ends  (Read 12408 times)
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Laner
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« Reply #40 on: October 18, 2005, 06:12:54 PM »

Where's the poll option for "Get her drunk and put it in the butt"?
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« Reply #41 on: October 18, 2005, 06:24:07 PM »

Quote from: "Zekester"
And I don't think it's "ubermachismo bullshit rhetoric" at all.......there are many men here that do have experience at this and are trying to keep you out of trouble, LE.
You're right, man, and I do appreciate all the advice and do respect the more experienced.  I guess stimpy's post just had a jaded quality to it that I don't really appreciate or want to take on, true as it may be in his experience (which I even doubt it is, I mean, he was already with his future wife at 17, it doesn't get much easier than that).

While I'd like to see this thing work out, I'm not naive enough (anymore) to bank anything emotional on it quite yet.  Don't worry about that...
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« Reply #42 on: October 18, 2005, 10:35:53 PM »

as long as you dont go postal if shit doesnt work out, keep doing what your doing.

Give her her time, see if you cant finagle another lil phone conversation to keep you fresh on her mind and see aboot next week.
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« Reply #43 on: October 19, 2005, 01:48:18 AM »

She just called and invited me over to her apartment.

Details later.
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« Reply #44 on: October 19, 2005, 02:04:25 AM »

Quote from: "-Lord Ebonstone-"
She just called and invited me over to her apartment.

Details later.

Well oh . . . my . . . GOODINESS!  This story just seems to keep on getting more and more interesting!   biggrin
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« Reply #45 on: October 19, 2005, 02:19:34 AM »

I'm worried.  He actually took time to post a message before leaving.
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« Reply #46 on: October 19, 2005, 10:10:14 AM »

Well what the funk he's not back yet.  Hope you were able to "install" some software into her "harddrive" if you know what I mean.

Hope you were able to "frag" her repeatedly IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Hope you were able to "drag" that icon into her recycling bin several times IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Ok I'll stop.
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« Reply #47 on: October 19, 2005, 05:34:26 PM »

Quote from: "depward"
Well what the funk he's not back yet.  Hope you were able to "install" some software into her "harddrive" if you know what I mean.

Hope you were able to "frag" her repeatedly IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Hope you were able to "drag" that icon into her recycling bin several times IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Ok I'll stop.


AHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA!!!! Cheesy but hilarious!
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« Reply #48 on: October 19, 2005, 06:04:43 PM »

Well uh well uh well uh.

Here's the deal(breaker?).  She's a virgin.  Apparently by choice.

She brought it up, not me.

And no, it wasn't like I was in the middle of ripping her pants off when she said it either.  I got to see the un-fucking-believable amount of work she had to do -- trust me, this girl is lucky if she finds a free minute to breathe.  Which is to say, we hung out and did work and talked.  Yes, there was sexual stuff too.  Nothing hot and heavy yet but again with the cuddling and kissing, plus she put my hands on her breasts at one point so tada, free copping the (very good) feel.

But what the fuck man, seriously.  A virgin?  Older than me and a virgin?  She seems reluctant enough to even kiss as it is--whatever, we're only on quasi-date 2--but virgin is a multifaceted word, like vegetarian, because there are some vegetarians that'll eat, say, eggs or butter or milk, some that won't, and I'm sure you can extend the metaphor without me having to get pornographic.

But I can tell you something point-blank right now:  if there aren't any eggs or butter or milk in the cards--if I'm to be her intellectually stimulating teddybear who occasionally gets a kiss on the lips--then I don't care how (mind-meltingly) hot she is.  I am OUT!

I'll be her friend, whatever.  We can cuddle and I can cop a feel (did I mention how satisfying those feels are?).  But I'm not in this for a platonic relationship.  She wants to hang out and be friends, fine.  She wants to call me the boy she's dating and not have any sexual element in the equation at all?  Not fine.

And let me mention this:  good god she smells like sex.  It's not like she doesn't want it.  She very much does, and I very much can tell.

It's easy to forget that 'too good to be true' rule, I suppose.
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« Reply #49 on: October 19, 2005, 06:07:47 PM »

Did she say why she was a virgin? If it is for religious reasons, you're in trouble. If not, then there's hope.
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« Reply #50 on: October 19, 2005, 06:07:51 PM »

Quote from: "-Lord Ebonstone-"
Well uh well uh well uh.

Here's the deal(breaker?).  She's a virgin.  Apparently by choice.

She brought it up, not me.

