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Author Topic: WoW Contest Thread  (Read 10017 times)
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Graham
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« on: August 15, 2007, 01:39:48 AM »

Here is the thread for the WoW Contest.  Go to this link to find out details on how to enter:

http://www.gamingtrend.com/Articles/articles.php?artID=277

Don't be shy, it's easy to enter.  Let's have some fun!
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« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2007, 11:28:34 AM »

Short version is I tried really hard to qualify for the WoW TCG National Championships, failed every time, gave up, had my arm twisted to go the night before while I was at the shop that was holding it so I slept at the shop in the backroom and they woke me up when the tourney registration was starting and I qualified on a few hours of cramped sleep.  I'll write the actual story out next week, unfortunately I have to go to register for nationals in a little bit and will be busy for hte next 5 days or so with little to no internet access.
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« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2007, 12:25:37 PM »

I don't have that many good stories even though I've been playing since WC1.  I have the standard ones like beating Onyxia with 30 people back when it was still hard or sneaking past trash in instances to solo bosses but I'm just going to list stupid ways I've died instead.  I have died by falling into the lava in BRD...didn't jump but actually slipped right off the edge.  I've died by falling off the mountain in Redridge.  I've died by falling off the mountain in Un'guro.  I've died by falling off the mountain by Ironforge.  I've died by falling off my mount in Outlands because I hit the wrong button (and it was in a place not reachable on foot).  I've died by falling off the cliffs in the Hinterlands.  I've died by falling off the mountain near the dwarf camp in the Hinterlands.  I've died by falling off multiple zeppelin towers (usually by accident where I miss the steps).  I don't want to even mention all of the Outlands zones especially the city with the messed up elevator in Zangarmarsh.  Hmm...actually I guess I should have listed the zones I haven't died in by falling accidently since it would have been much shorter Tongue
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« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2007, 03:36:48 AM »

About two years ago, I saw a copy of the Warcraft Pen & Paper RPG sitting on the shelf of a local game store.  Being both a WoW junkie and a recovering D&D addict, I was soon $34.95 poorer and home fiendishly tearing through the book.  The next day, I convinced a few old gaming buddies to roll up characters and I got to work writing a Horde campaign.  It was centered around defending the town of Crossroads from centaurs, quillboars, paladins and other creeps you might find running around The Barrens.  Soon we had a Blood Elf Fighter, a Tauren Healer, a Forsaken Wizard and a Goblin Tinker ready to fight for Strength, Honor and the Kalimdorian Way.

We played a session or two and the PCs were chugging along nicely, killing monsters, picking up XP and slowly making their way towards the jerk that was coordinating the attacks on the town: a crazed Dwarven engineer, determined to shatter the already fragile peace between Horde and Alliance.  It was then I decided things were going a bit too smoothly for our unlikely heroes and added a new plot to the mix.  I had the PCs run into a young Night Elf girl who seemed to speak only gibberish.  A few unsuccessful Comprehend Language spells later, the group decided she wasn't a threat, so they kept her as sort of a pointy-eared mascot. 

What our protagonists didn't know was that their new purple pet was essentially a demigod, driven mad by the Burning Legion at some point in the distant past. If her mind could be restored, she'd be a potent weapon against all things nasty and a great way of keeping the campaign going after the PCs resolved their current crisis.   If the Legion got their firey mits on her again, they'd use her to smash everything from Orgimmar to Ironforge. I also planted a secret-agent Satyr into Crossroads.  Disguised as a Night Elf diplomat, he knew the truth about the girl. I was hoping to have him worm his way into the player's confidence over the next few game sessions, setting them up for a big and hopefully dramatic betrayal when he inevitably tried to snatch away their Feebleminded charge. 

Unfortunately, I forgot what any good Dungeon Master must never forget: players hate your plans on some primal, unconscious level and are naturally inclined to destroy them.  When our young adventurers learned their was another "Night Elf" in the town, they immediately sought him out and started trying to persuade the villain to take the girl off their hands.  They even got him a bodyguard, worried that he might be attacked by local orc rowdies.  I tried to throw in a few clues that would give the players A Bad Feeling About This ® particular course of action, but to no avail. Five minutes later, they had successfully delivered the demigod to the game's main antagonist and were riding Kodos out of town, searching for a dungeon to loot.

When they eventually made their way back to Crossroads, things were a bit different.  Both satyr and godling were gone, the bodyguard was dead and no one could understand why I was giggling to myself.  I eventually let them in on the whole thing and we decided to put the game on hiatus.  We’re thinking about starting up again sometime soon, but then I remember my players did what even the Lich King couldn’t do.  They doomed the World of Warcraft.
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« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2007, 05:28:56 PM »

My very first experience with Warcraft, came with the release of Warcraft II: Tides of Darkness in Deccmber of 1995. I still remember, rushing into Babbages, getting a copy, rushing home, and taking my time to read through the manual. I was impressed by the amount of backstory and lore that was included in it, and it struck me that Blizzard must really love the product they put out, not only was the game awesome, but I really got into it, and cared about the story. Needless to say, I was hooked, I picked up Beyond the Dark Portal and of course Reign of Chaos some six years later. Each time the level of storytelling and detailed improved, and such has it been with my appreciation of it.

I still have fond memories of using Kali and playing multiplayer with all the friends I had introduced the game to. Going head to head into the wee hours of the night. Warcraft, in all it's iterations has had a profound effect on my love for computer games, and toward strategy/MMO/card games as well. As long as I have use of my two arms, I'll be a Warcraft player.
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« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2007, 05:58:59 PM »

http://www.gamingtrend.com/forums/index.php/topic,17822.0.html

Nuff said *cough*
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Graham
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« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2007, 06:04:25 PM »

Some great stories so far and I hope that we see more in here.

Xunan, Welcome to the forums.  Thanks for registering and putting your input.  Hope that you enjoy the forums here.

Semaj, I don't know, that might be cheating a little bit.   icon_wink  I don't think I want you posting all of that into one post though. Tongue
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« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2007, 06:06:01 PM »

I asked before doing it I swear....

If you want one particular instance of wow entertainment... lemme know smile
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« Reply #8 on: August 16, 2007, 08:08:18 PM »

Just wanted to wish everyone luck in this contest. i will be staying out of it due to having won a very cool Jade Empire game in the last contest run and I dont have any friends to actually play a card game with smile Another great contest though from GT! Thnx GT you rock!
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« Reply #9 on: August 16, 2007, 08:22:18 PM »

Quote from: Daehawk on August 16, 2007, 08:08:18 PM

Just wanted to wish everyone luck in this contest. i will be staying out of it due to having won a very cool Jade Empire game in the last contest run and I dont have any friends to actually play a card game with smile Another great contest though from GT! Thnx GT you rock!

We have lots of prizes, so don't feel like you can't enter.  If nothing else, tell people you know to enter.  Those Warcraft Art Cards are really sweet looking.
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« Reply #10 on: August 16, 2007, 08:23:02 PM »

Quote from: Semaj on August 16, 2007, 06:06:01 PM

I asked before doing it I swear....

If you want one particular instance of wow entertainment... lemme know smile

You really don't need to.  If you want to, that would be cool, but your thread has a lot of stuff in there.
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Dragonshadow
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« Reply #11 on: August 18, 2007, 10:03:37 AM »

Here is basically a "chapter" from this World of Warcraft Story I have been writing...
This is how I do it, I play WoW for one hour, maybe 1 and a half max, then I write about it in such a way that it does not seem like a game...

