Some may remember USMC Kato's generosity
last November during the release of Call of Duty 4 and his unwillingness to allow me to miss out on countless hours of having my virtual ass handed to me by a real-life marine. It seems that this year our very own Harkonis was also unwilling to allow the release of the most recent Call of Duty offering, World at War, to pass me by, and so he has so very kindly shipped my own copy to me which I found resting on my office chair upon returning from lunch. Either you guys really
like me, or you at least really
I guess I should take what I can get.
I just wanted to take a moment to publicly thank Harkonis for his generosity in sharing an extra copy of Call of Duty: World at War with me. He mentioned his appreciation of the effort my wife and I put forth in celebrating Kato's return to the states and having both Kato and Harkonis stay with us for a weekend, and while our hospitality extends to any guest with no expectations or hopes of anything in return, I truly appreciate this copy of World at War and would like to reiterate that our door will always remain open.
In honor of Harkonis's generosity I have decided to continue my tribute to his reputation for outright dominating online multiplayer. He is so skilled that he even manges to kill people in a game he doesn't even own, as just the other night I was curbstomped by Harkonis in Gears of War 2 and he doesn't even have a copy of the game. He has truly become the Chuck Norris of online MP:
Harkonis destroyed the Periodic Table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Harkonis can kill two stones with one bird. Or all three with a bullet.
Outer space exists because it is afraid to be in the same multiplayer game with Harkonis.
There is no chin behind Harkonis's beard. Just another gun.
There are no earned kills in multiplayer games. Just kills Harkonis has allowed you to have until he kills you.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless in a multiplayer game with Harkonis. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
When Harkonis talks into his Live headset, everybody listens. And dies.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Harkonis would ever play against himself, he'd win. Period.
Harkonis cannot love, he can only not kill.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Harkonis.
Harkonis doesn't read game manuals. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Harkonis is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries in a game of Call of Duty 4, the whole damn barn falls down.
Harkonis built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Hark met all three bullets with his mohawk, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
In an online duel between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Harkonis.
Harkonis puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people online. A lot
Harkonis does not have to use an Xbox Live headset. His mohawk picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
While playing online multiplayer, Harkonis can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck at multiplayer, and Harkonis.
It is said that looking into Harkonis's eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a bullet to the face.
Harkonis knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
In the online gaming community, death is referred to as "Harkonis Disease"
When Harkonis takes a break from online multiplayer to play a game of Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
When needing a pick-me-up during long gaming sessions, Harkonis likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
Every time Harkonis smiles while playing online multiplayer, someone dies. Unless he smiles when he fires one bullet. Then everyone dies and the game is over.
When taking the day off from work to play Call of Duty, Harkonis starts with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
Harkonis doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
The word 'Kill' was invented by Harkonis. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.
When Harkonis takes a break from online multiplayer and goes out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
Harkonis once lost his game controller, but maintained control of his online character by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Harkonis to kill you...Forty seven times.
Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of playing multiplayer with Harkonis."
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Harkonis......dies.
Harkonis once played a game of multiplayer by himself. He went undefeated.