And no, it wasn't like I was in the middle of ripping her pants off when she said it either.  I got to see the un-fucking-believable amount of work she had to do -- trust me, this girl is lucky if she finds a free minute to breathe.  Which is to say, we hung out and did work and talked.  Yes, there was sexual stuff too.  Nothing hot and heavy yet but again with the cuddling and kissing, plus she put my hands on her breasts at one point so tada, free copping the (very good) feel.

But what the fuck man, seriously.  A virgin?  Older than me and a virgin?  She seems reluctant enough to even kiss as it is--whatever, we're only on quasi-date 2--but virgin is a multifaceted word, like vegetarian, because there are some vegetarians that'll eat, say, eggs or butter or milk, some that won't, and I'm sure you can extend the metaphor without me having to get pornographic.

But I can tell you something point-blank right now:  if there aren't any eggs or butter or milk in the cards--if I'm to be her intellectually stimulating teddybear who occasionally gets a kiss on the lips--then I don't care how (mind-meltingly) hot she is.  I am OUT!

I'll be her friend, whatever.  We can cuddle and I can cop a feel (did I mention how satisfying those feels are?).  But I'm not in this for a platonic relationship.  She wants to hang out and be friends, fine.  She wants to call me the boy she's dating and not have any sexual element in the equation at all?  Not fine.

And let me mention this:  good god she smells like sex.  It's not like she doesn't want it.  She very much does, and I very much can tell.

It's easy to forget that 'too good to be true' rule, I suppose.


*nods*  Went through this happy horseshit with my wife.  It turned out for the best and we've been happy for over 10 years.  Don't pass up a good thing - wait it out.
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« Reply #51 on: October 19, 2005, 06:17:07 PM »

Christ, these responses came fast.

Quote from: "Ralph-Wiggum"
Did she say why she was a virgin? If it is for religious reasons, you're in trouble. If not, then there's hope.


Yeah, she did.  Let me see if I can explain:

She's Catholic--the room winces--but she's having problems with her faith, isn't really buying it anymore, really only keeps doing the Catholic thing since it's a connection to her family and it's a ritual she's done forever and it kind of calms her down, I guess.

Anyway, part of her Catholic training is, of course, the big V.  Goddamn idiot translators that took the Greek for 'young girl' to mean 'virgin.'  Anyway, while her virginity is based in religion, religion is not why she's continued to be a virgin.

Her two reasons (she seemed eager to talk about this):

1.)  The feeling of 'not being ready.'

2.)  Fear.

So, my interpretation is that her virginity was once a religious thing, but isn't anymore, so it's kind of half-morphed into a practical thing.

She still smells like sex.

Quote from: "Knightshade Dragon"
*nods*  Went through this happy horseshit with my wife.  It turned out for the best and we've been happy for over 10 years.  Don't pass up a good thing - wait it out.


Hope springs eternal, yes?  I'll admit, the virginity line set off ALARM ALARM ALARM in my head, but I think it deserves a couple more dates and conversations to see if she'll open up or whether she wants -Lord Teddybear- instead.
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« Reply #52 on: October 19, 2005, 06:24:14 PM »

Awwwww -Lord Tedderbear-, how cuuuuuuute.
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« Reply #53 on: October 19, 2005, 06:27:20 PM »

Quote from: "TheMissingLink"
Awwwww -Lord Tedderbear-, how cuuuuuuute.
Heh.

So... you doin' anything later?   unibrow  nod
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« Reply #54 on: October 19, 2005, 06:29:23 PM »

Quote from: "-Lord Ebonstone-"

Her two reasons (she seemed eager to talk about this):

1.)  The feeling of 'not being ready.'

2.)  Fear.


If those are the two main reasons, then you shouldn't be too worried. She just needs someone that she trusts and is extremely comfortable with. If you need to get some within a week or two, you're probably out of luck. But if waiting a couple of months is ok, then you should be good to go.
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« Reply #55 on: October 19, 2005, 06:39:41 PM »

OK...I'll pipe in here since everyone is.

How old is this girl (or did you already say and I missed it)?  It's not unheard of to be a virgin even in your 20s.  You may not be, but there are many still out there that are.  The fact that she's frank as to why she's a virgin is, to me, a good sign to you.  She feels good enough about you to be open about that kind of thing and set the cards on the table.

I'm going to guess she is in her mid-20s.  Years ago I knew many girls who were raised in the Catholic faith.  I believe 100% of them had problems with sections of the Catholic faith in their 20s.  When you get to college, it's really the first time you are out on your own and need to find your own way in regards to religion and everything you've grown up to believe.