I am sorry, I can't paste it because of the format it is in, so here is the next best thing...

http://blazehammer.magicspan.com/Files/Wowstory13.pdf

I hope this can still be entered smile
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« Reply #12 on: August 18, 2007, 03:06:09 PM »

Yep, sure can!  Welcome to the site Dragonshadow.
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« Reply #13 on: August 18, 2007, 04:31:39 PM »

Quote from: Knightshade Dragon on August 18, 2007, 03:06:09 PM

Yep, sure can!  Welcome to the site Dragonshadow.

Thanks!

Oh, comments appreciated on the story smile
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« Reply #14 on: August 20, 2007, 09:31:11 PM »

I have a couple amusing stories from my World of Warcraft raiding days about a year ago. I belonged to a raiding guild that was "up and coming". They had cleared Molten Core by the time I joined, and had cleared MC, Blackwing Lair, AQ40 up to Huhuran, and some trash in Naxxramas by the time I left, so I got a pretty good exposure on how to do boss battles correctly, and how to do them amusingly-- I mean poorly.

7-man Onyxia downing

Onyxia is an interesting fight because it is a glorified tank and spank, but it has some weird randomness that can make the fight go awry for even the most hardened WoW raiding group. One night we decided to get a Onyxia kill in before we did some regular raiding. At this point in the guild's history we could reliably 1-shot Onyxia, 2-shot if we got unlucky somehow. So were pretty confident as we dispatched the bit of trash before the mighty dragon herself, and started up the fight as usual (odds left, evens right... more Dots! more Dots!). Stage 1 in Onyxia is stupidly easy... it's a straight tank and spank. Most people use this time to level up weapon skills with weapons that have been underused. I was a healer but wasn't really needed, so I kept faerie fire and insect swarm on her while I whacked away with my mace. Eventually we did enough damage to her to get to Stage 2, in which she takes to the sky and flies around shooting fireballs. She also has this ability called Deep Breath which occurs seemingly randomly and can pretty much kill anyone it touches. Additionally, this is the time the (now infamous) whelps spawn and have to be dealt with.

Well as it turns out we didn't handle the whelps well and she went ballistic deep-breathing. The end result was only about 15 people standing by the time she turned to Stage 3. A sloppy pull caused her to breathe right off the bat knocking out 8 more people, which left a grand total of 7 people to kill Onyxia. By some stroke of luck, the 7 people left standing were the main tank, and 6 healers. What proceeded to happen over the next 28 minutes was the main tank, in all his complete-lack-of-DPS glory, slowly pinging Onyxia to death while the 6 healers kept him up. Six healers is enough to keep the MT up (provided all the damage is done to just him, of course), but since all the healers are specced to just heal, none of them could do much damage either.

The best part of watching this fight was the fact that there were 33 other people on ventrillo with nothing to do but sit and watch what amounted to the Wow version of watching paint dry. My guild had a normal policy of not allowing chit-chat during boss fights, but this was an exception. In fact it was such an exception that the guild wouldn't even let the tank or healers talk. Some people went AFK, some people urged the living players to just die so they could redo the fight, while others just started talking about random crap. If you had been a stranger coming into the vent channel at that time you would have heard a mixture of normal guild chat with a bit of masochistic encouragement.

An unfortunate aside to the legendary kill was that it took so long, that a) it probably COULD have been done quicker had the group wiped and started over, and b) it was too late to start any real raiding by that point that the night ended with a lone, overly long, Onyxia kill.

Rogue tanking Vaelastrasz

Another memorable fight was one of the guild's downings of Vaelastrasz, the second boss of Blackwing Lair. Vael is the ultimate DPS fight. You literally have to kill him before he kills you, because every 15 seconds he blows someone up. Along with the DPS buffs the raid gets, his annoying fire aura, and the exciting tank rotation, this is a very fast and frenetic fight.

During one particular downing of Vael, things were going well at first. The first tank had him the entire time until he got blown up, healers were up, Vael's health was going down fast. Even with the second tank things were looking good. By the time the second tank went down Vael was under 10% health (he starts at 30%), and with 3 tanks to go, everything was going along smoothly. Then something happened. I'm not entirely sure what occurred... probably a mixture of tanks not getting enough aggro, and some DPS getting too much, but Vael went nutzo and started breathing on everybody. Luckily he didn't get too many with the first breath and there was some chance we could still get him. People were screaming on vent to just go all-out DPS, and whoever had aggro to turn him away from everyone else. What resulted in the next 30 seconds or so was Vael's health being reduced to just a sliver (maybe 10k or so), and the raid being reduced to... a rogue and a hunter.

The rogue had aggro, blew all this cooldowns (including Evasion which came in handy), somehow didn't take a single hit from Vael, and eventually succumbed to a breath attack. Meanwhile the hunter was frantically shooting everything he had left, and when Vael finished the rogue off and turned to him, the dragon didn't even seem to have health left (literally it said 0% on my screen). Once Vael got inside the range zone, the hunter charged, took out his sword, took one whack, and down the dragon went.

The resulting scene was quite amusing: a sole hunter standing next to Vael, dancing away. The rogue has the hero of the story... he had to have lasted 7 or 8 seconds against Vael without taking much damage, leaving time for the hunter to get in enough damage to finish him off.
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« Reply #15 on: August 21, 2007, 02:26:02 PM »

Couple of things:

Back in the old pre-BC days, I was part of a big raiding guild, had MC mostly on farm (up to Rag) and was visiting Ony for the weekly loot from her. The trip to Ony was always a pain, since if you missed the boat.... you had to wait and wait and wait, all the while catching crap from everyone. My main at the time was a mage; got off the griffon in Wetlands and saw the boat. Seeing the boat is bad... as that means it can leave at anytime. Often right as you get halfway to it.... as it did this time. I'm on my mount, going as fast as I can, and the boat is starting to slip away. I veer at it, closing the gap as quickly as I can, and as it finishes pulling away from the dock, I manage to blink and (wonder) actually blink onto the boat.

More recently, I've switched over to a hunter as my main. On one of our Gruul runs, we're actually doing pretty well, run is going smoothely. Unlucky shatter kills some healers, I think the OT goes down, the MT eats some unluckly blow and drops. Have a backup tank, but the surviving healers have some slowdown on the transition, backup tank eats dirt. Who's next on aggro? Me. Pop Deterence and Monkey, and I mange to get lucky on the dodges and tank Gruul for about 8 seconds or so. I'd like to say I hit FD, then got up and we finished off Gruul... but I was too slow. Got critted for 28k or so (I have around 10k hp raid buffed). Gruul goes and tears through the rest of the raid, and we have a 1% wipe.

We did kill him on the very next attempt, though. With only 1 or 2 people down, too. Irony. Tongue
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« Reply #16 on: August 21, 2007, 06:28:21 PM »

WoW and I have a long history together. I was first introduced to my dear fried WoW when I was invited to the Friends and Family Alpha when the Undead were added. I made a warrior, I killed stuff, I died... a lot. Then we got access to Orcs, Trolls and Tauren. I made an orc warrior, I killed stuff, I died... a lot. Then it was back to the alliance. I made a gnome warrior, I killed one or two things, died a whole lot and deleted the character. I then made a dwarf warrior and killed stuff and died... a lot. I think PvP came next... I made a warrior! I killed stuff and I was slaughtered... a lot... by mages.

Eventually release rolled around. I'll give you one guess what class I went with.  icon_twisted

There are a lot of things that awed me in WoW as I saw them for the first time, even though I've never been to any of the big raid areas (General Drakkissath was my crowning achievement in WoW - I tanked one of his buddies).

Those spellbinding first few griffon flights, the awe of getting to the last area in deadmines, the frustration of the boss fight in shadowfang keep, the warlock summoning ceremony, getting my first mount, maxing out blacksmithing, hitting 60th level were all pretty memorable moments for me in WoW. I can't think of any specific stories as it has all run together over the years.

