Monopoly is considered a great game by some, and a bad game by others. This classic apartment management simulator has appeared virtually any console you can even imagine, including the NES Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and the Atari Lynx. In fact, the game is so popular, a couple of game designers known as the Parker brothers even started selling a bored game version of it. Holy shit!
But who invented this game, and what makes its popularity so popular? Well, it's time to find out 'cause I'm going to bust this game wide open!
Monopoly is known as a turn-based strategy game where each person, known as a "player," is only allowed to move their units after everyone else has already moved theirs. You decide who goes first by making each person roll two dice and then adding up the numbers to see who won the highest score. Unfortunately, the Parker brothers were such cheapskates, they didn't even include a calculator in the box to figure it out, so if you don't have one, you're up Shit's Creek without a paddle!
The Parker brothers? More like the Parker BOTHERS!
After deciding who plays first, then its time to pick your character. There are over eight different characters to choose, including a dog, a horse, a racecar, and a thimble. Wait, a thimble? Who the fuck would want to play as a thimble?! That's one of the most dumbest things I've heard in my life! Boy, I can just imagine what would happen if these guys were the ones to make
Gears of War 3! "I call Kratos!" "Well I call Athena!" "Ugh, now I have to be the thimble. Thanks a lot, guys!"
And then, as if to add insult to injury, you'll come to find out that the character who you are doesn't even make a difference in the game. Nothing! Shouldn't a racing car be able to move around the track faster than a wheelbarrow? Or an iron be more vulnerable to magnetic attacks than a dog? And since when would anyone move into an apartment managed by a dog in the first place?
The final thing to be known about this game is that, even though it's a multiplayer-only game, there's no option to play on the internet at all. At all! The only ways you can possibly play is to have a bunch of strangers into your home, or wander around in public looking for other Monopoly players like a fucking hobo!
But you know, even though Monopoly is a piece of shit with many flaws, it's still a great game! You get to construct houses, collect rent, and even bust out of jail! Alright!
Final verdict? Stay away from Monopoly. There's a reason the Mario bros. are referred to as the Super Mario bros., but the Parker brothers aren't. That's it for now. Thanks for reading, and thanks to all my loyal fans.
-Irate Angel