I'd say about 50% of the girls I knew and talked to about this years ago were sexually active even with the problems associated to that by the Catholic faith.  They all became active in college, usually freshman year.  The other 50% questioned whether virginity was the best thing or not and I'd say 50% of that group ended up having penetration sex and a quarter had oral sex with their partner(s) but never went for full penetration.  The other quarter (I think all my numbers add up) stayed a virgin until I left college.  Of note, I never went out with any of these girls...they just liked talking to me since me and my roomate were the only guys on a floor in the dorm.

I'm not Catholic, but I grew up studying the religion and somehow got into conversations in high school and college with girls that were Catholic.

Anyway, getting back onto topic, you are in an interesting position.  To be honest, given that she allowed you to some sexual things she may go as far as to do oral action or she may just go all the way.  If you're that interested in this girl and you guys go out a few more times and start to like each other more I would approach the sex angle again.  If she likes you enough she'll realize the time is right and she'll get over her fear...trust me.

I don't know what kind of relationship history she's had, but chances are if she has gone out with other guys she hasn't felt comfortable enough with them or felt like she could trust them.

One more piece of advice...if you're interested in a long-term relationship I would recommend actually going out on a date and not get stuck in a private setting where you want more than she does.  "Action" can be fun, but relationships based solely on that (and not going out and doing things and learning more about each other) are doomed to fail.
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« Reply #56 on: October 19, 2005, 07:07:23 PM »

If you're really attracted to this girl and she satisfies you intellectually and you care about her then stick with it.

The sex will come in time (probably a couple months) and it will be 10x better (after the first time at least) then any other loose poon you could have scored during that time. Why?

Because the sex won't just be physical and that makes all the difference in the world.
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« Reply #57 on: October 19, 2005, 07:28:15 PM »

I'd be more surprised if she claimed to be Catholic and didn't have problems with it. smile Never had the virgin issue with a girl, so can't help you there bud. Good luck to you if she turns out to be a really solid woman as those are in short supply.
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« Reply #58 on: October 19, 2005, 07:37:29 PM »

My $.02 here.

Is she someone you love being around?  Is she someone you want to spend time with?  Do you enjoy each others' company?  Do you like her?

My wife is the coolest person in the world to me.  We love hanging out and if we weren't married and if there were no sex I'd still want to be with her.  The fact that she's great in bed is (oh-so-sweet Cool) icing on the cake.

I think godhugh is on the right track.  While the old-fashioned "date her then marry her then have sex" notion seems pretty obsolete now there's certainly some wisdom to enjoying each others' company, deciding if this is someone you want to be around and then "having fun."
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« Reply #59 on: October 19, 2005, 08:44:04 PM »

I could live with kissyface/cuddling/that sort of thing with a girl I really liked.  I really could.  To me, those sorts of things and activities are things that I cherish and love to do in a relationship.

Don't let her virginian status deter you if you decide you really like her.
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Heh
« Reply #60 on: October 19, 2005, 09:00:46 PM »

Nothing more fun than breaking the V card... since they wont realise how bad you are until the second guy Tongue


All kidding aside, meh, it's how much of a connection you have.  If your in it for one thing, run now.. but if you want something more... stay in.
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« Reply #61 on: October 19, 2005, 09:07:34 PM »

Quote from: "Semaj"
it's how much of a connection you have.  If your in it for one thing, run now.. but if you want something more... stay in.

Well said.  Agreed!
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« Reply #62 on: October 19, 2005, 09:10:47 PM »

Quote from: "depward"
Quote from: "Semaj"
it's how much of a connection you have.  If your in it for one thing, run now.. but if you want something more... stay in.

Well said.  Agreed!


Don't even get me started on you smile And since you are not IMing me, GO STUDY NUB!
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« Reply #63 on: October 19, 2005, 09:13:11 PM »

Quote from: "AgtFox"
OK...I'll pipe in here since everyone is.

How old is this girl (or did you already say and I missed it)?

Turning 21.  It's not like I think less of her since she's a virgin, don't get that impression.  It's going to be an issue though, assuming we continue to click and date.

Quote
Years ago I knew many girls who were raised in the Catholic faith.  I believe 100% of them had problems with sections of the Catholic faith in their 20s.  When you get to college, it's really the first time you are out on your own and need to find your own way in regards to religion and everything you've grown up to believe.

Catholic Guilt.  But I don't know if I'm in a place (or a stable enough mental state) to help her through that.  I sure as hell get the impression she wants me to help, though.

Quote
Anyway, getting back onto topic, you are in an interesting position.  To be honest, given that she allowed you to some sexual things she may go as far as to do oral action or she may just go all the way.