I do play characters that aren't warriors now, though a warrior is still my highest level character.
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« Reply #17 on: August 22, 2007, 05:55:10 PM »

At gencon everyone got a free starter set, me getting a shaman, and my friends getting a warrior and a rogue, after several trial game one of my friends said "Geez, even in the card game shamans are unbalanced".

Not much of a story I know, but even after playing all 3 rts games, getting to 40 as a priest in WoW and thats all I really have. Though I could rant for a long time on how much healers get walked all over in mmorpgs.
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« Reply #18 on: August 23, 2007, 12:55:44 AM »

Quote from: nymanium on August 22, 2007, 05:55:10 PM

At gencon everyone got a free starter set, me getting a shaman, and my friends getting a warrior and a rogue, after several trial game one of my friends said "Geez, even in the card game shamans are unbalanced".

Not much of a story I know, but even after playing all 3 rts games, getting to 40 as a priest in WoW and thats all I really have. Though I could rant for a long time on how much healers get walked all over in mmorpgs.
You can make a story about any Warcraft game, it doesn't have to be about the TCG game.  We do have a couple of the same Dark Portal starters to give away, so maybe you'll get another one.
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« Reply #19 on: August 23, 2007, 05:41:26 AM »

I really want to play WoW now frown
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« Reply #20 on: August 25, 2007, 03:03:17 AM »

I've thought for a while about what to put down, and frankly, the best story I can give is my initial experience with World of Warcraft. I'd been dying to try the game; had read so much good about it, and was a big fan of Warcraft 3 due to the story & world.

I finally was accepted into the beta, though it was only about a month before retail. Took me two days on my crummy unreliable internet connection to finally get the client downloaded, installed, & patched up. Fired it up, created my first character (a dwarf, which is ALWAYS my first character in any game I have that option in; what can I say, ever since The Hobbit, I've been a huge fan of classic Tolkienesque fantasy dwarves icon_wink)

I was impressed from the get-go; the environment (I LOVE snowy, mountainous, pine-forested regions!) was perfect, the music was fantastic, the controls and art direction, I couldn't believe it. It really felt like an immersive fantasy world, far more than any of the mmo's I'd tried before (which was, in fact, pretty much all of the ones that came before it). I couldn't believe how massive the world seemed, for that matter! It was huge!

Well, that impression was only temporary. You see, that was the impression I got from the dwarven newbie region, a small nook in the mountains of Dun Morogh. Little did I know just how massive the entire region of Dun Morogh actually was.

When I finally trekked through that trogg-infested cavern on my way to Khelsamar to deliver a message to the King's man, I was actually dumbfounded when I emerged from the cavern and finally got a real sense of the scope of the gameworld. It was like nothing I'd ever played; it felt like a genuine, crafted fantasy world. That was incredible enough, but as I explored, I'd run across all sorts of interesting landmarks and sights. And when I finally entered Ironforge, and heard the music and saw the scope and design of the city, I knew it: this game had its hooks in me forever.

I still, to this day, love Dun Morogh; it's my favorite region in the game. It still retains that sense of wonder and adventure that I felt when I first played, when I felt like a genuine adventurer in a new world that was wide open for me to discover. And I'm still waiting for another game to top that experience for me. icon_biggrin
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« Reply #21 on: August 25, 2007, 04:37:11 AM »

Quote from: Farscry on August 25, 2007, 03:03:17 AM

I've thought for a while about what to put down, and frankly, the best story I can give is my initial experience with World of Warcraft. I'd been dying to try the game; had read so much good about it, and was a big fan of Warcraft 3 due to the story & world.

I finally was accepted into the beta, though it was only about a month before retail. Took me two days on my crummy unreliable internet connection to finally get the client downloaded, installed, & patched up. Fired it up, created my first character (a dwarf, which is ALWAYS my first character in any game I have that option in; what can I say, ever since The Hobbit, I've been a huge fan of classic Tolkienesque fantasy dwarves icon_wink)

I was impressed from the get-go; the environment (I LOVE snowy, mountainous, pine-forested regions!) was perfect, the music was fantastic, the controls and art direction, I couldn't believe it. It really felt like an immersive fantasy world, far more than any of the mmo's I'd tried before (which was, in fact, pretty much all of the ones that came before it). I couldn't believe how massive the world seemed, for that matter! It was huge!

Well, that impression was only temporary. You see, that was the impression I got from the dwarven newbie region, a small nook in the mountains of Dun Morogh. Little did I know just how massive the entire region of Dun Morogh actually was.

When I finally trekked through that trogg-infested cavern on my way to Khelsamar to deliver a message to the King's man, I was actually dumbfounded when I emerged from the cavern and finally got a real sense of the scope of the gameworld. It was like nothing I'd ever played; it felt like a genuine, crafted fantasy world. That was incredible enough, but as I explored, I'd run across all sorts of interesting landmarks and sights. And when I finally entered Ironforge, and heard the music and saw the scope and design of the city, I knew it: this game had its hooks in me forever.

I still, to this day, love Dun Morogh; it's my favorite region in the game. It still retains that sense of wonder and adventure that I felt when I first played, when I felt like a genuine adventurer in a new world that was wide open for me to discover. And I'm still waiting for another game to top that experience for me. icon_biggrin
STOP MAKING ME WANT TO PLAAAAY. It is my favorite region of the game too. All of my alliance characters have been, and likely always will be gnomes. I love, love, love, the first 2 areas and the walk to Ironforge. Fine, I know I am wasting 15$, but I am resubbing tonight.
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« Reply #22 on: August 27, 2007, 11:05:59 PM »

This is so frustrating! I played WoW for 2+ years and I can't think of any stories outside of ganking stories that are interesting.
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« Reply #23 on: September 26, 2007, 01:48:27 PM »

Any idea when the contest is over and the winner's will be picked?
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« Reply #24 on: September 27, 2007, 12:13:01 AM »

The Eternal Noob and The Great Elevator War

*stands up*
*looks around*

Hi everyone, I'm Zurala and I'm The Eternal Noob.  Well, I finally recovered from my traumatic Feralas parachute experience enough to post again.

Despite my noobish instincts, I've continued to level with some much-needed help from guildies like Galmo, who have taken pity on me and hand-held me through some quests.  I've managed some really fun noob moments lately.  Like the one in the Badlands (Broken Alliances) where I activated some obelisk that spawned two elite dragons, Backlash and Hematus, who promptly decided that Zurala The Noob should be immediately cremated.  I can only hope that one of my delicate bones got lodged in their throat after they devoured my charbroiled remains. 

However, most of my latest noob moments have taken place in a sadistic little place called the Searing Gorge.  Or more specifically, someplace called the Slag Pit.  This is a lovely big ditch in the middle of the zone.  I'm sure the Blizzard programmers were laughing as they programmed this place.  While exploring, I almost immediately found an elevator down into this pit.  Hey, maybe they sell jewelry down here! 

So I stepped onto the elevator and took a ride down to do a bit of sightseeing.  The elevator stopped once, stopped twice.  I was looking out at the view when it stopped the third time.  I turned around to face the designated Blizzard Elevator Greeting Party, consisting of one huge golem, one dwarf slaver and one bad-tempered miner.  I guess they felt I was holding up the elevator, because they immediately decided that a full-scale assault on my squishy innards was the best way to ensure no such elevator delays would take place ever again.  The Great Elevator War was on.

