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Author Topic: A big "thank you" to Harkonis...  (Read 2419 times)
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PeteRock
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« on: November 14, 2008, 08:18:27 PM »

Some may remember USMC Kato's generosity last November during the release of Call of Duty 4 and his unwillingness to allow me to miss out on countless hours of having my virtual ass handed to me by a real-life marine.  It seems that this year our very own Harkonis was also unwilling to allow the release of the most recent Call of Duty offering, World at War, to pass me by, and so he has so very kindly shipped my own copy to me which I found resting on my office chair upon returning from lunch.  Either you guys really like me, or you at least really like killing me.   ninja  I guess I should take what I can get.

I just wanted to take a moment to publicly thank Harkonis for his generosity in sharing an extra copy of Call of Duty: World at War with me.  He mentioned his appreciation of the effort my wife and I put forth in celebrating Kato's return to the states and having both Kato and Harkonis stay with us for a weekend, and while our hospitality extends to any guest with no expectations or hopes of anything in return, I truly appreciate this copy of World at War and would like to reiterate that our door will always remain open.

In honor of Harkonis's generosity I have decided to continue my tribute to his reputation for outright dominating online multiplayer.  He is so skilled that he even manges to kill people in a game he doesn't even own, as just the other night I was curbstomped by Harkonis in Gears of War 2 and he doesn't even have a copy of the game.  He has truly become the Chuck Norris of online MP:


Harkonis destroyed the Periodic Table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Harkonis can kill two stones with one bird.  Or all three with a bullet.

Outer space exists because it is afraid to be in the same multiplayer game with Harkonis.

There is no chin behind Harkonis's beard.  Just another gun.

There are no earned kills in multiplayer games.  Just kills Harkonis has allowed you to have until he kills you.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless in a multiplayer game with Harkonis.  In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

When Harkonis talks into his Live headset, everybody listens.  And dies.
 
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Harkonis would ever play against himself, he'd win. Period.
 
Harkonis cannot love, he can only not kill.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Harkonis.
 
Harkonis doesn't read game manuals.  He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 
Harkonis is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn.  Every time he tries in a game of Call of Duty 4, the whole damn barn falls down.
 
Harkonis built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination.  As Oswald shot, Hark met all three bullets with his mohawk, deflecting them.  JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
 
In an online duel between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Harkonis.
 
Harkonis puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.  The only difference is, then he kills people online.  A lot.

Harkonis does not have to use an Xbox Live headset. His mohawk picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
 
While playing online multiplayer, Harkonis can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
 
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck at multiplayer, and Harkonis.
 
It is said that looking into Harkonis's eyes will reveal your future.  Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a bullet to the face.
 
Harkonis knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
 
In the online gaming community, death is referred to as "Harkonis Disease"
 
When Harkonis takes a break from online multiplayer to play a game of Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
 
When needing a pick-me-up during long gaming sessions, Harkonis likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
 
Every time Harkonis smiles while playing online multiplayer, someone dies.  Unless he smiles when he fires one bullet.  Then everyone dies and the game is over.

When taking the day off from work to play Call of Duty, Harkonis starts with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom.  He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
 
Harkonis doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
 
The word 'Kill' was invented by Harkonis.  Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.
 
When Harkonis takes a break from online multiplayer and goes out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
 
Harkonis once lost his game controller, but maintained control of his online character by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

Count from one to ten.  That's how long it would take Harkonis to kill you...Forty seven times.
 
Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am."  What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of playing multiplayer with Harkonis."

He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Harkonis......dies.
 
Harkonis once played a game of multiplayer by himself.  He went undefeated.
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jblank
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« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2008, 08:20:58 PM »

A very nice gesture. Kudos to him.
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PeteRock
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« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2008, 08:22:48 PM »

Quote from: jblank on November 14, 2008, 08:20:58 PM

A very nice gesture. Kudos to him.

Don't worry.  I'll be back to em-effing him shortly after having my ass handed to me time and time and time and time and time again.  Of course, that will quickly change when he's saving my bitch-ass from flesh-eating zombies.   ninja 
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« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2008, 08:30:22 PM »

Not to mention that Harkonis probably just killed Marcus Fenix, Dom, Cole, Baird and the whole GoW2 MP with a single blow (with a bit of help from the crappy matchmaking).  nod
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leo8877
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« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2008, 08:34:03 PM »

Hark shoots you in the back, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Seriously though, yay Hark!  And yes he does shoot you in the back.
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« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2008, 08:34:42 PM »

Quote from: leo8877 on November 14, 2008, 08:34:03 PM

Hark shoots you in the back, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Seriously though, yay Hark!  And yes he does shoot you in the back.

Yes, he does shoot you in the back.

And I joyfully return the favor. slywink
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wonderpug
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« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2008, 08:42:12 PM »

I get stranded in the middle of the Dark Age of Camelot PvP frontier encumbered with 5000 pounds of Hark's siege equipment, unable to move, and Pete gets a free game.  I see how it is.

I'd say "watch your back," but seeing as I can't figure out how to get to your camping perches in CoD5 I think you'd be safe regardless.
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PeteRock
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« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2008, 08:53:35 PM »

Quote from: wonderpug on November 14, 2008, 08:42:12 PM

I get stranded in the middle of the Dark Age of Camelot PvP frontier encumbered with 5000 pounds of Hark's siege equipment, unable to move, and Pete gets a free game.  I see how it is.