Kisses on the lips have been somewhat slow in coming... I think we only did that once last night, if at all.  That's an extremely troubling sign for me, of course, it might not be a 'sign' at all but rather her personality/comfortability.

What's weird is that she really seems to get off on the physical contact.  She's very shy about making the first move, but she'll put herself really close in to me and more or less set up some kind of contact to happen.  Then when I indulge that desire, she is on and really into it -- that initial warm up is when she's wildest, doing kissing, some (light) nipping, putting my hands on her breasts, etc.

But kissing on the lips seems like a big deal for her.  Honestly I haven't pressed it, and maybe she wants me to, since she seems very shy about initiating contact (and yet obviously loves it when I do).  Which seems kind of odd, since I've always thought kissing came before the rub-my-boobs part.

Quote
If you're that interested in this girl and you guys go out a few more times and start to like each other more I would approach the sex angle again.  If she likes you enough she'll realize the time is right and she'll get over her fear...trust me.

Yes, the diagnosis and recommended strategy from those I've talked to in-person about this (girls and guys) is to advance slowly.  Do something new, let her get comfortable with it, establish the front line, dig in, then repeat.

Quote
I don't know what kind of relationship history she's had, but chances are if she has gone out with other guys she hasn't felt comfortable enough with them or felt like she could trust them.

Perhaps.  But she's really gorgeous, (way out of my league), so I get the impression she's developed a very refined defense mechanism of scaring guys off.  I've been confident, unafraid, and intellectual with her, and she's eating it up.  Oh, and there's that sexual thing, which she is obviously either starved for or just likes me enough to get a real buzz from when I do it.

I mean, honestly, I'm not that good-looking a guy.  I'm average.  And I've got a gut.  She is a jaw-hits-the-floor headturner, perfect skin, perfectly sculpted features, amazing (petite) body.  Like I said, way out of my league.  She's not getting off on my looks, I'll tell you that.

Quote
One more piece of advice...if you're interested in a long-term relationship I would recommend actually going out on a date and not get stuck in a private setting where you want more than she does.

Oh, absolutely.  She's awesome, fun to be around, etc.  I do indeed want to go on a 'public' date with her.  But an opportunity presented itself last night, so I took it.  Don't think it's all I want.
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« Reply #64 on: October 19, 2005, 09:20:38 PM »

Quote from: "godhugh"
If you're really attracted to this girl and she satisfies you intellectually and you care about her then stick with it.

She does more than any other girl I've ever met.  She cares, we have good conversations, and we make eachother laugh.  Plus she's incredibly affectionate, and it just feels good to snuggle up with her.

Quote from: "warning"
Is she someone you love being around?  Is she someone you want to spend time with?  Do you enjoy each others' company?  Do you like her?

I've known her for less than a week, so I feel some of these questions might be a little hasty, but:

Yes, Yes, Yes though we're still 'tuning in' to eachother, Yes.

Quote
I think godhugh is on the right track.  While the old-fashioned "date her then marry her then have sex" notion seems pretty obsolete now there's certainly some wisdom to enjoying each others' company, deciding if this is someone you want to be around and then "having fun."

Oh, absolutely.  Believe me, most of my sexual experience has been emotionless, (well, it was one-sided, she really liked me, I didn't really like her), and quite frankly, it wasn't anything special at all.

Quote from: "depward"
I could live with kissyface/cuddling/that sort of thing with a girl I really liked.  I really could.  To me, those sorts of things and activities are things that I cherish and love to do in a relationship.

Yeah, but for how long?

We're still growing on eachother.  Maybe you're right, maybe I'll come to love her and need nothing more than light physical contact and smooching.

I guess I'm just having trouble shifting gears from my typical experience of carnality first, emotion later into this new experience of the opposite.

Quote
Don't let her virginian status deter you if you decide you really like her.

Wise words.
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« Reply #65 on: October 19, 2005, 09:22:45 PM »

Quote from: "Calvin"
Quote from: "depward"
Quote from: "Semaj"
it's how much of a connection you have.  If your in it for one thing, run now.. but if you want something more... stay in.

Well said.  Agreed!


Don't even get me started on you smile And since you are not IMing me, GO STUDY NUB!
About time you showed up.

All we need is dbt and mytocles, and the circle will be complete.

And maybe Hetz to come in and say how this experience reminds him of his first time with Morrowind.
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« Reply #66 on: October 19, 2005, 09:26:55 PM »

Quote from: "-Lord Ebonstone-"
And maybe Hetz to come in and say how this experience reminds him of his first time with Morrowind.