As a priest, I can only handle this situation in one manner.  Fear.  But since trembling while pleading for my life didn't seem to bring any mercy, I had to choose another type of fear.  Fear, the spell!  And thus it was cast...and my demise unknowingly sealed.  The golem, who I suppose doesn't feel fear, continued to club me like a baby seal.  However, the two nasty dwarves ran off.  I had a chance to win and fought the golem in a pitched battle.  Beaten and battered, I still was winning when my two diminutive enemies showed up.  With friends.  It seems that they had run into the mine and a gotten a few of their buddies to help with this elevator dispute.  I had only one option left, so I ran off the ledge and cast Feather Fall to escape.

If you're familiar with Feather Fall, please note that it is interrupted by damage.  Those dwarves must be clever, because they invented some sort of super-bungee cord that allowed them to leap off the ledge with me and get in that one last mighty blow on my delicate troll persona.  My spell went *poof and I was left in mid-air with no active spell over a very large drop.  I felt a bit like Wile E. Coyote as I plummeted to my untimely demise.  I'm just glad the impact from my long fall killed me as I landed on a fire elemental below.  I'm sure my corpse made a tasty roasted snack. 

So after the obligatory corpse retrieval, I decided to speak with a couple of the NPCs for quests.  Now, while I appreciate the supposed medical condition of the NPC Hansel Heavyhands, I'm sure that his bunions aren't so bad as to not warn me about the location of the Incendosaurs he sent me to exterminate.  Being the good Samaritan that I am, I volunteered to be the Orkin man and help him with this small issue.  So I searched.  And searched.  And searched some more.  But I couldn't find any Incendosaurs.  Just a bunch of dwarves who had bad attitudes from mining all day.  Don't they know I'm there to help with their lizard problem?  Why do they keep attacking me?

Finally, I spotted a passageway in some caves.  Could that be the way?  Ah ha!  I spotted one!  But how do I get down there?  Hmmm....oh, look, there's a small ledge.  I guess I'll have to jump down.... 

Of course, please note that there is a path that obviously leads to this cave.  Being The Eternal Noob, I totally missed it.  And, being of feeble jumping skills since the last "platform" game I played was the original Pitfall, I made my best leap.... right into the lava.  Even Backlash and Hematus didn't cook me this quickly.  I'm sure that my brief thrashing was entertaining to the Incendosaur that had a front-row view of my demise.  Why must my deaths continually involve falling and fire?

After the obligatory Spirit Heal and the 10 minute wait, I was ready to try again.  This time, I had little problem finding the path and dispatching those still-laughing lizards.  Now feeling good about myself, I decided that those mean-spirited little miners needed to taste my wrath.  I immediately found one and decided that Mind Control would be a great way to dispatch them.  After all, the fall killed me, didn't it?  So I found that dwarf slaver - well, I think it was him as they all look the same - and pitched him off the same level that had led to my earlier demise, right into the lava.  Of course, he fell out of the range of my spell and I thought no more about him, as I was sure that he died a Golum-like Lord of the Rings lava death.  I started deeper into the cave, satisfied that I had dispensed justice from the earlier elevator dispute and had finally gotten someone else burnt to a crisp. 

It seems the Blizzard programmers had one final trick.  For whatever reason, these mini-me slavers don't take damage from lava.  Or something like that.  Because he came back up in a rush and proceeded to develop an wicked extensive train of friends along the way.  I turned to see every miner, taskmaster and slaver in Azeroth bearing down on me.  It was a tsunami of Munchkins getting revenge on me like I was the Wicked Witch of the West.  The pure hatred projected in their beady eyes.  Their little Fists of Fury clenching their picks, axes and other assorted weapons.  All rushing towards me to conclusively resolve the Great Elevator War.

I had no other option, so I did the only thing I could.  I jumped into the lava to escape. 

I visited my friend the Spirit Healer, hearthed and decided that the Searing Gorge had won.  The evil dwarves beat The Eternal Noob in the Great Elevator War of Azeroth.  I’ll only come back once I can convince Backlash and Hematus that these dwarves make a tastier snack than I do.

I hear Un’Goro is nice this time of year…
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« Reply #25 on: September 27, 2007, 12:15:41 AM »

The Eternal Noob’s Instance Misadventures

The Eternal Noob’s Instance Misadventures

*stands up*
*looks around*

"Hi everyone, I'm Zurala and I'm The Eternal Noob."

"Hi, Zurala!"


I know that many of you were expecting an Un’Goro adventure.  Sorry to dash your hopes, but I haven’t perished once in the Crater.  The Designated Blizzard Ganker, otherwise known as the Devilsaur, hasn’t gotten me yet.  I have played a couple of magnificent games of hide-and-seek with him, though.  Don’t worry, I have a few quests there left.  There’s plenty of time for a major misadventure.

So I thought I’d amuse you with some other tales of my noobish ways that have recently taken place in instances.

Due to various reasons, The Eternal Noob has avoided most instances.  I have never been in Gnomergan, RFK, RFD, Deadmines, Maraudron and Blackfathom Deeps.  This is due partly to the lack of other characters in those levels.  This is partly due to my aversion to spending the necessary huge blocks of time in these places.  Plus, I really believe that the strange Noob affliction that I possess can be transmitted to other players.  A quarantine seemed like the best and safest option.

But now, it’s almost mandatory that I run instances.  As a priestess, that’s what I’m designed for anyway.  Since I can never get into a Battleground, instances are the places for me to be.  God help us all.

My first misadventure takes place in Zul’Farak, that wonderful place in Tanaris.  I must congratulate Blizzard on the Divino-matic Rod quest.  It’s World of Warcraft meets Night of the Living Dead.  They just keep coming and coming.  However, we managed the onslaught in good shape and continued on our way.  Weary from battle, I was leaning heavily on my staff as we walked through an area with about 40 scarabs.  I wasn’t watching where I was going until I heard a *crunch.

The lesson here is “look before you click” because as I was walking through, I accidentally clicked on one of the scarabs.  My little troll avatar took a leisurely swing with her staff at the scarab, if only to get it out of the way.  After all, I’m a female – I don’t like bugs and trolls don’t wear shoes.  Before you could say “oops”, those things swarmed all over me.  Very quickly, I was wearing a new scarab cloak and they proceeded to devour me and turn on my poor party members.  Only two made it out alive.

They must have forgiven me (the fools!), because a few days later they invited me to Sunken Temple.  I’m sure most of you have been there and know to get into the actual instance portal, you either go down the stairs or jump down.  You then kill a couple of mobs and enter the portal.  So one by one, my fellow teammates leaped down to the next level and started to dispatch the mobs below.  Now anyone who has read these stories knows that I have jumping “issues”.  My lack of hand-eye coordination is fast becoming legendary.  I should have taken the stairs, because I missed the landing altogether and landed two floors down – right in the middle of a mob of 5 snakes and trolls.  They were surprisingly happy to see me, a cloth-wearer with no sharp objects with which to defend myself.   It was with some difficulty that my team retrieved my mangled corpse from behind a huge urn.  Dying before entering the actual instance is never a good sign.

I really enjoyed seeing ST.  A lot of my troll relatives lived there.  I’m a little disappointed they didn’t recognize me or invite me for some Troll Sweat Juice.  It was their loss, because we had a great group and had cleared out almost the entire instance.  The only two areas were left uncleared.  Shade, the Elite 55 dragon up top and those few mobs that lined the circle at the very bottom of the instance near the Altar of Hakkar.  We didn’t need to kill the mobs below, but we wanted a shot at Shade.