Trust me, it wasn't free.  He stayed with us for four days.  I earned my prize.   icon_wink
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Harkonis
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« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2008, 09:27:29 PM »

Quote from: wonderpug on November 14, 2008, 08:42:12 PM

I get stranded in the middle of the Dark Age of Camelot PvP frontier encumbered with 5000 pounds of Hark's siege equipment, unable to move, and Pete gets a free game.  I see how it is.

I'd say "watch your back," but seeing as I can't figure out how to get to your camping perches in CoD5 I think you'd be safe regardless.

Thul the Mule will NEVER be forgotten slywink

It really isn't anything Pete, though I have to say I'm laughing my ass off at the CN'ing of my rep.  Glad it showed up in time for the weekend slaughter...
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PeteRock
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« Reply #9 on: November 14, 2008, 09:33:32 PM »

Quote from: Harkonis on November 14, 2008, 09:27:29 PM

Quote from: wonderpug on November 14, 2008, 08:42:12 PM

I get stranded in the middle of the Dark Age of Camelot PvP frontier encumbered with 5000 pounds of Hark's siege equipment, unable to move, and Pete gets a free game.  I see how it is.

I'd say "watch your back," but seeing as I can't figure out how to get to your camping perches in CoD5 I think you'd be safe regardless.

Thul the Mule will NEVER be forgotten slywink

It really isn't anything Pete, though I have to say I'm laughing my ass off at the CN'ing of my rep.  Glad it showed up in time for the weekend slaughter...

Harkonis, he puts the "laughter" back in "slaughter". 
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« Reply #10 on: November 14, 2008, 10:26:24 PM »

So does this mean you're ditching us on gears tonight?

Also, I have so padded Hark's KD Ratio by being an easy target for him that I too should be getting a present.
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Tokek
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« Reply #11 on: November 14, 2008, 11:02:00 PM »

I'm just glad I was on the same team as Hark when we were playing CoD5 beta cause he saw how bad I was at it, lol.
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« Reply #12 on: November 15, 2008, 02:20:02 PM »



If Hark wasn't so much fun to play with...I think I'd be frustrated too.  He's good...he's damn good.  I don't think he's ever rubbed it in my face though. That's why I look on it as a challenge to try to play harder.  I will match him someday. smile

(First..the xbox needs to be repaired....jammit)
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« Reply #13 on: November 15, 2008, 03:52:59 PM »

Watching Harkonis dust me every time I played Forza 2 with you guys helped me become a better driver in the game. icon_biggrin
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« Reply #14 on: November 15, 2008, 08:32:09 PM »

I hear he counted to infinity twice.
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« Reply #15 on: November 16, 2008, 08:07:04 PM »

Hearing Hark respond to random internet f***tards without even pausing to think is comedy gold.
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« Reply #16 on: November 16, 2008, 09:36:25 PM »

I don't get it-do they not have first person shooters where you live?
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« Reply #17 on: November 17, 2008, 03:54:17 PM »

Shit...that was funny and a v.good way of showing appreciation smile

Damn, I need to adjust my internal clock when I return from work to have some energy to spare at night to play MP again with you guys. I miss dishing out some death (although mostly receiving it slywink). Gah...this schechule is a pain in the ass.

smile

Kill on Hark!

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« Reply #18 on: November 17, 2008, 06:55:28 PM »

Quote
There are no earned kills in multiplayer games.  Just kills Harkonis has allowed you to have until he kills you.

Truer words have never been spoken.
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« Reply #19 on: November 19, 2008, 04:47:41 PM »

Apparently I kill things so well in CoD5 that my Xbox died.

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« Reply #20 on: November 19, 2008, 04:49:56 PM »

Quote from: Harkonis on November 19, 2008, 04:47:41 PM

Apparently I kill things so well in CoD5 that my Xbox died.



DIED died or just temporarily died.  Wait...what's that <listens> it's as if a million dead voices have suddenly cried out in joy.


Quote
I hear he counted to infinity twice.

Silly boy.  Hark doesn't count to infinity, infinity counts to Hark.
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Harkonis
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« Reply #21 on: November 19, 2008, 05:01:38 PM »

My xbox died.  got a new one and a game for $5 with trade ins though.

EA just announced that they will be giving me MS points to not unlock new features in NFS:UC
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« Reply #22 on: November 20, 2008, 06:25:12 AM »

Hark's proficiency at FPS Bollywood Style!
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« Reply #23 on: November 21, 2008, 12:24:20 PM »

To add to the Harkonis legend, let it be known that soulchilde and I attempted a coup in COD5 last night. 2 on 1 team deathmatch. Harkonis was getting too powerful, and he had to be stopped.

But, it went wrong...horribly wrong...

We had 36 points (3 kills)...he had 360...

The horror.
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« Reply #24 on: November 21, 2008, 05:09:37 PM »

Pretty soon we will see Chuck Norris references.

For example: One time Harkonis enterered a 100-on-1 match. The match was called due to being unfair to the other 100 players

or: Harkonis no longer uses guns, he just flings bullets at his opponenets by flicking them out between his forefinger and thumb
« Last Edit: November 21, 2008, 05:12:07 PM by DamageInc » Logged

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« Reply #25 on: November 30, 2008, 06:12:42 PM »

Quote from: PeteRock on November 14, 2008, 08:18:27 PM

When Harkonis talks into his Live headset, everybody listens.  And dies.
I apparently break this old chestnut. I just die.

My headsets must all be haunted. One (the chatpad version) echoes even though I'm not using speakers, and with the other, I can hear everyone but Hark. So wonderpug and Fuzz are used as intermediaries, and Fuzz is a terrible intermediary.
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