HAHAHA!
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« Reply #67 on: October 19, 2005, 09:32:36 PM »

Quote from: "-Lord Ebonstone-"
And maybe Hetz to come in and say how this experience reminds him of his first time with Morrowind.

That should be somebody's signature.  Classic.
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« Reply #68 on: October 19, 2005, 10:03:40 PM »

LE - she's lying, she wants it, but doesn't want to seem like a whore.  Give her another week.  The nose doesn't lie.

I estimate only several more days before she gives you a call at a similar time... a straight booty call *bow wow-wow wow wow*
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« Reply #69 on: October 19, 2005, 10:04:21 PM »

Quote from: "Semaj"
Nothing more fun than breaking the V card... since they wont realise how bad you are until the second guy Tongue


I need to remember this...

And now the new avatar makes sense.
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« Reply #70 on: October 19, 2005, 10:38:53 PM »

To be honest, what happened last night was probably going a little fast for this point in the relationship.  I can understand her apprehension with kissing given this is only the 2nd meeting and hopefully she'll warm up to it as you go along (chances are she will) and she gets better acquainted with you.  I would just continue on with the relationship for a while.  Chances are you'll be able to change her mind about sex if you let the stove cook long enough.

As for talking about the Catholic thing, I'll just ask you what your views of religion are.  Like I said, I'm not a Catholic, but I know a lot about it.
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« Reply #71 on: October 19, 2005, 10:44:40 PM »

This is one of the best threads ever on CG.
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« Reply #72 on: October 19, 2005, 10:51:49 PM »

Quote from: "TheMissingLink"
This is one of the best threads ever on CG.

Oh no doubt.  Even had the unexpected twist.  Good stuff!
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« Reply #73 on: October 19, 2005, 11:19:36 PM »

Quote from: "-Lord Ebonstone-"
Kisses on the lips have been somewhat slow in coming... I think we only did that once last night, if at all.  That's an extremely troubling sign for me, of course, it might not be a 'sign' at all but rather her personality/comfortability.

It could be a sign that you had too many onions or too much garlic in your dinner too.
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« Reply #74 on: October 19, 2005, 11:30:27 PM »

Quote from: "AgtFox"
To be honest, what happened last night was probably going a little fast for this point in the relationship.

Yeah, just a little.  The whole feel-me-up-but-don't-kiss-me thing is bizarre, though.  At least in terms of what I'm used to.  In my experience, you have to have the kissing down before you get to the cop the feels.

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As for talking about the Catholic thing, I'll just ask you what your views of religion are.  Like I said, I'm not a Catholic, but I know a lot about it.

I am not a religious person at all.

Quote from: "Biyobi"
It could be a sign that you had too many onions or too much garlic in your dinner too.
Ha, true.  Since the call was sort of late, though, I'd long since eaten and I brushed my teeth before I left, had a mint on the walk over, etc.  Maybe my breath still stinks after all that, but I think it was just pleasantly neutral.
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« Reply #75 on: October 20, 2005, 12:00:50 AM »

It sounds to me like this one could be a keeper.  I'd let things continue as they are for a bit and let her comfort-factor increase some.  You don't want to push her too fast (and it seems you know this and aren't pushing too fast).  I'll bet when she's ready, all the sexual tension building between you two is going to payoff big time.  It should be well worth the wait, however long that may be.



Of course, my experience in these matters is limited at best, and this could be the worst thing that ever happened to you.... but hey be optimistic!  biggrin
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« Reply #76 on: October 20, 2005, 01:02:56 AM »

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This is one of the best threads ever on CG.

Oh no doubt.  Even had the unexpected twist.  Good stuff!

It is great.  I feel like I've warped into the bizarro-world from Seinfeld.  A kinder, gentler Lord Ebonstone?  Trying to wrap my brain around the new avatar...

Next thing you know he'll be proclaiming his love for Morrowind and KOTOR.

 Tongue
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« Reply #77 on: October 20, 2005, 01:31:54 AM »

An Ebonstone with a HEART?  An Ebonstone with a SOUL?
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« Reply #78 on: October 20, 2005, 02:32:26 AM »

I don't feel like my contribution was appreciated. Don't make me actually respond to your questions. Just don't do it goddamnit.
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« Reply #79 on: October 20, 2005, 02:33:23 AM »

I figured you weren't religious but I didn't want to make an assumption that might be wrong.

If base religion is important to her (I'm not saying just Catholicism) you could have an interesting time of it.
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