As an aside, it took me a while to figure out why they left a huge hole in the middle of the floor in the Temple.  I couldn’t understand it at first.  But there are all those dragons all over the place and, they have to *go sometime!  All of that needs to go somewhere, because the upper floor is pretty clean.  So now I’m sure their bodily waste flows into that hole.  However, do they need it to be THAT large?  I party with Taurens who can use a normal-sized toilet - and Tauren-droppings aren’t small.  These guys aren’t much bigger…do they really have movements that dictate a 10-foot wide gaping disposal hole?  What are they feeding these guys?

So as we’re running across the room, my Eternal Noobish ways must have rubbed off on the Warrior (I wonder if that’s a side effect of my healing spells), because he turned around and fell straight down the hole, back into the dragon-refuse water below.  Of course, he died.  So it’s up to me to resurrect him.  Of course, why run back down the stairs?  Why not just levitate and fall down there to him?  There are no mobs in the water, so it will be easy…

So I cast levitate and jump down the hole.  Of course, more experienced priests would realize this is not a good solution.  See, levitate doesn’t allow you to control your direction.  About halfway down, I realized in horror that I was drifting…drifting…drifting right into a large mob.  My frantic efforts to change direction made no difference and I made a perfect, 3-point landing right in the middle of the group, who promptly dispatched me with great ease.  The Shaman had no problem running down the stairs (why didn’t I think of that!) and resurrecting the Warrior.  Me, on the other hand, had a lengthy corpse run since I was not retrievable in the middle of that mass of mobs.  Thus a simple resurrect job becomes a corpse run for The Eternal Noob.

These same party members must have an affinity for pain or female trolls, because they later invited me to BRD.  Going was probably a mistake.  I had *just – minutes before -  respec’d my character to Disp/Holy from Shadow and was learning how to play all over again.  Needless to say, I can’t kill a murloc now, but I can keep one alive.  That is, if I can find the right command on my command bar, because I changed all of those as well.  My skill level was probably reduced to the “bought from Ebay” level.

We actually didn’t do too badly.  That is, until I made the most Noobish of mistakes.  See, I’m not used to running instances.  I’m not used to soulstones from Warlocks.  I’d never had one before.  So when, in the middle of a pitched battle, I died a horrific death at the hands of a dwarf, I decided I should try to use the soulstone to jump right back into the battle and save my friends.  Oops.  Big mistake.  That bad decision, combined with the 5 second lag it took me to come back alive, was just enough time for them to kill my Warrior before I could get my first healing spell off.  Without my tank, I was quickly dispatched a second time, resulting in a total Party Wipe and a corpse run.  Now I know what the soulstone is for, and it’s not to resurrect in battle.  I WON’T be making that mistake again.  Thank goodness for good-natured party members.   

On the flip side, we did complete all of the quests in Zul and ST, I later was part of a group that killed Shade and we polished off 4 quests in BRD last night.  I guess perseverance and patience counts for something after all.  In the meanwhile, I’m getting close to level 60.  I wonder if I should stop posting these stories lest someone worry about inviting me to Molten Core.
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« Reply #26 on: September 27, 2007, 12:20:41 AM »

The Eternal Noob and the Long Walk (Part 1)

*stands up*
*looks around*

"Hi everyone, I'm Zurala and I'm The Eternal Noob."

"Hi, Zurala!"

Thanks for those who could console me in my grief from my defeat in the Great Elevator War of Azeroth.
http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.aspx?fn=wow-realm-uldum&t=43012&p=1&tmp=1#post43012

Losing to the dwarves was traumatic, so I decided to go into therapy in Orgrimarr.  There’s a wonderful therapist in the Valley of Spirits by the name of X’yera.  She decided that in order to cure my eternal noobish, regression therapy was needed.  So after a few sessions, I began to remember some of my earlier adventures…

It was a bright sunny morning in Stranglethorn Vale.  I had managed to finish off some panthers, raptors and tigers and was feeling especially proud that they had not managed to make a snack out of me.  I decided it was time to strike out on my own and explore more of the world of Azeroth.  I had heard that there was a place called the Swamp of Sorrows, which was a haven for troll characters.  While I ordinarily avoid swamps, since they get my feet all yucky, I had heard that most of the creatures there could be skinned.  Greed entered my mind as I thought about the prospect of actually buying my mount at level 40.

I mean, what normal female wouldn’t like a raptor mount?  They’re color coordinated with my skin tone, made of soft leather and they move quickly.  It’s like someone combined my handbag with my car!  So any chance to level up and get leather for selling at the Auction House at the same time was golden.  My journey became a Moral Imperative.

But how do I get there?  So I asked a guildie, who told me to head north out of STV, turn East in Darkshire, run through a charming place called Deadwind Pass and I’ll wind up in the Swamp of Sorrows.  So it was with great anticipation I set out upon my journey on that bright sunny morning.  How hard could this be?

I entered a zone called Duskwood.  There went my bright sunny morning.  I don’t know if they didn’t pay their electric bill to Blizzard, but someone needs to turn on the lights!  So I groped my way forward in the gloom until the road came to a T-intersection.  Not being sure which way to go, I brought my map up to figure out my options. 

It was then I heard an ominous growl-groan of epic proportions.  I quickly closed my map to see this hideous, oversized, disgusting creature bearing down on me like a freight train.  Some of you know this creature by the name of Stitches. 

I gave a frightened shriek and tried to run, but this thing moved much faster than my non-mounted noobie feet could carry me.  I’m not sure if he hit me or I was blindly running, but I ended up leaving the road…right into a camp of some Alliance guards who just happened to be waiting at that T-intersection.  I’m not sure who tipped them off to the arrival of The Eternal Noob, but if I ever find out I will put a bounty on their head.  My little walk in the woods ended quickly at the hands (and swords) of the Alliance Duskwood Greeting Party.

As a tip to the Alliance, can’t you just leave out milk and cookies next time?  That Alliance Duskwood Greeting Party really could use lessons on the meaning of hospitality.

After the obligatory corpse run, I was overjoyed to find that Stitches had dispatched those guards.  At least there was some justice in the World of Warcraft!  A smile was brought back to my face and I proceeded cautiously down the road, on the lookout for Stitches, but I never saw him again. 

In the distance, I saw a group Alliance characters coming up the road.  I like the Alliance characters.  I’m a happy lady by nature, just passing through the zone, and expected that we’d just wave at each other in the gloom of Duskwood.  There was just one small problem.  When I was Stitches-stampeded into the Alliance guards, I must have accidentally nicked one of them with my puny dagger in my death spasm.  While I’m sure it was just a paper cut to the Alliance guard, I had just unknowingly flagged myself in PvP mode.   I’ll leave it up to you to decide what would happen to a noobie troll priestess wandering the paths of Duskwood, flagged for PvP.

Suffice it to say, it involved another corpse run (#2, if you’re counting).

After finding my body parts strewn about on the path (I think the Alliance players used my head as a volleyball), I kept looking for my path East out of this dastardly zone, but hadn’t yet found it.  In my search, I came upon the town of Darkshire.  Or, more appropriately, it came upon me.  See, in their infinite wisdom, Blizzard decided to actually have the guards LEAVE TOWN and hunt unsuspecting Horde noobies running the roads.  It’s not enough that gangs of Alliance players do this, but NPC guards also get to do the same here.  I offered to pay a toll – any toll, just please let me leave - but the guards were unsympathetic again and quickly dispatched me for my third untimely demise.  I guess they were still smarting over the whuppin’ they received at the hands of Stitches.

I decided that a ghost-form exploration of the nearest exit was in order, and I found it quickly.  I ran back to my body, resurrected and proceeded to skirt the town south in a hasty exit towards the Swamp of Sorrows.  It was with some relief that I exited Duskwood and I never have gone back.  I do make sure to spit on the zone every time I fly over.

This would seemingly be the end of the story, but no…there’s a part two…


The Eternal Noob and the Long Walk (Part 2)

*stands up*
*looks around*

"Hi everyone, I'm Zurala and I'm The Eternal Noob."

"Hi, Zurala!"

Cursing my guildies for not warning me about the vast number of pitfalls in Duskwood, I had reached the borders of Deadwind Pass.  Deadwind Pass was the kind of zone I usually do well in.  It appeals to my cautious nature.  In this type of zone, I keep my eyes open.  My troll ears perk up.  I look both ways before crossing the street.

So, when I came across a sign just a few feet into the zone, I made sure I followed directions.  Especially when the sign says something like DANGER, DO NOT ENTER!  GO BACK!  I looked up and saw a very thin bridge across a very high drop.  Of course, being the Eternal Noob, I’m the trusting sort.  Blizzard wouldn’t lead me astray, would they?

So I backtracked and took the more established road to the South.  I didn’t get far before some buzzards came roaring out of the rocks above and proceeded to peck at my fleshy innards.  Given that these winged creatures of death were level ??, my delicate, cloth-laden body was devoured rather quickly.  I hope I gave them indigestion. 

So, the important lesson here is that the Blizzard programmers lie.  They will NOT be getting a card from me this Holiday season. 

After a fairly lengthy corpse run, I decided that because Blizzard programmer lie, I need to go back over that narrow, exposed bridge.  Standing on that narrow ledge, with the ravine far below, I had my most Noobish of moments.  I had feathers.  I had a Feather Fall spell.  It was a long drop.  It looked like there were no mobs down there.  I had already died four times.  What did I have to lose?  I decided to jump.  And thus began my true odyssey.

For those of you who are already in the know, there are no real mobs down there.  But there’s no real exit either.  So as I floated down, down, down, I began to have a sinking feeling.  Where was the path up?  I couldn’t find one to the North, so I had to head South.  Deeper and deeper I headed into the zone, not knowing what was ahead.

Of course, I wound up in a little town called Karazhan.  Populated by high-level dead humans, who were not overjoyed to see a living troll priestess arrive in their town.  The red carpet was not rolled out.  It was like dropping a guppy into the piranha tank at the aquarium.  The carnage was swift and brutal.  I was beaten more times than a Salvation Army drum.  I don’t know how many times I died, but men, women, ogres, buzzards – they all took their turn in punishing The Eternal Noob.  My gear turned yellow, then red.  Then purple, black and aquamarine and some other colors I didn’t know existed.  It finally became a game of how many steps I could take before I perished yet again.  I stumbled forward and found my exit.  However, my journey towards the dark side was not yet complete…

The Eternal Noob and the Long Walk (Part 3)

*stands up*
*looks around*

"Hi everyone, I'm Zurala and I'm The Eternal Noob."

"Hi, Zurala!"

So after getting hammered unmercifully in Duskwood and winding up in the East St. Louis version of WoW in Karazhan, I had finally reached my destination in the Swamp of Sorrows.  I was beaten, but I didn’t quit.  So following my instructions, I continued along the path towards Stonard and salvation.  And hopefully, a good blacksmith!  The sun was shining again as I ran along the path and *eureka, a town!!!  I could see some huts, some trolls fishing and other assorted activity.  I had arrived!  The Hallelujah Chorus played in my mind as I stumbled into town.

But luck was against me yet again.  See, the path in the Swamp of Sorrows splits and, of course, I took the north path instead of the south path.  So I proceeded to run right into the Fallow Sanctuary, where Lost One hunters, fishermen, cooks and chiefs were all ready to add to my misery.  What I thought was my town…turned out to be their town.  I didn’t realize it until I was deep in their territory.  What ensued was the single most frantic escape ever made by The Eternal Noob.  Fear, shield and renew were being cast as quickly as possible as I led a conga line of Lost Ones, who followed me almost all the way back to the split of the path. 

As an aside, I apologize to the Night Elf adventuring in the area, who must have borne the brunt of that conga line once I escaped.  I can only imagine the damage the Lost Ones inflicted upon you after realizing The Eternal Noob had escaped their clutches.  However, it’s somewhat comforting to know that when I really screw up, I can take everyone down with me.

This time, I look the South path and stumbled into Stonard.  I managed to somehow fund my repair bill, which definitely cut into my raptor mount money.  I looked at a few of the quests, checked out the camp and when I had enough, I hearthed back to Orgrimarr for some female therapy by shopping at the Auction House.

It was in the Auction House, shopping for comfort items, that I had a final, horrid thought that finally turned out the lights on my bright, shining day.  It was then I realized that I had forgotten to establish the flight pattern in Stonard.  It was then I realized I would have to do the trip all over again.
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« Reply #27 on: September 27, 2007, 12:23:43 AM »

The Eternal Noob Goes to Molten Core

*stands up*
*looks around*

"Hi everyone, I'm Zurala and I'm The Eternal Noob."

"Hi, Zurala!"

I’m all grown up – level 60.  I finally did it.  Still, I manage to have some of the most noobish moments ever recorded in the annals of WoW.  I think me being level 60 is some sort of law against nature or perhaps a sign of the apocalypse.

To celebrate my newfound status as a level 60, I decided to join the UGA in a Molten Core raid.  I felt it should be interesting, because I really try to be a good healer, but I have miserable gear.  My gear is so poor that gold farmers laugh at me.  But I was determined to go, so I donned my +15 Fire Resistance ring and headed to Blackrock Mountain.

As an aside, please send all Devout donations to Zurala, The Eternal Noob.  Take pity on me.

I don’t know if they were having a convention in Blackrock Mountain, or if the Faire was there, if someone was giving away free epic weapons, or whatever.  All I know is that running into the tunnels of the mountain, I was hit with the patented Blizzard Invisible Wall of Lag.  I was looking at my poor little avatar, frozen in place, with the backdrop of lava in the distance.  It really made for a pretty picture.  10 seconds later, the picture wasn’t as pretty as I de-lagged and realized I was plummeting through the air.  I had just enough time to comprehend that I was pulling a “Lord of the Rings Gollum Lava Swan Dive” when I hit the lava.  I was even clutching my precious…that +15 Fire Resistance ring. 

I was thrashing around, trying to get my bearings and watched helplessly as my life began to tick away rapidly.  I quickly found out +15 Fire Resistance in lava is like wearing a Fire Retardant suit in a Nuclear Blast.  It doesn’t mean much.  I set out for the direction of the landing to get out of the lava (or so I thought), but the red water is tough to see through.  I wasn’t anywhere close when my avatar’s cook-o-meter finally hit “Crispified” and I perished in a fiery ball of anguish.

After my obligatory corpse run, I discovered in horror that I had inadvertently swum the wrong way.  I was now a long way from the landing.  So I had an idea – I’d levitate out of the lava!  It was a great idea – in theory, because I probably looked like a spawning salmon jumping out of the lava, casting levitate – only to fall back in and get roasted again.  I did manage to burn up 4 of my feathers in this futile effort to stave off yet another corpse run.

I again got to enjoy the hazy bluish scenery passing by as I jogged back to my body in spirit form.  Now my raid teammates had seen me die twice and were wondering what was going on.  They were nice enough to not say a word or laugh at my predicament and the third time was the charm for escaping the lava.  Barely.

I started to feel better when I noticed I wasn’t the only one lagging into the lava.  The show was quite entertaining, watching both Horde and Alliance characters plummeting into the lake of fire.  So I decided to perform a public service and resurrect those who also were enjoying the Blackrock Mountain Lag-o-Fest by committing hara-kiri into the lava.  They were coming like lemmings over a cliff and I used most of my mana just resurrecting these poor souls.  I was busy minding my own business when I suddenly noticed I was flagged for PvP.  One of my resurrection victims had been flagged, so of course it transferred to me. 

No good deed goes unpunished.  Just then an Alliance rogue decided to come out of the shadows and decided it would be an opportune time to get an easy kill on a mana-depleted priestess.  I got lucky, survived the initial attack and ran around the corner into a pack of fellow Horde.  The flagged rogue decided to pursue his easy and wounded prey.  However, by then, I had recovered just enough of my mana and decided to teach this impudent rogue a lesson.  I Mind Controlled him as he was closing in for the kill.  I had every intention of throwing him into the lava.

However, something happened which I still can’t explain.  Just as I got the Mind Control on the rogue, one of my horde mates hit the rogue with a Cheap Shot.  The Alliance rogue was stunned and wouldn’t move.  I was trying to get him to move into the lava when the Mind Control suddenly ended.  In the mass of  people on the ledge, lag and confusion, I didn’t realize until too late that I was no longer moving the Alliance Rogue – I was moving myself.  I swear I’m the only priestess in the World of Warcraft who can manage to Mind Control herself into the lava.  So instead of killing the rogue, I threw myself right into the lava and perished quickly.  Again.  Talk about embarrassing.

Before I resurrected, I had to take stock of the fact that just WAITING to get into the Molten Core, I had died three times.  And my gear was already yellow.  This is not an encouraging sign.  With little choice, I had to Spirit Heal and repaired my torn and burnt garments.  I then spent the next 5 minutes hiding until my PvP flag ended.  Then I proceeded to run back and join my teammates, most of who had already entered the Core and were wondering why my health meter kept going to zero.

As for the Molten Core run, it was a pretty major success.  Of course, the raid wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t (indirectly) cause a complete wipe.  We made it to Lucifron with no problems.  We wiped on Luci twice, the second time getting him to 2% before I ran out of mana while healing the main tank, whose subsequent death caused a total wipe.  The third time, we dropped him with little effort.

The Eternal Noob for the win!
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« Reply #28 on: September 27, 2007, 12:26:35 AM »

The Eternal Noob Goes to Mount Hyjal

*stands up*
*looks around*

"Hi everyone, I'm Zurala and I'm The Eternal Noob."

"Hi, Zurala!"

As a noobie to the Warcraft lore, I had only recently read the backstory of the World of Warcraft.  I found it rather fascinating and recognized many of the places in my various adventures.  It helped a great deal to understand why the zones were set up the way they were.

However, one area captured my attention like no other – Mount Hyjal.  Where the battle with Archimonde, the 2nd Well of Eternity existed, the World Tree was and a great battle took place - all rolled into one small area.  Since I hadn’t yet come across it, I asked a guildie where it was.  He said it was south of Winterspring.  Given that I was getting to the level to be able to survive in Winterspring, I decided to find Mount Hyjal.

Now I’m a troll.  We don’t much like the cold.  We don’t even wear shoes.  And my priestess robes don’t provide much warmth.  But despite that, I enjoyed the look of Winterspring.  Beautiful white snow covering everything.  Frozen ponds.  Big fir trees.  It’s quite pleasant.  All I need is a good hot tub, a Manhattan and a troll that looks like Ricky Martin and I’d never leave.  The Night Elves should make Starfall Village a Bread & Breakfast.  They’d make a killing off of tourists.

So from Everlook, the little Gnome town, I started my adventure.  As an aside, these gnomes really need to learn something other than techno music.  I hear Randy Newman likes short people – his music would be perfect! 

(If you didn’t get that, do a Google search on Randy Newman).

I passed the Alliance Gold Farm of the yetis just south of town.  Just for fun, I decided to fear some mobs and make the farmers chase them.  They didn’t much like that, so they decided to flag and try to attack me.  Now I’m a disc/holy priestess, meaning I can’t kill a level 10 murloc.  But I can survive.  So I flagged and proceeded to fear, DOT the farmers, shield, run, DOT the farmers, fear, shield, run and so on.  It took 5 of them more than 6 minutes to finally kill me.  I took two of them down off of DOTs alone before they got the killing blow in.  The Eternal Noob for the win!!!

After recovering my body, I headed south across a long stone bridge in Frostwhisper Gorge.  I looked down and saw some ancient ruins.  There didn’t appear to be any mobs down there, so I made a mental note to explore the gorge.  Continuing on, I passed a big blue elite giant on the way, just off the road – I had to cut off the road to avoid him.  Normally, I wouldn’t make note of passing a mob, but he was very large. 

This is something authors call foreshadowing…in other words, he’ll be important later.

I looked up and instead of my pretty white snow, all I saw was…brown.  Everything was brown.  All of a sudden, Winterspring turned into a big mud pit.  I make note of the color because, unbeknownst to The Eternal Noob, there were level 60 elite satyrs waiting in here in Darkwhisper Gorge.  Blizzard, in their infinite wisdom, decided to camouflage these satyrs by making them brown, effectively hiding them from noobs like me.  Perhaps they belonged in camouflage, because with military precision they set up a perimeter from which there was no escape.  I failed to notice these satyrs until they had formed this kill zone around my fragile, cloth-covered troll parts.  Then they attacked, with machine guns, tanks, artillery and even hand-to-hand weapons.  The ambush was perfectly executed.  Mercifully, it was a quick death.  I’m sure the echo of my screams off the gorge walls lasted longer than I did. 

So after the obligatory corpse run, I found my mangled corpse.  There was just one problem.  I couldn’t resurrect without aggroing at least one of the satyrs.  There was no way I was going to ressy and heal.  Without any choice, I ressy’d, shielded and jumped on my mount just as the first satyr took notice and charged me.  I charged out of the gorge, trying to dodge the satyrs in front of me and mostly not succeeding.  As I kept running, I developed a personal satyr train.  I’m sure there was even a caboose somewhere at the end of it.

It was with some relief that I started to put some distance between the me and the satyr locomotive.  Just then, looming dead ahead of me, was the elite giant.  I had to cut a hard left to avoid him and found myself “walled in” with giants to the right and mountains to the left.  I was running forward, herded like a sheep, right towards the edge of the cliff into Frostwhisper Gorge.  I couldn’t get to the bridge – the giants were blocking it – and I was down to ¼ health from the earlier ressy and flight to freedom.  About to suffer another hideous death, I had only one option.  I cast levitate…and jumped off the edge into Frostwhisper Gorge.

I was feeling rather proud of myself – I had escaped the giants and satyrs and was now headed down to see these ruins.  While descending, I had a good view of the gorge and the ancient buildings.  Then to my horror, I realized that the reason I didn’t see any mobs below earlier was because it was a LONG way down. Now those same giants were roaming free in the ruined city below.  And I was about to land on top of one. 

I could only hope that, since we both have that skin tone that makes us look like we’re rejects from the Blue Man Group, they would think that I was their little sister and leave me alone.  Alas, it was not to be.  They took no pity on me.  The fact that I was down to just a sliver of health didn’t matter.  Nor did my beautiful blue skin.  Or anything else, because with the swing of his might hammer, he smacked me on the head like I was a nail.  My bones instantly became fossilized in the rocky ground.  In the words of Mortal Combat…Fatality!

After another lengthy corpse run, I did manage to resurrect, jump on my mount and dash out of there.  I’m sure some dwarves will be excavating those ruins one day.  If you’re part of that expedition and you find my fossilized, mangled body imbedded in the stone, can you ship it to me?  I’d really like it back…I think I may still have a few skull fragments that the Spirit Healer forgot to include when piecing me back together.

I never did find Mount Hyjal.  If you ever get there, please send me a postcard.
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« Reply #29 on: September 27, 2007, 12:29:26 AM »

The Eternal Noob visits Zul’Gurub

*stands up*
*looks around*

"Hi everyone, I'm Zurala and I'm The Eternal Noob."

"Hi, Zurala!"

Yes, I know.  It’s been quite some time since the last Eternal Noob story.  Oh, I’ve had various misadventures during that time like screwing up a LBRS raid on the final boss (oops!), falling off various mountains, hills and ledges, trying to fight Kazzak solo (not a good idea) and falling into the lava in Molten Core about a million times.  Everyone watches to see when my health goes to zero when we’re gathering for a  MC raid.  When it does, my fellow guild healers are trained, much like Pavlov’s Dog, to run out of the instance and resurrect my broken body from the rocks because I missed the ledge yet again.  Heck, I’m the only priest in all of WoW who can Mind Control myself into the lava.  It’s an innate talent I have.  Death is my life.

I guess the reasons I haven’t posted a new story are two-fold.  One, I’m in a great guild and they manage to rescue me from my many blunders and missteps.  And two, I’m always busy.  It’s nice to know that even though we can’t solo or PvP, a Holy Priest still has some demand in instances.  I’m strange.  I like playing a healbot.

So anyway, my guild decided to make an attempt to penetrate the Jungle and venture to see some of my Troll distant relations in Zul’Gurub.  Now we thought it might be a cakewalk because we’ve managed to down 4 MC bosses thus far.  So we went into Zul with another strong group and learned a lot.  We learned that Zul has teeth. 

Now there’s no lava in Zul’Gurub, so I thought I’d be safe to get to the instance myself.  I thought wrong.  Here’s a little equation that Blizzard didn’t reveal in the WoW manual:

Epic Mount + Lag + Elite Mobs = Death

My experience was rather quick.  Hey, there’s Zul’Gurub!  Hey, there’s the Spirit Healer!  It’s never a good sign when you die on the way to the instance.

After the inevitable corpse run, I found myself opening the massive wooden doors to Zul’Gurub.  This place really needs to fire their gardener and hire a better lawn care service.  I’ve never understood why my fellow Trolls like their plants like their hairstyles – sticking up all over the place.  Couldn’t someone at least buy a Weedwacker?

Well, we made it to the first boss, High Priestess Jeklik with little trouble.  The only real problem was that somehow I managed to fall off the bridge into the water below, where the Blizzard Piranhas devoured me as a tasty snack.  Of course, I was too far down to resurrect, so I had to run back again.  It’s nice to know that I can die in the Zul’Gurub water just as easily as the Molten Core lava.  The balance of nature, I guess.

Well, we got to Jeklik and what a lovely singing voice she has!  She croaked out something about “wings of vengeance” and off she flew to beat up our Main Tank.  This wasn’t much of a problem as I can keep my MT healed.  But then, as we were in the middle of the battle, fire bombs started falling out of the sky.  Did anyone realize that fire around all this foliage isn’t a good idea?  After all, it has been rather dry this season.  Only you can prevent forest fires.  Of course, the first one that was hit was yours truly.  I died, the MT died, the whole raid died.  In his infinite wisdom, the Raid Leader decided to give me a Fire Resistance potion and we managed to beat her on the second attempt.

So we moved on to the other bosses, where I managed to die by poison (Venoxis), cocooned in a web (Mar’il) and by BIG HUGE MASSIVE sword (Bloodlord Mandokir).  Mar’il gave us the most trouble.  Those little pets of hers really like female troll priests, because they were more underfoot than a bunch of hungry kittens.  I also had the habit of using the Soulstone to resurrect just as more spiders were coming around the corner.  So I’d die, the party would wipe, I’d use the Soulstone, I’d die again and then a shaman would have to resurrect the party while I had my innards feasted on by bugs that should be squashed with a newspaper.  I don’t do bugs.

So we made an executive decision to press on Thekal, the Tiger priest.  Along the way, we ran into some imps.  They were colorful imps and rather cute, but they were in our way.  So we pulled them and killed them quickly.  No problem, right?  What we didn’t know is that upon death, each imp spawned 3 Elite Voidwalkers. 

It was like being attacked by 15 killer Blueberries.  The Blueberries were running around beating the heck out of everything that moved.  So I tried to stay still, but it was to no avail.  They juiced me too.

We tried again with similar results.  Then we decided to make peace with the imps and let them live (so we could live too).  It was either that or a rotation of pulling the imps, killing the imps, wiping against the blueberries and try again.  No one wanted to pony up the massive repair bill, so we waved goodbye to the imps and pressed on.

So we then attempted the Thekal, the Tiger boss.  Thekal is a Priest and if he's any indication of the planned respec for Priests in a couple of patches, I can't wait.  First of all, I would get the ability to use a sword.  I’ve always wanted to use a sword.  But mostly I’m hoping that Blizzard copies the talent of Thekal because he hit my Main Tank for more damage than any MC boss we've encountered.  My MT looked like a cloth-wearer.  If he had been naked, it wouldn't have made much of a difference.  We quickly wiped.  And then quickly wiped again.

After a couple of attempts at the Tiger boss, we decided to take on a big Gah'Zilla-type mob that one of our Hunters could summon.  He was a lot of fun.  A word of warning.  Fight him in the water because when he hits you, your body flies into Azerothian orbit and then plummets back down faster than Nicolas Cage’s career.  I briefly thought about calling a “Mayday” to the control tower, but I splattered into troll-sized chunks on some rocks the first time around.  So we look him down on our second attempt but got some crappy loot.  At this point, we decided that we'd had enough of Zul'Gurub for the week and left Hakkar sitting on his throne.  I really wanted to get there so I could talk to him about the horrible job his landscapers were doing, but it was to no avail.

It was a great learning experience.  We learned that in the later stages of ZG, you have to have players with great gear and great skills, multiple tanks, mana pools the size of Lake Superior and a high level of coordination.  We'll get there.
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Blackadar
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« Reply #30 on: September 27, 2007, 12:30:55 AM »

I hope ya'll enjoy those, which I originally posted on the WoW site about two years ago.  Unfortunately, my first story (and my personal favorite) as the Eternal Noob has been lost.  I'll have to recreate it one day.
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« Reply #31 on: December 29, 2007, 03:17:23 AM »

Quote from: ericb on September 26, 2007, 01:48:27 PM

Any idea when the contest is over and the winner's will be picked?

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« Reply #32 on: January 20, 2008, 12:31:20 AM »

Little late now I guess but were there any winners to this?
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Graham
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« Reply #33 on: February 27, 2008, 03:34:35 AM »

Ok, I have figured out the winners.  Here are the prizes:

1st Place

Alliance or Horde Art Card Set Collector's Big Box (Winner's pick)
Darkmoon Faire Playmat - about the size of a large TV tray
Dark Portal Expansion Deck
Onyxia's Lair treasure pack (10 cards)

2nd Place

Alliance Horde Art Card Set Collector's Big Box
Dark Portal Expansion Deck

I did this completely randomly through random.org

So now here are the winners:

1st Place -- Harkonis
2nd Place -- Semaj

Harkonis and Semaj, PM me with your address and we'll get it shipped out to you.
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Daehawk
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« Reply #34 on: March 04, 2008, 12:33:00 AM »

Hey congrats. By now Im sure you're all old geezers who cant pick up a card never mind remember the rules HAHA JK!! Hope you enjoy your wins.

And by god if Id known there was a tray sized mat in that prize pack I would have entered anyways smile
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« Reply #35 on: March 06, 2008, 02:11:28 PM »

These will ship out today or tomorrow morning at the latest. 
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